Harmony Films will slip a total of four golden tickets — each one good for a seat at the awards show — in DVDs of its November titles, "Young Harlots: Dirty Secrets" and "Ladies of Pleasure." The movies are also the first to be wholly distributed in the US by the company. Another four golden tickets will be included in random copies of "Nymphomaniac: Bobbi Starr," and "Tanya Hyde Sex Maniac," both December releases. The final two tickets will be raffled off during the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo and will be given out the day of the awards. The winners will also have access to the award show's afterparty.

Much has been made of the dichotomy between the swan-like Starr's oboe-loving ways and her delightful filthiness on camera, but just in case Starr is talking - as Miss Manners suggests - to the person on her left, you can also be regaled by Gazzman. He has prepared discourses on the following topics:

I may talk about my upcoming radio "appearance" where the subject is "Is Pornography Adultery?" . . .

or I may "fill them in" on the challenges we face when filming an all anal wall-to-wall porno...

Or perhaps how the flakiness of many performers leads to the ever changing soup known as a shooting schedule or script. I might even tell them of my theory on actors as "dollies heads".

But, the proper Scotsman Gazzman reflected:

That may all prove too much of a downer for them, particularly on awards night when we celebrate our earth-shattering achievements with lots of award giving, back slapping and the odd fist fight in honour of "The Biz." So really I hope that one of the winners is a sexually compulsive 32 DD (natural) brunette (or blonde) that I can initiate into my nasty world of porn...with the other winners watching of course.

Winners are advised they do not get to make out with Bobbi Starr.

· Harmony Films (myspace.com)
· AVN Awards '09 (avnawards.com)