Flight Attendants

Studio: X-Play/Adam & Eve
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Kayden Kross, Evan Stone, Hillary Scott, Teagan Presley, Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Misty Stone, Shyla Stylez, Kacey Jordan, Lexi Love, Michelle Maylene, Randy Spears, James Bartholet, Eric John, Jack Lawrence, Eric Swiss, Thomas Ward, Brad Hardy, Kenzi Marie, Chastity Lynn, Farrah Foxx, Dino Bravo, Barry Scott

Review by: Gram Ponante

X-Play's newest film (following last week's "Monday Night Football") continues the company's diversification into porn comedies that aren't based on a particular show. This one draws broadly from "Airplane!" with a healthy dose of Jim Holliday's ensemble pornos of the 90's (Holliday gets namechecked in the movie) as well as Digital Playground's recent successes in occupational porn, "Cheerleaders," "Babysitters," "Nurses," and "Teachers."

A co-production with Adam & Eve like last year's Zero Tolerance/A&E matchup "Rollerdollz," "Flight Attendants" tries so hard to please that it collapses with the effort. Such a large cast means not enough room for everyone to shine, and the story is so needlessly convoluted that you will actually become stupider while watching it.

Q. But Grams, surely you're not saying that you would fault a porn movie for a poorly-executed story. Isn't sex all that matters?
A. While sex is all that matters, at least at this point in our lives, you should probably just buy ten copies of "Flight Attendants," watch each one, and feel your IQ drop by ten points each time. Then you will be this movie's target audience, and will support X-Play's future filmic endeavors.

Multiple uses of flashbacks and dream sequences are neither effective nor funny, the theme song is grating, and the numerous gay and black/urban poor jokes made by and at the expense of performer James Bartholet and openly black performer Misty Stone try too hard to be outrageous and fall flat. It was often amazing how "Flight Attendants" made two subjects that are normally hilarious - race and sexual orientation - unfunny while trying to be "broad."

Speaking of broad, let's talk about the sex.

X-Play has assembled an all-star cast and we slog through way too much plot before any cast members commence to fucking. While there are standout scenes between Shyla Stylez and Randy Spears, the newly-returned Hillary Scott and Barry Scott (no relation), and Kayden Kross and Evan Stone, we don't see nearly enough of Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Teagan Presley, or Lexi Love. And, in an industry where people don't need much of an excuse to have sex, "Flight Attendants" manages to strain credulity.

I think X-Play in particular and parodies in general need to take a vacation.

We know the recent difficulty of making money in porn, and part of the current marketing strategy involves having numerous products on the shelves. X-Play is also playing two sides of the field by releasing movies through distributors Adam & Eve as well as Hustler. But it seems that a company that can make such note-perfect parodies like "Not Married with Children" and "Not the Cosby Show" may have extended its reach this time; "Flight Attendants" did not need to be bad.

Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)
Sitcums (sitcums.com)
Buy "Flight Attendants" (cduniverse.com)

Like all good porn parodies, "Scrubs XXX" closely mimics the look and feel of its inspiration, from copying the opening credits to copying the pacing, humor and jokes. As the trailer demonstrated, "Scrubs XXX" really gets "Scrubs"—always an admirable quality in a porno parody.

However, it's worth noting that anyone who's seen the trailer has pretty much seen the bulk of this porn's plot. To be fair, there are some good jokes and bits that don't make it in to the two minute reel—but if you're looking for an indepth story beyond a simple "J.D. gets everyone laid"... this is not the "Scrubs" porn parody for you.

If, on the other hand, you're looking for a porn parody that intersperses the feel of the show with a whole, whole lot of hot sex, then you've definitely met your match. The cast of "Scrubs XXX" performs just as well out of their scrubs as they do in them (wait, no: they perform even better when they're out of them). In particular, we were partial to the first and last sex scenes. Sex scene one has James Deen flashing back to his med school days, which apparently involved more in-hospital threeways (with the lovely Joanna Angel and Alexis Texas) than, um, actual studying; the final scene joins Deen, Ashlynn "Ellie" Brooke, and Kris "The Ted" Slater. Do we have a thing for James Deen? Or do we just like threeways? We'll let you decide that one.

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" is available through its sweet website. We suggest you buy two copies and call us in the morning.

Ashlynn Brooke

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Tori Black

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Tori Black and Jack Lawrence

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Tori Black and Jack Lawrence

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
James Deen and Ashlynn Brooke

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Kris Slater, Ashlynn Brooke, and James Deen

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Missy Stone

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Ralph Long

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Ralph Long and Missy Stone

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Thea Marie

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Shane Diesel

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Alexis Texas

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Alexis Texas

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Joanna Angel

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Joanna Angel, Alexis Texas, and James Deen

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Joanna Angel, Alexis Texas, and James Deen

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)
Joanna Angel, Alexis Texas, and James Deen

"Scrubs - A XXX Parody" (scrubsxxx.com)

Star Trix: Deep Penetration

Studio: Muffia
Director: uncredited
Cast: Jack Lawrence, Jayden Jaymes, Ryder Skye, Taylor Starr

Review by: Gram Ponante

Miami Internet studio Muffia offers a host of intriguing previews on this DVD, all featuring juicy, stripper/predator Florida-based talent (some of whom we've included in the gallery) with a smattering of Porn Valley transplants.

But "Star Trix," despite the efforts of Jack Lawrence as an understated but fully committed Shatner impersonator and Ryder Skye as a "Stringon" in one of her final boy/girl scenes (she has since moved on to the ladies exclusively), acts like painting Jayden Jaymes green and switching some names around is enough for a porn movie.

There are exactly three sex scenes in this movie, one with Jaymes, one with the listless Taylor Starr as "Uhora," and Skye's interlude with "Shock" at the end, but despite Lawrence's and Skye's best efforts, the movie seems directionless. Indeed, there is no director credited with the effort.

But "Star Trix" is a curiosity as an example of a low-budget, half-hearted attempt to cash in on something that needn't have been, and the best thing about it is the one area on Jaymes that the green paint didn't touch, and where my eyes were drawn as if to a millennial minstrel show.

We're not saying that the porn parody vein (yes, we said "vein") is tapped, but you've got to make some effort, because fans can spend their ejaculate anywhere.

· Muffia (muffia.com)
· Buy "Star Trix: Deep Penetration" (tlavideo.com)

...as in, on the set of Axel Braun's epic Hustler release "This Ain't Happy Days XXX," released just last week. Seriously Flame, you will be missed. No one does it better than you, baby. We wish you well at whatever you choose to do—but you will always be our favorite li'l stoner pornstar.

A huge fan of the show, even as a young lad growing up in Italy, Braun wrote the masterpiece and directed it himself, centering the plot around Richie and the gang trying to learn from Fonzie the right stuff to score with the poodle skirts. Honestly, we never expected to see anyone other than Sam the Butcher giving Alice the meat, but Axel's imagination is as fertile as Octomom's womb.

"This Ain't Happy Days XXX" is out right now. It features an all-star cast, including Tori Black, Penny Flame, Missy Stone, Alan Stafford, Codi Carmichael, Riley Evans, Kris Slater, Jack Lawerence, Anthony Rosano, James Bartholet, Raquel Devine and the ever-cool stud Tommy Gunn as The Fonz. Be sure to pick up a copy—it's what The Fonz would want.

· Hustler (hustlervideo.com)

Indeed, the credits don't even run until after a full sex scene—Regan Reese as the pornstar Alexi blowing a stunned and confused Gilligan (played by Anthony Rosano)—has already run its course. And the rest of the movie pretty much follows in this vein.

"This Ain't Gillgan's Island XXX" is not so much a pornified "Gilligan's Island" as the characters of "Gilligan's Island" haphazardly dropped into a porn movie (a more fitting title might have been "Gilligan's Island Meets Porn Valley."). To the extent that there's a plot, it's mostly about the porn crew tricking the unwitting island inhabitants into becoming the stars of their film.

Indeed, it's not until the fifth sex scene that we even see two characters from the show in flagrante delicto—the first four scenes feature Gilligan, Mary Ann, Ginger, and the Professor being seduced in quick succession by pornstars; and then, the first sex scene which doesn't involve a pornstar is, oddly, the Skipper and Mrs. Howell, a combination that really just confused us.

Things do pick up after that, with a threeway scene featuring Ginger, Mary Ann, and Gilligan, but then, alas, it's all over, with a rather unsatisfying, slapdash ending.

Then again, these complaints only matter if you're actually looking for a porn that's somehow true to the story of "Gilligan's Island"—if you're a loyalist who'd desperately like to see an erotic reimagining of the tale of the passengers and crew of the S.S. Minnow.

If, on the other hand, you're more interested in watching hot sex scenes featuring the likes of Regan Reese, Sindee Jennings, Ryder Skye, Daryl Hanah, Anthony Rosano, Evan Stone, Jack Lawrence, Tom Fontana, and Voodoo, well, get ready to fastforward through the minimal plot and enjoy.

*****

Previously: "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX": Our Latest Guilty Pleasure Porn Parody

In a never ending sea of emulation, one high caliber release must compete against another as they vie for the title of Porn Parody of the Year—a category which doesn't quite yet exist, but which should and probably will soon. Sitting idly by and watching our favorite childhood television series, particularly the ones that dominated holiday television marathons, get transformed into tawdry pornographic vehicles for cheap kicks (and piles of money) gives us quite a thrill, to be honest. It's become our newest guilty pleasure.

Which is why when we got our hands on the stills from impending Hustler release, "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX" from Anton Slayer, we couldn't wait a day before sharing them with you. Our greedy little hearts did a back flip to see that the all-star cast included Anthony Rosano as Gilligan, Ryder Skye as Ginger, Sindee Jennings as Mary Ann, Jack Lawrence as the Professor, Rod Fontana as the Skipper, Darryl Hannah as Mrs. Howell and Dick Nasty as Thurston Howell III, along with performances by Voodoo, Evan Stone, Regan Reese and Jason Silver.

Slayer, who also directed "This Ain't the Munsters XXX," was given free reign to explore the series and came up with a three hour tour de force we won't soon forget. Honestly, we've been waiting since puberty to really see someone nail Ginger (who may indeed have been the very first red we ever fell for). Not to mention Mary Ann, whose youthful exuberance and downright upbeat attitude make us want to drill her at full bunny speed until the juice runs down her legs and into her jean shorts. That pearly white smile has been taunting us for years, demanding that we drop a freshly churned load of fuck butter onto her grill and call it a day.

"This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX" is slated for release at the end of April, but you can check out a peek now because, you know, we're Fleshbot. Enjoy.

· Hustler (hustlervideo.com)

Leading off this installment is Kirra Lynne, caught getting into character for the movie "Oh No! There's A Negro in my Daughter! 2." Guess what part she played?

Golf Cougar Persia is seen here lounging on the bed she purchased as an accessory to that dress. Persia is 50 and we have a crush on her.

A spring chicken by comparison, Tina Tyler poses at a Porn Valley landmark.

The cast of New Sensations' "Scrubs XXX" in a location we actually had to sign an NDA about. Porn is so silly. But Ashlynn Brooke is deadly, deadly serious.

Observed through the window of a North Hollwood 7-11, Hollie Stevens chats on the phone while buying a replacement lighter. On the other line? Jesus Christ Himself.

Finally, here's the delightful April Flores decked out in flapper garb for the Hollywood premiere of "Voluptuous Biker Babes."

And not only have they announced the production—they've also announced the cast list. So how do the pornstars match up to their mainstream doppelgangers?

Scrubs: Dr. Elliot Reid (Sarah Chalke)
XXX Scrubs: Ellie (Ashlynn Brooke)

Scrubs: Nurse Carla Espinosa (Judy Reyes)
XXX Scrubs: Marla (Thea Marie)

Scrubs: Dr. John Michael "J.D." Dorian (Zach Braff)
XXX Scrubs: DJ (James Deen)

Scrubs: Dr. Christopher "Chris" Duncan Turk (Donald Faison)
XXX Scrubs: Dirk (Shane Diesel)

Scrubs:Dr. Percival "Perry" Ulysses Cox (John C. McGinley)
XXX Scrubs: Larry (Jack Lawrence)

Scrubs: The Janitor (Neil Flynn)
XXX Scrubs: The Janitor (Ralph Long)

Of course, "Scrubs" is a rather male-heavy show... and porn tends to be a lady-heavy enterprise (even when it's not a heavy lady enterprise). So what's an enterprising porn company to do? Why, just make up a bunch of female characters—or change men on the show into women! The following pornstresses listed on the cast list could not be automatically identified as having "Scrubs" counterparts:

Tina (Joanna Angel)

Vicki (Alexis Texas)

Jayden (Tori Black)

Shelly (Missy Stone)

But hey... all's well that ends in orgasm, right?

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Hospital Orgy via NS Honeys (nshoneys.com)

There are a few rare humans who are born without the capacity for jealousy and clinging possessiveness. For the rest of us, it's something we are indoctrinated into at an early age and, through tremendous personal growth, attempt unshackle ourselves of as we shed layers of social programming and enjoy the ineffable fruits of our efforts. Though the path is difficult and arduous, what awaits just beyond the jealousy is the fulfillment of sexual desires so thoroughly and deeply buried in your right now that you aren't even conscious of them. Trust us. They're in there, just waiting for you to do the work to free your mind.

Back in the 70's, the idea of wife swapping reached public acceptance with the introduction of "key parties"—a cultural phenomenon that played to the strengths of free love and uninhibited group sex. The idea was simple: as couples filed into the party, the men would drop their car keys into a fish bowl. Wives would then blindly draw out a set and partner up with whomever they belonged to. Famed sex author and Fleshbot friend Tristan Taormino asserts in "Opening Up," her new book on polyamory, that this concept was allegedly spawned amongst married Navy personal in San Diego.

Since then, the climate of America has been radically transformed—ironically, by many of the same people. The former agents of free love have given in to a moral panic that's usurped sexual exploration, transforming it into a benignly flavorless stew harnessing the energy more for reproduction than recreation.

Which is why the latest release from Pink Visual, "Wife Swap Volume 6" is so refreshing. At no point during the action do we get the sense that there's anything out of the ordinary in the behavior of these loving, sexually liberated couples. In fact, Evie Delatosso, Kelly Kline, Mario Rossi, Richard Kline, Jack Lawrence, Puma Swede, Shy Love, Steven St.Croix, Emilianna, Joe Rock, Kayla Paige, Will Powers, Barry Scott, Dick Delaware, Lacey Love, Lindsay Love, Burke, Jack Vegas, Tina Tink, and Veronica Rayne couldn't be happier to be swinging back and forth with each other.

We could all learn a lot from these post Nietzschean darlings about living more human than human. But for now, just kick back as a casual observer and enjoy this fine set of promotional pictures provided by Pink Visual.

"Wife Swap, Volume 6" releases this week, heralding what could be a brave new world.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)

But since we've been impressed by the previous installments of the Expert Guide series, we figured we'd give this one a shot. And, true to form, Tristan impressed us with her efforts. Rather than setting itself up as the end all, be all of threesomology, the "Expert Guide to Threesomes" acts more as a general guide to group sex.

In the educational intro, Tristan explains different threesome configurations, lays out some basic rules, and goes over different roadblocks and pitfalls encountered by couples looking to have a threesome. While its no guarantee of a problem-free debut into the world of group sex, the "Expert Guide" is a good way for couples to open up a discussion about going beyond a twosome—and even if end up deciding that the threeway isn't your way, you'll still get to watch some hot group sex porn.

· Vivid-Ed (vivid-ed.com)

See more snaps after the gap.

. . .

The delightful Page Morgan couldn't even get into the bar where the party for Vena Virago's "Eastside Story" was held. Why? Because she was only 19, the poor thing. She gamely posed on some motorcycles outside. When we attempted the same pose, we were beaten and horribly mutilated.

Karlie Montana, Ava Rose, and Tommy Gunn discuss their motivation for an upcoming scene. Strangely enough, those are the outfits they were wearing on the way in.

Kylie Ireland explains the finer points of applied dildology to Lorelei Lee and Princess Donna on the set of a Slutwerks movie.

We were just a little bit in love with this series of photos from the filming of "Barely Legal 75" this summer, as well we should have been. Here I ask the girls to channel their favorite emo artists.

Newly-minted Fleshbot Crush Object Jenny Hendrix on one of her phones wearing one of her extensions. Both the extensions and the phone were gone by the end of the year.

Finally, evil pixie Aiden Starr stopped by the offices of Fleshbot West recently and just stood there. That's all we really needed.

Thanks so much for a wonderful year, Fleshbot readers!

* * * * *

Previously: Popshots Archive