Fleshbot: straight, julia ann

Elegant Angel Announced 2010's "Performers Of The Year"

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 17:30:01 EST

True, we've all got our own opinions on which adult stars should be crowned as the performers of the year—but Elegant Angel's "Performers of the Year 2010" makes a pretty compelling case for its choices.

With Tori Black, Kristina Rose, Jenna Haze, Julia Ann, Kagney Linn Karter, Bobbi Starr, and Alexis Texas, Elegant Angel's put together a formidable team of all-stars to carry them into the new year. Sure, there are a few names we'd love to see added to the list...but we wouldn't dream of saying no to a single one of these names. Especially when sex is on the table.

· Performers of the Year 2010 (elegantangel.com)

Unleash Your Love For Lisa Ann In The "Wet" Contest

Ottimo Massimo — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 13:30:01 EST

Are you prepared to do battle with another contest and win the hand of Lisa Ann? Oh you better be.

Not that we're playing favorites, but Lisa Ann inspires us in ways few others can. She's won America's hearts (and genitals) with her Sarah Palin prowess, but she's also a golden girl in tons of other markets: MILF porn, interactive porn, huge tit porn, and POV porn in Santa gear, to name a few.

We figured it's about time to give back to the woman who's given so much to us. How? First, watch this video of Lisa and Julia Ann getting soaked, and then...

Write an ode to Lisa Ann. You can do it however you like: poems, flash fictions, and confessions are all accepted here. For example:

Her masterpiece smile
was painted wry and private:
Mona Lisa Ann

And that came from the heart.

Post your entries in the comments section. A week from now, we'll post the winning ode, and the author will receive a free copy of Wet. Good deal, right?

We still have to hold up our end of the bargain. Last week's contest produced some pretty astounding superheroes. All of the entries were certainly Stan Lee-worthy, and would undoubtedly make for some interesting hentai (future job, anyone?).

Once again, Beaker's work deserves mention: his Muffin Man and Wanker Woman would be the perfect poster children for a (very loose) safe sex campaign.

I personally felt a strong connection with doomsaber's villain: Penile Justice's arch nemesis, Bukkakia, is a former russian kgb spy who feeds off the seed of man. By performing sexual deeds (jerking off) to her victims and swallowing or being covered w/ their seed, Bukkakia has the ability to control any man she desires. Can't you see Bukkakia making a guest appearance in "Alexis Texas Is Buttwoman"?

But only one superhero can save our world from lonely nights and Barry Manilow, and that superhero is MalzyWheels, aka Sparky Joystick:

Malzywheels - By day a mild-mannered, disappointingly sexless disabled guy in a wheelchair who never garnishes a second look.

By night he becomes Sparky Joystick - A human electrified dildo who can find any Gräfenberg spot, no matter how elusive it is.

To maintain his superhuman stamina, Sparky Joystick requires a inhuman number of Kahlua sombreros, big, jiggly tits, and a electric wheelchair battery charger.

Not many things sap Sparky Joystick's power, but his mortal enemies all know that any song sung by Barry Manilow will turn this hero, sent from the Eros Nebula, into a puddle of mush.

The night has a thousand orgasms. All hail Sparky Joystick.

All hail, indeed. We're not sure what a "human electrified dildo" looks like, but we're glad to have one around. Congratulations, MalzyWheels! We'll be contacting you through your profile page to let you know how to claim your prize.

· Photo of literary Lisa Ann via The Lisa Ann (thelisaann.com)

Lisa Ann And Julia Ann Are Slippery When Wet

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 12:00:00 EST

Julia Ann and Lisa Ann may have a last name in common, but rest assured, these MILFtastic performers are not sisters. They're just best friends. Best friends who like to make out. While naked. And wet.

In short, they're our favorite kind of best friends: the kind that fuel (and reward!) our voyeuristic tendencies.

· Buy "Wet" (tlavideo.com)

Do You Believe In Magic?

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:00:00 EDT

Do you believe in magic? We hope you do...you'll always see Julia Ann having sex by a pool... (that's how that song goes, right?) Well, uh, even if it doesn't, there's certainly something magical about this clip.

Specifically, Julia Ann having sex. That shit is straight up magic, you know?

· Buy "Sex Magician" (gamelink.com)

Gianna Michaels And Ava Rose Take It Up The Ass: The Trailer

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 11:30:01 EDT

Er, excuse us, we meant to say, "Here's the trailer for 'Big Wet Asses 15.'" Sure, it does have Gianna Michaels and Ava Rose doing anal for the very first time...but there's no need to be crass about it, right?

Oh, who are we kidding. This video has us so excited, we can't control ourselves. Seriously, we're on the verge of selling our firstborn child to get a copy of "Big Wet Asses 15." We might even sell your firstborn child (so you might want to watch out, kids.)

· "Big Wet Asses 15" Trailer! (community.elegantangel.com)
· Buy "Big Wet Asses 15" (gamelink.com)

MILF Fans Rejoice Smash's "Best of Cheating Housewives" Release

DCypher — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 15:00:00 EDT

When we think of some of our favorite MILF's of all time names like Lisa Ann, Nina Hartley, Vicky Vette, Lisa Ann, Nikita Denise, and Tiffany Minx come to mind. Apparently, Smash thinks a lot like we do. Interesting.

That's why they've gone and compiled the best scenes they had from their award-winning MILF series to create 'The Best of Cheating Housewives' featuring an all star cast. Seriously, every single scene in this release is a fucking winner. That's powerful stuff in today's sagging porn market.

Lisa Ann gets power drilled by Ben English in a playful grudge fuck between two of Porn Valley's most powerful porn agents. Lisa demonstrates her Gumby-esque superpowers, exhibiting both alacrity and a surprising limberness, all the while locking her hungry stare on Ben's and demanding more. Their scene alone is compelling enough to carry this title, but that's just the start.

Sweet OG MILF Vicky Vette takes a sugary ride on her partner's candy cane, her luscious pink gash greedily slurping up every hard inch with her picture perfect lips drooling hot nectar onto his balls.

Sexy legend Nina Hartley proves why she's a sex educator, among other amazing things, by taking two of the biggest black shadow sticks in the history of porn at the same time—one of which looks surprisingly like that Rico the Destroyer guy. Any other performer would crumble under the pressure of proving pleasure to these two over endowed gentlemen, but Hartley has the situation well in hand as she devours both up her hungry holes.

Julia Ann is always a pleasure to watch, particularly with thug life Derrick Pierce expertly drilling her to high pitched ecstasy—and we never turn down the chance to watch Tiffany Minx or sultry diva bitch Nikita Denise take a hard pounding in their prime.

With all this MILFing goodness, the only thing left to ask is who's going to watch the children when they start working on racking up scenes for volume 2?

"Best of Cheating Housewives" drops next week from Smash Pictures. Get a babysitter then go pick up your copy.

Nina Hartley

Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
Nina Hartley

Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
Julia Ann

Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
Lisa Ann

Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
Nikita Denise

Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
Tiffany Minx

Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)
Vicky Vette

Smash Pictures (smashpictures.com)

Best Friends Should Fuck Together: Julia Ann And Lisa Ann

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:30:01 EDT

You know how you can tell when girls are really, truly best friends? When they schedule sex scenes with each other just so they'll get a chance to spend some time together and catch up. Or, er, maybe that's just Lisa Ann and Julia Ann (no relation).

Pictured at left: Lisa Ann and Julia Ann feature "dancing" in Finland, where rules about onstage behavior are much, much more lax than they are here in the States.

· Big Boob Wednesday: Julia Ann (xfanz.com)

Belladonna: Both Sides Now

Gram Ponante — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 11:30:01 EDT

Of the many honors bestowed at last night's 25th annual X-Rated Critics' Organization (XRCO) Awards, no one was recognized for her range better than our Belladonna.

Belladonna collects awards at these events like people think she's going to return to the Mother Ship any minute, so that Belladonna (or Belladonna-related products, like "Pirates II" and "Girltrain") picked up five awards last night is not surprising.

It is simply that she landed both "Orgasmic Oralist" and "Orgasmic Analist," two awards that are themselves particular to the XRCO and which signify that Belladonna has 'em coming and going (and not to be confused with the porn practice of "Ass to Mouth").

The XRCO is the most democratic of the adult awards shows and, I am sad to say, my vote was not cajoled out of me by Sasha Grey (Mainstream Media Darling), Bobbi Starr (Superslut), Belladonna, Teagan (Cumback), or Julia Ann (MILF of the Year). Maybe next year...

Had there been an "Orgasmic Nasalist" award, we are certain she would have won that, too. Belladonna is just that good.

· XRCO (xrco.com)

Andrew Blake Crams All The World's Hottest Women Into One Amazing DVD

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 16:00:00 EDT

This morning, we found an envelope on our desks. Inside the envelope was a thumbdrive (wrapped in bubblewrap), loaded up with a porno trailer. What kind of hotness could possibly require this level of protection?

Why, nothing short of Andrew Blake's "5 Stars," a breathtaking collection of some of Blake's most memorable scenes, starring some of the most memorable women ever to fuck on film. Aria Giovanni, Janine Lindemulder, Sasha Grey, Tera Patrick, and Dita Von Teese are the "five stars" in question: and in case that collection of leading ladies isn't enough to put you in a stupor, the cast of co-stars includes Anita Blond, Regina Hall, Justine Joli, Dahlia Grey, Nina Kornikova, Kelle Marie, Kim Wilde, Faith Leon, Temptress, Sierra, Victoria, Julia Ann, Claire Adams and Paula Price.

We don't know about you, but we think we'll be calling in sick the minute we get our hands on a copy of this masterpiece.

· Andrew Blake (andrewblake.com)

As Real As It Gets: "Dirty Rotten Mother Fuckers 2"

DCypher — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 16:10:37 EDT

As we've noted before, the burden of proof with most MILF titles these days is left up to the consumer—and with the number of MILF titles studios keep churning out, that's a lot of, uh, burden. So it's refreshing to see director Chris Streams releasing a MILF title that actually features women over 30. And how do we know they're thr real deal? Well, in some cases we've seen them performing in adult films for a minimum of six or seven years—which would at least make them around 25 or so. Also? The title is kind of clever in a crude sort of way. So there's that too.

In fact, "Dirty Rotten Mother Fuckers 2" doesn’t pull any punches anywhere. The video shows just enough wrinkles, stretch marks, and imperfectly proportioned rack jobs to make us believe we're watching insatiable cougar types in action—and we mean all of that in the best possible way. After all, you wouldn't want to buy or rent a title like this and see Veronica Rayne looking like a dewy-fresh barely legal ingenue, would you? No, you would not: you want to see her handling two studs at once as only a mature woman of experience can. And she does.

"Dirty Rotten Motherfuckers 2" also stars Brittany O’Connell, Holly Halston, Julia Ann, Monique, Jada Fire, Diamond Jackson, and Raquel Devine.

• "Dirty Rotten Mother Fuckers 2" (DVD info + more previews @ julesjordanvideo.com)