So when we heard that he was releasing a fifth volume of "This Butt's 4 U," his amazing Jules Jordan anal series (albeit still bearing the brunt of the same antediluvian title), we were far from surprised. It's not like we thought he was going to resurrect smut's failed experiment with Nietzsche porn, right? Given his particular talent, endowed by his creator, labeling him a life support system for a cock is both a compliment and a benediction. We're hard pressed to believe he's losing sleep over it.

Everhard blends a nice mix of stretchy young Euro sphincter with all-American ripe and ready rectum this time around, letting the ladies' elastic puckers do the most of the trash talking. With a cast that includes Kirra Lynne, Chayse Evans, Memphis Monroe, Jayden Jaymes, Aletta Ocean, and Kylee Strutt...this is quite the release.

The results are on par with everything we've come to expect from Everhard. Memphis Monroe looks particularly stunning with a hard tool crammed all the way up her dirtbox and Aletta Ocean was born to go in through the out door. In the end it's Jayden James that steals the show. Girls that beautiful are rarely so filthy.

"This Butt's 4 U 5: drops this week. Don't ever say America hasn't been good to you, Mister Everhard.

Jayden James
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Jayden James
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Jayden James
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Jayden James
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Aletta Ocean
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Aletta Ocean
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Chayse Evans
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Chayse Evans
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Chayse Evans
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Chayse Evans
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Chayse Evans
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Kira Lynne
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Kira Lynne
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Kira Lynne
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Kira Lynne
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Kylee Strutt
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Kylee Strutt
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Kylee Strutt
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Memphis Monroe
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Memphis Monroe
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Memphis Monroe
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Memphis Monroe
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Memphis Monroe
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Since then, we've kept an eager eye out for any porn featuring her.

Lucky for us, then, that New Sensations has put her at the top of the list, and on the front of the box, for their latest stereotype-enabling, all Asian sextravaganza "I Love Asians 10"—which also showcases such dolls as Leili Koshi, Shai Lee, Mya Luanna, Yumi, Katsuni, Keeani Lei, Kaiya Lynn, Tia Tanaka, Kayme Kai, Tomo Paradise, Lana Violet, and London Keys.

What can we say about this exquisite garden of yellow skinned delight? Only a true asiaphile can understand what it means to really catch yellow fever, the sweetest life long affliction, and have it change everything that you love forever and ever. If we have to stop and explain to you why it's just too easy to fall in love when we see their silky skin, jet black straight hair, tiny smiles, lithe bodies, brown nipples, and steaming hot gashes, chances are you've missed the point altogether. That's okay though—it just leaves more for us to love.

"I Love Asians 10" drops this week from New Sensations. Praise Buddha!

· Buy "I Love Asians 10" (gamelink.com)
· New Sensations (newsensations.com)

And what if your secretary was Sasha Grey? Smash Pictures explores this deviously brilliant notion in their latest wonderful sex fantasy "Secretary's Day 3"—and we couldn't be happier to see it on this frisky Monday morning. Seeing one of our all time favorite starlets undressed and bent over a desk, taking a foot of black cock; why, it's the perfect start to the week, and a great beginning for this new release.

Add to that a smoldering hot lesbian scene with drop dead gorgeous muff diver Celeste Star & curvy beauty Georgia (not to mention redophile daydream Nikki Rhodes taking the pounding of her sweet young life with sexy librarian glasses on), and what would generally be a run-of-the-mill, cliché wall-to-wall is elevated into the "must see" category fast! We're pretty sure we've all but demolished the remote to our DVD player at this point, and are still in a state of total disbelief at how well volume 3 came together.

But don't just take our word for it, by all means, check out the preview gallery—which also features Sarah Vandella getting plowed hard and Mackenzee Pierce having a go at the office plumber (played by Eric Everhard).

"Secretary's Day 3" releases this Thursday from Smash Pictures. We can't believe it either!

·

Like his aptly titled series, Everhard goes above and beyond the call in order to bring us the ripest, juiciest, very best bubbles out there—then proceeds to masterfully gape them with his unnatural endowment. When he's sufficiently stressed their elasticity, eliciting a high chorus of throaty orgasmic song that effervesces up from the depths of their clinging, swollen pink centers like an angelic aria in the process, he then proceeds to reward the degree of their sexual surrender by basting them in goopy servings of piping hot baby batter. From the looks on their exhausted and extremely satisfied faces, it seems they really appreciate his thoughtfulness.

Volume the 3rd engages the emotional, vaginal, and anal talents of willing participants Savannah Stern, Jessica Lynn, Katya, Dakota Brookes, Memphis Monroe, Asa Akira, and Riley Rey in this torrid psychosexual experiment in curvy goodness. We can say in all honesty that while there's not a single girl in this release we wouldn't love to bend and sample, the thought of uncorking delightful little Dakota Brookes at the same time as Katya is enough to drive us over the edge.

"Beyond the Call of Booty 3" releases this week from Eric Everhard & Jules Jordan Video. Take time out this holiday to appreciate the sacrifices our hero continually makes for our happiness, and the service he has so selflessly render to us all.

· "Beyond the Call of Booty 3" (julesjordanvideo.com)

In a perfect world, we would all be judged by our actions, compassionately chastised for our shortcomings, and then sentenced to hours upon hours of hard sex with amazing strangers for our transgressions. In the land Eric Everhard inhabits, that very scenario springs to life daily, like some perverted cartoon from the depths of his twisted imagination. In the penal system that enforces the rule of law in this alternate universe, you have the right to shriek in pleasure while getting drilled deeper and harder than you imagined was humanly possible, the right to have people take turns on you—and cost is never a consideration for this type of representation. It truly is a utopia, sans soma—but with girls this cute and willing, we can turn a blind eye just like Lady Justice.

Mya Luanna, Tanya James, Dakoda Brookes, Jackie Cross, Kitty Bella, and Scarlett Dreamz may only be suspect until Everhard judges their prurience, but the evidence mounted against them makes Blagojevich look like a curiously coiffed Boy Scout selling uncut cocaine to get to the Jamboree. Scene after delightful scene of dirtiness plays out with fantastic results (for us at least).

Eric judiciously weighs the merits of their cases, leaving no orifice unmolested in his vigilant pursuit—and we applaud him for that, especially after watching the luscious blond cum guzzler Tanya James take the fucking of her life. We're pretty sure she's as filthy, if not filthier than, the rest. (Oh, and since we're never actually told, we'll have to assume that they are guilty.)

"Innocent Until Proven Filthy 5" releases this week from Jules Jordan Video & Eric Everhard. It is not meant to replace actual legal consul.

· Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)

For years we've been harangued by tech progressive prognosticators, who go on and on about how cutting edge porn is and how our inherent sexual perversions have always been early indicators pushing innovation to keep up with our hormones—or, as Masami Akita once posited from a Tokyo subway while making discarded manga into guilty art, how porno is the unconsciousness of culture, the libido of humanity.

The VCR, we are told, came into existence with high and mighty aspirations, but only survived long enough to babysit your children with Disney classics because of porn consumers. The same principle applies to the DVD player and now Blu-Ray, at least if we're to believe the lovable cast of "Tropic Thunder" (not to be confused with a Stormy Daniels movie).

So to all of you champions of the brave new technological world we ask this simple question—what the fuck? Why then are we still stuck with Point of View porn instead of being able to virtually diddle the porn starlet of our choice's holographic hoo-ha? Oh, and also, were the hell are those flying cars? But mostly, just what the fuck?

After a long hard day of crunching data for our benevolent multinational corporate masters, we'd like to teleport back to our domicile for a hot and sticky session with our favorite new pornstar; generally the most recent addition to the courtesan library with the sweetest simulated curves and longest drop down menu of fetishes. Can someone let us know when that will be possible?

Melissa Lauren, Bobbi Starr, Riley Evans, Emma Heart, Missy Stone, and Holly West take a not-so-virtual pounding in their flesh and blood anal cavities, respectively, with such relish one would think they were born for the job. Ah, but we know better than anyone (except Tweety) that the heart is deceitful above all things. For now it will have to do, this form of vicarious pleasure accrued through the projection of ego consciousness and pure fantasizing. In that regard, Everhard makes a worthy surrogate as our imaginary penis, even if he isn't two feet longer and black.

We still think that Eric and Jules should make postcards out of some of these shots that allow the end user to choose a customized message. Ours would say "Wish You Were Here."

:Anal POV 6" releases this week from Jules Jordan and Eric Everhard. Act accordingly.

· "Anal POV 6" (julesjordanvideo.com)

"Jail Bait 5" features Everhard at the top of his game, and stars the relatively unsullied Nicole Ray, Kacey Jordan, Nikki Flame, Eden Adams, Tori Paige, Kristina Rose, and sweet lil’ Beaue Marie. He even throws in a classic Catholic school girl fantasy along with some poolside summer fun, girl scouts, and even an evil fucking clown just to keep things interesting. You know, in case watching a bunch of (mostly) barely legal looking cuties getting the stuffing poked out of them wasn't enough. (And yes, there really is an evil fucking clown. Don't say we didn't warn you.)

· "Jail Bait 5" (DVD info @ julesjordanvideo.com)