Starring the very LiLo-esque Scarlett Fay, the feature follows Lindsay through all her ups and downs: the Marilyn Monroe photo shoot, the relationship (and break up) with Sam Ronson, her stint as Paris Hilton's BFF... and lots of sex, drugs, and more sex (this is a porno, after all).

· Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan (hustlerworld.com)

...and below, why we wouldn't want to live there.

Why is Joanna Angel reading my copy of "Jaws"? I don't know. Why not? 3,000 bucks buy a lot of roast.

Here's Nicole Ray saying Hello, Fleshbot Readers. Holy God.

Ashley Fires, barefoot and on fire, wins the Miss XBiz Summer Forum. Chim-chiminee.

Scarlett Fay and Nicole Ray increase Hutler's visibility.

Ava Rose is oiled and ready. Aren't you? I am.

That's Scarlett Fay and Nicole Ray in an upcoming Lindsey Lohan v. Scarlett Johansson project that Hustler is putting together. I wish it were ba "Mean Girls"-meets-"Ghost World" sort of thing, like "Mean Ghost," but it's not. Oh well. I'll watch it anyway.

Oh, the "Big Butt Oil Orgy." I'll have those pictures in my head and those smells in my nose for months. Think again if you ever thought porn was easy. Imagine walking through baby oil that sluiced off the likes of Ava Rose, Lisa Ann, Kristina Rose, Sophie Dee, Kagney Linn Karter, and Angelina Ash (and that's lucky bastard Mr. Pete over there, too).

It presents an impossibility: You can hardly walk erect but everything around you compels you to do so.

Back to Nicole Ray, here she is with Lucky Bastard #2, Chris Charming. And his Bastardito.

Finally, what says Fun more than a booze-up at Hollywood's Viper Room with the Tom Hanks of Porn, Evan Stone?

They say that admitting you have "a little problem" is the first step to recovery, but in this case it's just the tip of the iceberg. Let's just say that we have absolutely no will power when it comes to real redheads, that they're like our kryptonite, with their milky befreckled skin and luscious fiery locks, and that the nacre shimmer that surrounds them like silky moonlight is more enchanting than the most potent witch's brew imaginable. When they screw, their hungry moans lyrically weave together into a seamless tapestry of entrancement, ensnaring our senses in their mindnumbing siren song. Oh, you think we're kidding? Yeah, right. Have you ever watched Faye Reagan getting fucked hard?

New Sensations is the devil. Their latest release stars Kylie Ireland, Dani Woodward, Riley Shy, Katja Kassin, Faye Reagan, Marie McCray, Scarlett Fay, Kiki Vidis, Leighlani Red, Dani Jensen, Jayme Langford, and Brittany O'Connell—or in other words, just about every single hot redheaded porn star we ever wanted to screw. With twelve full scenes on a special 2 disc collector's set, running nearly five (count 'em five!) full hours, there's really only one question we have to ask: are they trying to kill us?

"I Love Redheads" ships out today (just in time for St. Paddy's!). Please let us know if you see Fleshbot contributor & fire pie addict DCypher. After sharing his thoughts on these mystifying, magical redheads, he's disappeared once again.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)

The Wicked

A couple fucks in a day-for-night desert as Wicked's vampire movie, The Wicked, opens. After putting on her clothes, she realizes she is alone. "Where are you?" she panics in the emptiness. "This isn't funny anymore!"

Well, who said it was ever funny? She is soon dispatched with, a 28 Days Later-style burst of screams, blood, growls, and an out of control camera. Wicked vampires!

As the opening credits roll past the unfortunate woman, we meet a Volkswagen Bus full of adventurers. Among them is Kaylani Lei, off to the desert for a weekend concert after finding her boyfriend in bed with a hooker (Jenny Hendrix). I don't know why she got so mad - doesn't she know that Jenny Hendrix is Good Times personified and no threat to Real Love?

Then we meet Baby and Otis (Stormy Daniels and Derrick Pierce), shifty types who've suffered a breakdown in the desert. Luckily our heroes happen by to pick them up, though only the driver (Barrett Blade) seems to think it's a good idea. Another passenger is Voodoo, a conspiracy buff cautious about weirdness in the desert. He is not taken seriously. In fact, the drive is so fraught with manufactured tension that we wonder why any of these people are friends.

Everyone is so nice to look at, though, that I guess it doesn't matter if they like each other.

The porn talent pool is so small, and the contract star system so limiting, that chemistry is hard to find, even in a population that has interfucked so often. One thing going for The Wicked is Blade's and Voodoo's chemistry with Lei, Tori Black, Scarlett Fay, and the other females in the cast. And, when they're allowed, Daniels and Pierce find room for "character" work.

Chemistry or no, the gang is edgy after a long drive, and strange things are happening in the middle of nowhere. Worse still, only Daniels' and Pierce's sex scene is filmed in natural light; everything else shows up in cold blue or red. This can only detract from excellent scenes between Voodoo and Fay and Blade and Lei.

In her motel bed, Kaylani dreams of being ravished by vampires in the desert (including Sophia Santi). Then she goes to a strip club with her pals and lets loose. Oddly enough, some of the characters from her dream show up as strippers! You wouldn't expect to find such high quality strippers in such a remote location, either.

There's other odd things going on in Desert City. Regardless, Kaylani and Barrett get over their friction and learn to love each other. Napping in the car, however, Kaylani again dreams of the vampires. Voodoo gets more agitated and, once the crew arrives at the concert, the stage is set for a bloodbath, as the vampires show up en masse for their solstice feast.

But it isn't scary. Shouldn't it be? Maybe the market suggests otherwise.

Since Wicked makes so many gauzily competent movies that seem to avoid actual inspiration, I wonder if sales figures indicate that being too good or too edgy or - in the case of a vampire movie - too scary might hurt business.

The Wicked's twist ending attests to the fact that a movie with great production values and a competent yet derivative script is Wicked's way of suggesting mainstream movies without actually ripping them off, a la Pirates. But what's the matter with an outright porn ripoff if it's good? The Wicked is a good porn movie but the vehicle of its story - the horror! - falls flat. I think it's the condom policy.

Review by: Gram Ponante

Studio: Wicked
Director: Michael Raven
Cast: Kaylani Lei, Stormy Daniels, Mikayla Mendez, Annabelle Lee, Jenny Hendrix, Roxy Deville, Scarlett Fay, Sophia Santi, Tori Black, Aaron Wilcoxxx, Barrett Blade, Barry Scott, Derrick Pierce, Evan Stone, Johnny Castle, Rocco Reed, Voodoo

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "The Wicked" (gamelink.com)

Natasha Nice, Courtney James, Kacey Jordan, Nichole Heiress, Scarlett Fay, Brynn Tyler, Coco Velvett, Lana Violet, Audrianna Angel, Missy Stone, Marie McCray, and Kiki Vidis are the fresh faced, willing young debutantes learning the ropes the hard way, but with none of the reservations crowding up the minds of the harrowed and uncertain young ladies not featured in this fledgling volume. You see these girls are the new stars of XXX. The next Jenna Jameson or Tera Patrick will emerge triumphant and cum-basted from this group, like a glorious, shimmering phoenix drenched in baby batter, like a gleaming Lauren Conrad—and you damn well know it!

They won’t be losing sleep any night soon over where their careers are headed. No more McJobs or working at the mall at stores they used to shoplift from. No more pointlessly begging their parents and sugar daddies for Manolo Blahnik during the worst economic crisis since Herbert Hoover. No more long hours spent winding around a stripper pole under candy lights or grinding the sticky tumescent laps of sweaty trolls for damp dollars. From here on out, it’s all panty-melting flattery, hard pipe from cute guys, and an endless stream of easy moolah. That’s even better than being the next Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox!

· Buy: New Sensations - "The New Stars of XXX" (GameLink)

Instead, here's Scarlett Fay in a picture she took herself. More Popshots (including that of the shemale midget) after the jump.

. . .

The shemale midget in question seems to have no name. Ordinarily we'd say that was fine, because how many shemale midgets could there be? She could simply be "The Shemale Midget."

But records for the site Shemale Juice (I need to be alone now) are kept in Brazil, where I think they've got a shemale midget president. So let us raise a caipirinha glass to the unknown female midget!

Adrianna Nicole, on the other hand, is not a midget. She is, in fact, a bee.

In an exclusive interview, Nicole was simultaneously coy and outrageous. "While I can't explain why I might have looked like a bee in this picture," she said, "all I can say is that my hive was full of honey and I think the two might go together."

If Nicole is a bee, we would like to keep the living daylights out of her.