Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno

Studio: Adam and Eve
Director: David Lord
Cast: Kayden Kross, Heidi Mayne, Kiara Diane, Dani Jensen, Codi Carmichael, Tiffany Mynx, Rocco Reed, Chris Cannon, Jenner, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Barrett Blade

"Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" opens with a scene of (surprise!) Kayden and Rocco making a porno—or at least fucking on camera. But wait: this isn't a porn scene from the porno that Kayden and Rocco make. This is a scene from a different porno starring Kayden and Rocco, one which Kayden and Rocco are sitting at home watching. (Have we lost you yet?)

After watching herself with Rocco, Kayden bemoans the state of porn today: clearly, she could do a better job behind the camera than these bozos. And thus Kayden sets off on the same path as many a performer-turned-director before her. With Rocco at her side, Kayden makes a porno.

Along the way, we meet an interesting cast of characters. Heidi Mayne shows up at the audition so desperate to land a role that she blows Chris Cannon and Jenner in the waiting room (at the same time). Aspiring pornstar Evan Stone (pre-haircut!) loses his chance to get cast in the production, but lies his way into a job as the PA...and then lies his way into Tiffany Mynx, Kiara Diane, and Dani Jensen as well. Rocco engages in on-the-job intimacy with make up artist Codi Carmichael. And, in a last ditch effort to save her film, Kayden takes on both Barrett Blade and Tommy Gunn.

"Kayden and Rocco" is one of those rare pornos that manages to have just the right mix of plot and sex, without seeming gratuitous on either front. The story is entertaining, the acting is good; and at no point do we find ourselves asking why, precisely, these people are having sex with one another. They're having sex because they're making a porno (come on, it says it right on the front of the box!).

You'll have to watch the movie if you want to see how it all turns out—whether Kayden succeeds at her dream, or finds that being a director is harder than it looks—but when you do, you'll have an enjoyable time. Just, uh, don't take the movie as an instructional on how to make your own porno. Trust us on that one.

· Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)

Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)
Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)
Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)
Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)
Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)
Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)

Ha! That's just what we thought! It's simply not possible to pass this goodness up, and that's what black super-performer of the decade Lexington Steele is banking on with his latest Jules Jordan release, "Lex the Impaler 4."

But breaking out of the original trilogy structure can be nerve wracking, right? Undoubtedly the question of how to uphold the integrity of the first 3 impalings, while stretching the boundaries in a believably rewarding ways, had to dauntingly weight his thoughts while his monster tool dauntingly weighted his hand. Ah, heavy is that crown the king must wear.

Lex answers the challenge by mixing some new school ripe cut-up like Jenny “My ass just don't quit, bitches” Hendrix, Gianna “Juicy Curves” Michaels, Kelly “Ass of the Year” Divine, and Raven Black, with OG booty from back in the day, including Tiffany Mynx and Lisa Ann. It's a dangerous gamble, since a handful of these luscious ladies have well jumped the shark—judging from the intensity of their pucker. The good news (for them) is that no matter how beat your veejay may be, having Lex slide all up in your guts will leave you singing "Like a Virgin" until your uterus clean falls out. Still, our unnaturally endowed protagonist doesn't discriminate, putting Dolemite to shame with his appetite's extraordinary range.

Guys don't have “landing strips,” so we guess that strip of glistening man fur between Lex's navel and nightstick must be a pube hawk. But when you're packing so much dick you could literally beat someone to death with it, no one calls you out for metrosexual behavior. We're thinking while he's at it, Lex might as well bedazzle his sack. Now that shit would be tight!

"Lex the Impaler 4" drops this week. Swallow your pride and go buy it.

· Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)