Tera Patrick’s Porn Star "Pool Party" Restores Hope To A Weary Nation

DCypher — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:00:00 EST

Now that we've crossed the precipice into the cold heart of a lonely winter recession, it's hard to recall the halcyon days behind us. Fading images wistfully haunt our memories like ghostly vapors, as we try to relive those days spent lounging and exploring new levels of excess—like when we had those 17 stunning lesbians come over to the sun drenched West Coast Fleshbot mansion in bikinis and frivolously frolic in and out of the pool in varying states of undress while midgets in diapers lend a vacillating air of depravity and absurdity. And just when we thought it was all a forgotten dream, Tera Patrick goes and releases her latest “all star” lesbian pool party movie... and it all comes rushing back to us. God bless you, Miss Patrick!

If our extensive experience in this area has taught us one thing, it's that we can't bring this many lascivious porn stars together without them eventually fucking each other senseless. And, as we'd expect, Tera Patrick, Daisy Marie, Daisy Dukes, Madison Scott, Kayla Paige, Angie Savage, Mya Luanna, Charmane Star, Lexi Belle, Maya Gates, Shawna Lenee, and several of their friends do exactly that, stripping out of their bikinis and lapping away at each other like kittens enjoying seventeen fresh bowls of cream. The results are disturbingly good, making us feel as immoral and decadent as an AIG executive with a golden parachute after the bail out. Move over, Hef—Tera wants to show you what the grotto should look like every single day of the week.

If anything, Tera's given us hope in a way that even our President Elect can only allude to. While most of us will have to tighten our belts this holiday season, finding pleasure in the simple joys of life, we can always look forward to history repeating itself. Our eyes are glassy after watching these lovely ladies work themselves into a frenzy, dreaming of a time when we will once again be able to blaze up our medical grade hydroponic with freshly minted hundred dollar bills. In fact, with ideas this good, we're thinking Tera for Prez 2012. You with us?

"Tera Patrick’s Pool Party" is available this week.

· Teravision (teravision.com)

"Midget Cum #4": Because Midget Porn Is Forever

Jonnobot — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:35:07 EDT

You would be forgiven for thinking that Incredible Digital’s "Midget Cum #4" was one of those opportunistic porn releases designed to capitalize on current events, seeing how the press release arrived in our inbox on the very same day we heard about a certain high-profile celebrity sex tape involving a certain low-profile celebrity. But in one of those spooky yet delightful coincidences that make life worth living, it seems that the two are completely unrelated: after all, the Verne Troyer thing pretty much came out of nowhere, and the venerable "Midget Cum" series is already on its fourth installment. And although we won't be sure of his credentials until we get our screener, we have no reason to doubt that Baby Gangster is in fact every inch the "larger-than-life midget superstar" the press release tells us he is. So if Mr. Troyer is intending to compete with him for the title, maybe he should watch this first to see how it's done. (Full press release after the jump.)

. . .

Midget Cum #4 – the #1 Midget Seller – Cums at You Again with a Pregger Surprise!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

(Hightstown, NJ) June 26, 2008 – Incredible Digital’s number-one selling midget line cums at you again with its latest release – Midget Cum #4, distributed by IVD Exclusives (www.ivd1.com).

Streeting today, Thursday, June 26, 2008, Midget Cum #4 stars the larger-than-life midget superstar, Baby Gangster. This little person may only be three-and-a-half feet tall, but he sure knows how to reach new levels in female stimulation…even if it means he has to stand on a chair or countertop to get there!

In the DVD, the luckiest midget in the world gets to bang a half-dozen chicks… and they tittie-fuck, give blow-jobs, do it doggie-style, and even brush their teeth with Baby Gangster’s love potion! Midget Cum #4 is also the debut for Baby Gangster’s latest girlfriend, Chloe Veria, a 19-year old Columbian import now steaming up adult lenses. Quasaar Salaam, Lisamelly Vasquez, Mariella Rivera, Incredible and Belli Bardou also star in this latest release. And get this: one of these lovely Latina ladies has a small bun in the oven – but we’re not spilling the proverbial beans on which star shows her pregnant belly in the film! You’ll just have to check out the movie for yourself to see!

· Incredible Digital (incredibledigital.com)

· Order: "Midget Cum #4" (adultdvdempire.com)

Fleshbot: straight, midgets

Tera Patrick’s Porn Star "Pool Party" Restores Hope To A Weary Nation

"Midget Cum #4": Because Midget Porn Is Forever