This is how the Christmas turkey gets prepared, right? (Hey, we've never made one! We're too busy cooking latkes!)

· You Are The Christmas Turkey! (pics @ zootoday.com)

· Lucy PInder in Nuts (dirtyrottenwhore.com)

For those of you who aren't familiar with the game of dreidel, here are the basic rules. The game begins with each player anteing some coins (chocolate or otherwise) in a communal pot. As each player takes a turn, he or she must spin a dreidel (four-sided top). The side that the dreidel lands on determines the player's fate: a gimmel means that the player gets the full pot, a hay means the player gets half the pot, a nun means nothing happens, and a shin means the player must put one or two coins into the pot.

Clearly, this is a game just rife with sexy possibility. Unfortunately, Strip Dreidel isn't all that sexy. Sure, you get to play a wild game of gambling with three sexy Jewish pornstars, but there's so much chance in the mix that there's no guarantee you'll actually see any flesh—especially since these ladies are slow to disrobe. In all our playing, the most (most!) we saw was a bit of bra. If they really wanted to get into the spirit of the Festival of Light, they'd let some of their light shine on us...if you know what we mean.

· Strip Dreidel (stripdreidel.com)
· Thumbnail star: Jewish Supreme Commandress Joanna Angel (sadly not a part of Strip Dreidel)

Sure, maybe your boss took you bowling, or set up some massive gift exchange extravapalooza...or maybe you even got to rent out the local community center and really throw a rager. But were there topless ZOO girls photocopying their boobs and causing a ruckus?

We thought not.

We are so putting in an application to ZOO, um, whenever they're hiring again.

· ZOO Girls' Office Xmas Party! (pics @ zootoday.com)

Some of you may have already been to Wal-Mart and back to stock up on Black Friday specials...but if you're anything like us, Wal-Mart doesn't stock what you really want. Looking to ensure a little kissing (and then some) under the mistletoe this holiday season? Read on for a few sexy gift ideas.

Sexy present: Luna (lunascam.com)

For the porn enthusiast: Sure, you could give someone a porno—but why not give a porno that's special? "Cummin' At You 3D" isn't just any porno: it's a 3D interactive adventure that offers 50,000 possible adventures. And, as an added bonus, it's also got Sindee Jennings squirting...in 3D.

For the onanist: Tired of the sound of one hand fapping? The Real Touch goes one step further than the Fleshlight, offering a masturbation sleeve that fucks you back. Integrated with POV porn to create the realest fantasy money can buy (well, short of hiring an escort, anyway), the Real Touch is sure to please even the chronicest of (male) masturbators.

For the onanista: Masturbation's not just a male game—but what to get the lady who's taken a few trips round the toy box? For a revamped rabbit, try JimmyJane's Form 2—or, for a sensual massage, you can't go wrong with Contour Q. And for the lady who likes a good tongue lashing, well, the ten tongues of the Sqweel are pretty hard to top.

For the calendar lover: Tis the season to stock up on sexy calendars—but with so many on the shelves, how to pick just one? We're personally smitten with Digital Playground's illustrated Contract Star Calendar, featuring fourteen months of hand drawn sexy goodness. (We've got a preview of illustrated Katsuni at left; Stoya, Riley Steele, and Gabriella Fox all look lovely as well.)

Of course, if you prefer a calendar that's more flesh and blood than illustrated girl, there's always the 2010 Sex Blogger Calendar. All proceeds go to benefit Sex Work Awareness—so it's a gift that keeps on giving (and to sex workers, at that!).

For the stylist genital enthusiast: If you're reading Fleshbot, there's a pretty good chance you love pussy, or dick, or both. So why not show the world where your heart lies? Agent Provocateur's Sharon cardigan is festively bedecked with phalluses; the customizable Vulva Portrait Pendant lets you show your love for your very favoritest pussy of all. [Via nymag.com]

Everyone seems to think that Halloween is a great opportunity for women to show some skin, but Bizarre Magazine knows that real debauchery is best paired with colorful tribute to one's family. Observe, as Kitty Lea perfoms the ancient Fire-Boob-Skull Dance.

· Kitty Lea sexy model alt Day Of the Dead (bizarremag.com)

Can you come up with a better tag line for a Christmas porn than that? Do what you must: sexualize the Virgin Mary, give Santa a prodigious wang, plague Rudolph with an unseemly discharge, refer to a 69 that never happens, but take back Christmas from the captains of industry and return it to the carnal ice orgy it once was.

(And "Spirit of Christmas Assed" is taken.)

Since you are already bowed under the weight of familial pressure this time of year, we won't ask you to measure up to the Brobdingnagian efforts of last week's winner, but we'd like to see something by St. Stephen's Day. Something, Kevin, OK? We pay all that money for college and you come back looking like this? Oh wait. We're doing it again.

· Anarchy Films (anarchyfilmsdvd.com)
· Buy "Very Creamy Christmas" (gamelink.com)

Private’s Christmas special features all manner of holiday festivities, every single one of which looks ordeurs des magnitudes more appealing than spending the holidays fending off ancient aunts and boozy uncles, unwrapping socks and braving the highways in Yuletide traffic. We would much rather have Stella Delcroix and her helpful elves fulfilling our holiday wishes, thank you very much.

If that’s the North Pole, then we are an office full of monkey’s uncles, but screw the white Christmas—it might be time for a tropical tradition.

· Privatre Films (www.Private.com)
· Buy "Dirty Santa" (gamelink.com)

That’s why we’re nominating Rodney Moore’s “Scale Busting Babes” series as the new official porn of Thanksgiving. Aside from showcasing the upside of a robust diet, Rodney’s whack-job plots will give you something to watch and enjoy once the Lions finish getting beaten – and who wouldn’t give thanks for a girl like Felony Lay or Krystal Jordan on a cold November day?

· Rodney moore (www.RodneyMoore.com)
· Buy "Scale Bustin’ Babes #32" (gamelink.com)

· Abril (pmates.com)
· Anna Nikova (bigboobsalert.com)
· Antea & Danae (bodsforthemods.com)
· April Ireland (coolios.net)
· Ashlynn Brooke (glam0ur.com)
· Celeste Star (dailypoa.com)
· Charlie Laine (thesexblog.com)
· Demi (eroticbeauties.net)

· Diddylicious (forum.phun.org)
· Evelyn Lory (foxhq.com)
· Jula (kindgirls.com)
· Kloe (artinude.com)
· Lexi Belle (badgirlsblog.com)
· Loretta & Serilla (labatidora.net)

· Natalie Sparks (hottystop.com)
· Nicolette (fresonmagic.com)
· Patty Gower (z0d.com)
· Paula Aguiar (babe-envy.com)

· Santa's Little Helper (babesweblog.eu)
· Santa's Other Little Helper (usualgirls.com)
· Secret (theteenblog.com)
· Tereza (lettherebeporn.com)

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Previously: Best of Babelogs Archives

· Photos courtesy Bella Vendetta
· Photography by Planet 313 Photography
· See also: Bella Vendetta Interview (eros-ny.com)

Today is Mardi Gras, which depending on where you live could mean colorful parades, drunken revelry, or just another Tuesday staring at your computer as you try to kill time at work. To us it means boobies—thousands and thousands of boobies. The early returns are just starting to roll in from New Orleans, but Rio de Janeiro's Carnaval is also wrapping up after several weeks of wild festivities and there are plenty of crazy show girl photos to share with you already. While you enjoy these random flashes and feathery ladies, we'll keep throwing our beads at the internets to see what they uncover. Remember, tomorrow you have to go back to being all good and stuff, so do what you can to get it out of your system today. (And be sure to send us the evidence.)

· "Titties of Mardi Gras 2007" (photoset by Subtle Alchemy Photography @ Flickr)
· Carnaval 2007 Galleries: Here, here, here, and here (globo.com + uol.com.br + estadao.com.br - thanks Toni!)
· "Los sensuales carnavales de R o" (20minutos.es, via sexblo.gs)
· New Orleans trades reality for revelry (newsday.com)

· Remember our old friend Keeley Hazell and her two special friends? They've been laying low for a while and we miss all of them. (dailypoa.blogspot.com)

· Remember the dude whose date cut him open and sucked on his blood? Well, his Valentine's Day was a walk in the park compared to this poor guy. Do they make candy hearts that say, "Sorry I sliced off your wang"? (businessportal24.com)

· Remember that flight attendant who said that nothing happened between her and Ralph Fiennes? Now it occurs to her that they did actually do it the lavatory, and without a condom to boot. No wonder first class tickets are so expensive. (nypost.com)

· Remember when Pittsburgh tried to shut down the city's last remaining porn theater. Well they just bought the place for a million dollars, which is almost what the theater used to charge for their large popcorn combo. (pittsburghlive.com, via avn.com)

· Remember the guy who likes to jog around San Jose's naked? He's come to the realization that the "liberating feeling" of rushing air against your bare skin isn't worth the $95 indecent exposure tickets. (abcnews.go.com)

· Remember when nobody had ever heard of comment spam? Those were some good times, huh? (ap.org)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

In case you forgot, Valentine's Day is next Wednesday—which gives you the rest of this weekend to meet someone, make them your significant other, and score reservations at a fancy restaurant. Once you get those three things down, you'll have to buy a gift too, because no one gets laid on Valentine's Day without a gift. (Sorry, no exceptions.) A dozen roses doesn't cut it these days either, so we're here to help you pick out just the right present to tell that special someone in your life that you would like to see them naked. Check out our handy, next-to-the-last-minute VD gift bonanza or you'll be getting handy by yourself next week.

- - -

Food

First, you need to set the mood. Chocolate is nature's ultimate aphrodisiac, but just to make sure he or she gets the message, try these handmade confections from the Italian craftsmen at Giraudi. On the other hand, a chocolate replica of your own penis, might be a little too obvious.

· Giraudi Chocolates (giraudi.it, via SugarBank)
· Chocolate Clone-a-Willie Kit (chocolatefantasies.com, via radaronline.com)

- - -

Intimate Apparel

Like we said before, the ultimate goal here is sexual contact and nothing plants that particular seed better than some sexy lingerie. You need something that says, "Put these on for 30 seconds, so that I can rip them off you." Start with this panty shopping guide and then pick out the item that best suits your mate, whether it's a lady, a fella ... or a complete geek. Internet protocol jokes never fail to make 'em wet. (For bonus points: stick one of these in there to generate some much needed buzz.)

· "A Practical Guide to Impractical Panties" (metroactive.com)
· "Top 10 Valentine's lingerie for women" + "What about the guys?" (intimateguide.com)
· HTTPanties (thinkgeek.com)
· Heart-Shaped, Wireless Vibrating Panty Insert - Whee! (Gizmodo)

- - -

Toys:

Once you've got them revved up and ready to roll, it's time to close the deal and a good craftsman (or craftswoman) always brings his tools. Get the party started with Atomic Books' "Striptease Kit" (pole not included), then take things up a notch with a Valentine's Day edition of this designer "pleasure object" from Sweden's high-end fun factory Lelo. Bet you won't find that at IKEA.

· Striptease Kit (atomicbooks.com, via largeheartedboy.com)
· "Valentine" (lelo.com)

- - -

Still stumped? Check out these other VD gift guides from About.com and NewYorkology. But whatever you do, do not buy your Valentine a heart-shaped potato. Unless you want you feelings mashed. (Sorry.)

* * * * *

Previously: Scary Holiday Sex Toy Gift Suggestions, Fleshbot's Sexy Holiday Gift Guide Guide, Fleshbot Shopping Archives, Fleshbot Sex Toy Archives

· What would college exam week be without a stress-releasing jog across campus in your underwear? Fortunately, these pictures are from UCLA so most of these kids still have their tans. (laist.com)

· This just in: some people dine at Hooters for reason other than chicken wings. Their breast sandwiches are pretty good too. (tbo.com)

· A high school student secretly replaces his school's salad dressing with his own special sauce. We think someone definitely noticed the difference. (post-trib.com)

· The BBC's upcoming TV season includes shows called "Teens Addicted To Porn," "My Big Breasts And I," and "F*** Off I'm A Hairy Woman." Wow, we have got to get that satellite hooked up immediately. (metro.co.uk)

· This is definitely the most interesting mode of transportation we've seen in a while, though we bet it gets horrible gas mileage. (fucd.com)

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Today is Repeal Day in the United States—the day on which the 21st Amendment was ratified, ending Prohibition and securing forever our Constitutional right to get absolutely shitfaced. Too bad then that no one we know really celebrates it here; there is, however, a recent movement (at least by alcohol companies) to make it an official national holiday and when we think of all the things we wouldn't have today if alcohol was still illegal in this country, we understand why. No beer commercials! No New Year's Eve parties worth going to! No babes flashing their tits and making out with each other during Mardi Gras! No St. Patrick's Day! No painfully awkward drunken office holiday party hookups! No Lindsay Lohan! Fortunately, our elbow-raising civil liberties are safe for the time being and so on this Repeal Day we honor those whose inebriated antics provide us with so much hilariously horny entertainment. Pour yourself a long cool one and enjoy the inebriated antics after the jump.

- - -

· "When Mary Jane got drunk" (attuworld.com)
· Drunk party girls, Wild party girls, Copenhagen party girls + Mardi Gras girls (phun.org)

· Random hot girls getting drunk in a bar (hornyoyster.com)
· Drunk Nude Girls (TGP galleries @ drunknudegirls.com)

· Drunk Sex Orgy (paysite preview @ drunksexorgy.com)
· Drunk On Cam (drunkoncam.com)

From the Fleshbot archives:

· Lady Liplocks on YouTube
· Britney Spears Upskirt Photos: No, Really
· Tours Gone Wild
· "Cocktail" Magazine Covers

· LastNightsParty: The Book
· Drunk University
· Dirty Wine Labels
· (Save The) Mardi Gras Babes

The title says it all ...

· Titties & Beer (xTube)

And, finally, a more sober look at that the future that wasn't:

· I love Scotch (YouTube - thanks C.)
 

Remember those Christmas countdown chains you used to make out of construction paper when you were in elementary school? For those who don't celebrate Christmas—or went to a school with a decent art program—the chain starts with 25 rings on December 1 and each day you remove one ring to remind you how much longer you have to wait for Santa to show up, sort of like an artsy-craftsy version of a standard Advent calendar. Pretty boring, right? Well, what if instead of a piece of colored paper you got rewarded with something good ... like a picture of a naked lady? That's the thinking behind Julekalender, a festive little holiday website that reveals one new boobie picture each day this month. OK, it's not the most exciting use of holiday porn, but it should help make all caroling and egg nog a little more bearable. After all, tomorrow is another babe!

· Julekalender 2006 (julekalender2006.leithoff.dk)

Previously: Christmas Babes Gallery: And So It Begins, Flesh Flicks: Miss Santa Claus' Christmas Blowjob, Morning Wood: Putting Up the Decorations