You can imagine how hard we're swooning right now (and if you can't: pretty damn hard). Not swooning yourself yet? Check out this clip, in which Melanie (Lexi!) comes across a naked Joan (Annabelle Lee)—who is, of course, naked because she's trying to seduce den mother Ms. Gariss and win her back into the sapphic fold... (trust us, it makes sense. Sort of.)

· Buy The Dirty Facts of Life" (gamelink.com)

Especially when there's a bouncy castle in the mix. Anyone know where we can get one of those? Or, if that's too hard, anyone know how we can lure a pair of Lexis to our, ahem, private party? (Actually, come to think of it, we'd much prefer the two Lexis to a bouncy castle. Scratch that first request off our list.)

· Buy "The New Romantix" (babeland.com)
· Max Royale's "The New Romantix" (newromantix.com)

*****

Previously: "The New Romantix" Woos And Seduces Us

Directed by Max Royale, "The New Romantix" falls into the category of docuporn. There's no plot, per se; instead, Max interviews his starlets, getting them to open up a bit about their lives, their pasts, and their sexual awakenings—and then films them acting out a little fantasy of their own (whether that's masturbating while listening to music, filming sex in the dark with an infrared camera, or having a threeway in a bouncy castle).

It's a simple, effective format, but one that's heavily reliant on the quality of the cast. Luckily, there's nothing to worry about in that department: "The New Romantix" showcases a stellar group of starlets, including newly minted Crush Object Ryan Keely, Fleshbot Supreme Commandress Joanna Angel, and the retired (and much missed) Lexi Bardot, all of whom are as delightful to listen to as they are to watch fucking.

The cast of "The New Romantix" is so magnificent, and each scene so unique, that it's difficult for us to pick a favorite scene or section—though if we had to, we'd give extra bonus points to the Lexi Belle/Lexi Bardot/Tommy Pistol bouncy castle threeway, simply for sheer creativity (and because we imagine that it's rather difficult to get your sex on in a bouncy castle).

All in all, there was really only one thing we would have changed about the production: the omnipresence of James Deen. Much as we adore the AVN Male Performer of the Year, seeing him again and again (in three out of seven scenes), was just a little much for our tastes, and we would have preferred to see a little more diversity in the way of male talent. (Though, come to think of it, that may be more commentary on the porn industry's male talent than on Mr. Royale's casting ability.)

Over the years, Babeland has given us many quality toys and many quality orgasms, and we're extremely excited to see them moving into the porn arena. If "The New Romantix" is any indication of what they'll be bringing to the table, they have a very bright future ahead of them—and, for that matter, so do we.

· Buy "The New Romantix" (babeland.com)
· "The New Romantix" (newromantix.com)
· Max Royale (maxroyale.com)

Sure, LexiBardot.com is back in action, promising new content—or at least content—but Lexi Bardot has nothing to do with it. She remains happily retired... while someone else makes money off her name.

Sadly, we can't say we're 100% surprised by this. We've seen it happen before, to more than a few girls—but it still throws us for a loop each and every time.

And, okay, we admit it: we're pretty bummed that Lexi is not, in fact, back in action.

· Lexi Bardot update: She's not back in the industry and her web designer stole her domain. (pornstarbabylon.wordpress.com)
· Thumbnail from NS Galleries (nsgalleries.com, via AskJolene)

But, fans of diversity that we are, we love to see tall women en flagrante delicto as well. There's something about those long, elegant limbs that really gets us going. And what better way to celebrate those long, elegant limbs than with a video roundup? Not only are these women long in the torso... they're also long on the sexy. (Sorry, we couldn't resist.)

. . .

Katsuni: 5'9"

Lacie Heart: 5'9"

Janine: 5'8"

Gianna Michaels: 5'10"

Ashley Long: 5'11"

Lexi Bardot: 5'11"

Faith Leon: 5'11"

Nikki Grind: 5'11''

Angel Long: 6'

Rhiannon Bray: 5'11"

*****

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

The Semi-Retirement: When some girls quit the business, they just quit one part of it. Take Lexi Bardot, for instance, who may have left Porn Valley but who still creates online content. Wich is something we're extremely grateful for.

The (Very) Brief Exit: We were heartbroken when Belladonna announced that she was going to be retiring from the hardcore life due to an STD scare Thankfully, we weren't heartbroken for very long: less than a month after that announcement, she was back in the saddle again, which is exactly where we like to see her.

The Higher Calling: When Jesus calls, porn stars answer — at least when those porn stars are Crissy Moran and Erica Campbell, who left the jizz biz for the Jesus biz. We tried telling them that looking at them naked was a different but equally valid religious experience, but they chose to take a different path anyway.

The Very Public Exit: Who could ever forget Jenna Jameson? And who could forget her announcing, in the thick of the 2008 AVN Awards, that she "would never spread [her] legs for this industry again"? Hey, if you're going to quit porn, you might as well do it in front of a live audience comprised of a lot of the people who made you a star in the first place.

When The Past Comes Calling: Sometimes, even webcam girls get the blues (and the urge to quit): Tiffany Teen was driven to quit the life of a barely legal webcam girl after pictures from her high school yearbook were posted online. Sometimes, the past should stay the past (especially when it scares pretty girls away from being naked.)

Committing Suicide: With all the drama that's gone on at alt megasite SuicideGirls, it's not surprising that they've inspired more than a few creative (and dramatic) exits, including the one time near thirty models quit at once. For sheer style, though, we'd like to single out Flux, who managed to quit with a pretty piece of prose that tugged at our heartstrings. And let's not forget Dia while we're at it.

So did we miss anyone? Let us know your favorite porn star exits in the comments.

Setting aside the inherent irony of using porn stars to educate about monogamy (because... well, yeah), "Seeking Monogamy Without Monotony" is a great movie. Like "Toying With Pleasure," it manages to strike just the right balance between education and porn: Waxman's lectures are lighthearted and fun, offering up solid information without interfering with the sex scenes used to illustrate the lessons. On occasion, however, porn wins out. The "role playing" scene between Nat Turnher and Jayna Oso spends about thirty seconds on the Jayna-as-maid plotline before devolving into a straight up fuckfest - though, come to think of it, that's probably how most attempts at role playing pan out.

Of the three scenes, we were most into the anal scene featuring Lexi Bardot and Benjamin Brat. A real life couple, Lexi and Ben have great chemistry that comes through in the scene and makes it a whole lot hotter — and it doesn't hurt that they seem to know quite a bit about making anal sex hot for everyone. The one disappointment? Though Jamye spends a great deal of time discussing finding the prostate and anal pleasure for men, Lexi is the only one whose ass gets pleasured. What happened to equal opportunity?

We often get asked to recommend good porn for couples and porn for women, and from what we've seen so far the "Personal Touch" series is an excellent addition to the list. We're definitely looking forward to seeing part three.

· Order: "Personal Touch Vol. 2: Seeking Monogamy Without Monotony" (Adult DVD Empire)
· Adam & Eve (adamandeve.com)
· Jamye Waxman (jamyewaxman.com)

Join us after the gap for some pornic voices from the movie.

- - -

Kelly Wells and Natasha Stone:

"Eat my goddamn toes!"

"Polish your cock in my ass!"

"You want my dirty little ass?"

"I want to suck my ass off your dick!"

"For heaven's sake fuck my gaping ass!"

- - -

"You took my son away from me you little rodent."

- - -

"Don't try and kill me, just fuck me."

- - -

Lexi Bardot (to Sasha Grey): "You might be good for a blowjob at the frathouse, but this is not this."

Brian Surewood: "Yes. This is definitely not that."

- - -

· Joe Gallant (myspace.com)
· Joe Gallant: "The machinery is weird" (gramponante.com)
· Buy "The Skin Trade" (gamelink.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Deep Inside Joe Gallant (And His Big Jizzy Sock Loads), DVD Review: "Avenue X", Inside the Mind of Brian Surewood

It's always a sad thing when we hear that one of our crush objects has decided to bid farewell to the porn scene. So we hope you'll take a moment of silence with us today to reflect on the brief but shining studio career of Lexi Bardot, who announced this week that she will be packing up her sensible shoes and heading off for greener pastures: "I'm not sure when I'll be back, but I have so many crazy ideas for scenes and I really want to put them to use ... I'm very excited about my decision. I've loved working in adult and it has allowed me so many new adventures that would have never been possible had I not started." But unlike some of her cohorts who, say, found Jesus and decided to leave the world of money shots and DP's behind for good, Lexi will still be creating new material for her websites and can be seen in her final DVD appearance in the upcoming "Squirt Bitch Squirt" at the end of the month. Which just goes to show that porn stars never really fade away; they just wind up starring in QuickTime clips on the interweb and four hour compliation DVDs forever.

· Lexi Bardot (official site @ lexibardotxxx.com)
· Lexi Bardot (neé Serena Sinn) on MySpace (myspace.com/serenasinn)
Lexi Bardot galleries: 1, 2, 3, 4 (TGP/preview galleries via Ask Jolene)
· Lexi Bardot Videography (Adult DVD Empire)

Previously: Porn Vegas Dispatch: Lexi Bardot Wears Sensible Shoes, Exclusive: Tristan Taormino's "Chemistry 2" Gallery, DVD Review: "The Rebelle Rousers", eBay Item of the Week: Porn Babe Custom Chopper, Crissy Moran Finds Jesus

In case you didn't hear, sexual provocateuse and all-around bundle of lusciousness Tristan Taormino made porn history last month at the AVN Awards when she became the first woman to win the Best Gonzo Release award for "Chemistry"—and what better day to celebrate the release of Part Two than today? OK, so it's more about hot sex than hearts and flowers, but given how much stars like Kimberly Kane, Katja Kassin, Luscious Lopez, and Lexi Bardot have been setting our own hearts a-flutter over the past year we can't think of a better way to observe a silly holiday than by watching them fuck each other (and a few lucky guys) silly.

Sit back with the one you love, pop open some fine vintage wine, and savor the love in our exclusive "Chemistry 2" preview gallery below. Sure beats a cheesy Hallmark card and box of expensive chocolates you really shouldn't be eating all by yourself anyway.

· Exclusive: Tristan Taormino's "Chemistry Volume 2" Gallery (Fleshbot Gallery)

See also:
· "Chemistry Volume 2" (DVD info @ puckerup.com)
· "Chemistry Volume 2 Out for Valentine's Day!" (Tristan's MySpace blog)
· Download: "Chemistry Volume 2" Trailer (.wmv video @ vivid.com)
· Order: "Chemistry Volume 2" (Adult DVD Empire)

Previously: Tristan Taormino's "Chemistry" Release Party, Fleshbot's "Chemistry" Scavenger Hunt Contest: Win An Assload Of Porn!