Fleshbot: straight, dumb

A man in Florida who was denied sex by his...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 11:30:54 EDT

A man in Florida who was denied sex by his girlfriend responded the way any reasonable person would—he grabbed a gun ... and shot himself in the arm. ~~Love~~ Being horny makes you do the craziest things, huh? (thesmokinggun.com; babes with guns via)

Sure, most high school teachers like to...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:26:59 EDT

Sure, most high school teachers like to kick back during quiet study time and watch a little bondage porn on their classroom computer. Most of them are just smart enough to unhook the video projector before they do. At least someone is learning a lesson. (newsnet5.com)

The Naked Swedish Olympic Crossbow Team Babe That Wasn't

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:10:29 EDT

We'd be just as excited as everyone else is today to see naked photos of a member of the Swedish women's Olympic crossbow team, except ... not only is she not an Olympian, crossbow isn't even an Olympic event. Still ... see you in 2012, Naked Girl! (nsfwpoa.com + lessclothes.com + thecelebritydatabase.com + on205th.com)

Some Congresspersons displaying a not very...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 16:25:08 EDT

Some Congresspersons displaying a not very firm grasp of technology are pushing for an alternative internet that is completely free—and also devoid of porn. You might as well ask for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that is also free of peanut butter, because what would be the point? (xbiz.com)

One drop of "Liquid Virgin" and you'll pucker...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 10:00:00 EDT

One drop of "Liquid Virgin" and you'll pucker up tighter than, well ... a virgin. We like to think our readers are smart enough not to put anything like this near any of their holes, but just in case, uh ... don't. (discreet-romance.com, via random-good-stuff.com, via yesbutnobutyes.com)

What happens in Thailand really stays in...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:55:53 EDT

What happens in Thailand really stays in Thailand—because if you try to film it for a porn movie, you are definitely going to jail (and you might be considered a "gang member" too.) See, the best thing about filming in the Valley is that your odds of ending up in a Southeast Asian prison are remarkably low. (pattayadailynews.com, via avn.com)

A Connecticut elementary school teacher...

Dashiell Bennett — Fri, 09 May 2008 12:42:41 EDT

A Connecticut elementary school teacher is out of a job after she and her husband appeared in a "Ugliest Guys, Hottest Wife" contest on the Howard Stern show. (Good thing they won!) Says one concerned parent: "What they do on their own time is their business, but ..." sometimes it's our business? (wfsb.com + howardstern.com, via nerve.com)

Advertising is such a subtle art form that...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 10:23:37 EDT

Advertising is such a subtle art form that you may not have realized that the "box" this ad is referring to is actually the little one that has been Photoshopped in front of this lady's vagina. You see, because "box" is a euphemism for vagina! Aren't you glad we're here to explain these things? (Copyranter)

The mayor of Arlington, Oregon, was recalled...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 11:56:29 EST

The mayor of Arlington, Oregon, was recalled (by three votes) because of a "scandalous" photo posted on her MySpace page. What's crazier: That a mayor has a MySpace page, that anyone cares, or that she could grate cheese on those washboard abs? Bet she makes your mayor look like a creampuff. (katu.com, via Jezebel)

The FCC is fining Fox TV affiliates $7,000...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 10:25:04 EST

The FCC is fining Fox TV affiliates $7,000 for showing a naked bachelor party scene on some horrible reality show that nobody watched ... but they are only fining stations that somebody complained to. (That's 13 out of 169 in the network, by the way.) Apparently, it's okay to broadcast whatever you like as long as you never open your mail. (reuters.com)

A Las Vegas mechanic thought he discovered...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 10:13:23 EST

A Las Vegas mechanic thought he discovered a never-before-seen, one-of-a-kind print of a nude Marilyn Monroe, but it turns out it was just a naked Madonna poster that 4 million college boys have had on their dorm room wall. Whatever you do, don't show him this post. (nydailynews.com)

OMG, you guys! You're totally going to be...

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 10:03:04 EST

OMG, you guys! You're totally going to be able to get porn on your cell phone soon, which you really can't do now unless, you know ... you already own a cell phone. This amazing technology story brought to you by the year 1992. (zdnet.com + sciam.com + Gawker)

Were you personally offended by the Grand...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 12:46:21 EST

Were you personally offended by the Grand Theft Auto "Hot Coffee" mod? Well, the lawsuit bank is now open and even if you can't prove you even owned the game, you could collect five whole dollars for your pain and suffering. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! (Kotaku)

Worrywarts are up in arms over Mass Effect,...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 10:54:22 EST

Worrywarts are up in arms over Mass Effect, the video game they say is filled with sex and alien nudity. Except it isn't. But why let something like the actual content of game get in the way of a good TV argument. Oh, and if you can scare folks with a gratuitous and completely irrelevant porn reference, that always helps too. (news.com.au + pcworld.com)

We often wonder what to do with all the...

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 12:53:09 EST

We often wonder what to do with all the free condoms we have lying around (aside from, you know ... the obvious), but it never occurred to us to make a condom aquarium. Probably because we like fish and don't want to kill them with this horrible idea. (practicalfishkeeping.co.uk)

A North Carolina Virginia lawmaker wants...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:50:57 EST

A ~~North Carolina~~ Virginia lawmaker wants to castrate your truck—specifically, he wants to ban those fake testicles that some people like to hang from their bumpers. Personally, we like these things. It helps us identify the crazy people that we should avoid the highway. (wtkr.com)

Your drunken late night pranks are all fun...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:21:15 EST

Your drunken late night pranks are all fun and games until your blurry ass ends up on CNN. (cnn.com)

So it looks like Digg actually did a little...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 10:45:41 EST

So it looks like Digg actually did a little digging for once and has unbanned Fox News Porn (which is neither Fox News, nor porn) from its site. Now what were you saying about the wisdom of crowds? (digg.com, via Boing Boing)

Portable DVD players (and the porn they broadcast)...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 14:46:49 EST

Portable DVD players (and the porn they broadcast) are amazing, but it's probably best if you don't watch them while you're driving. Or drinking and driving. Actually, just stay away from cars altogether, please. (star-telegram.com)

Moan My IP: Hot Protocol Action

Dashiell Bennett — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 12:33:52 EDT

We see a lot of stupid gimmicky sites where you have to use your mouse to make girls squeal, or play some game that removes her clothes and so on, but we didn't think we've seen anything quite as stupid and gimmicky as MoanMyIP.com. You click on the link, the site checks your IP address, and then a disembodied female voice moans the number back to you as if the very mention of routing packets was enough to set her panties aflame. Pretty dumb, right? Or is it pure genius? After thinking about it for a moment, we though it would be the perfect to link gift to send to your favorite IT guy who probably needs something to take his mind off cron jobs and server loads and maybe give him a cheap laugh in the middle of the day. Plus, the next time he finds your favorite website in your corporate laptop's browser history, you just might have the perfect incentive for him to look the other way.

· Moan My IP (audio warning obviously @ moanmyip.com)

Previously: Grab My Boob (Well, Not Ours, But You Get The Idea)