We've been on internet longer than we care to think about, but we do enjoy the occasional look back at the history of this Earth-shaking medium—all the way back to the dark ages of 1997! Remember when the webcam was a young and vibrant technology seeking to unite the globe, and all our heads were filled with dreams of someday making love to Cindy Crawford over an interactive broadband virtual reality sex machine? Hal Pink at Tramp Stamp Studios has unearthed this dusty documentary footage from the early days of teledildonics (when he wasn't even Pink yet) where he reveals the ancient voodoo magic of remote-controlled cockrings to a wide-eyed British TV host. As we look back at the state of the art in vibrating eggs and video web chats from all those ages ago we can't help but think, "Wow ... look how far we haven't come in ten years." Seriously, aren't these pretty much the same options we have today? Where are our VR goggles and pulsating body suits and fleshy, photorealistic cyberbabes? This video could have been shot last week, and we'd hardly be able to tell the difference. Snap to it, geeks! We're not going to live forever ... unless you've been working on a solution for that instead?

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· Dildonics!? (trampstampstudios.com, video via veoh.com)

Previously: Vortex Vibrations: Vacuuming Your Way To A Better Orgasm, OhMiBod's BodiTalk: Reach Out And Fuck Someone, Sex Toy TechWatch: Introducing Twitterdildonics, Porn Vegas Dispatch: Virtual Holes and Virtual Sticks, Xbox's Vibration Sensation, Morning Wood: A Little Dab'll Do Ya, What Porn Stars Like About Porn

If you weren't technically savvy enough to hack Grand Theft Auto's "Hot Coffee" mod and your classic jiggle-riffic Lara Croft titles just aren't doing it for you anymore, perhaps you need a video game where sex isn't just a by-product of the action, it's the whole point. Sex and video games have been walking hand-in-hand since the glory days of Leisure Suit Larry, of course, but new online title Sex Station 7 tries to bring it into the modern world of first-person-shooters like Halo and Half Life. You play Dylan Owens, sent to rescue the "alpha female engineering cyberwhores" of Sex Station 7. Should you succeed, you can probably guess how these lovely lasses will choose to repay your kindness. We haven't played it ourselves, so we can't guarantee you'll have a fun time, but it certainly looks more interesting than your 15,000th game of Minesweeper. The cyberwhores just don't seem to appreciate that one as much.

· Sex Station 7 (sexstation7.com)

Previously: Top Ten Video Game Boobies, Exclusive: Hannah Harper Does "Whorecraft", "Yin-Yang! X-Chang Alternative": Japanese Futanari Game, Sneak Peek: Playboy's "Women of Video Games", Virtual Hottie 2