Well, the tawdrier the real thing, a pornic take on it almost seems to make the original look less harmful, as if a porn adaptation confirms how silly it is already. The same happened with Hustler's "Da Vinci Load"; it really improved on the book.

Mike Horner is particularly hammy in the role of New York Governor Eliot Splitz-her, and it is right and just that the adult industry still has some older performers around to add the right touch of Leslie Nielsen to parts like this one.

Students of history will be happy that Gov Lov pays attention to detail. The Governor is known as a man who cleans up the streets and, when he makes his assignations over the phone, is quoted a $4,000 fee.

But a porn movie unbound from its conventions, even if it is a topical movie like this one, won't fly. So Gov Lov needs to find other people to look at than just Horner and Cassandra Cruz as his special lady, thus trumped up scenes with different, vaguely-related pairings (Angela Stone as The Squirting Lobbyist, for example).

Unlike many hot-off-the-presses porn, however, this movie also has a bona fide B story. We meet two FBI surveillance agents, played by Van Damage and Veronica Jett, who get so caught up in the governor's shenanigans that they just can't help themselves.

The Governor is well-known to the escort agency, and he is set up with Kristen (Cruz) and they get to know each other (after the required funds are deposited in the agency's bank account).

After their tryst, they have the following conversation.

"Now this is going to be our little secret?" he says.

"Of course," she replies. "No one will ever find out."

As a movie specifically designed to be purchased by casual consumers, Gov Lov has all the porn world has to offer: speedy turnaround, a little humor, not too much talking, and some sense that these things could really happen. And Hustler put a little extra effort into the packaging, which is nice, since we're talking about people's lives here.

- Review by Gram Ponante

Gov Lov: The Eliot Splitz-her Story
Studio: Hustler
Director: Stuart Canterbury
Cast: Mike Horner, Cassandra Cruz, Kayla Paige, Angela Stone, Emma Heart, Veronica Jett, Kissy Kapri, Van Damage, Marcus London, Dino Braco, Kissy Kapri

· Order "Gov Lov" (gamelink)
· Hustler (hustlervideo.com)

"Gov Love: The Elliott Splitz-Her Story" costars the squirtastic Angela Stone and Kissy Kapri and will be hitting shelves next month; see what we're in for via the (PG-13) trailer and (XXX) box cover after the jump.

. . .

· Hustler's "Gov Love" Trailer (youtube.com)
· Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)
· See also: "Spitzer Sex Scenes: Now More Cringey" (Gawker)

We are happy to report, however, that a semblance of verisimilitude is maintained throughout the movie, and that even some prop sherriff's badges were appropriated for use in the inevitable cavity search scene. More after the jump.

Paris straightens things out with the warden (Lee Stone, under there).

Bondage with penetration. That's hot.

Kelly Wells goes on "special detail" with guard Sascha.

Nicole learns that, in prison, all love is real.

It must be some sort of agricultural prison the girls find themselves in, but whatever. There is no resolution in this movie beyond the convicts' gradual acceptance of their new roles. One can only hope that, unlike that of Jean Valjean, their prison experience hasn't resulted in bitterness and a rejection of God.

We would be lying if we said that Jennings and Addams remind us of Paris and Nicole in the slightest, but that's good.

· Venom VOD (venomVOD.com)
· Buy "Paris & Nicole Go to Jail" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Photoplay Archive

· "Venom Unveils Paris & Nicole Go to Jail" (AVN)

Previously: Jenna Haze In "Celebusluts", Movies We Know Will Suck Dept.: "Lindsay HoHand", Porn Valley (Adjacent) Dispatch: J-Ho Didn't Chop Down a Cherry Tree, Either

· "Celebusluts" preview (.mov trailer @ elegantangelblog.com)
· Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
· See also: "Celebusluts: How Teenage Girls Stopped Caring (splendora.com)