In honor of American Pie: Book of Love, we're analyzing what makes these films work, and taking a look back at some of the finest moments in American Pie history. Most importantly, we'll decide which film is our favorite, and should be emulated by the upcoming DVD release.

American Pie:
Plot: B
Four friends—Jim, Oz, Finch, and Kevin—all vow to finally have sex (sadly, not with each other) by prom night. Oz softens his jocky image by joining the jazz choir, Finch pays a girl to spread rumors about his sexual prowess, Kevin tries to get back together with his girlfriend Vicky, and Jim tries to the seduce Czech foreign exchange student, Nadia. After various hijinks, the boys get laid. In addition, the boys seem to learn something about themselves, and grow as individuals.

Nudity: B-
Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth) is hot, of course. And while this is probably the most tasteful nudity of the whole series, it doesn't stand out against some of the other films.

American Pie 2:
Plot: C
The four friends reunite after a year of college and decide to rent a beach house for the summer. Beyond that, their goals differ and the film breaks up into various interweaving vignettes. Jim's plotline is the most vital in terms of franchise continuity, as he seeks help from Michelle (the girl he lost his virginity to in the first film) so he doesn't re-embarrass himself in front of Nadia. He ends up falling in love with Michelle. Hijinks throughout the film.

Nudity: B
The boys paint a house for cash. After a bit of peeping, the boys get caught by the house's owners (Lisa Arturo and Denise Faye)...

American Pie 3 aka (American Wedding):
Plot: B+
The final film of the original trilogy, and the last one to be released in theaters. After graduating college, Jim proposes to Michelle. She says yes. Hijinks happen all over the place. All the boys get involved, parents get involved, even Michelle's grandmother gets involved. But in the end, everyone gets laid, Jim and Michelle get married. Everything gets tied off rather nicely.

Nudity: B+
Officer Krystal (Nikki Schieler Ziering) and Fraulein Brandi (Amanda Swisten) grace Jim's bachelor party with the sexy ways of a bad cop (dominatrix? biker?) and a French (German?) maid. It's especially good once Michelle's parents show up.

Michelle's mom: You're a disgrace to the police force!
Officer Krystal: I'll be giving you an enema!

American Pie: Band Camp:
Plot: C-
This is the first of the American Pie straight-to-DVD apocrypha. It follows Matt, the younger brother of mischief making Stifler, as he is punished for his pranks by being sent to Band Camp. Matt initially resists making friends with any of the band geeks, but eventually builds a friendship with his roommate Ernie so the two of them can spy on girls. Like most summer camp movies, there are rivalries, young love, occasional nudity, hijinks, a piccolo mistaken for a dildo.

Nudity: C+
It's there, but it's missing something. The same voyeurism from the first film is repeated in shower/bathroom scenes, but with none of the interactivity. Here's one with Jennifer Walcott and Tara Killian.

American Pie: The Naked Mile:
Plot: D
Stifler's cousin, Erik (this movie is full of Stiflers), is about to graduate from high school a virgin. His girlfriend, Tracy, isn't ready to have sex, but she lets him go off to the University of Michigan for their annual Naked Mile run, in the hopes that he will find someone there to have sex with and quench his lusty desires. Indeed, he finds a college girl who has a thing for virgin boys, but he ultimately decides he wants to make love to Tracy. All in all, it's a nice touch bringing the plot back to a virgin. We'd just like to point out that the first scene of the film involves Erik faking sick to stay home from school so he can masturbate while his parents are gone. Unfortunately, his mom, dad, and grandmother interrupt him (they came back to look for a coupon) just a the moment of climax. He jizzes on his family and his grandmother dies of a heart attack.

Nudity: A
Naked. People. Everywhere.

American Pie: Beta House:
Plot:D-
Once again, we watch as young Erik Stifler battles his way to glory and vies for a place in the Beta Delta Xi fraternity. After many hijinks, he becomes a member of Beta. Unfortunately, a rival fraternity of nerds, the GEEKs, threaten on-campus partying. The GEEKs want the Betas to leave, the Betas want the GEEKs to leave. Finally, they hold a Greek Olympiad to decide which fraternity gets to stay. Beta wins. Partying continues. All in all, this is a carbon-copy of Revenge of the Nerds with the jocks as the heroes and more nudity. Speaking of which...

Nudity: C+
There's nudity, but it feels incidental. Although, we do give it up for this one scene with Angela Besharah.

And the winner is...

American Pie!
You can't deny the cultural significance of the original. It made "MILF" a household term; it made bakers put chastity belts on their pastries. It was the coming-of-age story that the late 90s desperately needed. To celebrate, here's that Shannon Elizabeth footage from before, with some extras thrown in.

· Clips via Celebcap.net (celebcap.net), Celebvids (celebvids.blog.hu), and Metacafe (metacafe.com)

Why, if we'd known that, we totally would have bought the movie rented it from Netflix scrounged up a free clip of the naked ladies somewhere on the internet, years later. Which, actually, is what we did anyway. So we guess it all worked out, then.

· Clip via TV Totty (tvtotty.com)

· Naked UC-Berkeley Streakers Jiggle, Flap Throughout Library (sfist.com)

. . .

· Stealing Balls (megarotic.com)

The people responsible for putting on live television broadcasts have been noticably jumpy since about ... oh, we don't know ... February 1, 2004 and frankly, who can blame them? You never know when some drunk guy or bored girl is going to whip something out in the middle of your newscast or sporting event for all the world to see. Cameras have a funny way of bringing out the exhibitionist in people, but the voyeur in you might appreciate reliving some of those golden moments of live TV nakedness, including the one above that you probably don't ever remember because it hardly got any attention ever.

And if boob flashing isn't your thing, surely watching a linebacker flatten the 12th man on the field is entertaining in its own right?

· 14 Great Moments of Unexpected Nudity on Live Television (cottonandsand.com)

· Pamela Anderson is kissing a magician. Maybe he knows how those things continue to defy gravity. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· The bizarre life (and sad death) of the famous Academy Awards Streaker. His package will live forever. (wfmu.org)

· Auctioneers expect to get £2 million for a nude portrait that King Charles II kept hidden in his bedroom. Wow, even a king has to stuff his girlie pics under the mattress? (thisislondon.co.uk)

· If you want to show a friend how much you care, forget about a Hallmark card. Just screw their brains out. They'll appreciate the gesture, trust us. (indiatimes.com)

· She-porn outfit, For The Girls is holding an erotic fiction contest, so remember to take notes next time you're getting some. (forthegirls.com)

· Internet porn: Wrecking marriages since 1991. Or saving them, we're not sure. Either way, never give your spouse your email password. (wimmera.yourguide.com.au)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives