Fleshbot: maids

Fox Sports To World: "zOMG! Nikki Benz Is Hawt!"

Ottimo Massimo — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 13:30:01 EDT

In all fairness, if Nikki Benz showed up at our office, flitting around in a French maid outfit, we'd probably lose it, too.

Now, we may not know much about sports, but we do know good innuendo when we hear it. We're not saying that she's out there fighting the man, we're just happy to see a fuck-friendly face hanging in the mainstream section. Does Nikki's appearance in a Fox-run webisode signal major network acceptance of pornstars? No. But that's cool. And you know what? Nikki Benz is a pretty good actress.

· via HUSTLER WORLD (hustlerworld.com)

American Pie: The Legacy

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 13:00:00 EDT

Believe it or not, the American Pie franchise is coming out with its seventh installment. We wonder: did they really make six other American Pie films? And why has Eugene Levy been the only actor to be in every movie?

In honor of American Pie: Book of Love, we're analyzing what makes these films work, and taking a look back at some of the finest moments in American Pie history. Most importantly, we'll decide which film is our favorite, and should be emulated by the upcoming DVD release.

American Pie:
Plot: B
Four friends—Jim, Oz, Finch, and Kevin—all vow to finally have sex (sadly, not with each other) by prom night. Oz softens his jocky image by joining the jazz choir, Finch pays a girl to spread rumors about his sexual prowess, Kevin tries to get back together with his girlfriend Vicky, and Jim tries to the seduce Czech foreign exchange student, Nadia. After various hijinks, the boys get laid. In addition, the boys seem to learn something about themselves, and grow as individuals.

Nudity: B-
Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth) is hot, of course. And while this is probably the most tasteful nudity of the whole series, it doesn't stand out against some of the other films.

American Pie 2:
Plot: C
The four friends reunite after a year of college and decide to rent a beach house for the summer. Beyond that, their goals differ and the film breaks up into various interweaving vignettes. Jim's plotline is the most vital in terms of franchise continuity, as he seeks help from Michelle (the girl he lost his virginity to in the first film) so he doesn't re-embarrass himself in front of Nadia. He ends up falling in love with Michelle. Hijinks throughout the film.

Nudity: B
The boys paint a house for cash. After a bit of peeping, the boys get caught by the house's owners (Lisa Arturo and Denise Faye)...

American Pie 3 aka (American Wedding):
Plot: B+
The final film of the original trilogy, and the last one to be released in theaters. After graduating college, Jim proposes to Michelle. She says yes. Hijinks happen all over the place. All the boys get involved, parents get involved, even Michelle's grandmother gets involved. But in the end, everyone gets laid, Jim and Michelle get married. Everything gets tied off rather nicely.

Nudity: B+
Officer Krystal (Nikki Schieler Ziering) and Fraulein Brandi (Amanda Swisten) grace Jim's bachelor party with the sexy ways of a bad cop (dominatrix? biker?) and a French (German?) maid. It's especially good once Michelle's parents show up.

Michelle's mom: You're a disgrace to the police force!
Officer Krystal: I'll be giving you an enema!

American Pie: Band Camp:
Plot: C-
This is the first of the American Pie straight-to-DVD apocrypha. It follows Matt, the younger brother of mischief making Stifler, as he is punished for his pranks by being sent to Band Camp. Matt initially resists making friends with any of the band geeks, but eventually builds a friendship with his roommate Ernie so the two of them can spy on girls. Like most summer camp movies, there are rivalries, young love, occasional nudity, hijinks, a piccolo mistaken for a dildo.

Nudity: C+
It's there, but it's missing something. The same voyeurism from the first film is repeated in shower/bathroom scenes, but with none of the interactivity. Here's one with Jennifer Walcott and Tara Killian.

American Pie: The Naked Mile:
Plot: D
Stifler's cousin, Erik (this movie is full of Stiflers), is about to graduate from high school a virgin. His girlfriend, Tracy, isn't ready to have sex, but she lets him go off to the University of Michigan for their annual Naked Mile run, in the hopes that he will find someone there to have sex with and quench his lusty desires. Indeed, he finds a college girl who has a thing for virgin boys, but he ultimately decides he wants to make love to Tracy. All in all, it's a nice touch bringing the plot back to a virgin. We'd just like to point out that the first scene of the film involves Erik faking sick to stay home from school so he can masturbate while his parents are gone. Unfortunately, his mom, dad, and grandmother interrupt him (they came back to look for a coupon) just a the moment of climax. He jizzes on his family and his grandmother dies of a heart attack.

Nudity: A
Naked. People. Everywhere.

American Pie: Beta House:
Plot:D-
Once again, we watch as young Erik Stifler battles his way to glory and vies for a place in the Beta Delta Xi fraternity. After many hijinks, he becomes a member of Beta. Unfortunately, a rival fraternity of nerds, the GEEKs, threaten on-campus partying. The GEEKs want the Betas to leave, the Betas want the GEEKs to leave. Finally, they hold a Greek Olympiad to decide which fraternity gets to stay. Beta wins. Partying continues. All in all, this is a carbon-copy of Revenge of the Nerds with the jocks as the heroes and more nudity. Speaking of which...

Nudity: C+
There's nudity, but it feels incidental. Although, we do give it up for this one scene with Angela Besharah.

And the winner is...

American Pie!
You can't deny the cultural significance of the original. It made "MILF" a household term; it made bakers put chastity belts on their pastries. It was the coming-of-age story that the late 90s desperately needed. To celebrate, here's that Shannon Elizabeth footage from before, with some extras thrown in.

· Clips via Celebcap.net (celebcap.net), Celebvids (celebvids.blog.hu), and Metacafe (metacafe.com)

I'll Be Your French Maid: Top Ten Sexy French Maid Videos

Kate Kant — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 14:00:00 EDT

Cleavage bursting at the seams, obscenely tiny skirts with frills a tickling feather duster constantly at hand, and a sultry foreign accent. Honestly, is there anything unappealing about French maids?

The women in these videos are eager to serve in whatever fashion necessary. Cooking, cleaning, stripping... you know, the usual.

*****

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

Great Moments In Porn: A Maid, Her Three Horny Friends, And Some Clever Editing

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 12:00:00 EST

At first glance, this video appears to be an awesome—although somewhat run of the mill—clip of a maid getting fucked by three strapping gentlemen. But look closer: there's more to it than that.

See, on second glance you will realize that not only is it an awesome clip of a maid getting fucked by three strapping gentlemen—it's that, and the most amazingly edited porn ever. Look at the cuts and transitions: scenes fly out of the girl's butt! The camera deeply penetrates her ass in search of more hardcore action! Have you ever seen anything more stunning? Star wipe has nothing on this.

· Cock Hungry Anal Maid (pornhub.com)

At Your Service: Top Ten Maid Videos

Evelyn Leigh — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 13:00:00 EST

Whatever mess you've gotten yourself into, maids are there to make your life easier—and they're very serious about getting the job done (though you can always count on them to stay clean...).

Of course, with those itty bitty outfits in the mix, we have a feeling that staying neat and tidy is the last thing on your mind... so say hello to our favorite filthy maids. Trust us: even when they're not getting busy with the Swiffer, they always make sure to get the job done.

Hot maid gets gangbanged in the bathroom

hot kinky maid 1

Smokin' hot Carmen Luvana intrigued by cock

Gianna is a very naughty maid

Maid fucks Shay for extra pay

Hot maid service in a British hotel

Maid Service

More than just a hot latin maid

Very Naughty Maid

Little maid Madison get it hard

*****

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

Maid To Order: Sweet, Sexy Maids

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:00:08 EDT

Confessing to a maid fantasy always feels a little embarrassing: with their skimpy outfits and perfect-for-porn job description, well, the whole thing just feels a little obvious and mundane. Then again, they wear skimpy outfits and have a job description that's totally perfect for porn—so why wouldn't we fantasize about them? After the jump, finding out how getting clean can make us feel oh so dirty.

Amy Valor (coedillustrated.com)

Anette Dawn (anettedawn.com)

Caroline (nubiles.net)

Gina Lynn (pornstarsgirlsex.com)

Kayden Kross (kaydenkrossxxx.net)

Michelle Monaghan (ddfcash.com)

Rosalia Verne (polish-naturals.com)

Tiffany Brookes (great-babes.net)

Yumi U (erotiscore.com)

Gemma Massey (timdir.com)

*****

Previously: Fleshbot Requests Archive

Everyone loves a good French maid fantasy...

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:30:19 EDT

Everyone loves a good French maid fantasy (even us!), which means that everyone should love this gallery of hot babes who get our minds all dirty while they make our houses clean. Who knew there were so many variations on such a simple theme? (holytaco.com)

Flesh Flicks: Double Duty

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 19:11:13 EDT

Here's a philosophical question for you: If you hire two naughty maids to clean your apartment, it may cost you double—but they should be able to come to your apartment in frilly, too-small outfits, pretend to do some dusting and then get naked in only half the time. So the cost should be the same either way, right? On the other hand, if you decide to have a threeway with them, that's two women you have to satisfy and double the disappointment if you fail. Yet, you're only one person, so where's the extra reward for that extra risk? Oh, right ... you get to have a threeway with sexy twin maids! Now that we think about it, you should probably double the tip, too.

· Twin Maids (Megarotic)

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Previously: Flesh Flicks Archive

A Night At The Full Service Hotel

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:40:35 EDT

The last time we stayed at a hotel, the maid didn't come to clean our room until long after we'd checked out ... and she certainly wasn't wearing a sexy outfit as she tidied up. Is that what passes for service these days? Thankfully, some hotels still believe in providing a quality experience to their customers: in this establishment, the maids not only wear those cute little outfits, they also offer a complete range of amenities to help make their guests feel right at home. (Hint: leaving a mint on the pillow is just the start.) A clean room, a cute maid, and a good, hard shag? Just let us know when we can check in.

. . .

· Hotel Cleaning Maid fucked in Bathroom (megarotic.com)

Hiring a nude maid to clean your house while...

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:01:27 EDT

Hiring a nude maid to clean your house while the wife is on vacation sounds like the perfect plan, until she makes off with $40,000 worth of your wife's jewels. That must have been a fun explanation. (myfoxtampabay.com; thumb of the very trustworthy Shay Laren)

Naughty French Maids Will Wipe The Floor With You

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:20:23 EDT

Why are naughty French maids such a potent sexual fantasy? Is it because deep down in our hearts we know that sex is dirty and unclean and so we feel the need to fetishize the very act of purifying our surroundings, and even our very souls? Or is it as simple as that old Seinfeld joke: "It's a woman in your room"? Whatever it is that makes it so exciting, you never have to look far to find a pornographic excuse to be caught being a very filthy boy or girl. You are filthy, aren't you? So why not let these sexy ladies (found with a little help from our friends at Your Dirty Mind) tidy up a bit?

. . .

· Hot Kinky Maid 1

. . .

· Tiffany Brookes

· "Sexy Maids - stripping out of their underwear" (yourdirtymind.com)

We don't really understand the how or why...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 10:00:17 EDT

We don't really understand the how or why or what of this naughty French maid (made in Japan, natch) computer case, but we are told that she's not wearing panties, which we think is something that everyone can easily grasp. (akibablog.net, via Kotaku)