On the plus side, Leah has a few skills that should help in her quest to get home (and get off). If only we'd known some of her tricks back in the day—we could have saved so much money on bus tickets.

· Leah Luv does everything for a ride (redtube.com)

We start with current "Playboy" favorite Daisy Marie and a woman named Nancy. I have never seen Nancy again, have you? Though it was an early scene for Daisy, she was ultra-confident by comparison with Nancy in a staged "bikini modeling" motif, in which people who've already signed documents agreeing to take their clothes off are asked to appear surprised to be asked to take their clothes off.

But in Nancy's case the audience sees a little bit of that nervousness, and isn't surprised to learn that a porn career wasn't up her alley.

Perennial Fleshbot Object of Concern^TM Dirty Harry appears in a scene with Leah Luv, in which the orthodontically-enhanced 18-year-old makes him wear her panties for a hundred bucks.

Finally, Sammie Rhodes seduces a hesitant Kelly Kline against the familiar walls of Pink Visual's studio. It takes a collection of scenes like this to remind us that, graphic and clinical as most porn can be, its performers are very rarely naked.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)







· Buy "Before They Were Stars 4" (tlavideo.com)e

Maybe when the first volume of the series dropped girls really did act like this. But times have totally changed! If Fuxsion really were to emulate reality in the "Teen Spirit" line, Christie Lee, Katin, Leah Luv, Shay Lamar, Jamie Elle, Ro, Aubrey Addams, and Mckenzee Miles would be updating their MySpace profiles on their Sidekicks while getting fucked and demanding trips to the Ed Hardy store to pick up a new Audigier hoodie in exchange for oral favors. Duh! B4N!

· Order "Teen Spirit 7" (Adult DVD Empire)
· Metro Interactive (metrointeractive.com)
· See also: The List of Chat Acronyms & Text Message Shorthand (netlingo.com)

"Nowhere Angels" muse Justine Joli talks a good game, but she is as trapped in her arid, Bible-believing methlabopolis as any of her other loser friends, each of whom is articulate, doomed, and hot. Just like Fleshbot readers!

Read our review of "Nowhere Angels" after the gap. - GP

- - -

Nowhere Angels

Studio: Metro/Cal Vista
Director: DCypher
Cast: Riley Mason, Justine Joli, Leah Luv, Veronica Jett, Charlotte Stokely, Cassie Courtland, Barrett Blade, Eric Masterson

Review by Gram Ponante

Rachel (Justine Joli) asks us to forgive another tale of post-adolescent angst as she narrates from her diary. Well, OK. As long as it's you who's asking...

Rachel wastes her time in a nowhere town with her nowhere boyfriend, Tommy, who orders burgers while she eats fish sticks. The relationship is doomed. She reads Anais Nin at Tommy's band practice and his buddies call her Yoko. Get out of there!

Rachel loves Lauren (Riley Mason), but Lauren is fucking Tommy.

Their days are spent on parties and getting prepared for parties.

"They were just diversions from the realization that our lives were going nowhere," Rachel says.

I would like to say that Joli's world changes when she refuses to be someone's coke whore and Leah Luv agrees to it instead, but that's not the way it is in that dusty town.

She wishes Tommy would be content to fuck all her friends and not waste his time trying to fuck her (her love belongs to another). She longs to get out, but will she suddenly miss everything that she has left behind?

Sympathetic lead Damien (Eric Masterson) meanwhile has similar lofty dreams. Will he be published as a writer? He quotes Kerouac and hangs around near walls with "Pynchon" spraypainted on them. He is stuck in a marriage and a mortgage. His wife (Veronica Jett) is a crankhead who hooks on the side to make up for what his shitty bookstore job doesn't earn him.

"I know now how foolish and fragile and intoxicating hope can be for a young soul in a corporate-owned world," Damien says.

DCypher is going to pay bigtime for stealing my life story.

Veronica Jett thinks her husband is a big pussy, reading his books and weeping into the night and whatnot.

"We are the angels of nowhere; the candle's last pretty flicker before the candle goes dark," she says. Zing!

The film's "A Ha!" moment (the band, not the revelation) comes when Rachel speaks to Damien from one of the highbrow mags he's trying to get into.

Maybe those Nowhere Angels have lost their souls in their dusty high-desert debauches, but at least they have each other, and their music. Despite their lousy attitudes, too, their girlfriends are pretty hot. I don't know why everyone is so goddamn whiny.

· Buy "Nowhere Angels" (gamelink.com)
· DCypher (dv8cultx.com)