The Foundry, the advertising agency that skankified the classic character, said they "challenged the consumer's notion of what this beer was," and we couldn't agree with them more. Allegedly, the dwarves (dwarfs?) represent seven types of drunks, but they could just as easily represent the seven types of post-coital emotions. It must be some damn good beer.

If Disney were smart, they'd put all this bad blood aside and cast Megan Fox in the Ho White full-length feature (she kinda looks like Megan Fox, doesn't she?). All this press is just going to sell more raspberry ale and cartoon porn, and Disney isn't doing anything to capitalize on that. Keep your pimp hand strong, Disney.

· AdFreak.com (adweek.com)
· AdelaideNow (news.com.au)

Apparently, a 60-year-old man was arrested, brought to trial and found guilty of goosing Minnie Mouse at Disney World. Yes, with his grandkids watching, he grabbed Minnie's titties right before someone snapped a photo and then, just for good measure, squeezed her ass. If the defendant, Mr. John Moyer, is a furry, does that mean he's being persecuted on basis of sexual orientation? If Minnie cannot speak, does that mean her right to say "no" is considered null and void? Or is it considered null and void because she's a mouse?

We concede, he was very wrong. We wouldn't want someone's grandpa coming to our job and feeling us up either.

*****

· Man Sentenced For Groping Minnie Mouse! (thefrisky.com)
· Thumbnail via Best Week Ever | VH1 Official Site (bestweekever.tv)

· Disney stops looking for breasts after a decade of trying (gadling.com)
· Thumbnail via Flash Mountain (flashmountain.net)

· Cartoon Pussy (cartoon-pussy.com)

Previously: This Week In Japanese Porn Titles: "Cartoon Character Costume Rape", Hot 'Toon Babes By Alessandro Scacchia, Cartoon Porn by Alex Hiro, Catt House Studios, More Hardcore 'Toons

· She might have barely cracked the top 60 in this hemisphere, but Keeley Hazell is at least still the sexiest woman in the world according to FHM's Austalian readers. Which proves that Australia is even more sensible than we may have given them credit for. (brisbanetimes.com.au, via hollywoodtuna.com)

· New (and very, very depressing) research suggests that oral sex may cause throat cancer. And we thought lockjaw was the only thing you had to worry about. (newscientist.com - thanks [?] Mike)

· Want to enter the exciting and lucrative world of Nerve Personals blogging? These handy templates make it easy—and you won't even have to go on any lousy dates to do it! (datehole.com)

· Nightclubs are installing more stripper poles so that the regular customers can get in on the action. Remember when it used to be called "Amateur Night"? (wcbstv.com)

· This letter to the editor writer is really proud of Playmate of the Year Sara Jean Underwood. Probably not proud enough to score a date with her, but it's a nice effort. (gazettetimes.com)

· Poor Donald Duck. He's always getting himself into crazy situations like stumbling upon a sexy babe in the jungle and forgetting to bring his condoms. (Boing Boing)

· This video about internet porn statistics is so informative, you'll want to watch it again and again. And again. So much learning! (YouTube, via goodmagazine.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Lindsay Lohan doesn't need a shirt to party hard. All those pesky buttons and sleeves just weigh you down. (egotastic.com + hollywoodtuna.com)

· Someone at the New York Times has spent a lot of time thinking about duck penises. We're glad somebody does. (nytimes.com)

· For once, we're glad we don't know how to read German. We're not sure we want to know what our genital horoscope is. (astrogenital.de, via random-good-stuff.com)

· A Chinese artists asks, "How Big Do We Want Our Breasts To Be?" The answer? As big as is necessary. (reuters.com)

· The Iranian culture committee has approved the death penalty as a punishment for pornographers, so you might want to put the vacation to Tehran on hold for a bit. (avn.com)

· Don't you hate it when you turn on the Disney Channel and all you get is porn. Sorry ... we hate when that doesn't happen. (wcbstv.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Of the dozens of special features that have helped make Disney's "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" DVD one of the best selling titles of the past year, footage of a hardcore threeway starring Keira Knightley getting DP'd by Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom isn't one of them. Which may be why opportunistic online comic porn outfit Sinful Comics is creating such a splash with a series of panels depicting all the yo-ho-'ho action you didn't get to see—and why The Sun is claiming that an "outraged" Disney is considering legal action against the company, though it's not clear whether that's because the strip shows the "Pirates" cast demonstrating the real way to plunder hidden treasure or whether it's because the crudely drawn art isn't quite up to Disney's CG standards. (Then again, it's also unclear whether The Mouse even knows they exist or could be bothered to shut them down.) Still, if you want to see a rather generous "re-interpretation" of Keira's chest while she indulges in some good old-fashion tentacle porn (it always comes back to that, doesn't it?), this is about as close as you're going to get.

· Sinful Comics: "Pirates of the Carribbean" Porn Comics 1, 2, 3, 4 (freeadultarchives2.com)
· "Keira Knightley is getting banged at trasures (sic) island." (freesinfulcomics.net)
· "Keira's Comic Porn Shocker" (thesun.co.uk)