But Chase Evans, Priya Rai, Kristina Rose, Carmel Moore, and Jenny Hendrix manage to live up to their predecessors with the age-old recipe of filth, filth, and more filth. The latest Robby D Mess features boy/boy/girl, butt sex, choking, facials, copious amounts of lube—and, regrettably, a bit of ass to pussy to mouth action (at least we now know what they mean by that "don't try this at home" disclaimer).

There is so much filth, in fact, that there's barely room for any plot: Priya Rai is a hooker tending to Tommy Gunn's needs, and Carmel Moore is naughty wife who gets to screw her husband's best friend (and her husband, too, at the same time!). Beyond that, however, it's just straight up sex: but really, do you need more?

Viewers with a whole lot of lust, but very little time, will be pleased to know that the special features include a, ahem, cum shot compendium. Because sometimes, you need a shot of cum to really start the day off right.

· Buy "Filth Cums First 4" (digitalplayground.com)
· Image from "Filth Cums First 4" courtesy of Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

Digital Playground contract star Lacie Heart, on the other hand, seems to have the porno version of the right stuff (although we’re sure some of her history has been as cautiously reconstructed as a Maoist history book, with an eye towards justifying her ascension to pornographic stardom). The accidental stripper turned Vivid contract star has a backstory that's just itching to be made into a movie: after meeting fellow performer Scott Nails at an industry party, she fell in love, refusing to screw any other man and ultimately leaving her lucrative Vivid contract for him. But that's not the end of the story: Nails brought lovely Lacie over to Digital Playground, who signed her to an exclusive contract resulting in this week's release, "Lacie: Sexual Freak" (also starring fellow contract star Shay Jordan along with Carmel Moore and Sammie Cruz).

Who says there aren't happy endings in porn? Wait, we just realized what we said right there. This is porn! Every ending is a happy one.

· Digital Playground (digitalplayground.com)

. . .

Katsuni (formerly Katsumi)

Katsumi 01 (megarotic.com)

Linsey Dawn McKenzie

The Nerd 1 (megarotic.com)

Layla Jade

Layla jade Sucks A Big Cock (megarotic.com)

Carmel Moore

Age Of Consent (pornhub.com)

Jodie Moore

Jodie Moore fucks big cock Bob (megarotic.com)

Nikita Denise

Best Ever Handjob (megarotic.com)

Lanny Barby

Pump That Ass (megarotic.com)

Cathy Barry

Cathy Barry (megarotic.com)

Ashley Long and Angel Long

Sisters MFF (megarotic.com)

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

"Why don't you play with my tits while I use my vibrator?" she suggests.

Cruelty. Read our review of "My Big Fake Wedding" after the gap.

My Big Fake Wedding

Studio: Vivid
Director: B. Skow
Cast: Brea Lynn, James Deen, Holly Morgan, Vanilla Skye, Carmel Moore, Jada Fire, Jack Venice, Sascha, Trent Soluri, Donny Long

Review by Gram Ponante

So many things are hard to accept about My Big Fake Wedding, such as the virginity of a woman who has shaved pubes and a tattoo on her groin who is friends with Brea Lynn.

Jared consults with his pals, who suggest staging a fake wedding to get their friend to home plate, having already determined that alcohol won't work because "she's Irish."

Unfortunately the probable maid of honor (Brea Lynn) overhears the scheme and alerts Beth. Together, they plan to sabotage the event, even alerting the bachelor party hookers (Carmel Moore and Jada Fire) of the turnaround.

A note about bachelor party hookers: they don't squirt like Jada Fire, and they only work with condoms. Your bachelor party's mileage may vary.

Brea has it all worked out. Impersonating the priest is rake Jack Venice. She has somehow acquired photos from the bachelor party the night before and threatens to tell Venice's wife if he doesn't take Universal Life Ministry's online ordination test, thus making the sham wedding a legal one. Further compromising him is that she caught him masturbating to porn on his MacBook Pro.

Doubtful if posting this picture of a man posing as a priest who is masturbating to an Apple product will bring my PowerBook back after OSX Leopard nuked it, but I will take any satisfaction I can.

The blessed day arrives, and we must continue to suspend our disbelief as Beth shows up to the squalid affair in a juicy wedding dress. Don't virgins like big weddings? I always assumed so, but I have never met a virgin.

Naysayers might point out that Beth should appear to be more in pain once Jared assumes his right of prima nocta, but she probably broke her hymen long ago with a vibrator. What is actually annoying, though, and a bad habit of studios, is that the juicy Morgan is not on the boxcover of her own movie, but Lynn is instead.

It's hard to find any flies on a lighthearted romp with the delightful Holly Morgan and the weapons-grade Brea Lynn, even if the idea of Morgan as a virgin is only a little less absurd than Venice as a priest.

"My Big Fake Wedding" is a fun movie regardless, with Deen behaving credibly in an untenable situation and Morgan and Lynn proving that weddings make people horny.

· Vivid (vivid.com)
· Buy "My Big Fake Wedding" (gamelink.com)

- - -

Slime Ballin'

Studio: Metro/Toxxxic Entertainment
Director: Vincent Voss
Cast: Daisy Marie, Kaiya Lynn, Carmel Moore, Lela Starr, Nikki Benz, Sativa Rose, Tiffany Sweet, Austin Kincaid, Ben English, Mick Blue, Steve Holmes, Marco Banderas, Scott Nails

With the myriad porn titles released each month, the nation's porn consumers and reviewers understand that there isn't too much different that can be done with each one. That is why people like director Vincent Voss should be commended for dusting off his high school black light, buying some ultraviolet body paint, and filling the room with dry ice in the execution of "Slime Ballin'".

The movie starts with Daisy Marie servicing a straitjacketed patient in a padded cell. If this is where our healthcare system is going, well all-fucking-right! Voss hits the blacklight and we can see how white Daisy's teeth are.

The randy Brit Carmel Moore is revealed to be a dead ringer for Karen Black in the next scene.

Here is Marco Banderas reacting to a penis pump. I realized during this scene that I don't expect much of my female porn stars. They grunt and yell in porn-standard fashion, and they look pretty, and I'm happy. Why this image was compelling to me is because I believe it is real.

"Slime Ballin'" was fun and competently directed. And unlike "Transformers", in which gadgetry and effects did little to make a bad story better, at least Voss already had the tasty likes of Sativa Rose and Tiffany Sweet to flick the strobe light on and off on.

But the effects added nothing to the movie, and might have even been a distraction; he could have dispensed with Glo-sticks, put everyone in wigs, and called the same movie "Fuck Me in a Wig".

· Metro (metrointeractive.com)
· Toxxxic Entertainment (toxxxic.com)
· Buy "Slime Ballin'" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive