Oh, who are we kidding. This video has us so excited, we can't control ourselves. Seriously, we're on the verge of selling our firstborn child to get a copy of "Big Wet Asses 15." We might even sell your firstborn child (so you might want to watch out, kids.)

· "Big Wet Asses 15" Trailer! (community.elegantangel.com)
· Buy "Big Wet Asses 15" (gamelink.com)

What's it all about? We often ask ourselves that question as we paw through an endless sea of sticky pictures of girls pulling themselves open for well endowed men. Rarely do we come up with an answer that satisfies us. Before we can get underneath the mystery of our attraction to porn, our puerile fascination, we are once again swept away by another incredible young starlet.

Manuel Ferrara certainly doesn't have the answer, we can tell you that. Nor does he have a comprehensive grasp of the English language, for that matter. Yet somewhere behind his sparkling eyes and that elusive Mona Lisa smile, the man has the virile imagination of a perverted genius, bringing our dark fantasies together with great passion and enthusiasm and once again turning our heads and hearts over to our raging insatiable lust.

His latest release is "Slutty & Sluttier 9," and stars Gianna Michaels, Cecilia Vega, Dana DeArmond, Sindee Jennings, Rebeca Linares, Bobbi Starr, Cindy Crawford, and Alicia Angel behaving like absolute sex maniacs and devouring huge cock into their every orifice. It's nothing short of brilliant, with its increasingly harder and harder scenes progressively building to all out gang bang. Our only concern is that we seem to be growing desensitized to it all. If he keeps giving us this kind of amazing goodness, how will we ever watch normal porn again?

We will let you be the judge.

"Slutty & Sluttier 9" releases soon from Evil Angel. Keep your eyes, and other usable body holes, open and ready.

· Evil Angel (evilangel.com)

. . .

While it's true that more than half of the population is someone's daughter and, unless she was born in a test tube, each of the five women in "Daughter I'd Like To Fuck" is a daughter of somebody, what concerns us is that in only one scene is a woman referred to as a daughter and the scene performed with that motivation in mind. Shame!

For three of the first four scenes, the movie might as well have been called "Friend of My Own Teenager I'd Like to Fuck." And that is enough of a bait and switch, but then Mr. Pete labels teen seductress Jessica Steele as "my daughter's nanny."

Don't get me wrong; if this movie were shipped with no title and I was instructed to sit down and watch it with a friendly "It's porn —you'll like it!^TM," well, you're damn right I would. That London Keys is like a brunette trampoline that can also text you.

It is only the final scene, when minx Dani Jensen hits on Michael Stefano, her dad's friend and mechanic, that we see the full complexity of a true DILF experience, which combines elements of betrayal, cradle-robber guilt, and the thrill of mentoring someone whose 19-year-old boyfriend is really into Jason Mraz.

"I really need to get back to working on the car," says a tortured Stefano, inching ever closer.

"Why don't you get to working on me?" Jensen says.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "Daughter I'd Like To Fuck" (gamelink.com)

Think of a better name for these asses, won't you? Something that fills us with joy, like last week's winner.

· Michael Stefano (wikipedia.org)
· Buy "Michael Stefano's Outrageous Asses" (gamelink.com)