Leading off this installment is Kirra Lynne, caught getting into character for the movie "Oh No! There's A Negro in my Daughter! 2." Guess what part she played?

Golf Cougar Persia is seen here lounging on the bed she purchased as an accessory to that dress. Persia is 50 and we have a crush on her.

A spring chicken by comparison, Tina Tyler poses at a Porn Valley landmark.

The cast of New Sensations' "Scrubs XXX" in a location we actually had to sign an NDA about. Porn is so silly. But Ashlynn Brooke is deadly, deadly serious.

Observed through the window of a North Hollwood 7-11, Hollie Stevens chats on the phone while buying a replacement lighter. On the other line? Jesus Christ Himself.

Finally, here's the delightful April Flores decked out in flapper garb for the Hollywood premiere of "Voluptuous Biker Babes."

Tyler has not appeared in front of a camera in three years but, in advance of a long vacation that she has been planning for years that starts in April, she has returned to the talent pool as a full-fledged cougar. Her mark was the performer CJ Wright.

"I had the pleasure of CJ, who, according to his Yahoo group (and my vagina) is the next big thing," Tyler said. "I have shot him so many times that I just had to have him. My only complaint is the scene wasn't nearly long enough. I brought three tapes, but [Mercenary Pictures owner Lexington Steele] kept insisting we only needed one..."

Tyler's scene with Wright is fun. Showing up at the office to pick up a copy of a movie Tyler shot him in, Wright tells her that he thought he might just hang around the office and "bug" her and Lex.

"You want to bug me a whole bunch?" Tyler says.

And the game is afoot. Tyler demonstrates her legendary blowjob skills on Wright, who then proceeds to work on the snow-white Tyler's unshaved southern region, twisting her this way and that.

"You do whatever you need to get traction, Baby," says the accommodating Tyler. Because she's Canadian, she's a giver.

It is fun to see Tyler in front of the camera again, if only for a short while. We'd gladly let her flounce around our house to her heart's content if only she wouldn't leave.

· Mercenary Pictures (lexsteele.com)
· Tina Tyler: Only immoral for a limited time (gramponante.com)
· Buy "MILF Magnet 3" (gamelink.com)

. . .

· Tina Tyler Shoots Final Scenes (xbiz.com)

. . .

Lucky bastard Cousin Stevie is joined by Heather Silk, who came from Florida to star in the upcoming 24th installment of his "Pussy Party" series.

"I thought you loved me best," said (Another Reason To Love) Canada's Tina Tyler as we snapped a picture of some here-today-gone-tomorrow 19-year-old flibbertigibbet. We do love you best, Tina; if you would only let us cry.

We were embarrassed when the appearance of gay porn auteur Michael Lucas and Titan vice president Keith Webb caused us to lose control of our camera. We took several bad pictures and Lucas' face did not move an inch. Finally he said, "Just stand back there and take it."

Ashley Steel (whom we taught Latin) celebrated her semi-anniversary with Internet gadfly Halcyon Styn. "Are you living in Styn?" we probed. "No, but I keep Q-Tips at his house," said Steel.

· "XBIZ Announces 2008 Awards Winners" (xbiz.com)

When we finally do our porn version of "Logan's Run" (Because Jenny Agutter Never Stays Naked Long Enough^TM), we want Jayden James to coordinate the costumes. James was interviewed by Tina Tyler on the former's third day in the adult business.

"How are you doing?" Tyler begins.
"I'm fine, and yourself?" replies James.
"Let's start with a - Oh, I'm fine, thank you," Tyler says. "I'm so not paying attention to a thing you're saying because I keep looking at those tits."

Tyler avoids the question on everyone's mind before sending James off to meet Lexington Steele, and that is, "Will you be renewed?" - GP

· Tina Tyler (myspace.com)
· Buy "Fresh Out the Box 6" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Fashion Archive

How can the land that spawned both Tina Tyler and Rush not be sexy? The Sex Show, a production of Exotica Canada to be held at Toronto's International Centre (Hall 5) on June 8 and 9, features the standard passel of porn star appearances (Sunny Lane will be cavorting onstage with "porn-rock" band Wank Punter) and adult product exhibitors, but also offers a large slate of consumer-oriented seminars, including "The Secrets of Male Multiple Orgasm" (which would get real messy real quick unless your receptacle was open-ended). Somehow the event seems friendlier than similar shows south of the border, probably because of the nearness of Gordon Lightfoot. At the very least, it seems closer to the heart. - GP

· The Sex Show (thesexshow2007.com)

Previously: Things to Do Archive

The new packaging of Tina Tyler's "Fresh Out the Box" series brings an element of interstellar travel to the porn marketplace, perhaps approaching the divine in its search for the Infinite. Either that or these finger-in-the-mouth hotties are overexposed literally and photographically.

We consulted some volumes of ancient lore to see if ancient astronauts were involved, but found this:

More fresh babes that are ready to get violated. Five new girls total and three first-time-with-Lex- girls that suck and fuck big black dicks!

This isn't NASA; we have no idea what it means. - GP

· Buy "Fresh Out the Box 7" (gamelink.com)
· Mercenary Pictures (lexsteele.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

Getting, maintaining, and resolving an erection (or "wood", as the kids in Porn Valley are bought up to say) are essential to the success of male porn performers. Now Tina Tyler, beloved former performer and current directrix of various newbie, blowjob, and solo male masturbation titles, is calling for new male talent to jack off for her. She says it will help women.

See how after the gap. - GP

***

Because I only think about myself, I was surprised when Tyler told me that female performers are dissatisfied with the paltry, er, stream of new male talent versus the gushing torrents of fresh females that arrive in Porn Valley every day.

"When I was performing, Nina Hartley would call me up and squeal every now and then when a new cute guy got in the business," Tyler said. "There are very few eligible guys out there that the female talent hasn't worked with 16 times."

So Tyler has launched GuysPopBy.com, seeking new male talent to jerk off for her.

"Men who are over 21 will send me their picture, and twice a month there will be auditions," Tyler said. "I film the auditions and every other month there will be a winner."

"How does one audition?" I breathed.

"You walk into the room, I ask you your first name and age, a little basic information, you disrobe, get an erection, and jack off for the camera."

"I do this," I clarified.

"No, someone else does," she said.

"What will you be wearing?" I asked, pointing out that she has in the past directed her male masturbation videos topless.

"Well, I won't be wearing a sweatshirt and jeans," she said, ashamed of my love.

A bi-monthly winner will be chosen by online voting, filmed for the website, paid "the normal starting rate" for a male performer, and paired with a female performer.

I asked Tyler what the winning candidate might need to do, above and beyond ejaculating on time.

"He'll need to smell good," she said, painful memories returning to her. "Girls like guys who smell good. I'll be sniffing around just in case."

· Guys Pop By (guyspopby.com)
· Tina Tyler (myspace.com)

Previously: DVD Review: "Fresh Out Of The Box 4", Gayish Porn Of The Moment: "Handyman 3", Porn Valley Dispatch Archive