Fleshbot: straight, ouch

The poor fellow underneath the sheet here...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 10:01:00 EDT

The poor fellow underneath the sheet here is not dead—he's merely being extracted from a rather delicate situation. And by that we mean his penis is being extracted from the steel bench that he tried to hump. Just so you know, if you're desperate to try a metal cock ring there are better ways to go about it. (weirdasianews.com)

These Cosmo sex positions are guaranteed...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:22:54 EDT

These Cosmo sex positions are guaranteed to improve your sex life—if you can decipher any of the descriptions and figure out how they are actually done. If we're reading these correctly, we might need to starting dating gymnasts in order pull most of these off. (cosmopolitan.com; image via)

It's true that porn does cause violence—especially...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:27:44 EDT

It's true that porn does cause violence—especially if you watch it when you should be paying attention to your girlfriend who likes to stab things when she's angry. Why do you make porn hurt you like that? (bostonherald.com)

When Cumshots Go Wrong

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 12:37:11 EDT

No one has greater respect for pornstars than we do: their jobs aren't easy, and sometimes things can get downright hazardous. If you think it's all just fun and games and dirtpipe milkshakes, look no further than this clip to show you just how dangerous (not to mention hilarious) things can get. (And if you've got a case of the Mondays right now, watching this video five or six or a hundred times just might the cure for what ails you too.)
· Cum to my face???!!!!! (YouPorn - thanks Blakeley)

Note to ambitious streakers out there: There's...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:05:46 EST

Note to ambitious streakers out there: There's a time and a place for running around in the buff and that place is not an Australian cricket match and that time is not when all-star Andy Symonds is on the field. Hey, it could have been much worse—did you see the size of that guy's bat? (No, we're still talking about the cricket player.) (w/ video @ theage.com.au, via Deadspin)

Dentata.net: Where Vaginas Bite Back

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 11:10:00 EST

With all the talk surrounding "Teeth," the horror-comedy about a girl with some bite in her bush, we've found that we can't stop thinking about vagina dentata ... and it would seem that we're not alone. Dentata.net (which, like the legend itself, predates the movie) collects info, artsy photos and even a comic strip, in an effort to cover all those with fangs down there. Normally, myths about females as ravenous man-eating monsters don't really rev our engines, but there's something strangely sexy about this gallery of women with teeth in their labia. It kind of adds a little extra kick to the experience—but we still advise you to keep your fingers (and other sensitive parts) away from the nice ladies' toothy bits.

· The Vagina Dentata (dentata.net, seen @ indienudes.com + sexisthenewblog.com)
· Vagina Dentata (wikipedia.org)

Nad Shot: Where A Kick In The Balls Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry

Jonnobot — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 11:48:01 EST

Those of us who have testicles (you know who you are) know that getting kicked in them ranks pretty high up there on the list of the more unpleasant things in life, worse perhaps than even tax audits and being forced to listen to Celine Dion on lite radio while waiting for a root canal at the dentist's office. Not so for the contributors to Nad Shot, however: each post lovingly chronicles a superhero or other comic character getting slammed in the nuts by a (usually) female adversary. The whole spectacle might be groin-clecnchingly uncomfortable for some to look at, while for others ... well, if you have to ask whether some people are really turned on by this sort of thing, you haven't been paying attention.

· Nad Shot (nadshot.com, via amaz0ns.com)

Previously: Flesh Flicks: Sometimes, Love Don't Feel Like It Should, Mean Bitches, Humiliatrix, Meet Betka Schpitz,

A man in England had to be rescued by firefighters...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 13:02:08 EST

A man in England had to be rescued by firefighters who had to remove a metal ring from his penis with a ... um ... er ... mini hand grinder. A moment of silence, please. (bbc.co.uk)

A Croatian man was unlucky—really unlucky—when...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 10:20:19 EDT

A Croatian man was unlucky—really unlucky—when he stopped to take a roadside piss and his cock got hit by a bolt of lightning. We have too much sympathy right now to make a lightning rod joke. (news.com.au)

In the annals of bizarre sexual reproduction...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 14:41:48 EDT

In the annals of bizarre sexual reproduction techniques, we're not sure if anything beats the male bat bug who skips over the vagina and impregnates the female by punching a hole in her stomach instead. Ladies, we know that sometimes it feels like that's what your man is trying to do, but he's just probably just really nervous. (yahoo.com)

Adele Haze's Buttocks Are Recuperating Nicely, Thank You

Fleshbot — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 11:55:41 EDT

Where erotic spanking is concerned, there's the kind of playful slaps on the ass you give your lover in bed to add a little naughtiness to your otherwise ordinary sex ... and then there's spanking, the kind with canes and switches that leave deep, nasty-looking welts on a set of creamy butt cheeks for days. As one of the UK's most prominent spanking models and an expert on the "science of artistic suffering", Adele Haze is well acquainted with the latter: her latest blog entry documents the status of her ass after an especially intense spanking shoot a week and a half ago, though if you're squeamish about things like big purple bruises you might want to skip the "before" shots and head straight for the "after" one.

But it's all in a day's work for Adele, who discusses her particular kinks in a way that's forthright, honest, and refreshing: "A while ago I decided that it would be hot to be spanked on camera. So I went out and became a spanking model; it's been fun so far. I don't like sex very much - and don't mix it with spanking, in any case - but I suspect I'd have a hard time convincing folks that a girl who gets her bare bottom smacked on film isn't a sex worker, so I might as well embrace the label." We don't see ourselves adding "professional spanking model" to our own resumes anytime soon, but whatever you want to call her, it's good to see that pros like Adele are handling the responsibilities just fine.

· Adele Haze: "Spanking Model Speaks" (adelehaze.com)

Wet Spots: Here To Corrupt Your World

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 19:14:34 EDT

· Iran declares that porn producers and "their main elements" are "corruptors of the world" and can now be sentenced to death. Hey, we don't make the stuff ... we were just holding on to it for a friend! (cnn.com)

· At eight-and-a-half-months pregnant, Katie Price is almost as big in her stomach as she is in her chest. To be fair, it is two lumps to one. (lustbox.org + toxicmagazine.com)

· A woman in England is going to jail after ripping an ex-boyfriend's testicle off with her bare hands and then trying to eat it. Wow, she makes those guys in Iran seem almost reasonable. (news.bbc.co.uk)

· The fembots are coming! The fembots are coming! Better stock up on the oil. (inventorspot.com)

· After drawing a successful comic book and a successful fake band, it's only natural for an artist to turn to designing luxury vibrators. (pitchforkmedia.com)

· Free speech advocates have been calling on Yahoo to declare a sensible anti-censorship policy and protect human rights on the web. Yahoo shareholders? Not so much. (xbiz.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

The Hidden Dangers Of Porn

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 24 May 2007 11:47:10 EDT

You know those websites that post nothing but videos of skateboarders falling down staircases, little kids getting hit by wiffleball bats, and cars taking out spectators at one of those European road rally races? This video is sort of like a porn version of that. You know what's coming, you want to look away ... but you just can't. It helps to know that everyone walked away unscathed, but when someone is about to get owned on camera, schadenfreude has a way of getting the best of us all. This also a great way to convince people to think twice about their pee fetishes. Not because there's anything weird about it—it's just too scary.

- - -

· That Hurts! (XXXUploads)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archives, YouTube Watch Archives

Wet Spots: Cruelty To Playmates

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 19:45:01 EDT

· PETA uses an innocent, harmless bunny for its own nefarious ends. Who are the real animals? (complex.com)

· If you've bought Astroglide on the web, we know who you are. Seriously, we know who you are because all your personal information is cached on Google. But don't worry, we won't tell anyone. (log.wired.com)

· So a man walks into a restaurant, and then cuts off his own penis. Yeah, there's no punchline after that. (bbc.co.uk)

· DVD sales ... blah blah ... porn industry leads the way for Hollywood ... yada yada ... we're all going broke, etc. (ftd.de)

· Australian veterans celebrate Anzac Day the best way they know how—a nude beach cricket match. They're veterans; who's going to tell them they can't? (abc.net.au)

· What's better than Molly Crabapple's Dr. Sketchy's Anti-Art School? Dr. Sketchy's Anti-Art School ... outdoors! Now that's getting back to nature. (wakingvixen.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Wet Spots: That's Gotta Sting A Little

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 19:47:47 EDT

· You know your 15 minutes are over when your homemade celebrity sex tape is so boring, no one even wants to put it on the internet. Better luck next time, Lauren Conrad! (tmz.com, via Gawker)

· Girls Aloud singer Sarah Harding gets $200,000 to stand around in her bathing suit. How much to see her in the birthday suit? (toxicmagazine.com)

· Attorney General Alberto Gonzales admits that mistakes were made and US Attorneys were fired for not prosecuting enough obscenity cases, but that it's also totally cool and he didn't anything wrong. Says to Congress: "We're still buds, right?" (yahoo.com + avn.com)

· Is that fetish model Sativa Verte shaking her booty on Fuse TV's PantsOff, DanceOff? We know she's an expert at the "pants off" part, but does she have any rhythm? (fuse.tv)

· Ahh, the things journalists will do for a story ... like work as phone sex operator. Still no answer as to which profession is more shady. (ctnow.com, via Boing Boing)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Wet Spots: Monica And Rachel Are Still Just Good Friends

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 18:45:45 EDT

· Jessica Biel will take off her clothes for a movie if it's integral to the plot. Fortunately, her bra plays a very important role in her next film. (tunaflix.com + egotastic.com + drunkenstepfather.com)

· You've got to hand it to a guy who not only exposes himself publicly, but also makes sure to have just the right lighting to show off his junk. (upi.com)

· When the headline reads "Man in unfortunate saw-mill penis incident," you can probably figure out the rest of the story on your own. (metro.co.uk)

· An Australian man came home to find out that not only had he been robbed, the burglars had sex in his bed. If only they'd remembered to steal the sheets, it would have been the perfect crime. (upi.com)

· Don't forget that the big .XXX vote is tomorrow! It's like the feeling you get on Christmas Eve, only ... the exact opposite of that. (theage.com.au)

· Oh right, about that headline: Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston finally fulfileld every "Friends" slash porn fan's dream and kissed on TV! Woohoo! Wait ... that's it? (YouTube, via Defamer)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives