Yes, we'll admit that we spent several whole minutes trying to figure out some similarities between the ministrations of Lucy's mouth and, well, the art of cultivating miniature trees, but it seems far more likely that she's trying to tell us that her blowjobs last ten thousand years (if only!), or that they were once enjoyed by Buckaroo Banzai. Because come on, let's face it: there's nothing miniature about that tree she's got in her mouth.

· Hot bonsai blowjob (redtube.com)

Unfortunately, that's just what "Teradise Island 2" is. Now that Jenna Jameson has officially retired, the Porn Queen crown has passed over to Tera — which means that porn fans have the right to expect something more from her than this messy affair of sloppy direction and even worse editing. With too-artsy slow-mo transitions, tepid performances from practically everyone in the cast, and the use of queen bee Tera herself to cover up all those rough patches, let's just hope that the "Teradise" franchise doesn't become a trilogy.

I won't give away the surprise ending but I will say that these screencaps provided by Teravision are better than the full motion version from whence thay came. I honestly wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone unless they were a diehard Tera fan — and we all know she deserves a better vehicle for her considerable talents.

· Teravision (teravision.com)
· Order "Teradise Island 2" (Adult DVD Empire)

We have no idea whether Mercury is in retrograde this month, but we do know that Tera Patrick and Lucy Lee, who is a former contract performer for Tera's company Teravision, got in a spat so close to the famous corner of Hollywood and Vine last week prior to the XRCO Awards that it is a wonder both weren't scooped up by passing Hollywood talent scouts and made major stars.

Meanwhile, halfway across the world in Thailand, porn director John T. Bone and associates were busted by police for having instruments of pornography and the intent to use them.

Read more about the porn world seeming sordid all of a sudden after the gap. - GP

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Lee and Patrick, former friends who fell out, resulting in Lee's dismissal from the company, encountered each other outside Hollywood's Forbidden City night club, where Tera was about to host an awards show.

Lee claims Patrick's company still owes her money, and that her non-compete agreement prohibited her from working. Non-compete agreements in any industry are terrifically difficult to enforce, but the porn world is strange, and it is possible that Tera's reputation alone was enough to keep Lee from working. In the wake of the scrape, performer Nikki Benz also said Tera treated her poorly.

Lee and Patrick had a shouting match which led to a mutual tossing of drinks, which may or may not be copyright infringement. Sources say Lee was the first to toss a drink.

Teravision issued a statement today denying wrongdoing.

We disagree with the allegations that Ms. Lee is owed money, and we certainly disagree with her fabrications as to what took place at the awards show. If Ms. Lee believes she is owned money, the proper way to address that would be to call our offices. She has never raised any such issues in the past- it is interesting, and questionable that she chooses to do so now in the press, on the heels of Ms. Benz's unfounded allegations. It is unfortunate that these two have seemingly "paired up" to try and spread a negative smear campaign- we are not sure what their motivation may be, but we have no doubt that soon we will learn where their intentions are.

Meanwhile, in Thailand, John Bowen, aka porn director John T. Bone, was arrested along with Kyle Mark Micgram, a director for Hustler, in Pattaya City. The pair had set up a studio in an apartment where police found images of the Buddha in every corner, which they allege would be seen "in every frame" of porn movies the pair would make.

The police further allege that Bone and Micgram used prostitutes and "katueys" (transvestites or transsexuals) in the creation of the films and an accompanying website.

Bowen argued that he was not the only person in Thailand doing what he was arrested for, but the police didn't consider that sufficient reason to let him go. Bowen's website says that "rumors of my incarceration are are (sic) greatly exaggerated".

· Tera Patrick (clubtera.com)
· John T. Bone (johntbone.com)
· Lucy Lee on MySpace (myspace.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive