We're especially crushed out on—well, actually, we kinda have crushes on everyone in the video (that's allowed, right?). We've pulled a sample clip for you (at left)—if it leaves you feeling hot and bothered, check out the full video at Hulu. (We'll be busying ourselves checking to see if Howcast has a "How To Have Great Anal Sex" softcore porn tutorial.)

· Howcast: How To Have Great Phone Sex (full video @ hulu.com, via Baby Sinead)

· Phillip Toledano's "Phone Sex" (phonesexthebook.com)
· "Offbeat Artist: The Faces of Phone Sex Operators" (digitaljournal.com)
· Phillip Toledano Photography (mrtoledano.com)

· You might be shocked to learn this, but "Obama Girl" Amber Lee Ettinger once posed for Maxim magazine. That doesn't sound like her style, does it? (maximonline.com)

· Ugandan police claim that 90% of 911 emergency calls are just lonely women looking for sex. We think about 100% of Ugandan police officers must think pretty highly of themselves. (monitor.co.ug)

· Just a reminder, "Put it on my tab" doesn't work when it comes to ordering lap dances. Especially when you don't pay the tab after eight of them. (gazetteonline.com)

· You may think you're anonymous on the internet, but the law may say differently, so watch your mouths, you dirty sonsabitches. (xbiz.com)

· Circumcision rates in the U.S. are dropping, which means you might be seeing even more skin than you're used to in the next generation of pornstars. If you can stop looking at the chicks for more than five seconds that is. (ap.org + Gawker)

· Sexy roadside ads are major traffic hazards in Greece and one man is out to put a stop to them. But then how will they recognize the most popular underwear models when they meet them? (sky.com)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Memorial Day Weekend means that May—also known as National Masturbation Month—is almost over. That's right—only one week left to jerk off! As we approach the end of this most selfish of celebrations, we asked writer, editor and Magic Wand enthusiast Rachel Kramer Bussel to sit down and tell what she thinks is so great about the sport and also share some personal preferences for playing solitaire. Strangely enough, it took us the better part of the month to find someone willing to discuss the love of a lifetime so frankly and openly (and on camera). It shouldn't be such a big deal to admit to doing what everyone else in the world does with such gusto, but kudos to Rachel anyway for taking the bullet. What about your trusty Fleshbot editors, you ask? Hey, mind your own business!

· Rachel Kramer Bussel (rachelkramerbussel.com)
· Video by Richard Blakeley

Previously: Masturbate-A-Thon 2007: Still Coming For A Cause, Masturbation Intervention: Know When To Say When, National Masturbation Month: A Hands-On Guide, Party Report: Rachel Kramer Bussel Is Not On Top, Rachel Kramer Bussel's Kinky Blog Tour

· You know your 15 minutes are over when your homemade celebrity sex tape is so boring, no one even wants to put it on the internet. Better luck next time, Lauren Conrad! (tmz.com, via Gawker)

· Girls Aloud singer Sarah Harding gets $200,000 to stand around in her bathing suit. How much to see her in the birthday suit? (toxicmagazine.com)

· Attorney General Alberto Gonzales admits that mistakes were made and US Attorneys were fired for not prosecuting enough obscenity cases, but that it's also totally cool and he didn't anything wrong. Says to Congress: "We're still buds, right?" (yahoo.com + avn.com)

· Is that fetish model Sativa Verte shaking her booty on Fuse TV's PantsOff, DanceOff? We know she's an expert at the "pants off" part, but does she have any rhythm? (fuse.tv)

· Ahh, the things journalists will do for a story ... like work as phone sex operator. Still no answer as to which profession is more shady. (ctnow.com, via Boing Boing)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Who would you rather see in a bikini: Uma Thurman or Courtney Love? Choose wisely: how well you sleep tonight may depend on it. (egotastic.com + hollywoodtuna.com)

· Celebrities ... their dates buy Magnum condoms even though they don't really need them. Just like us! (Gawker)

· Not surprisingly, the Chinese government is also not a fan of the porn. Those guys will censor anything. (xbiz.com)

· Yeah, what is "buck phone sex"? And is it really worth ten dollars? (copyranter.blogspot.com)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Forget the porn stars, call girls and orgy divas—some of the wildest times are had by the girls next door. Behind the quiet facades of the harried mother and the strict science teacher lurk the hearts of wonton hussies, flagrant sluts and closet dominitrices. In today's roundup of some of our favorite posts from the sex blog scene this week, the neighborhood gals prowl empty apartments, lust among the produce aisles and put chopsticks to all sorts of creative and nefarious uses.

Ring the doorbell and run with Jefferson after the jump.

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Sex Blog Roundup
by Jefferson

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The Apartment Concludes

You take my hand and roll me onto my back, taking the hand that just held your cock and placing it over my head. You reach down and bring my other hand up, holding both my hands above my head. Moving your lips down my face, you kiss the hollow of my neck. Then trace a trail with your tongue over my breasts and around each nipple. While one hand still pins my arms, the other runs over my tummy and across my thighs until it rests on my pussy. You take your middle finger and slip it between my lips, sighing as you feel my warm wetness.

- - -

Fuck Phone

The first call he made to me on his new phone was to give me the number they had assigned him. There would only ever be one number in that phone. Mine. We affectionately call it the 'Fuck Phone'. That is the reason for its existence in our world. A connection between two worlds that will never meet. A thing that lives in a dark coat pocket until the need overwhelms and the power button is pushed. The fuck button. I know when that number comes up on my own cell phone that it is time to fuck. That he has found a place, usually semi-private. A public bathroom or a corner spot in some shaded parking lot.

- - -

Rug Burn

"Hmmm," I said, staring at his mouth, at the way his lips curved when he said fuck. Oh yeah, fuck! SHE trilled in response. He didn't notice my abstract mindedness, and just kept talking. "I was all over him on the road, didn't let him go," he continued. Hells yeah, you can be all over me you sexy, foine ass thing you, SHE continued. I tried to focus, I really did, but I felt like I was having two conversations in one and I found the more he talked the less I could focus. Mmmm, those lips, I want them all over me, stop talking and come to mama!

- - -

Tit Torture (Part 2 of 2)

I bend down to pick up a small stringy rubber flogger. It's not an intimidating toy - in fact, it's very light, only stinging ever so slightly when used its hardesthard. The best part about the toy is the way it plays on skin. Flailed loosely, it stings as it tickles. Flailed hard and solid, it thuds as it caresses. And, more importantly, it can wrap around what it hits, its little skinny tails grabbing at anything and everything. Like chains. Like clothes pins.

- - -

Food is Sex is Life

For the cook in me, foreplay begins with produce. Surrounded by fruit and vegetables of every imaginable shape and color, items for consumption suddenly become items for pleasure. Walking the aisles with the sexiest man I've ever known puts everything in a different light. Blood oranges look like me, he says. This exact cucumber is just like him, I notice. We can barely stop grabbing at each other. The nice old lady stocking the greens sees us blushing and smiles. We get that a lot.

- - -

Date Night
Levi usually tops, for good reason. He is brilliant with restraint.

I, on the other hand have been not-so-brilliant. The chains slip clumsily from my lube-slick latex gloves, and some of my knots look like they have been tied by a remedial cub scout. You have to give me an A+ for effort. You try putting your partner in a leather straight jacket, chaining him up in some bizarre way, and then try to find a way to mount his ridged cock while wearing a catsuit (sweatsuit at this point!), corset, six-inch platform thigh-high boots, neck corset, gas mask, and murder gloves. It's complicated. 99% of the time I just jack him off.

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Thumbnail via FTV (TGP/preview gallery @ ftvcash.com)

Previously: Sex Blog Roundup Archive
 

Knowing the identity of someone's favorite porn star is, for some reason, much more personal than just knowing he likes porn. Brother Fleshbot, for example, is a big fan of Tyler Faith, and I just found out that Uncle Fleshbot is partial to Jenna Haze, around whom Adult DVD Empire has built a contest.

Purchasers of "Interactive Sex with Jenna Haze 2" will automatically be entered (not like Kurt Lockwood) in a contest for which the grand prize is a steamy phone date with the diminutive and multitalented anal queen (she also snagged a trophy for Best Oral Sex Scene at the AVN Awards this year) herself. Second prize is a sheaf of her Zero Tolerance DVDs, which is not a bad haul either.

(Full disclosure: the subject line refers to a trip to Graceland we took in which our Uruguayan guide said, "I hear Elvis make sex on his mother.") - GP

· Win Phone Sex With Jenna Haze (Adult DVD Empire)
· Order: "Interactive Sex with Jenna Haze" (Adult DVD Empire)
· See also: (The Real) Jenna Haze (@ MySpace) and Jenna Haze (official site coming soon @ jennahaze.com)
· Zero Tolerance Entertainment (ztvideo.com)

Fuck. Pussy. Cock. Cum. Slut. They're just words, after all, and sex by any other name would be still be as sweet. So why do they have such power? Still, sometimes words just get in tho way, and today's Sex Blog Roundup also speaks the international language of love: sighs, moans, slaps, slurps and squeaks. No matter your native tongue, you'll find something you want to wrap your mouth around in today's selection of bloggers writing about everything from phone sex to analingus etymology. (Why do they call it "tossing the salad" anyway?)

Leave your dictionary behind and join your lexicographical tempstress Chelsea Girl after the jump.

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Sex Blog Roundup
by Chelsea Girl

- - -

Cock

"Say it slut."

"Mr Stern, will you please come on my face?" The words do not flow easily. I struggle with each syllable but force myself to string them together.

"Beg for it, you fucking cumslut."

__________________________________________________

Matrix Sex

She wasn't a screamer. She wasn't a moaner. She was a cringer. She'd pant, thrash around and then her whole face would cringe and squish up like she was a child waiting to be pricked by a doctor's needle. And she'd hold her breath, It was like she was trying to capture the orgasm and hold it in. She held it, her body frozen except for her pussy trying to grab at the toy I was thrusting in and out of her. These little squeaking sounds slipped through her clenched jaw until finally she exhaled with this mixture of grunts and gasps as if she was surfacing water after being held under for a long time. And her juices then poured out of her and immediately began to soak the sheets.

- - -

Gently, My Darling

I smile as your warm hand connects with me, tenderly smoothing away the errant hairs that fall about my face, as you caress me in waves...and we are breathing in time, our bodies harmonising with each touch. The warmth of your fingers flows down my neck, relaxing tense shoulders, snaking along my spine...down and down...flowing and relaxing me, and it takes me a few moments to realize that your massage has lengthened to reverently cherish the parts of me that hurt, that ache. What is it about your touch that so easily moves me to tears?

- - -

Mirror Doesn't Lie

Her response as I ran my hand up her thigh and across her pussy was to push back against my hand. Good sign. I continued roaming my hand al over her, but now I made frequent stops between her legs, rubbing or teasing with my finger tips through her panties. Eventually, the rest of her body was forgotten and my hand was permanently rubbing her pussy. I slipped a finger under her panties and found her to be very wet. I slipped my finger inside her and teased some more before withdrawing it and running it up and down her slit, and around her clit.

- - -

Cheating Wife Story: Fucked While Talking on the Phone

"Hello darling, how is everything at work? Are you working to hard?"

"No, its kinda slow day. What do you want?"

"Nothing, just wanting to see how are you. By the way do you know that words slow and hard go really really good together?" As I speak over the phone, I am on my hands and knees on the wooden floor, and Mr.Tenant is slamming his firm cock slow but hard inside me for almost 10 minutes now.

- - -

Tossing the Salad

Why the HELL is it called "tossing the salad?"

Other sexual nicknames tend to have some sort of obvious metaphorical quality to them. But this one, I just don't see it. Is the asshole supposed to be some kind of "bowl?" Okay, that's a stretch, but even if so, the metaphor still doesn't hold water, because you need TWO implements to toss something, and you only have one tongue. And "tossing" implies throwing something up in the air and it settling again, and that just isn't even remotely what's going on.

* * * * *

Thumbnail star: Katie Fey (katiefey.com)

Previously: Sex Blog Roundup Archive
 

· The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families has declared this week to be Pornography Awareness Week. Don't worry ... we're well aware. (avn.com)

· So what if you've seen Adriana Lima in a bikini about a bazillion times before? You'll see it again—and like it, dammit. (egotastic.com)

· DealBreaker takes on one of the most pressing issues facing the financial industry today: should your company reimburse you for strippers? (dealbreaker.com)

· People in more affluent western countries are more promiscuous than they are in other parts of the world. Westerners were unavailable for comment, because they had a hot date that night. (bbc.co.uk)

· The mayor of Edmond, Oklahoma, wants to stop underage drinking so she hands out filers instructing them to call a phone sex number instead. At $2.99 per minute, at least they won't have enough money left over for beer. (wcbstv.com)

· Australia's government employees like porn just as much as our government's. We can't think of a better use for your tax dollars. (news.com.au)

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Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· Just when you thought political ads couldn't get any dumber, a candidate is attacked for dialing a wrong number. Then again, when accused of calling a phone sex line, "wrong number" is the standard go-to excuse. (forbes.com)

· Mary Carey only wants what's fair: a guest spot on The Tonight Show, just like her "opponent" Arnold Schwarzenegger. Does this mean the Terminator will have a cameo in "Pervert! Part 2"? (washingtonpost.com)

· We've been waiting for a better scan of this Scarlett Johansson "sweater" picture to show up on the interwebs for a while. The hunger strike is now over. (banklocater.com)

· Students at the University of Toronto can study "flogging, restraint and role-play". Who says they don't teach the classics anymore? (msnbc.msn.com)

· Preachers are going undercover at Indian call centers to rid the employees of their licentious ways. Hey, if it get us off hold in the next twenty minutes we're all for it. (indiatimes.com)

· A new report says the internet may be addictive. Nonsense. Now, hand us that Red Bull so we can't get back to searching YouTube. (techweb.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

· McDonald's new "Feel The Beef" ad campaign in China pushes the boundaries of good taste ... much like the burgers they're trying to sell. (Zing!) (shanghaiist.com)

· Would you give up sex for the chance to live to be 100? Go ask a 100-year-old about the last time they got some action and then get back to us. (news.com.au)

· A man in England received over 200 calls in one day when his cell phone number was mistakenly printed in a phone sex ad. The good news is he made $4.95 per minute. (bbc.co.uk)

· This story about Justin Timberlake and his fabulous sex life would be pretty stupid if it weren't for the fantastic headline: "We like sex! Why to get married?" Couldn't have said it better ourselves! (hindustantimes.com)

· If you're a fake cop posing as a fake prostitute to extort money from potential johns, try not to spring your trap on a real cop. You're better off being a real prostitute at that point. (news10now.com)

· That's the trouble with using sex to sell clothes—the clothes always get in the way. Maybe they should take a lesson from these guys. (fresh99.com, via swbu.blogspot.com + adrants.com)

· A writer actually sits down and tries to solve the art vs. porn dilemma. Hey, as long as there's boobies we're good either way. (netribution.co.uk)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

I'm having problems believing the fact that Stephanie is really a mother of 3. Obligatory scepticism about phone sex girl authenticity aside, however, Phone Mommy 2 Cum seems like the perfect place to teleconnect with some very experienced, sex-starved vixens; this is the kind of site that makes me want to cut right to the post-violation shower scene. Not that I actually dialed the $1.99/min call to Aunt Abby or Granny Marleana, mind you, but just the fact that I ve laid eyes on dirty images of these horny maternal figures&mdashland, worse, that by posting this link my not-so-good name will forever be associated with a website called "Phone Mommy 2 Cum"—is disconcerting to say the least. But I m kind of proud of it too. Because if there's one thing I know about love, sex, and pornography, it's that you can never be too conflicted.A. Tolesco

Phone Mommy 2 Cum (phonemommy2cum.com)

Previously: New School Phone Sex, Podnography Archives, Violet Loves Nina, Still More Sexy Podcasts, Sexy Cellphone Watch: PhonePurr, Wireless Gentleman's Club, Indian MMS Porn Scandals, Dial-An-Orgasm, Bad Phone Sex