Fleshbot: straight, paris hilton

Rotten, Runaway, Tanks, And Tattoos

Gram Ponante — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:30:01 EST

Night vision didn't work in the Paris Hilton sex tape, and it doesn't work for Rob Rotten. But at least Rotten figured it out eventually and we, the consumer, can rest assured that "Rotten Home Videos" was made with love.

Rob Rotten is the kind of maverick whose roguery I heartily endorse now or in 2012. This casually-produced (read: ultra low budget) collection of trysts with hookers, porn drifters, and other intriguing types might not win any awards whatsoever, but it does underline the fact that Rotten has the type of friends who have sex with him if he pays them, and who like him enough to not upstage his tattoos.

Ruby Knox and Daisy Tanks are both Rotten standbys from previous movies, and these scenes appear to have been shot around the time these women were working with Rotten already. India Summer and Faye Runaway both have impressive tattoos of their own, and Rotten's interlude with the latter (now out of the porn business), with his ink explosion and her lace up work on both of her pale legs, looks just about artful.

Maybe that wasn't the intention (in fact, I'm sure of it), but we have to find something to enjoy in other people's home movies, don't we?

· Punx Productions (punxproductions.com)
· Buy "Rotten Home Videos 1" (gamelink.com)

Paris Hilton Lets It All Some Of It Hang Out

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 10:30:00 EDT

There are nip slips, and then there are full-on, no holds barred, total exposure tit slips. Right now, Paris Hilton is experiencing one of the latter. And, being Paris, she seems pretty okay with that.

Paris Hilton (cameltap.com)
Paris Hilton (cameltap.com)
Paris Hilton (cameltap.com)

Paris Hilton Vs. Audrina Partridge: Battle Of The Burger Babes

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:30:01 EDT

A few weeks ago, we told you that Audrina Partridge was doing her best to top Paris Hilton's legendary babe with a burger commercial. Audrina's spots are finally out—and now, at last, we can compare.

Above, we have the original Paris commercial, below, Audrina. Who do you think is more likely to win your vegan friends back over to the dark side? (Our heart belongs with Paris, we must admit. She just brings that little extra something to the ad, you know?) But hey, we want to know what you think. Watch the videos, then take the poll below.

Paris Hilton And Her Many Topless Best Friends

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 13:30:01 EST

First there was Corrie Loftin, Paris Hilton's wouldbe "BFF" who had a Playboy past. Now we've learned that Chrissie Wunna—a contestant on the British version of the show—has modeled for Candy Crib.

Anyone else sensing a theme here?

· Paris Hilton’s Potential Best Friend Topless! (boobieblog.com)

Caught On Tape: Top Ten Celebrity Sex Tapes

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:00:00 EST

Now that we all have digital cameras or webcams or iPhones or some sort of photo device that doesn't require third party processing, pretty much everyone out there has taken a photo or video of themselves en flagrante delicto—even celebrities (they're just like us!). The difference, of course, is that when your sex tape (or our sex tape) goes public, it really only matters to an audience of tens—as opposed to the tens of thousands (or millions) of people who happen to take interest when, say, Colin Farrell is caught on tape. Over the years, we've made good business tracking the all too many instances of celebrity sex tapes; join us after the jump for a walk down Naked Celebrity Lane.

Kid Rock: We're pretty sure there was only one reason why the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp sex tape was ever released: to prove (to someone, we don't know who) that these two a) have (or at least had) groupies and b) have received oral sex. We're pretty sure we didn't need to know either of those things — but hey, that's the world of celeb sex tapes for you.

Joanie "Chyna" Laurer: Female pro-wrestlers don't get nearly enough attention in the press—though we're not really sure that the kind of attention that Chyna's sex tape generated was really appreciated by her fellow female wrestlers (can you say "inch-long and thick-as-a-pinkie clitoris with a corona resembling the head of a penis"?).

Amy Fisher: Given that Amy Fisher's biggest claim to fame was shooting someone in the face, it is, perhaps, a little odd that she followed that up with her very own sex tape. Then again, Amy's criminal career was spawned by an affair she had with the much older Buttafuoco. When she was a teenager. And seriously, how hot does "Long Island Lolita: Caught On Tape" sound? (Related, but vastly less hot: the Joey Buttafuoco sex tape.)

Verne Troyer: Next up in our list of unlikely pornstars is Verne Troyer (better known as "Mini-Me."). Though Troyer didn't take too kindly to his time in the spotlight, we feel the release of his sex tape was actually a bit of a public service. Firstly, it taught us all that, no matter how different you may look, there's always someone out there who'll be willing to love you (and commit it to tape!). Secondly, it gave us all a very, very detailed lesson in how not to kiss.

Gene Simmons: And speaking of KISSing (ha!): you can't spell sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll without sex. And no one knows that better than KISS front man Gene Simmons, whose all too brief career in adult entertainment we were more than happy to analyze.

Dustin Diamond: If you'd told us, as kids, that Screech of "Saved by the Bell" fame would one day be the star of his very own sex tape, we probably would have run screaming from the room (well, after having you explain what, exactly, a "sex tape" was). That reaction wouldn't have been so far off: Dustin Diamond's last ditch effort to reclaim the spotlight was pathetic at best—but at the same time, isn't the whole pathetic grasp at fame thing the whole point of a self-released sex tape? (Oh, and also: Dirty Sanchez.)

Jenna Lewis: Screech wasn't the first "celebrity" to cash in on a "stolen" sex tape: that honor goes to Jenna Lewis, better known as Jenna from "Survivor," who raked in over $70,000 (and extended her fifteen minutes of fame) with her very own sex tape.

Kim Kardashian: And then, of course, there was Kim Kardashian's romp with R&B star Ray J. We never really figured out why Kim was supposed to be a celebrity, but at least she managed to make it with someone with at least a little bit of cred. And, for that matter, Kardashian managed to rake in a decent amount of money, too (much as she denied that she had had any part in the tape's public launch).

Colin Farrell and Nicole Narain: Given that Colin Farrell and former Playboy Playmate are two people we'd actually want to see get it on (as opposed to, well, many of the people who made this list), we were largely convinced that their rumored sex tape had to be a hoax. Yet somehow, it wasn't! See, sometimes the powers that be really do listen to our prayers.

Paris Hilton: Paris's tape hits the top of our list not so much for its quality (it's shot in night vision, for one thing, and Paris was never much of performer) but instead for its cultural significance. Before her flirtation with amateur porn, Paris was just a D-list party girl and hotel chain heiress; post-"One Night in Paris," she was a full-fledged C-list celebutante with her very own reality show. Using a sex tape to eke out a modicum of fame and launch oneself into the spotlight? Brilliant. (Oh, and there's also the matter of Paris's sexploits hitting the newswires the same day that Fleshbot launched—five years ago today! So maybe we're a little sentimental? It happens.)

Bonus Scandal! Dita Von Teese: Lovely Dita didn't so much make a "sex tape" as star in some arty lesbian fetish porn—but hey, the video was hot enough (and the scandal hyped up enough), that we had to include it somewhere. It also wins points for generating one of the best headlines ever seen: "Dita Von Teese had sex with a shoe." She sure did.

Project Nipplewatch: Top Ten Celebrity Nip Slips (For Now, Anyway)

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:15:26 EDT

Although we've been covering celebrity uncoverings for years now, we're still not really quite sure why it is that famous women have such a hard time keeping their nipples under wraps. But then again, who are we to ignore the desperate cry of areolas yearning to be free? Over the years, we've spotted more than a handful of accidentally uncovered nipples—or "nip slips," as the kids are calling them these days. After the jump, relive some of our favorite nipplewatch moments. And if they're not doing it for you? Not to worry; we're sure there will be a lot more where these came from before too long. It's sort of a tradition, you know.

. . .

Fur TV: Because Watching Puppets Fap Will Never Get Old

Violet Blue — Fri, 02 May 2008 10:30:18 EDT

When we first saw the title of MTV UK's new raunchfest "Fur TV" we figured it was either a "Real World" for girls who don't shave or that MTV had decided to update "A Shot At Love" with a cast comprised entirely of furries (which we'd love). No such luck: "Fur TV" is a curious yet hilarious mix of "Meet The Feebles" and "Cribs", with a whole lot of lowbrow sex action and some very cute, underdressed UK babes humping puppets—which we also love, especially when their Paris Hilton sex video sendup gives us a taste of how hot that whole scene could have been, complete with a fluffy comeshot. Puppets hotter than Paris? Who'da thought?

· MTV UK: Fur TV (autoplay warning, mtv.co.uk)
· Fur TV: Sex Tape! (illegaladvertising.com, via Adrants)

Previously: Pornstar Bears, XXX Puppet Sex

While we were away in Las Vegas the last...

Jonnobot — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 09:46:05 EST

While we were away in Las Vegas the last couple of days, someone sent us some "exclusive" "breaking" "news" about Paris Hilton's "secret" "lesbian" past. Yeah, we're glad we didn't miss anything important while we were away either. (jonathanjaxson.blogspot.com)

Celebrity crotch flashes may come and go,...

Jonnobot — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 11:18:03 EST

Celebrity crotch flashes may come and go, but Paris Hilton's vagina is forever. In this ever-changing world, isn't it nice to know there are some things you can still count on? (drunkenstepfather,.com)

Paris Hilton's porn rage incident can finally...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 14:18:02 EDT

Paris Hilton's porn rage incident can finally be seen ... and it's just as compelling and poorly staged as the sex tape it was based on! Girlfriend needs to seriously think about hiring a better director for her next project. (Defamer)

As if we needed further proof that her much-vaunted...

Fleshbot — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 12:24:23 EDT

As if we needed further proof that her much-vaunted jailhouse conversion was just something she cooked up to make Barbara Walters happy, Paris Hilton continues to revert to her old ways with a suspiciously convenient bathing suit malfunction while frolicking on a beach in Malibu—though at least this time she managed to keep her bottom intact. So maybe she really did change in there after all. (lustbox.org + toxicmagazine.com)

The "Parass Hilton" Butt Plug Jailbird Edition...

Fleshbot — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 13:21:39 EDT

The "Parass Hilton" Butt Plug Jailbird Edition would've been a lot more amusing had we come across it a month or so ago ... but it's already sold out, meaning that there are at least some folks out there who appreciate opportunistic sex novelty items more than we do. (tmz.com; more hot celebrity butt plug action here.)

Despite all those mumblings about finding...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 10:26:11 EDT

Despite all those mumblings about finding God in the slammer, it looks like Paris Hilton might not have changed much after all: back on the streets less than a week and she's already fallen into her old habits. Talk about being a repeat offender. (hollywoodtuna.com)

Wet Spots: Paris Hilton's (Un)Caged Heat

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 17:48:12 EDT

· Gisele Bundchen thinks it's ridiculous that the Catholic Church bans sex before marriage. "Show me someone who's a virgin," she says. Why? What will you do to him if we do? (newswatch50.com)

· Now that Paris Hilton is out of jail, let us look at this photoset starring lookalike Christine Alexis and reflect upon what might have been if her stupid skin condition and/or possible nervous breakdown hadn't gotten in the way. (orgasmatrix.com + Defamer)

· As the person who pointed this out to us said, once you see that the London 2012 Olympic logo looks like Lisa Simpson giving head, you can't un-see it. (YouTube)

· News flash: The number of people willing to pay for content on the internet is dwindling. When was it ever rising? (xbiz.com)

· Step 1: Make some "x-rated" art. Step 2: Have it banned by the city for being "inappropriate." Step 3: Profit. (nypress.com)

· Canada is one of the best place to go for nude beaches, but their summer will be over in about two weeks, so make it snappy. (hfxnews.ca)

· Ohio strip clubs continue to fight the state's new "six-foot" law. Why don't they just find strippers with longer arms? (wlwt.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Deep Inside David Hans Schmidt

Fleshbot — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 13:15:29 EDT

You might think you're not familiar with David Hans Schmidt, but he's had more of an effect on our collective masturbatory habits than just about anyone else out there (except for, you know, us here at Fleshbot). As "America's premier peddler of celebrity smut", Schmidt has been responsible for unleashing such gems as Tonya Harding's honeymoon video, Paris Hilton's private diaries, and the Colin Farrell and Dustin "Screech" Diamond sex tapes upon an unsuspecting and otherwise innocent porn-viewing public—and has made plenty of enemies in the process. In its latest issue, Details profiles the "porn-peddling philosopher" who insists that he's just catering to the needs of the marketplace instead of infringing upon the privacy of the rich and famous: "Those tapes hit my desk because someone involved wants to profit from it ... The only thing I exploit is opportunity." Far be it for us to judge the moral implications of his work, but was the world made a better place by the sight of Screech sticking a shit-smudged finger in that poor girl's face? We're just sayin'.

· "The Lord of Celebrity Smut" (men.style.com)

Previously: DVD Review: "Screeched", Paris Hilton Unexposed?, The (Expurgated) Colin Farrell Sex Tape,

Morning Wood: Doing Our Best To Lead You Astray

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 11:31:51 EDT

· Hey, look ... it's pictures of Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson hanging out together! Nothing suspicious about that, right? (toxicmagazine.com)

· Oh by the way, Russian gangsters are luring Windows users to malicious websites by promising pictures of Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson. But seriously, that above link is totally cool. You trust us don't you? (informationweek.com)

· If you'd rather not take chances, you can just enjoy this gallery of completely random and unrelated photos of topless girls at the beach. Things like this don't have to make sense. (attuworld.com)

· Officials at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson Airport are cracking down on sex in the public restrooms, presumably by informing people that sex in an airport bathroom does not qualify you for the Mile High Club. (wyff4.com)

· In America, it's big faceless chain stores that replace all the mom and pop operations. In Japan, they get replaced by sex shops. Mom and Pop probably needed to retire, anyway. (mainichi-msn.co.jp)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Wet Spots: Sleeping Our Way To Bigger Boobs

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 19:00:25 EDT

· Evangeline Lilly does her best Coppertone Girl imitation as her bikini bottoms nearly get "Lost." Get it ... because she's on that TV show? Oh, never mind ... (egotastic.com)

· Can hypnotherapy help you grow bigger boobs? Maybe that's what Paris Hilton's been up to. (dailymail.co.uk + thesun.co.uk)

· See, junior-high level sexual puns entertain Gawker just as much they do us. Now you know where we get it from. (Gawker)

· No, we have no idea who Zuleikha Robinson is either. But with a rack like that, we might just have to start watching "Rome" more often to see more. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Is nude art covered by the Constitution? It better be, because those orange jumpsuits they use at Guantanamo Bay make our waists look huge. (indystar.com)

· Criminals beware: your home burglary caper has a much greater chance of success if you don't take all your clothes off and fall asleep on the couch. We guess they don't teach these things at robber school. (metro.co.uk)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Morning Wood: Almost As Good As Krispy Kreme

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 10:02:21 EST

· With the 24-hour Britney Watch still going strong, Lindsay Lohan must be wondering what she has to expose to get a little attention around here. (drunkenstepfather.com)

· Meanwhile, we're not sure where on this earth the sight of Paris Hilton's exposed nipple is still considered news—except, apparently, the UK. Bless their hearts. (taxidrivermovie.com + CNN)

· To the commenter yesterday who asked how far we're willing to go for a bad sex joke ... when it's this easy, you don't have to go very far. (uweekly.com)

· A 77-year-old Kansas man will not let a couple of prison sentences for interstate transportation of pornography stop him from becoming mayor of his town. They could use more people like him in Washington. (hutchnews.com)

· It turns out that penis size does matter ... to rodents. Fortunately for humans, rats can't drive sports cars. (msnbc.msn.com)

· Having sex makes testosterone levels rise in women, which increases the likelihood of orgasm, which makes women feel sexier ... which leads to more sex, which leads to more testosterone, etc. It's a viciously awesome cycle. (abc.net.au)

· Boobs on Bikes returns to New Zealand: "People say sex and perversion are wrong but look at it - when it's free to the public, half the city comes out." Enough said. (stuff.co.nz)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives