But Mz. Buttaworth is holding out; the first obvious thing is off limits.

"I don't like being spanked," she said. "I like being fucked hard." Joined by 238-lb. Victoria and the randy Euro porn veteran Steve Holmes, who giddily commands them to make a sandwich of his face, Buttaworth is a National Treasure.

Part of Victoria's job is to act as an ass-handler, a job she performs with a flourish of her elegant manicure.

The gently undulating flesh reminds this transfixed observer of the sentient planet of Solaris.

I guess the real winner is Steve Holmes, who has never looked happier.

· Red Light District (clubredlight.com)
· Buy "Heavy Loads" (gamelink.com)