Fleshbot: straight, truth in advertising

Lactose Intolerance: "Mother's Milk"

Gram Ponante — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 11:31:55 EST

Not only are some of these "MILF"s not even moms, but our sources (and the KLBT news team) have determined that there is no lactation whatsoever in "Mother's Milk." Is the Porno-Industrial complex now trying to sell dubious female ejaculation as a viable source of nutrition for infants? We don't get it. All we can say in such uncertain times is Nice Tits, Lady.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Mother's Milk" (tlavideo.com)

So why are European condom ads so much better...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 17:02:54 EDT

So why are European condom ads so much better than American ones? Oh, right ... because we only have sex to make babies so only whores and drug dealers need latex baggies. How silly of us. (Gawker)

What Do Underwear Models Really Look Like?

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 16:49:40 EDT

If you've ever fretted that the lingerie you bought for your girlfriend doesn't look quite the same as it did on the girl in the catalog, that's because you're not dating a Victoria's Secret model. (And if you are, screw you.) The truth is that in real life, it doesn't look that way on the model either, because even though lingerie models are freakishly hot, everyone could use a little help in the editing room. Unless they're modeling for Lille Boutique, a small lingerie shop in Portland, Oregon, that specializes in hard-to-find fabrics and styles ... and completely undoctored sample photos.

Yes, the pictures in their online catalog—and in this more glamorous and artsy photo shoot—have not been altered after the fact, so you can see the clothes and the girls just as they are, right down to the freckles. Seems like a bizarre way to sell anything these days, but it's refreshing to know that those impossible standards aren't quite as impossible as you think.

· Lille Boutique + Slideshow (lilleboutique.com, via shakewellbeforeuse.com)

Previously: Sloggi Thong Billboards: Create Your Own Controversy!, The Fine Art Of Lace Thongs, Bravissimo: Big Bras For Big Boobs, Ravijour Lingerie, Victoria's Secret Holiday Fashion Show

Porn Valley Dispatch: Authentic Teens

Gram Ponante — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 21:28:24 EDT

Our relentless consumer advocacy has paid off in the latest release from Anabolic, the molecularly correct Porn Valley studio that has produced "Bring Um Young 25". Every teen in the movie was actually a teen when the movie was filmed, and so viewers are treated to the prospect of all those hopes and dreams of those two legal teen years being apparent on the faces of Aubrey Addams, Kissy Capri, and Leilani Lei as they are, well, stuffed full of cock. It had to be said. Now if we can do something about those fake MILFs...

· View trailer (rdblog.com)
· Anabolic (anabolic.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Because we know you've been dying for a...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 18:42:30 EDT

Because we know you've been dying for a definitive answer, Jessica Simpson swears her boobs are real. And if a quote from a closely-managed P.R. campaign doesn't convince you we don't know what will. (usatoday.com, via egotastic.com)