Fleshbot: straight, teh interents

"South Park" Reminds Us That A World Without Internet Porn Is No World At All

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 11:20:05 EDT

What would you do if you woke up tomorrow and there was ... no internet? Last night's episode of South Park imagined what that nightmarish hellscape would look like and it isn't pretty. Who would bring you your Japanese tentacle porn and trans lube boys if you didn't have good ol' Fleshbot to fap around with anymore? Did you ever think about that?

· South Park Studios (southparkstudios.com)

WASD Porn: Let Your Fingers Do The Fapping

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 11:51:50 EDT

Since time immemorial (i.e. 1992), the problem with watching porn on the internet has been how to best use your hands: with your strong one on a mouse and your other furiously typing in URLs, there's no free digits left to take care of anything else. The good thing about the internet, however, is that no matter how unusual, awkward or silly your "problem" might be, someone out there is probably working on a solution. WASD Porn is a porn aggregator that's set up to let you "surf" using only four letters on your keyboard. (It's a little biased against lefties, but them's the breaks.) It's not the most high-tech solution we've seen—and the content may or may not be up your alley—but anything that eliminates all unnecessary effort and movement will always be a big hit with us ... and everyone else who masturbates for a living. (Or at least as a dedicated hobby.)

· WASDporn (wasdporn.com)

The former identical twin leader of Poland...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 10:01:41 EDT

The former identical twin leader of Poland (no, the other one) is strongly against allowing online voting, because the internet is where people go to watch "pornography while sipping a bottle of beer." He also says web users are easily manipulated, which is totally not tru ... hey look, boobies! (reuters.com)

Looking to get into the exciting—and...

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:28:06 EST

Looking to get into the exciting—and lucrative!—world of mobile porn? On February 20, the domain porn.mobi will be auctioned off. Purchase that and nothing will stand between you and your smutty riches. Except for the fact that no one has any idea what ".mobi" is. (itwire.com)

Has porn spam finally caught up to Facebook,...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 12:29:25 EST

Has porn spam finally caught up to Facebook, making this super-special social networking site just like every other place on teh internets? Between this and the threat of death to Scrabulous, why even turn on your computer any more? (portfolio.com)

Time magazine says Facebook and its social...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 10:20:47 EST

Time magazine says Facebook and its social networking brothers are now more popular than porn. (Status Update: Fleshbot is not buying it.) Everyone knows that's where all the best smut is anyway. (time.com)

Flag Fetishism: These Colors Don't Run

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 14:16:19 EDT

So when you got up this morning, did you salute your flag like a good little patriot and maybe recite the Pledge of Allegiance to prove to anyone within earshot that you weren't planning to commit treason anytime soon? Then you are probably not a friend to "Dr." Rex Curry, a noted symbologist (you know, just like Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci ~~Load~~ Code. Like many internet cranks, he's got a long list of grievances and enemies starting with the "perverted" laws and teachers who force elementary school students to "verbally fellate" the American flag each day. (You know, it is a little weird when you stop and think about it.)

According to Dr. Curry, this flag fetishism is directly related to swastikas, Nazis, mind control and (we're guessing) the erosion of our civil liberties. It's kind of hard to follow it all, but he does have plenty of visual examples to illustrate his point. Actually, we're not sure if porn babes enjoying their flag paraphernalia is a good thing or a bad thing for the good doctor (Yay, America! Boo, false idols?), but it has certainly made us think a lot harder about this issue. So hard that our brain now hurts, but we figured why not run the idea up the flag pole and see if anyone faps to it?

· "PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE PARAPHILIA, FLAG FETISHISM, FLAG DESECRATION & MASTURBATION, FLAG PORNOGRAPHY & PERVERSION" (rexcurry.net, via Blography)

Previously: Paulina Rubio's Mexican Flag Flap

Cracked performs a much needed scientific...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 13:59:32 EDT

Cracked performs a much needed scientific study to determine which of the popular female names bring you the most nudity when plugged into Google Image Search. These are the questions of our age and we must have answers. (cracked.com)

"Experts" say about 80% of all computer...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 10:40:41 EDT

"Experts" say about 80% of all computer viruses are spread by emails promising nude pictures of celebrities, like say ... Natalie Portman. That's pretty ridiculous (and a little sad in 2007), but ZOMG u should totally check out this naked hardc0re prono film from that STar Wars chick!!!1!eleventy! (dmwmedia.com)

A new survey says one in five Americans are...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 11:58:40 EDT

A new survey says one in five Americans are having less sex because of their devotion to the internet. The other four are banging someone they met on Craigslist right now. (vnunet.com)