Jane was just about to squirt chocolate on herself, at which point my camera was jostled by ravening lesbians who proceeded to lick it off her.

The event was the Exotic Erotic Ball, a hit or miss affair with heart and soul and plenty of local color. Like this protester's sign, however, the Ball tried to cater to as diverse a group as possible but didn't have its act together. Still, the friendliness of the crowd inside was a very welcome and opposite counterpoint to the real hatred of this group of protesters.

Down south, delightful pixie Aiden Starr auditions for Erica McLean and Carlos Batts' upcoming "Alice in Wonderland" porn adaptation (which will be at least the third this year and, if she gets the role, Starr's second foray through the looking glass).

April Flores, of course, plays the Red Queen. I think that will be awesome.

Across Porn Valley, Ashlynn Brooke plays Sookie in New Sensations' adaptation of "True Blood," scripted by Brooke herself. She is so unbelievably pretty I forgot her clothes were on.

The chameleonic Misty Stone plays Tara (she just found out Lafayette was dead) and Evan Stone plays Evan Stone playing a guy from the show. In the background we see Ralph Long, pulling double duty as a boom operator (we last saw Long as Screech in "This Ain't Saved by the Bell" as well as in "The Sex Files").

Finally we managed to get inside, to Silverlake's Bigfoot Lodge (this reporter's local bar), where at 10 in the morning Misty Stone inspired more wood within the woody surroundings.

Flight Attendants

Studio: X-Play/Adam & Eve
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Kayden Kross, Evan Stone, Hillary Scott, Teagan Presley, Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Misty Stone, Shyla Stylez, Kacey Jordan, Lexi Love, Michelle Maylene, Randy Spears, James Bartholet, Eric John, Jack Lawrence, Eric Swiss, Thomas Ward, Brad Hardy, Kenzi Marie, Chastity Lynn, Farrah Foxx, Dino Bravo, Barry Scott

Review by: Gram Ponante

X-Play's newest film (following last week's "Monday Night Football") continues the company's diversification into porn comedies that aren't based on a particular show. This one draws broadly from "Airplane!" with a healthy dose of Jim Holliday's ensemble pornos of the 90's (Holliday gets namechecked in the movie) as well as Digital Playground's recent successes in occupational porn, "Cheerleaders," "Babysitters," "Nurses," and "Teachers."

A co-production with Adam & Eve like last year's Zero Tolerance/A&E matchup "Rollerdollz," "Flight Attendants" tries so hard to please that it collapses with the effort. Such a large cast means not enough room for everyone to shine, and the story is so needlessly convoluted that you will actually become stupider while watching it.

Q. But Grams, surely you're not saying that you would fault a porn movie for a poorly-executed story. Isn't sex all that matters?
A. While sex is all that matters, at least at this point in our lives, you should probably just buy ten copies of "Flight Attendants," watch each one, and feel your IQ drop by ten points each time. Then you will be this movie's target audience, and will support X-Play's future filmic endeavors.

Multiple uses of flashbacks and dream sequences are neither effective nor funny, the theme song is grating, and the numerous gay and black/urban poor jokes made by and at the expense of performer James Bartholet and openly black performer Misty Stone try too hard to be outrageous and fall flat. It was often amazing how "Flight Attendants" made two subjects that are normally hilarious - race and sexual orientation - unfunny while trying to be "broad."

Speaking of broad, let's talk about the sex.

X-Play has assembled an all-star cast and we slog through way too much plot before any cast members commence to fucking. While there are standout scenes between Shyla Stylez and Randy Spears, the newly-returned Hillary Scott and Barry Scott (no relation), and Kayden Kross and Evan Stone, we don't see nearly enough of Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Teagan Presley, or Lexi Love. And, in an industry where people don't need much of an excuse to have sex, "Flight Attendants" manages to strain credulity.

I think X-Play in particular and parodies in general need to take a vacation.

We know the recent difficulty of making money in porn, and part of the current marketing strategy involves having numerous products on the shelves. X-Play is also playing two sides of the field by releasing movies through distributors Adam & Eve as well as Hustler. But it seems that a company that can make such note-perfect parodies like "Not Married with Children" and "Not the Cosby Show" may have extended its reach this time; "Flight Attendants" did not need to be bad.

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Though the trailer doesn't give away much of the plot, we've heard rumors that Jessie Spano seduces a nerdy cohort through a lecture on saving the dolphins that segues into a lecture on proper cunnlingus technique. Yeah, that totally could have happened on the original show.

· Go Back to School with This Ain't Saved by the Bell XXX (hustlerworld.com)

Jenna Haze's new company, Jennaration X, releases their first interracial title next week, "Sexual Blacktivity," which means that the pint sized princess of porn is preparing to once again blow our minds (as well as other amazingly large objects).

Never one to preach what she can just as easily practice for your viewing pleasure; performer, director, and company owner Jenna Haze jumps right into the thick of the action—which in this case is considerable—demonstrating how she has managed to remain one of our favorite starlets over the years.

First, she takes a powerful fucking from Prince, hard and deep up in her tiny lubricious hole, all the while attempting to make him cum too fast with some of the filthiest trash talk you've ever heard. (We don't know how he made it through the scene as long as he did. We certainly didn't.) Next, she takes on two huge ebony flavored cocks at once, a first time for the award winning sex machine; and follows that up by dressing up as a "little white slut" and letting Rico plow her rubber cunt as hard and deep as he can. To finish it all off, she invites her girlfriend Andy San Dimas over, and hooks the girl up with Sean Michaels (after tasting his legendary tool for herself, of course).

And if that weren't enough, she throws in hot interracial sex scenes with her friends Gianna Michaels, Tori Black, and a reverse scene with sexy ass Misty Stone that had us drooling from start to finish.

"Sexual Blacktivity" comes out next week from Jenna Haze, Jennaration X Studios, and Jules Jordan Video. We were thinking that if you liked hot interracial sex scenes or seeing Jenna Haze get fucked hard by huge black dicks, you know, stuff like that, that you might want to check out the exclusive gallery we got a hold of below. Otherwise just skip it and go back to Better Homes & Gardens. We love you, Jenna!

Jenna Haze
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Yes, we've said the same thing about everyone from Joanna Angel to Dana DeArmond to Stoya to Sasha Grey - and it might very well be someone else next week - but have you ever seen such a pretty face?

We first met Stone on the set of "Not the Cosbys XXX" last year. Her masturbation scene as Denise sent us to a different world. Today she was on the set of "Not Saved By the Bell XXX" playing the hard-loving teacher of Screech et al. Can a porn parody hope to capture her Girl Next Door (with Spread Labia) Adorableness?

The L.A.-born, 420-friendly Stone is only 22. How will we know if she's thinking of us?

· Misty Stone (mistystone.info)

Yesterday was the first day, and the liveblog has already revealed Scott Stone's "Zach" hair, the return of The Max, and—most shockingly of all—which performer was outfitted with a prosthetic nose (any guesses?). The Hustler team will be keeping us posted of updates throughout the rest of the filming...stay tuned for more shocking revelations!

· Live blogging: This Ain't Saved by the Bell XXX Day 1 (hustlerworld.com)

As per usual, we've secured a copy of the porno cast list, and have compared the originals to their doppelgangers to see how everyone stacks up. Your thoughts?

Zack: Mark-Paul Gosselaar
XXX Zack: Scott Stone

Kelly: Tiffani Thiessen
XXX Kelly: Ashlyn Rae

Jessie: Elizabeth Berkley
XXX Jessie: Missy Stone

Lisa: Lark Voorhies
XXX Lisa: Misty Stone

Slater: Mario Lopez
XXX Slater: Mikey Butders

Screech: Dustin Diamond
XXX Screech: Ralph Long

Mr. Belding: Dennis Haskins
XXX Mr. Belding: Eric John

Requisite additional female characters:

Jennifer: Ally Ann

Cheerleader: Nicole Ray

Nerdy Girl: April O'Neal

We, for one, are sad to see that Evan Stone did not make the cut. We're not sure what he would have played, but we would have loved to see a Scott-Missy-Misty-Evan Stone quadfecta (or would that make the earth explode?).

· This Ain't Saved by the Bell XXX Cast List (hustlerworld.com)

So it's with a heavy heart that we must admit that our biggest reaction to "Not The Cosbys" was, well, disappointment. It wasn't the central cast, or the quality of the sex scenes, or the plot, or Thomas Ward as Cliff Huxtable—no, all those things were quite stellar, actually. The thing that left us less than thrilled was actually a (seemingly) minor thing: there were just too many white people in the film.

Now, we're not naive, and we are familiar with porn's...interesting take on race; more to the point, we know that it was already a big deal for X-Play/Hustler to back a project with an all black headlining cast. But was it too much to ask for them to just run with that, and give us a predominantly black "Not The Cosbys"? Apparently so: of the six sex scenes, only one features black-on-black love (well, two if you count Misty Stone's masturbation scene).

But we should tell you more about the things we actually liked about the film.

As with his previous "sitcums," Will Ryder successfully recreates the feel of "The Cosby Show"—especially with the casting of Thomas Ward as Heathcliff Huxtable, clearly a role he was born to play (the man's a shoo-in for Best Non-Sex Performance at the 2010 AVN Awards). The plot, too, is reasonably Cosby-ish: Denise struggles with whether or not to lose her virginity to her boyfriend Malik, Cockroach and Theo sneak into a sexy slumber party, and the family takes a trip to Hillman (our fingers are crossed in the hopes that "Not The Cosbys 2" includes some "A Different World" crossover).

And then, of course, there's the sex: first up is the aforementioned Denise (Misty Stone) masturbation scene (clearly intended to relieve some of the stress of her virginity-related angst). Next we find ourselves following Denise and her boyfriend Malik (Dick James) to a co-ed sleepover, which naturally turns out to be an all out orgy. Uncomfortable with the pressure to perform, Denise leaves—and, of course, her boyfriend stays, and wild sex ensues.

And this is where the feature takes its first—and biggest—misstep. It's an unwritten rule of porn parodies that the more invented characters a porn parody relies on, the weaker it is; so to have the first major sex scene entirely populated with invented characters (and predominantly white ones, at that) is a big strike against the feature.

Thankfully, the rest of the scenes manage to include at least one Cosby character in the mix. Scene Three finds Theo (Tyler Knight) and Cockroach (Tee Real) heading back to the sleepover/orgy, where Theo gets it on with stripper Charmaine (Tori Black); Scene Four is a flashback to Claire's (Monica Foster) time at Hillman, with Danny Mountain as her college boyfriend; Scene Five pairs Vanessa (Melody Nakai) and Cockroach (Tee Real), for some much anticipated all black sex; and, capping it all off, Denise loses her virginity (on her parents' bed, no less!) to Patrick (Scott Lyons) in the very final scene.

In the same way that "The Cosby Show" helped white families across America welcome a middle class black family into their homes, we'd been hoping that "Not The Cosbys XXX" would help white porn consumers enjoy the pleasures of all black love. Alas, it seems we raised our hopes too high. But hey, a big studio feature with this many black performers is still nothing to sneeze at. Here's hoping it's the first step in a more colorful future of porn.

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It's almost amazing that it's taken us this long to touch on the topic—but hey, sometimes it's the simplest pleasures that are the easiest to overlook. In any case, with no further ado, we're pleased to present some of our favorite girls and their very best friends. If you ask nicely, they might even let you join in at playtime (or at least watch the fun).

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*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

Not that that was bad. Jenny Hendrix? Jaelyn Fox? Sara Vandella? Lana Violet? Still, as commenters pointed out, even a porn parody of "The Cosby Show" should have some black people in it. So today I met the full cast, including (from left, top) Tyler Knight as Theo, Misty Stone as Lisa, Monica Foster as Claire, an actor who has not yet chosen his porn name as Cliff (but he had the voice down cold), Cassidy Clay as Sondra and - both the following women are, in fact, 20 - Nina Devan as Rudy and Melody Narai as Vanessa.

The movie is directed by Will Ryder and produced by Scott David, who is also responsible for the 60 costumes for a dozen cast members. "I went to every thrift store in L.A. at least five times," he said.

I was there for two days and I still don't know what the plot is, but everyone was having an excellent time, including the dapper Tee Real, who plays Cockroach (seen here with the delicious Jaelyn Fox) and Dick James, whom I affectionately call Lucky Bastard, seen here with Sara Vandella, Fox, Jenny Hendrix, and Lana Violet.

I posed the obvious question to director Will Ryder.

"So," I said, "do you think - "

"Yes, I think we'll get sued," he said.

· All Media Play (allmediaplay.com)

So why are these women sweeties? Could it be that Aliana Love wears glasses? I know from personal experience that I am only kind to people because I have poor eyesight, in hopes that they won't hide my lunch. Maybe that is why Aliana is a Black Sweety.

What about Amile Waters? While she might not have been the sweetest person at this event, Waters does lick her watch. I didn't get it, but who am I, Sweety Pope?

Finally there was Misty Stone who, in addition to saying all the "shit!"s and "fuck!"s you'd expect in a porn movie, liberally peppered her pillowtalk with "Oh My Goodness!" I thought that was sweet.

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