Fleshbot: straight, rod fontana

Creepy Fun At Bare Bottom Prices: "Teens for Cash 6"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 11:30:01 EST

If the problem is that teens will not fuck them because they are old and/or douchebaggy, "Teens for Cash" resolves this issue by throwing money at it.

Teens for Cash 16

Studio: Pink Visual
Director: Various
Starring: Sabrina Starr, Aarielle Alexis, Ellie Idol, Nikki Flame, Juicy Pearl, Rod Fontana, Dick Nasty, Alex Sanders

Review by: Gram Ponante

It's high-concept: porn dudes in that blessed and truthful "I No Longer Care" stage of their careers play the part of documentarians who lure unsuspecting teenage women into their lairs with cash.

Pink Visual, which alone among porn companies makes us forget now and then that all the players are in on the joke, produces this series, now in its 16th iteration, and this one is particularly creepy and fun.

Veteran porn stud Alex Sanders feeds visiting Sabrina Starr (she's returning her dad's tools) cash so that she will remove her clothes and eventually fuck him. What's great about the scene is that Starr is both aware of how much a commodity she is, what with her 19 years and knee socks, but conveys how skeeved out she is while still being game to gobbling cock for cash.

Counting the cash at her feet, Starr acknowledges that it's better pay than babysitting.

The scenarios work best when the girls appear to consider the money and decide that there are worse things they could do for rent. Thus the adorable Aarielle Alexis, wearing a summer dress and delivering their medications to sexagenarian roommates Rod Fontana and Dick Nasty, looks like she's having a good time.

While the May/October trysts were most effective, also enjoyable was the scene between the very skeptical (and hot) Ellie Idol and two younger douchebags, themselves working the "documentary" angle before they started offering cash for blowjobs.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Teens for Cash 16" (gamelink.com)

If You've Ever Wondered: "WKRP in Cincinati"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:30:01 EST

Supertramp. Jan Smithers. Loni Anderson before Burt Reynolds. Could there be a richer lode of porn gold than "WKRP in Cincinnati"? (Of course there could, but how often do we get the chance to write about Supertramp and Smithers?)

WKRP in Cincinnati: A XXX Parody

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Starring: Ashlynn Brooke, Evan Stone, Ryan McLane, Holly Heart, Scott Lyons, Ralph Long, Tee Reel, Rod Fontana, Kagney Linn Karter, Andy San Dimas, Jackie Daniels, Faye Reagan

Review by: Gram Ponante

New Sensations' latest (as of 2 this afternoon, check back in 15 minutes) porn parody faithfully recreates and pornifies the beloved 80's show that made a bombshell out of Loni Anderson, a star out of Howard Hesseman, and a Trivial Pursuit question of Gary Sandy.

Supertramp is in town and WKRP finally has a chance to show a profit by running a contest for front row tickets. But the tickets get lost! In the meantime, dissolute DJ Dr. Johnny Fever (Evan Stone) must keep some enthusiastic 'tramp fans at bay (I call them 'tramp), while the two unlikeliest pairings of anyone in the cast (Ashlynn Brooke's Jennifer with Ralph Long's Herb/Holly Heart's Bailey with Scott Lyons' Les) make for a parody that fans of the original show will appreciate for its attention to detail while reconsidering the necessity of parodying the show in the first place.

All ends well as Jennifer calls up Supertramp's lead singer—a personal friend—to replace the tickets.

New Sensations scores by getting Rick Davies' name right as well as correctly spelling Cincinnati. Had the company not released gems like "The Sex Files," this might be all we could hope for from a porn world that thinks only dummies buy its movies. But in the end, a suspect laugh track and a cast that likely contained only two people (Rod Fontana as Mr. Carlson and Evan Stone) who remembered the original show, leave me feeling a little Les-Nessman-than enthusiastic about this parody. Supertramp and I are looking forward to "True Blood"y Well Right.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "WKRP in Cincinnati: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)

"WKRP" Vs. "WKRP XXX": A Comparison

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:35:34 EDT

Fox may not have been too pleased with "The X-Files: A XXX Parody," but that hasn't turned New Sensations off of parodies entirely. They've just announced shooting dates for their next one—and this time, they're taking on WKRP.

So how do the porn radio stars take on their sitcom counterparts? We've arranged a comparison for you to study and see for yourself. (~~One note though: try as we might, we couldn't manage to find a picture of XXX Andy, Ryan McLane. Perhaps some things are better left a surprise.~~ Scratch that, the team at New Sensations remedied our little problem.)

Jennifer: Loni Anderson
Jennifer XXX: Ashlynn Brooke

Carlson: Gordon Jump
Carlson XXX: Rod Fontana

Andy: Gary Sandy
Andy XXX: Ryan McLane

Johnny: Howard Hesseman
Johnny XXX: Evan Stone

Venus: Tim Reid
Venus XXX: Tee Reel

Herb:Frank Bonner
Herb XXX: Ralph Long

Les: Richard Sanders
Les XXX: Scott Lyons

Bailey: Jan Smithers
Bailey XXX: Holly Heart

Carmen Carlson: Ally Ann McLerie
Carmen Carlson XXX: Janet Mason

And, of course, the girls for whom we found no actual counterparts:

Bianca: Faye Reagan

Simone: Jackie Daniels

Linda: Kagney Linn Karter

Nicole: Andy San Dimas

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)

“This Ain’t Gilligan’s Island XXX”: Our Latest Guilty Pleasure Porn Parody

DCypher — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 16:00:00 EDT

Sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale full of girls sexy hot, that started out in a pervert's mind and ended up on Fleshbot.

In a never ending sea of emulation, one high caliber release must compete against another as they vie for the title of Porn Parody of the Year—a category which doesn't quite yet exist, but which should and probably will soon. Sitting idly by and watching our favorite childhood television series, particularly the ones that dominated holiday television marathons, get transformed into tawdry pornographic vehicles for cheap kicks (and piles of money) gives us quite a thrill, to be honest. It's become our newest guilty pleasure.

Which is why when we got our hands on the stills from impending Hustler release, "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX" from Anton Slayer, we couldn't wait a day before sharing them with you. Our greedy little hearts did a back flip to see that the all-star cast included Anthony Rosano as Gilligan, Ryder Skye as Ginger, Sindee Jennings as Mary Ann, Jack Lawrence as the Professor, Rod Fontana as the Skipper, Darryl Hannah as Mrs. Howell and Dick Nasty as Thurston Howell III, along with performances by Voodoo, Evan Stone, Regan Reese and Jason Silver.

Slayer, who also directed "This Ain't the Munsters XXX," was given free reign to explore the series and came up with a three hour tour de force we won't soon forget. Honestly, we've been waiting since puberty to really see someone nail Ginger (who may indeed have been the very first red we ever fell for). Not to mention Mary Ann, whose youthful exuberance and downright upbeat attitude make us want to drill her at full bunny speed until the juice runs down her legs and into her jean shorts. That pearly white smile has been taunting us for years, demanding that we drop a freshly churned load of fuck butter onto her grill and call it a day.

"This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX" is slated for release at the end of April, but you can check out a peek now because, you know, we're Fleshbot. Enjoy.

· Hustler (hustlervideo.com)

"Escape from Women's Prison"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 21:00:00 EST

Exactly like Terrence Stamp reprising his role from "Poor Cow" 32 years later in "The Limey," ex-con Ashley Blue reinhabits her character from 2003's "Bitches Behind Bars" in "Escape from Women's Prison." (Scientists have proven that five years in porn is like three decades in the outside world - just look at 2006 AVN Performer of the Year Sassy McSassypants.)

Escape from Women's Prison

This is a story about redemption.

Matt comes home to find stranger Ashley Blue smoking a cigarette. "Dad's not home," she says.

"Who the fuck are you?" he says.

"An old friend," she says, exhaling. "You're pretty cute. They'd like you in prison. Would you like to see my pussy?"

Thus begins Escape from Women's Prison, a movie that neatly straddles the gap between a B-movie you wish had more sex in it and a porn movie you wish didn't look so much like a goddamn porn movie. And for Ashley Blue it is the role of a lifetime, an excellent example of her self-fulfilling prophecy style of acting: she speaks abusively and is then fucked abusively.

She forces Matt to fuck her "prison style." You see, she has been there.

"Suck my toes, Prison Boy," she says. "Don't rip my stockings, though. I got them for free when I left prison."

Then:

"Get off me! Is that the best you can do? Don't make me reach up there and slap you! Come on, you worthless fucker! Do I have to fuck myself? What are you doing? Am I too creepy?"

Yes, Ashley. Prison has made you creepy. Because Escape from Women's Prison is actually an updating of 2003's Bitches Behind Bars, a movie that Powers said was not edited the way he would have liked. So he took footage from the original movie, which starred then-porn neophyte Blue, and updated it with new scenes, using the old movie as flashback material.

Blue is paying Matt a visit because his father (Johnny Thrust) was the incompetent lawyer of her prison girlfriend, Maggie.

In flashbacks, we meet Maggie and Blue's fellow prisoners. We share Blue's anguish at having to make her own marital aids in the prison woodshop.

"Is this a shank?" a guard asks, holding a sharpened baseball bat.

"No," she admits. "It's a dildo."

Naturally, the guard makes her prove it. And he's not the only one. Warden Rod Fontana shows a different side from his genial Skipper. In fact, there are no prison employees who don't take sexual advantage of the inmates. It is hard to believe in such circumstances that California's prison guards have the gall to threaten to recall Governor Schwarzenegger for more pay. Look at the perks!

In all, the new scenes look better than the old ones (save for a nice bit of bluster from Fontana), and the update provides a rare look at how five years looks on a porn performer. For Blue, who never got implants, the half-decade interval seems to have not happened at all.

She and Thrust (whose day job is as Powers' production manager) are the only cast members who return and, as far as I can tell, only they, Ben English, and Fontana are still in the adult business.

So why has Blue visited the home of her prison buddy's lawyer? For some horrifying revenge. But you should see the movie to find out what that is.

Studio: Powersville
Director: Jim Powers
Cast: Ashley Blue, Jasmine Lynne, Maggie Star, Egypt, Ashley Moore, Rafe, Ben English, Rod Fontana, Johnny Thrust

Review by: Gram Ponante

· Jim Powers (mrfilth.com)
· Buy "Escape from Women's Prison" (gamelink.com)

No Full Metal Jacket (Or Pants) Required: "Barely Legal Boot Camp"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:15:40 EDT

The striking thing about Hustler's "Barely Legal Boot Camp" is that drill instructor Darryl Hanah looks positively sex-grizzled in comparison with the likes of recruits Kortni Kiss, Jayden Rose, Bailey Brooks, and Arianna Armani, all of whom tumble out of a van to be shrieked at by director/itinerant preacher Rod Fontana. We see a group of 18-year-olds perfectly suited to be stoop-shouldered and eye-rolling in the face of the porn narrative structure that some of them will never perfect.

After all this time, it would be reasonable to expect that the movie would not follow through on the premise suggested by its title and cover, but Fontana demands the recruits show him IDs ("Don't give me your real names! Give me the names your agents gave you!") and when they drop to give him 20, it is with a dildo.

The movie ended up being a mini-"Gilligan's Island XXX" prequel, as Fontana, Hanah, and Dick Nasty each appear. Earlier, a performer named Miss Kitty was hounded off the set for refusing to service the 53-year-old Nasty. Hanah, the professional, showed the almost-half-her-age recruits how it was done. "Always make sure your hand is wet," she said.

The girls are led through blowjob drills, taught how to pose for still cameras, given pointers on "facial preparation," and told that "there are men and women dying for that flag in order for you to work in pornos." (The latter seems like a generational thing - when performers who remember when porn was illegal are paired with performers who don't, the result can be awkward.)

The movie sticks to its premise all the way through, and as such is often at odds with standard porn formula. This isn't a bad thing, though; it just throws off the pacing if you are, for instance, a chronic masturbator.

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "Barely Legal Boot Camp" (gamelink.com)