If that's not depressing enough, try the dildo that puts you on a self-imposed sex strike based on the measurements of certain political and social facts. For example, if you set a "tolerance limit" of two Iraqi civilian deaths a day, then on any day where civilian deaths in Iraq exceed that number, the vibrator is locked out and you can't use it. No one dies and you're free to jack it! Awesome! Also creepy!

Obviously, these inventions are more Statements than useful masturbatory devices—it's probably better to imagine how a 8.5 quake would rock your hoo-hah instead of waiting for one. But the attempt to tie your daily orgasms to events affecting other people on Earth is a fascinating concept.

Both of these projects are being developed by a group called Cho-Yaba to compete for the "Golden Kleene" award at the next Arse Elektronika this fall. We're very interested in seeing the final results, even if given what we've seen so far their third as-yet-unveiled project—something called the "Perpetual Erection Machine"—is almost too spooky to contemplate. Even for us.

· a series of controversial dildonics (free.fr, via Slashdong)
· Controversial Dildonics (cho-yaba.com)
· Arse Elektronika 2008 (monochrom.at)

The secret to being a good inventor is to take a successful existing product—house slippers, remote control, lamp—and add a clock boobs. Now you've got something clever that can easily be marketed in your finer novelty shops and truck stop kiosks! As you can see from the examples featured in this online roundup of boobified products, these trinkets are stylish, creative, fun to play with and, most of all, classy. Everybody loves to feel and be felt up, so if you're looking for a few last minute items to fill up those Easter baskets, you can never go wrong with any toy that somehow resembles a woman's breast. In fact, we're just thinking out loud over here, but a vibrating boob hand massager might even look good on the desk of your favorite hard-working porn blogger. We're just saying.

· "10 Ways to Have Fun with Boobs" (americaninventorspot.com)

Previously: Vintage Hussy Trucker Hats: Feel The Irony!, Bravissimo: Big Bras For Big Boobs, The Inch Perfect: "How Deep Is Your Love?", Unusual Underwear, Fleshbot's Valentine's Day Gift Guide

In case merely looking at sexy furniture pics was leaving you a bit frustrated, you might be interested in this interview starring Fleshbot Gal Friday Violet Blue (we're not sure which version), who went booty-to-booty with Slashdong's qDot at SXSW in Austin last week to unveil his latest teledildonic invention: the Twitterdildonic sofa, which uses a text feed from the already buzzworthy Twitter miniblogging service in conjunction with a software-engineered Rez Trance Vibrator to create the world's "first augmented reality couch". Even though he modestly calls his new tech mashup "completely useless", qDot has supplied the source code for anyone who wants to rig up one of these to replace that old Barcalounger in the living room—though all it takes is one look at Violet's face while she's sitting on the prototype during the interview to convince us that IKEA needs to start mass production on these things immediately. Who knows—it might even make sitting there looking at boring celebrity sex tapes all evening something to actually look forward to!

· "new getv episode: twitterdildonics and qdot" and "Twitterdildonic Stimulation" (QuickTime video @ tinynibbles.com + GETV)
· "Twitterdildonics" (slashdong.org)
· Twitter (twitter.com)
· "Mini-blog is the talk of Silicon Valley" (msnbc.msn.com)

Previously: The Ooh!, Porn Vegas Dispatch: Virtual Holes and Virtual Sticks, Marital Aid Test Kitchen: The Delldo, The Wiibrator, Sexy Furniture by Mario Philippona, Sonny Black Dungeon Furniture, Italian Sex Chair, Furniture Porn Movie, More Furniture Porn