Fleshbot: straight, ethan cage

Pornstars In Polyester: "'70s Show: A XXX Parody"

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Quick word of advice: jizz will not wash out of polyester. Trust us.

'70s Show: A XXX Parody

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Cast: Brooke Banner, Ashlynn Brooke, Missy Stone, Rachel Love, Kaci Starr, Patrick J. Knight, Anthony Rosano, Ralph Long, Justin Magnum, Bo Banner, Ethan Cage, Steve Smith, Pike Nelson

When we first announced "'70s Show" on this site, there was quite a hubbub about casting choices, hair color, and overall attention to the original. In response to the commotion:
Yes, Brooke Banner makes an excellent Donna. And Rachel Love does an outstanding Kitty Foreman.
No, the wigs aren't perfect, but the hair color is pretty accurate.
Yes, Bob and Midge really should've been in this.

Honestly, the one thing that tweaked my obsessive side was the pubic hair. It was (a FOX network tribute to) the '70s! As a young lad, I totally had a crush on Donna, but would've gladly gone out with Jackie, and was down to fool around with Laurie. Naturally, a critical part of the whole four-way fantasy was pubic hair: big, scruffy, retro bushes. Do you think I got retro bushes? Of course not. Next thing I know, someone will tell me Charlie's Angels were all shaved, too.

Gripes aside, "'70s Show" offers genuine giggles. The story revolves around a Led Zeppelin concert the whole gang attends. Eric (Patrick J. Knight) and Donna try to go backstage to see the band, but only Donna is allowed in. Sadly, it's all a trick. Donna thinks she's blowing three security guards so she can meet Robert Plant, but really she's just slobbing on the cleaning crew. Meanwhile, Fez (Pike Nelson) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano) dress up like rock stars in order to trick groupies into sleeping with them. For no reason, Eric's sister Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) shows up to do laundry and fuck Kelso.

Although Missy Stone may not look exactly like Mila Kunis, she has the voice down perfectly. Better yet, she throws out brilliant one-liners during her scene with Ralph Long (as the sideburned Hyde): "I can't believe I'm messing up my hair for you!" Best of all, she's Missy Stone, and she's unbelievably hot. No surprises there.

Being attracted to Rachel Love as Kitty? That was a surprise. There's something magical about watching Red's Korean War veteran angst come bubbling to the surface as he fucks his wife with a grimace. Like any man would, he comes early and walks off to grab a sandwich. While he's gone, Hyde comes in, shrugs, and helps Kitty finish.

When the funny is on, it's really on, and it blurs the line between accuracy and arousal. Hyde is a notorious mooch, so it seems natural for him to swoop up the sloppy seconds that Red leaves lying on the couch. When the gang is smoking pot in the basement, the camera pans from stoned face to gaping jaw. There's even a theme song that bears a striking resemblance to the original! Lee Roy Myers nailed it. The attention to detail warms the heart of the most nitpicky fan. Even I'm willing to forgive their trespasses against pubic hair.

Pink Visual, Self Proclaimed Masters of Reality Porn, Continue Series Unchallenged

DCypher — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:00:00 EDT

After amassing over twenty websites with thousands of videos, it's easy to see why Pink Visual would consider boldly labeling themselves the "masters" of reality porn. Not so fast! We'll be the judge of that.

Okay, so maybe you will be the judge of that, in the end, as the happy consumers partaking in this stuff. After all, with a cast that includes sexy young Dani Jensen, along with Ethan Cage, Lexi Lamour, Kayla Paige, Ricki White, Hunter Bryce, Winter Sky, and Eden Adams, we confess that our judgment has become a little clouded.

Can we make a suggestion? Rather than trying to sleuth out the mystery of whether or not they are better than, say, Bang Bros, at capturing "reality porn," why don't you try watching Dani Jensen get railed hard by Ethan while Lexi plays with her boobs and makes out with her and tell us that you don't get distracted?

We're not entirely sure what makes someone a "master" of what they call "reality porn," but we can say that many of the sample pictures they sent over certainly caught our attention. That's fair enough, in our humble opinion.

"Masters of Reality Porn 4" comes out this week from Pink Visual and Blue Moon. Check out this nce selection of pictures, and then let us know what you think.

Pink Visual Continues Encouraging Couples To Seduce Teens

DCypher — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:00:00 EDT

It's that time of year again. The weather is cooling, leaves are turning, and couples are back out there, scouring malls, parks, and sex shops, working in teams to seduce teens. We love the fall!

Really, why would anyone waste good money in this economy on fancy hoaxes like "couple's therapy" when they could be using those funds on lingerie, flavored lube, chocolate covered strawberries, pony tail butt plugs, ball gags, Hitachi Magic Wands, bed restraints, and other things your average teenager needs to explore their newly awakened sex drive to the fullest?

We don't know either!

Ethan Cage and his wife Lexi Lamour are back at it again, this time with tasty young morsel Madison Scott. The deviant couple prove once again that the best way to keep your sex life happy and fulfilling in a marriage is to nail drop dead gorgeous young big breasted legal teen sluts then drop a piping hot load of freshly churned fuck butter all over their tiny faces. If we had one request as we move into the holiday season it would be to see much, much more of Madison Scott....we simply can never get enough of this amazing beauty!

Joining the master couple and their diabolically dirty young fuck slave are a host of other perverts and future perverts including Ashli Orion, Priscilla Sin, Devon Lee, Halia Hill, Rachel Milan, and Deena Daniels.

"Couples Seduce Teens 13" is out today from Pink Visual. Check out these amazing pix and enjoy your weekend.

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Teens' Evil Designs Thwarted Through Couples' Superior Fucking Power

DCypher — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:00:00 EDT

While some might consider the act of couples seducing legal teen trim as exploitative and ultimately corrupt, the good folks over at Pink Visual have elevated the hunt into an absolute art form worthy of recognition.

Blue Moon Productions presents their 12th volume of "radical couples therapy," featuring Devon Lee & Marcus, Jordan Kingsley & Tony De Sergio, Ethan Cage & Lexi Lamour, John West & Priscilla Sin, all engaged in running game.

Lindsay Kay, Cali Winters, Jessica Dalton, Scarlet Fay, and Maxine Tyler may seem like defenseless fuck bunnies, all wet and ripe and gullible and just waiting to be snatched up, rode hard, pulled all the way open, then left sore and satisfied—but don't judge a book by its cover. We know better. We've seen "Poison Ivy" (yeah, the original one with Drew Barrymore, back in the day.).

We know how these young seductresses are when they begin to realize the power of their blossoming sexuality, even though they've been on 50 first dates and never been kissed. We know how these bad girls will use it to ruthlessly get what they want just for sport, like an evil doppleganger, even if it means tearing apart the sanctity of marriage—just like the Amy Fischer story. They just want to know what happens. Just like Donnie Darko, they want to destroy the world.

It may be just wishful thinking on their part, knowing that the best men are family guys, and wanting to live happily ever after so bad they could just scream. They just keep hoping, more fascinated than Curious George, until it all reaches a fever pitch—far from home in a conspiracy of love with no place to hide until the world seems like nothing more than one big grey garden.

Luckily all of these couples have the strength, communication skills, and sheer staying power to drill these young fire starters into utter mind bending satisfaction, despite their irreconcilable differences, making sweet music and lyrics to go along with them. Together they go the distance until everybody's fine. Sure beats riding around in cars with boys eating home fries, we can tell you that.

In the end, despite the strange circumstances and their altered states, they end up going together like E.T. And Charlie's Angels.

"Couples Seduce Teens 12" releases next week from Pink Visual. Check it out.

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Goo Diligence: "Cum Scene Investigation 5"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 15:00:00 EST

Perhaps this porn series cleaved harder to its non-porn inspiration in earlier incarnations, but for the life of me I can't find a Gary Sinise anywhere in the fifth installment. Facially unloaded disappointment.

Cum Scene Investigation 5

Studio: Pink Visual
Director: Rico, Craig Valentine
Cast: India Summer, Leah Wilde, Peyton, Allison Pierce, Aaralyn Barra, Lexi Lamour, Ethan Cage, Jeremy, Jack Vegas

Review by: Gram Ponante

"Cum Scene Investigation 5" has nothing at all to do with law enforcement or cities with dark underbellies just brimming with local actors satisfied with 5-and-under AFTRA contracts.

Not only that, but the movie also can't stick to one format in this compilation from the company's various Internet series. There's something from "Couples Seduce Teens," something from "AutoBang Sluts" (Sluts in a Car, to distinguish the series from rival Bang Bus), and, I don't know, "I Fuck for Sandwiches."

That is not to say the movie isn't good. I would watch Lexi ("Have you ever, like, had a threesome?") Lamour do anything, and if I were a scared 19-year-old girl, I would totes be seduced by her. Also, I was impressed with Aaralyn Barra in the final scene, in which I was reminded of the Cyndi Lauper That Might Have Been.

Still, the dramaturg in me rebelled against this blatant abuse of accepted porn ripoff conventions. The guys didn't even ejaculate on the same body parts in each scene. It should have been called "NYPD Goo."

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Cum Scene Investigation 5" (gamelink.com)

Teen Seduction: Couples Still Doing It

Gram Ponante — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:00:00 EST

If I were Yakov Smirnov (and who says I'm not?) I might be tempted to say, "Those couples are always seducing teens ha ha ha!" Indeed, through ten segments of Pink Visual's almost-believable "reality" series in which porn stars pretend to be real people, it sometimes seems just about plausible that those May/July seductions actually happen.

College student Tori Black sells raffle tickets for her basketball team to couple Marcus and Devinn. With the lengthy setup we know that healthy, All-American Tori will end up selling just a little more to the ravening oldsters but, in porn terms, when we know that everything has already been signed for and payment arrangements agreed upon, this extended dialogue scene is almost a seduction in itself. After all, rarely do porn performers spend too much time on camera together not fucking.

Later, perennial favorites (if I were Yakov Smirnov, I might call them "perineal favorites" ha ha ha!) Ethan Cage and Lexi Lamour - an actual couple - approach delicious Tatiana Kush at a park on the premise of scouting locations for a movie. They get her home pretty quickly. Frankly, I would believe anything Lexi Lamour ever said.

"Here's a new experience you can have," she tells Kush, the aspiring actress. I think Kush and Amber Peach should wrestle.

Later, they pull the same scam on Nicki Flame, this time appealing to her love of horticulture. Then: Marie McCray (something about dogs).

If an alien (from Space, not Yakov Smirnov) were to view just one porn movie, and if that movie were "Couples Seduce Teens 10," he could be forgiven for assuming that Porn Valley is full of couples on the prowl for easily-convinced teen flesh. Let's hope that life imitates art in my neighborhood.

. . .

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
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"Housewife Bangers" Capture The Zeitgeist

Gram Ponante — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:50:24 EDT

The original title of this post was "Porn or Outback Steakhouse Menu Item?". But upon watching this movie, filled with a "Taxi Driver"-load of revenge fantasies based on getting what's owed, we determined to give it our patented Highbrow Approach™ instead.

In five scenes taken from the website of the same name, Pink Visual's "Housewife Bangers" is 80 percent revenge and 20 percent consensual in its depictions of men fucking the wives of their acquaintances. A scene involving Cherrie and what looks to be Sinbad's brother is the only liaison borne of a comfortable 70's-era groovy wife-sharing vibe.

Everything else, from a loanshark collection scheme to a chilling "Let me fuck your wife or I'll beat the shit out of you!" will appeal to the cuckold fan base as well as the consumer who's into rape by blackmail.

It's important to point out that the women in these scenes appear to be willing to go through the act, even if they are angry at their husbands (or, in Monika Dupree's case, excited) to do it.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Housewife Bangers 10" (gamelink.com)