Fleshbot: straight, alyssa reece

John Madden’s Penis Delightfully Absent From “Not Monday Night Football XXX”

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Perhaps XPlay was concerned about offending fans? We personally would've been stoked to finally see Howard Cosell's little monkey.

Not Monday Night Football XXX

Studio: XPlay
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Angelina Armani, Lela Star, Sarah Vandella, Layla Rivera, Jaelyn Fox, Jessica Bangkok, Britney Stevens, Ashlyn Rae, Alyssa Reece, Topanga Fox, Ally Ann, Yurizan Beltran, Amia Miley, Tatum Pierce, Delila Darling, Cindy Jones, Mai Ly, Sophie Dee, Laci Laine, Rick Madrid, Billy Goodrich, Lee Bang, Evan Stone, Thomas Ward, Scott Lyons, Eric John, Kris Slater

It's one thing to parody a sitcom, but parodying an American institution like Monday Night Football requires both a solid sense of humor as well as serious focus on fucking. The challenge for XPlay is even greater with this parody because there are no protagonists to ground the plot, and no classic conflicts to spice up with sex. As a result, "Not Monday Night Football XXX" features an amalgamation of sportscasting legends doing what makes them memorable.

Rick Madrid plays the staccato-voiced Howard Cosell, who commands the preview show that the film is based around. He is joined by John Madden, played by Billy Goodrich, who spends time with fans, draws on the telestrator, and pimps tough-actin' Tinactin.

True to life, celebrities stop by to plug their latest projects/remind us of their scandals. OJ Simpson has his future read (keep in mind this is the 80s OJ), causing the fortune teller to flee the scene. Bill Cosby (manned by the same Thomas Ward who starred in "Not The Cosbys XXX") shows up as well, followed by a furious Laci Laine who demands Cosby leave his wife for her.

Although these allusions provide amusing intermissions from sex, they feel more like piecemeal potshots and less like parodies of the events they reference. Poking fun at the gimmicky, self-serving habits of a major network is clever, but without a strong, over-arching plot to center the jokes, the parody becomes a gimmick itself.

And like most parody porn, there's a clear distinction between the amusing and the arousing. There was one instance of Madden using the telestrator to discuss his favorite things about Angelina Armani (boobs, eyes, long, flowing hair), but it would've been doubly as funny to see him narrate an instant replay, telestrating the path of Eric John's cock as four cheerleaders tackle him in the locker room. Perhaps a "BAM!" or two would've been appropriate.

But there really isn't much to complain about. The simple fact that seventeen girls cram into five separate scenes is a daunting feat. With such an enormous cast, one might wonder how parody prince Will Ryder manages to coach this dreamteam to glory.

The answer? Teamwork: four gals for every gent, and no one hits the sidelines when the action is on. There's no showboating, no ball hogging, and the fans go wild for every play (seriously, there's non-stop cheering). Also, since every sex scene features a POV moment, viewers at home get to feel like they're part of the team! The sportsmanship is simply awe-inspiring.

Of course, there are a few star players. Evan Stone and Angelina Armani have the only one-on-one scene as the legendary quarterback Manhattan Joe and some floozy. He helps her get her foot in the door as a sideline reporter, so she helps him get his cock in her mouth.

"Well if I'm gonna taste your cock," she says, "I want you to taste my pussy." See? Teamwork.

Also exciting is the fact that Yurizan Beltran has her first non-solo scene. Yurizan, Lela Star, Mai Ly, and Alyssa Reece get bored watching the game at home, so they decide to ditch the remote and grab the vibrators. Even though it's her first time, Yurizan gives it 110% and really goes deep. I sincerely hope she continues this sociable trend.

The general mindset for parody pornographers seems to be "What if this show had hardcore sex in it?" Unfortunately, the finished product presents the question "What if this hardcore sex had jokes near it?" And while it's smart to unite the eternally homosocial institutions of pornography and sports, it's important to make sure they play together well. Perhaps "Not Monday Night Football XXX" could've used a couple more scrimmages before hitting the field.

And now I'm out of football puns.

College Girls: This Time They're Lesbians

Gram Ponante — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 11:30:01 EDT

It's the long weekend after the first week at college, and you know what that means: tentative, tender lesbian exploration. "Do you think it's all right?" they whisper, removing the Gunds and keepsake American Girl dolls to reveal puffy ...

...labia.

Well, none of that happens in this movie. But you should still watch it.

Now I happen to know that at least three of the women featured in Hustler's "Real College Girls Lesbian Stories 3" never attended any institution of post-secondary education, but damn, these girls can act.

"Sometimes I feel used after having sex with myself," says Georgia Jones to Alyssa Reece, lounging on a leatherette couch in that porny, overmiked way where you can hear their heels poking into the upholstery. The idea is that no one really believes they are college girls (Jones mispronounces "extracurricular") but at least they give it the old college try.

Sometimes I come across (well, not literally—I appreciate porn for its fonts) DVDs that make me wonder about who the target audience is. Andre Madness seems to have directed this cast, which also includes Eden Adams, the juicy Alexa Jordan, Winter Sky, and Marie McCrae, to appeal in a non-threatening manner to porn consumers who don't just tune out male porn performers but regard them as a threat.

Each segment begins with an interview in which two women extol the virtues of girls, how they're soft and pretty, smell good, and are polite. Then they fuck each other, gently.

The other day I was in my old college bookstore and I was sad to see my student ID had expired. I could have used the discount. It's times like that that I wish I were younger. But then I see a movie like this and think, "I'm glad lesbians didn't look like this when I was in college, because I wouldn't have gotten any work done." Or extracurricular activities.

"Girl Play" Is Girls Being Girls For Guys

Gram Ponante — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 11:30:01 EDT

"Girl Play" makes me wish it was Jana Jordan and April O'Neil I saw last night making out at the Saddle Ranch rather than those two National Park rangers.

Call me curmudgeonly, but if the impromptu G/G scene is for my benefit and titillation, shouldn't the participants be hot? In my day those things were less democratic.

But let loose on each other in this playful Elegant Angel title, the likes of Sophia Santi and Alyssa Reece (they share an affinity for drinking and Vancouver), Jana Jordan and April O'Neil (one appears to be convalescing using time-honored vag-to-vag techniques), Samantha Ryan, Ryan Keely, Isobel Wren, and Karlie Montana (delightful), make it a special experience to watch women make out again.

In addition to all of the women looking happy to be there, each of these scenes is aided with a lot of natural light, which makes 2 a.m. at the Saddle Ranch seem like a distant memory.

· Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
· Buy "Girl Play" (gamelink.com)

Tenaya: From The Suck Of A Vacuum To The Touch Of A Woman

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 10:30:00 EST

In a former life, Tenaya worked in the sales department of Kirby Vacuums. But after awhile, she got bored of all the sucking, and decided to start over.

These days, you can find her in the porn world, where at least the sucking involves something slightly sexier than a vacuum tube. Want to see her in action? Tenaya's making her porno debut in "A Woman's Touch" (also starring Charlie Laine, Nikki Rhodes, Louisa Lanewood, Alyssa Reece, and Zoe Britton). Want to know more? Check out our exclusive photos below.

· Abigail Productions (abigailproductions.com)
· Adult Source Media (adultsourcemedia.com)

"Hose On Hoes": Because Nothing Beats Off A Great Pair of Legs

Gram Ponante — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:00:00 EST

While we know that headline makes no sense, pantyhose enthusiasts are well-served by this Nautica Thorn production, as the hose both stays on and yields to the Sapphic whims of ten stockinged pornstresses, who do everything they can to get past the mesh to the flesh.

Ice La Fox, Whitney Stevens, Whitney Fears, Alyssa Reece, Renae Cruz, Abbey Brooks, Charli Laine, Karlie Montana, Ann Marie, and Gianna Lynn are beautiful eye candy in this movie, co-directed by Nautica Thorn and Payaso.

My only beef with this film (other than the fact that Thorn isn't in it herself) is the camera work. It is so fluidly filmed that the camera does not linger on a person or part long enough. This is a crime because everyone looks so good. A true hosiery fan would be happy that each performer is wearing and tearing her hose throughout her scene, but could be disappointed that the camera does not love them enough.

Maybe Nautica wanted us to not forget her.

Special kudos to the arresting boxcover artwork and to the punny, funny title itself. Looking forward to "Rapes by Rakes" (simulated, of course).

· Nautica Thorn (enternautica.com)
· Buy "Hose on Hoes" (gamelink.com)

Style And Substance: Hot Girls With Hot Clothes

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:00:00 EST

As we've noted before, "porn fashion" is usually something of an oxymoron—generally, the things that pass for clothes in the world of porn wouldn't pass muster anywhere else. But sometimes, the fine minds at porn casting actually manage to pull together something kinda nice—some, in fact, that we might just wear ourselves. Well, if we spent our days half naked, that is. We've dug through the pornchives and found a few girls with actual style; see some genuine porn fashion, after the jump.

Katlain Ryan (timdir.com)

Sandy Summers (timdir.com)

Justene Jaro (classyvixens.com)

Lisa Marie (hegre-art.com)

Taya Parker (classyvixens.com)

Emily Marilyn (emilymarilyn.com)

Lindsay Marie (softcore-sirens.com)

Alyssa Reece (glamourmodelsgonebad.com)

Kitty Lea (timdir.com)

Sandee Westgate (sandee-westgate.com)

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive