A Real Swinger's Orgy

Studio: Private
Director: Kink.com
Starring: Peter Acworth, Princess Donna, Mr. Big, Maestro, Bella Rossi, Sarah Shevon, Sindee Jennings, Annie Cruz, Chery Torn, Catrina Cummings, Lilla Katt, Hollie Stevens, Savannah West, Amber Keen, Mason, Mark Davis, Mr. Pete, Derrick Pierce, John Strong, Mister Torn, Ed Vincent, Curt Wooster, Dean Strong, Trina Cox, Ryker, Danger Girl, Amber Rayne

Review by: Gram Ponante

Peter Acworth has a problem. He has impulsively made a promise to a very big client that he will film an epic swinger orgy at the massive Armory Building in San Francisco, which he happens to own as president of Kink.com.

Once he gets the go-ahead to begin shooting, he must then populate the event and dress the room, two things that anyone who knows Peter Acworth also knows he will have no problem doing. But, for purposes of this delightful, documentary-style porn Kink.com made in association with Private, we watch the British Acworth get all Hugh Grant nebbishy and tie himself into knots as the big day gets closer.

He approaches the always interesting Princess Donna in a bar. Here she plays a forgotten trophy wife. In a line that I will use shamelessly, he says, "If you are short of something to do, you should come to my sex party."

Various storylines unfold: a "Pina Colada"-style "I didn't know that you liked sex in public" misunderstanding between Mark Davis and his doctor (both show up at the Armory at the same time), a husband who thinks his wife is a prude, even though she looks exactly like Princess Donna, and a hapless cameraman whose real dream is to be in front of the camera, you know, fucking (when put to the test, he can't unload in time but, unlike in most porn, this fellow has a story arc).

Kink.com, which is known for hardcore fetish sites like Ultimate Surrender, Wired Pussy, and Men In Pain, is no stranger to suspension—as in naked girls dangling from ropes—but this is suspension of disbelief. We gladly check our cynicism at the door as the movie asks us to forget things we already know but then charmingly ties everything back together.

Orgy Day comes and the Armory looks great. A group of naked porn stars arrive, such as Sindee Jennings, Annie Cruz (rarely seen in Porn Valley anymore—it's good to know where she's been hiding), the adorable Sarah Shevon, beautiful, lush redheads Bella Rossi and Cherry Torn, and reliable porn dudes Mr. Pete and Derrick Pierce, all of them there to get the party started.

And that is what the final 80 percent of "A Real Swinger's Orgy" is: fucking, mixed with unobtrusive but satisfying plot resolutions.

Mark Davis, veteran woodsman that he is, cannot resist giving directions in a manner that would get a younger man kicked out of bed. Acworth, ever the fidgety host, flits here and there with seltzer bottles and drink orders, Sindee Jennings can be heard shrieking across the room, soaking all that nice antique furniture. At one point Mr. Pete is servicing Shevon ("Don't fuck me back or I'll come") when he hears Jennings caterwaul across the room and he shoots her a dirty look.

If this movie had been made 300 miles south in Los Angeles, the lights would have been too bright and the checks could not have been cashed fast enough. But we really are convinced that "A Real Swinger's Orgy" is the real deal, even with a little help from the pros.

So if you're not short of something to do, you should really watch this sex party.

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* * * * *

Previously: Fleshbot Babes Archive

Leading off this installment is Kirra Lynne, caught getting into character for the movie "Oh No! There's A Negro in my Daughter! 2." Guess what part she played?

Golf Cougar Persia is seen here lounging on the bed she purchased as an accessory to that dress. Persia is 50 and we have a crush on her.

A spring chicken by comparison, Tina Tyler poses at a Porn Valley landmark.

The cast of New Sensations' "Scrubs XXX" in a location we actually had to sign an NDA about. Porn is so silly. But Ashlynn Brooke is deadly, deadly serious.

Observed through the window of a North Hollwood 7-11, Hollie Stevens chats on the phone while buying a replacement lighter. On the other line? Jesus Christ Himself.

Finally, here's the delightful April Flores decked out in flapper garb for the Hollywood premiere of "Voluptuous Biker Babes."

· Buy "Possessed And Undressed" (gamelink.com)
· Club Jenna (clubjenna.com)
· "In Search Of" (youtube.com)

See more snaps after the gap.

. . .

Andy (Randy Spears) is dead. Beckoned by the angelic Kaylani Lei through a freestanding door in the middle of the desert, he finds himself in a screening room playing some of his life's greatest hits. But unlike Hollywood fare like "Defending Your Life" or "It's A Wonderful Life," porn gets to deal with the heavenly flashback trope by letting our hero view his conception.

How different would my life be if mom was Hollie Stevens?

Then we fast-forward about 40 years (though it's only supposed to be 20) and watch a mop-topped Haight-Ashbury Andy thanking Kendall Brooks for his birthday mandolin. Unfortunately, Kendall too eagerly subscribes to that era's will to free love. Poor Andy cradles his mandolin while sitar music plays.

Does he lose her because he couldn't stand her free-spiritedness? Did he later lose his wife (Brooke Banner) because he was an insensitive lover?

"It's not a judgment," Kaylani says. "It's a review."

Well, it really was a judgment, but no one said angels weren't passive-aggressive. Andy discovers that he must learn one thing in this netherworld way station before he is sent back, and Kaylani is just the person to teach it to him.

Like last year's "Pleasure Principle", this Wicked picture is ideal for couples, if just a little preachy to the converted.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Rise" (gamelink.com)

"What's it like being 18?"
"It's nice."
"You're tanning with shoes on..."
"Yeah. It's nice."

You can imagine where it goes from there!!! Read more after the gap.

. . .

The girls meet a couple of fellows and, to their credit, neither gasp in horror or run from the room. Don't get us wrong; old isn't bad. But we know how the Fleshbot West interns respond with eyerolls and gumsmacks when we ask them to "dial" a phone number for us.

The joy we felt about this new series has been dampened somewhat by the presence of people who aren't double the age of the talent in some scenes, but, in the case of Jake Malone and Neomi Rose (he teaches her how her hair can be used as a handle), we almost have a "She Is A Third of My Age" pairing. God bless them both.

This is Melanie Scott. She just showed up for an audition.

So here's where we got suspicious. The delightful Hollie Stevens is one of our favorite 26-year-olds. That would mean some of those backwards baseball cap-wearing gangbang guys would have to be 52. I didn't buy it. That some of them appeared to be twice the age of newcomer Nika doesn't count. You have to be twice the age of the oldest naked girl in the room.

· Buy "She Is Half My Age 2" (jadedvideo.com)

***

Eon McKai runs afoul of the law, in the person of Van Damage, on the Vivid Plus set of "Heavy Partying".

Damage is distracted by Carmella Bing and April MacKenzie while McKai makes his alt-getaway.

Hollie Stevens at Comic-Con. She wrote about her fanboy/fangirl experiences here.

David Aaron Clark was part of the Away Team who greetted Katee Sackhoff backstage at the Jimmy Kimmel Show, where she was promoting her role in the upcoming "Bionic Woman". This is like porn to me.

Previously: Popshots Archive