· Buy "Your Ass Is Mine" (gamelink.com)

We like to think he's referring to the artist's lesser known "Rose Period" from 1904 to 1906, characterized by his cheery style, bright colors, circus people, comic harlequins, and professional sex workers specializing in severe anal acrobatics. Don't believe us? Look it up, people. Yeah, with the interGoogles.

We sympathize completely with what must have certainly been quite a dilemma for the Canadian stud, having undoubtedly plowed the zesty anal depths of some of the most beautiful and morally challenged women the adult entertainment industry has ever seen. Where, oh where, to begin?

In the end, Everhard selects the finest of his sphincter stretching episodes, giving us an utterly amazing sampling of breathtaking beauties and their fully blossomed rosebuds.

"Big Fucking Assholes" stars Katja Kassin, Lauren Phoenix, Katsumi, Melissa Lauren, Amy Ried, Aline, Sandra Romaine, luscious Jenny Hendrix, and Janet Alfano. If their assholes weren't that "big" to begin with, they certainly were by the time he finished cramming his massive tool up into their lunch.

"Big Fucking Assholes" is out this week, from Erik Everhard and Jules Jordan Video. Grab a copy, you know, to get your lover in the right mood tonight, along with some anal ease, a butt plug, a gallon of lube, a rubber mask, and a box of fine wine. While you're at it you might want to up your health insurance to that gold plated shit Senators are always bitching about.

Now check out these ungodly shots way up into the plumbing of young babes and let us know if you think they are just as pretty on the inside. We can't wait to see how fast our comments section fills up after that last, um, crack.

Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)
Buy "Big Fucking Assholes" (gamelink.com)
Jules Jordan Video (julesjordanvideo.com)

Supreme master pornographer Robby D is back at it again, this time with a "workout supplement"
that is guaranteed to burn off some extra calories, if you know what we mean. (Get it? Because you'll be so excited, um, right then. Okay. Sorry. It's easy to get distracted once we start talking about boobs.)

Titties. What is the source of our attraction to them..and why can't we stop staring? Sure, everyone always thinks that they know, but do they really? Robby D delves deep into the cleavage above the heart of the issue, and works us all into a frothy lather as he tries to figure out whether it's a biological instinct or just, ya know, the fact that those puppies are huge and jiggling back and forth hypnotically in our faces, looking all full of hot sweet milk, and jiggly, wait...what were we saying again?

Chavon Taylor, Rebecca Lane, Melissa Lauren, Shyla Stylez, and Cassandra Calogera make sexy ass milk maids. These jug all stars take sweet juicy poundings while their milkshakes keep us completely entranced. You've got to see this to believe it.

"Titlicious" swings pendulously back and forth into stores this week from Digital Playground and Robby D. These amazing images belong to them. Grab a tall glass of milk and dive right in!

Cassandra Calogera and Scott Nails
Cassandra Calogera and Scott Nails
Cassandra Calogera and Scott Nails
Shyla Stylez and Mick Blue
Shyla Stylez and Mick Blue
Shyla Stylez and Mick Blue
Melissa Lauren and Mick Blue
Melissa Lauren and Mick Blue
Melissa Lauren and Mick Blue
Rebecca Lane, Mick Blue, and James Deen
Rebecca Lane, Mick Blue, and James Deen
Rebecca Lane, Mick Blue, and James Deen
Chavon Taylor, Tony De Sergio, and Mick Blue
Chavon Taylor, Tony De Sergio, and Mick Blue
Chavon Taylor, Tony De Sergio, and Mick Blue

And what did they see while they were there? Fans! Sex toys! Pornstars! The red carpet! Pretty much the same things as everyone else, actually (though they managed to sneak in some behind the scenes footage from real live porn sets and copious ads for sneak peeks of "Pirates 2", you know, to keep things interesting).

We watched the whole special so you didn't have to—and we've clipped a few of the more interesting moments for your enjoyment. Above, Wicked's Elektra Blue discusses some of the hazards of working in porn, below, Melissa Lauren talks about how she went from being a pastry chef to a pornstar.

· G4TV (g4tv.com)

For years we've been harangued by tech progressive prognosticators, who go on and on about how cutting edge porn is and how our inherent sexual perversions have always been early indicators pushing innovation to keep up with our hormones—or, as Masami Akita once posited from a Tokyo subway while making discarded manga into guilty art, how porno is the unconsciousness of culture, the libido of humanity.

The VCR, we are told, came into existence with high and mighty aspirations, but only survived long enough to babysit your children with Disney classics because of porn consumers. The same principle applies to the DVD player and now Blu-Ray, at least if we're to believe the lovable cast of "Tropic Thunder" (not to be confused with a Stormy Daniels movie).

So to all of you champions of the brave new technological world we ask this simple question—what the fuck? Why then are we still stuck with Point of View porn instead of being able to virtually diddle the porn starlet of our choice's holographic hoo-ha? Oh, and also, were the hell are those flying cars? But mostly, just what the fuck?

After a long hard day of crunching data for our benevolent multinational corporate masters, we'd like to teleport back to our domicile for a hot and sticky session with our favorite new pornstar; generally the most recent addition to the courtesan library with the sweetest simulated curves and longest drop down menu of fetishes. Can someone let us know when that will be possible?

Melissa Lauren, Bobbi Starr, Riley Evans, Emma Heart, Missy Stone, and Holly West take a not-so-virtual pounding in their flesh and blood anal cavities, respectively, with such relish one would think they were born for the job. Ah, but we know better than anyone (except Tweety) that the heart is deceitful above all things. For now it will have to do, this form of vicarious pleasure accrued through the projection of ego consciousness and pure fantasizing. In that regard, Everhard makes a worthy surrogate as our imaginary penis, even if he isn't two feet longer and black.

We still think that Eric and Jules should make postcards out of some of these shots that allow the end user to choose a customized message. Ours would say "Wish You Were Here."

:Anal POV 6" releases this week from Jules Jordan and Eric Everhard. Act accordingly.

· "Anal POV 6" (julesjordanvideo.com)

Okay, maybe the results aren't all that shocking to loyal Fleshbot readers.

Shawna Lenee, Missy Stone, Jessica Jaymes, Puma Swede, Lisa Ann, Jayden James, Devon, Jenaveve Jolie, Melissa Lauren, and Mya Nichole make up the (nearly) all star cast of this Sapphic epic. While sluggish at points, largely due to the formulaic nature of genre, we'd be willing to sit through almost anything to watch most of these girls get down to business—which they happily do, diving face first into one perfect juicy snatch after another, until our heads were spinning from overstimulation.

Shawna Lenee's latent lesbian nature shines through as she loving licks Missy Stone from head to toe, those whose wouldn't? Jessica Jaymes and Puma Swede show true veteran cunnilingus skills in the most ardent and believable 69 we've seen in some time. Lisa Ann of "Who's Nailin Paylin?" fame tears into sweet Jayden James's eager beaver with vigor. And last, but most certainly not least, a lesbian orgy (one of the hardest things in the world to direct—believe us!) consumes an unsuspecting living room, with succulent Shawna returning to sample tasty Devon, Jenaveve Jolie, Melissa Lauren, and Mya Nichole.

So maybe this release won't revolutionize lesbian porn as we know it. It does, however, make a welcome addition to the genre as a whole, one worthy of the hours you'll spend pouring over it.

"Babes Illustrated 18" releases this month from Metro Interactive.

· Metro Interactive (metroxxx.com)

Such is the sad case, in our humble but esteemed opinion, with the latest title directed by Chris Rolie for Jules Jordan Video. Don't get us wrong—there's a lot to love about "Tunnel Butts." After all, the release stars big booty cuties Melissa Lauren, Kaci Starr, Jamie Elle, Kelly Wells, Adrianna Nicole, Jaslin Diaz, Heidi Mayne, Cassandra Cruz, Ricki White, and Mason Moore taking hearty helpings of cock in every hole, with seven scenes running nearly three hours (this is a massive release, people.). Still, even with all that action, the title just leaves something to be desired.

Not to sound like Andy Rooney or anything, but what exactly are “tunnel butts” anyway? Are these the butts that runaway slaves like Fredrick Douglass and Harriet Tubman once used to fulfill their sexual desires while fleeing slavery via the underground railroad? Or is this a puerile reference to the anal proclivities of our zaftig, callipygous starlets? We can’t make heads or tails out of some of these threeways!

In the end (pun fully intended), we’ve learned that, no matter how mangled the etymology of pornographic idea might get, the enjoyment is still the same—so long as it’s not Japanese tentacle porn. Rolie gives us a delicious display of riches by way of Jules Jordan, and offers up the ripe and juicy derrieres of voracious starlets out to earn a name for themselves. That's something we're grateful for in any language.

· "Tunnel Butts" (julesjordanvideo.com)

Watch Bobbi Starr juggling large black balls while balancing between two giant rods! Thrill to the sight of Emilianna and Carolyn Reese performing death-defying feats of cunnilingus! Marvel as Ricki White and Rucca Page make one man’s meat completely disappear within their fleshy confines—and you won't believe how Velicity Von and her sexy assistant Lexi Love manage to charm Sean Michaels' raging python into submission!

Of course, you won't see Ashley Blue pulling a string of large anal beads from her nether reigons before getting tongue fucked by Melissa Lauren in any big top we know of. After all, this ain't your usual greatest show on earth.

• "Anal Beach Buns" (DVD info @ evilangel.com)

Bitches punishing whores for being whores, or bitches punishing whores because they're bitches? No one could tell me. Bitch!

See more snaps after the gap.

I'd been to the Fallout Shelter before. Not only a charming home but also a fully functional dungeon with instruments of torture and enough brick walls to showcase every comedia from 1985 to 1989, the Fallout Shelter has been the site of some of our favorite non-couples'-friendly encounters.

Melissa Lauren serves as an enabler and major domo in the series. She was the one who began tearing at Bellucci's mesh ensemble. I feel the way about mesh that I do about prom dresses. Why wear them? They're only going to be ripped off eventually.

Lauren primes Bellucci for a feller. He fucks her on a vinyl upholstered love structure that resembles something from "Star 80". Each cast member speaks English in an interesting way. It is because of this that we understand them better. At one point, while Bellucci is blowing him, he says:

"Fuck that mouth."

Was he talking to himself, or to her? If the latter, what does that mean?

· Hellfire Sex (hellfiresex.com)
· Buy "Hellfire Sex 11" (jerkoffzone.com)

Instead, the conclusion to director John Stagliano's award-winning series opens with Antonio (played by legendary cocksman Rocco Siffredi) traveling to Berlin (that's in Germany) to discover more about the kinky world of the sinister Safado (Vidal). Siffredi and Vidal battle it out, mano a mano, through a series of complicated plot twists, mercurial character-revealing flashbacks, off-the-hook orgies, and a metric ton of hardcore sex featuring porn goddesses Belladonna, Melissa Lauren, and The Porn Star Formerly Known As Katsumi, exponentially pushing each other's boundaries throughout.

In the end, however, only one can possess The Porn Star Formerly Known As Katsumi. Will it be Siffredi, who fucks his way through four dominant porn queens to get to her? Or will it be Vidal, who practically fucks a hole through Melissa Lauren with his Volkswagen-sized penis? (And if you don't understand what balling several different women with your Volkswagen-sized penis has to do with winning over another woman's heart, you need to be watching more porn.)-D. Cypher

· Evil Angel (evilangel.com)
· Order: Fashionistas Safado: Berlin" (Adult DVD Empire)

* * * * *

Previously: DVD: "Fashionistas Safado: The Challenge", Fashionistas Photoplay: (Then We Take) "Fashionistas Safado: Berlin"