Once again the self proclaimed "rock star pimp" (you wanna dispute it? We thought not!) is hard at work, drilling the lush wet insides out of some of the best top-heavy starlets we've ever seen, including the unforgettable Hunter Bryce—a virtual porn newbie whose amazing rack keeps us up at night.

Add to that sexy little Aiden Starr, the East Coast Italian princess with the tightest pussy in the world to go with those amazing ta-ta's, newcummer Capri Cavelli, Abbey Brooks, and the mysterious Sarah Jessie, and you've got a very impressive collection of hotties.

We'd like to tell you that Mr. Spyder Jonez is saving money by nailing all the girls himself without hiring a single other guy for this series, but we have a sneaking suspicion that the real reason is that he simply has to sample this lusty lot all by himself. Hey, if it were us, we'd do exactly the same thing.

"Smoking Hot Gazongas" comes out this month from Rock Star Pimp, Iron Cross, & Teravision. If you love seeing tattooed guys just flat out wreck sizzling divas with succulent melons, then you're going to lose your mind. Check the gallery and Happy Monday!

· Rock Star Pimp (rockstarpimp.com)
· Teravision (teravision.com)

Is it just us or does it look like this guy is trying to make up for something he missed with all this fucking? Eschewing racial stereotypes, and assuming it's not all about being cheap or greedy (how dare you!), we can only presume that the lifestyle this former rock 'n roll front man grew accustomed to, replete with only too willing groupies dropping to their knees on request, has spoiled him. Being married to the reigning Queen of Porn isn't enough. No. He's got to screw EVERYTHING! We're not sure if we're too jealous to breathe, proud as hell—or a little of both.

This round of "Evan Cornholes Everyone" features delightful Asian dolls Mia Smiles, Asa Akira, Chrissy Moon, Evelyn Lin, and Kina Kai. It's great to see Mia back in action. Regardless of race, she's an amazing performer who really throws her all into each scene.

In any case, we'd like to make a suggestion. We think that Evan should take this show on the road, not just around America, but to other countries. "Spyder Jones Fucks South Korea" or "Rock Star Pimp Lhasa" could be the natural, organic evolution of this very title. Or if he wanted to really push the envelope, why not "Gaza Strip Geishas" or "Palestinian Pussy Punishers"? We expect to receive full credit for the concept and title. Check's in the mail, right?

"Smoking Hot Asians" releases this week from Iron Cross Productions, an imprint of Tera Patrick Productions. But you can sneak a peek right here and now, because you're special!

· Teravision (teravision.com)

Last we heard from Mr. Tera Patrick (also known as Biohazard frontman Evan Seinfeld), he was showing real promise with his alter ego—Spyder Jones—as he literally fucked his way through a pile of plush porn star pussy, with his wife nowhere in sight, for his latest web venture, Rock Star Pimp (dot com). If memory serves, we tipped our hat to the ink scrawled lothario, not only for winning over the heart of the one of the world's finest porn stars, but also for really bringing the heat with some fine Latina nymphos. This was, by our own standards, quite an admission—given that, despite his mainstream credits and real world acting chops, he essentially started out in the jizz biz as little more than a suitcase pimp. We vouched for Evan, keeping our fingers crossed that he wouldn't make us regret it.

Evan has now officially made good on his promise, releasing the second installment of Rockstar Pimp hotties and effectively lodging himself into the annals of porno history as more than a mere footnote. This time, the Brooklyn import smashes some of Porn Valley's finest hard tail, paying particular attention to their curvy tushes in the process. The results are on par with most of what's released these days—and with the list of willing victims including sultry Dakoda Brookes, Rachel Starr, Nadia Nitro, Jaclyn Case, and Mackenzee Pierce, you can say he has our rapt attention.

We're pretty much out of colorful praise, so we'll just leave you with the wisdom of Homer Simpson, who once extolled the virtues of the musically gifted class from which Evan was spawned when he said, “Rock stars...is there anything that they can't do?”

Apparently not.

· Rock Star Pimp (rockstarpimp.com)
· Teravision (tervavision.com)

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• "The Sex Offenders" (Teravision) (adultdvdempire.com)
• Tera Trailers (teratrailers.com)

Could we really have been so remiss in our duties this week as to neglect telling you about the legal squabble brewing between porn titanesses Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick? Actually, the whole brouhaha isn't nearly as exciting as the idea of one porn star suing another would make it sound: it seems that Tera is upset about some royalties from her website that went missing after Playboy (which acquired it from Jenna's production company last year) took over its management, and ... well to be honest, our eyes start glazing over when it comes to terms like "revenue" and "management", so we aren't really interested in the details. What we are interested in is the prospect of Tera and Jenna working out their differences via a knock-down, drag-out nude oil wrestling competition—produced and broadcast free worldwide by Playboy, of course—that would settle the matter and give us something really newsworthy to report about in the meantime. We'll even chip in for the cost of the bikinis they can rip off each other to get things started. Who needs to pay all those hefty lawyer fees anyway?

· "PORN SHOWDOWN" (NY Post)
· "Teravision Sues Club Jenna, Playboy Over Website Accounting" (Xbiz)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch: Your Week in Porn Fracases