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Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

For many of us, "Blonde Ambition" will forever be associated with Madonna's iconic and unforgettable performance of yesteryear, which Rolling Stone once proclaimed the best tour of 1990. For the younger set, it will more likely refer to the hapless 2007 Jessica Simpson movie that came and went faster than a young boy's fleeting masturbatory fantasy about blasting a fresh batch of nut chowder across that blow up doll's fat, big league baiting booty. Church.

But while much ado has been made about the blond set (it's practically its own niche), rarely do we see such attention paid to the darker coiffed beauties. Celebrities from Angelina Jolie to Sandra Bullock have been as easy targets for the unquenchable sexual fantasies as Kate Hudson, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann turned their sex appeal into political careers, despite debilitating mental retardation, becoming more popular than transsexual Coulter amongst sexually repressed red meat and bloody potato eating Republicans.

Leave it to Erik Everhard, one of the most oversexed men on the planet, to turn his insight and massive tool to the plundering of brunettes with the release of his latest movie "Brunette Ambition" which releases this week.

With a dream ensemble of young, beautiful, slutty women, including Jasmine Byrne, Tory Lane, Gianna Michaels, Sandra Romain, Lela Star, Amy Ried, Liliane Tiger, Angelina Crow, Rachel Starr, and Angel Dark, it's an amazing first venture into the world of serious, librarian type, often overlooked women.

"Brunette Ambition" releases this week from Jules Jordan Video. Check out our exclusive gallery. Brunettes of the world—rise up and fuck!

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You might say we know it when we see it—and when we see them, there's definitely a lot of knowledge going on. In our pants.

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Studio: Wicked
Director: Brad Armstrong
Cast: Alektra Blue, Randy Spears, jessica drake, Kaylani Lei, Mikayla Mendez, Kirsten Price, Marcus London, Brad Armstrong, Jayden Jaymes, Kayla Carrera, Barrett Blade, Tommy Gunn, Eric Masterson, Alexis Texas, Rocco Reed, Tory Lane, Janet Mason, Mick Blue, Jerry, TJ Cummings, Bill Bailey

Review by: Gram Ponante

The screenwriter goes uncredited, but the story of "2040" has bits of everything from "Pinocchio" to "The Velveteen Rabbit" to "Blade Runner": Love something enough and it can become human.

We meet Ryan Spears (Randy Spears), who is a porn performer, just like his dad, the porn actor Randy Spears. Ryan's job is similar to his father's, but he must perform it clandestinely because of (as the voiceover tells us) the porn tax of 2015, the porn police, and because porn companies are now "corporate entities traded on the open market."

(Like in the original "Blade Runner," we can do without the voiceover.)

Not only that, but Spears must also fuck robots.

Spears and company deliver a lot of inside references and product placement to the benefit of the Real Doll company, Wicked Pictures, and AVN, whose 55th annual awards show is presented complete with bad band and fucking in the bathrooms.

The first scene, as carried off by Spears and the faulty robot Alexis Texas, is very funny and more than reminiscent of certain porn sets I've attended.

The Alexis Texas robot blows a fuse, you see, and the crew and Spears have to wrestle her to a squatting position so that Spears can aim a load into her R.O.C., or removable oral cavity. The sight of Texas kneeling there, mouth open, eyes glazed over, and bolt-ons perpendicular, is both chilling and familiar (Texas is acting, of course, like she just came off a Max Hardcore shoot).

With the Texas "doll" or "mecha" out of commission, the production enlists a robot that looks just like Alektra Blue. Her name is Mira.

But Spears is dismissive.

"She's a toaster," says Spears. "You fuck one mecha, you've fucked them all. And they all taste like toast."

But Mira is not your ordinary frakking Cylon. She sweats! Her skin reddens with whipping! And her vagina is adjustable!

Spears is amazed. Could he be falling for a toaster? And, since he is Mira's "first," she imprints his data in her "memory banks."

What follows is a lot of exposition, some corporate intrigue and skulduggery, sex for no reason (but we're happy it happened, don't get us wrong), the conspicuous absence of Stormy Daniels and, sprinkled throughout, some poignant moments in which Mira comes to terms with her blossoming personhood.

The problem with "2040" is that, in trying to be Wicked's epic for the year, a movie that would have worked better small became instead top-heavy. There were plotlines and actors who didn't need to be there, like a community theatre production in which everyone who auditioned got a part. At the heart of the bloat that is "2040" is a really good porn movie that no one believed in enough to let stand on its own.

That said, the people the movie is about, Spears and Blue, are fantastic. While he can ham it up with the best of today's porn dudes, Spears also has a gravitas that no one in the porn world can touch. And Alektra Blue does great work as a living doll; I wish she'd been allowed to do more. (If RealDoll.com has an Alektra Blue model, I bet it's awesome.)

"2040" has a happy ending and I bet you can guess what it is. There is an uplifting message for couples that almost sounds like Stay Monogamous. (The underlying message, though, is that Mira has the intellect of a child but a vagina like a 320-hp engine, therefore it's easy to stay monogamous...the outlook is dire for human women.)

People must be buying these feel-good, trying-too-hard slogs, because Wicked keeps making them.

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Fast forward to (who else?) a guy named Jules Jordan from (where else?) Jules Jordan Video, who just decided that next week would be a good time to drop his latest video about (what else?) big boobs! Seriously, the people over at his company are unbelievable. It's like they have a mind reading machine that gets inside of our brains, looks past all those jokes about Chuck Norris, and actually figures out what we want, long before we're even aware of the desire!

Lexington Steele plows his massive ebony fuck worm deep into slutty Tory Lane's quivering butthole and just demolishes it, for, like, an hour. A ripped boy wonder gets to violate the hell out of sexy big boob princess Nikki Benz, who parades around like she's a Mardi Gras present from Stanley Kubrick to our inner child. We'll have to check with our "on retainer" crack legal team before we talk about what we would do to that beautiful woman if we were locked in a villa with her in Barcelona for the weekend... because it might not be legal (even in international waters!).

Add to that the severely wonderful drilling that chesty darlings Gianna Michaels, Shyla Stylez, Cassandra Calogera, Carmella Bing, and Ami Jordan undergo, all replete with bouncy jugs of jiggling goodness, and you've got the perfect way to spend an afternoon on an otherwise end of the world Monday meltdown.

"Breast Worship 2" releases next week from Jules Jordan Video. We'd say it was DD-licious, but that's just pandering, so instead we'll just go with awesome.

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Biker Dollz

Studio: Videoteam
Director: Anton Slayer
Cast: Tory Lane, Vanessa Blue, Kailani, Rachel Roxxx, Amaretta, Cassandra Knight, Haley Lynn, Shelbee Myne

Review by: Gram Ponante

A porn version of "Born To Be Wild" plays as Lee Stone pilots his [insert word that sounds cooler than "motorcycle" here...oh fuck it] motorcycle to dangerous, juicy, mesh-clad Tory Lane in "Biker Dollz," not so much a tribute to sex on the open road as a compilation DVD that has a motorcycle in each scene.

To their credit, each of the performers featured looks great fellating hogs whilst squatting near one, but I did not learn anything about this nation's love affair with Harley Davidsons, the Hells' Angels at Altamont, the Yakuza, or Dennis Hopper. Luckily I didn't feel like learning anything about those things, anyway.

What I did want to see was Tory Lane and Vanessa Blue (check), as well as the dilemma of shooting a sex scene on a motorcycle peacefully resolved (hint: only Blue - the trooper - spends all her time being ridden like a rice burner; everyone else transitions to the garage floor or a standard-issue porn couch to have their parts oiled).

Like other compilations, the new scenes are jarring next to the old ones, so seeing Shelbee Myne's tan lines both 15 years and 45 minutes away from Tory Lane's tattoos gives one a pleasant feeling of continuity as well as a desire to stop shaving.

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Tory Lane stars in her first “internal” scene, pairing up with two handsome and amicable fellows, who proceed (at her request) to pummel every wanton orifice she owns. A deep insatiable hunger flashes crimson across her face and breasts as her greedy box thirstily drinks up both of their milky offerings, then defiantly spits them back out for your approval.

Likewise Lisa Ann (whose visage has become virtually synonymous with a certain GOP candidate) enjoys a raunchy romp before gleefully presenting her creamy man pudding to the camera. Even Shyla Stylez, displaying the most immaculate tan we’ve ever seen on her gorgeous golden curves, unleashes a sluice of freshly churned fuck butter that sweetly dribbles out of her coveted honey pot.

Newcummers Kirra Lynne, Nika Noire, and Mya Nichols join in the fun as well, each providing hours of potentially impregnating entertainment in the process.

While we may never know what exactly it is that gets viewers so excited about actually seeing semen drip out of the girl (instead of having it basted on her face, breasts, or ass), we are certain that director Chris Streams knows what it is—and he really wants to share it with you.

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No sooner had a friend from G4TV unloaded a whole bag of PS2 games on me that this image reminiscent of "Silent Hill 4" presented itself. But in Porn Valley, where BDSM chicks gambol in the gorse, we don't need to settle for beating the hotties with a steel rod; we can actually hang them up! Join us after the gap for more pictures of porn stars as they really are. - GP

***

Tightfit, the studio responsible for "Assraelis", is as big a friend to the fetish community as it is to the Children of Israel. At a "play party" at its headquarters last week, Master Dominic (with the hair) left this partygoer in suspense, while the attendees below demonstrated what they thought of the buffet.

On the set of Mayhem's "Assploitations 8". director/performer Tory Lane uttered the following words:

"Fuck me in my dirty asshole."

In this case, "dirty" meant "yearning, lascivious" rather than "diseased, unhygienic". One could - and I'm not saying one didn't - eat an excellent vegan meal off of Lane's asshole.

Finally: Geeks take heed! Even though Eva Angelina is not wearing her trademark glasses on the cover of July's issue of discerning gentlemen's magazine Genesis, she more than makes up for it by displaying tiny photon torpedoes where her nipples should be.

Previously: Popshots Archive