We've seen a lot of anti-porn/anti-sex/anti-fun screeds in our day, but we don't think we've ever stumbled across one as scary, wrong-headed—and just plain entertaining—as this anti-masturbation masterpiece from the otherwise legitimate-seeming newspaper, the Nigerian Tribune. It's a fascinating concoction of fear-mongering and psuedo-science featuring quotes from actual "doctors" making outrageous claims about the damage jerking off can do to your brain, nervous system and your spine! We had no clue about the awful things we (and 98% of the human population) were doing to our bodies. Among the things we're putting ourselves at risk for: nervous depression, permanent insanity, lesbianism & homosexuality, guilt (obvs), epilepsy (!), spinal irritation, premature ejaculation, sexual "coldness", and of course, death. Plus, there's the greatest scare quote in the history of dubious statistics: "It has even been documented to cause more deaths among boys in Europe than any plaque or war." We would very much like to see that documentation before we sign ourselves up for the only known cure ... amputation of the schlong. That's some tough medicine, all right.

· "MASTURBATION: Temporary sexual pleasure with many dangers" (tribune.com.ng)

Previously: Caught In The Act: Now What?, Masturbate-A-Thon 2007: Still Coming For A Cause, Masturbation Intervention: Know When To Say When, National Masturbation Month: A Hands-On Guide, Happy Anti-Porn Hysteria Month!, Good Morning America Enables Your Addiction, Porn: America's Addiction!

OK, so there's nothing revolutionary going on here, but we figured that after all that talk this morning of censorship, back-patting, and we don't know what, you could use a healthy dose of raw, unfettered boobies. And boy, do we have that. Babeonaut is a new-ish TGP page that overwhelms you with an avalanche of nudity to the tune of a few hundred babe galleries each day. (That's right, hundreds.) The preview photos are nice and clear, and if surfing the site gets to be too much trouble, just sign on to their RSS feed and have a constant stream of naked hotness delivered right to your internet door. Best of all, unlike some of the other stuff we blab about around here, absolutely no thinking is required. We feel dumber already—in a good way.

· Babeonaut (babeonaut.com)

Previously: Gozongo Puts A Happy Face On Porn, Fetish Sphere Encircles You With Smut, Twixshot: Everything Old Is New Again, Jim Loves Tits (Almost As Much As We Do), Are You Fetish?, Slut Addict: TGP Video Directory, Emergency Porn, Fantasti.cc Videos: Community Rated Smut, TGP.com 2.0: Team Gallery Post, RSS XXX