We're all guardedly unapologetic about liking porn (for example, many of us hasten to say things like "except with animals" or "never on Sukkot" or "unless my ex-wife or ex-fiancee are in it") but a movie like this, which is just as good as any other five-scene Porn Valley gonzo but which has that little something extra, underscores the fact that the cornerstone of all porn, the visible cumshot, here marks both the model and something she owns.

It's like Monica Lewinsky's blue dress, except higher.

What is it about glasses? Why can't it be a hairband or some earrings? Why not pulling out of Andy San Dimas (not that I would) and dropping a load in her purse? Doubtless 2010 will see a flourishing of Pocketbook Porn.

In any case, director/performer Mick Blue should seek sponsorship from LensCrafters for the gratuitous shots of girls' fashion frames. London Keyes gets the fright wig treatment (in which a black-haired woman's hair is radially laced with sperm for a Bride of Frankenstein effect), Hillary Scott proves how much of a pro she is by keeping her eyes open during her post-DP unloading, and Monique Alexander does things she never got to do at Vivid (though she does steal Nina Hartley's look in this picture).

And I'd say more about Aletta Ocean, but my glasses were off by that point.

· 3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
· Buy "Splashes on Glasses 2" (gamelink.com)

3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
Buy "Splashes on Glasses 2" (gamelink.com)
3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
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3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
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3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
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3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
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3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
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3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
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3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
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3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
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3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
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3rd Degree (thirddegreefilms.com)
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This movie is exceptionally well shot by William H. and edited by Robert Laplance. The team makes these sunny, upbeat, and strenuous interludes with Monique Alexander (fantastic blowjob), Sadie West (competent soccer player), Phoenix Marie (pliant!), Abbey Brooks (thanks for involving men in your life, finally), and the resurgent Hillary Scott that much more effective.

I am not saying that the five women listed above can't do some major damage just standing there, but a movie like this one, which would be a throwaway in other hands (brief setups of women exercising and then playfully seduced by their partners), really knocks it out of the park, making each performer look her sweaty, alluring best.

As a carnivore, I like a little flesh and jiggle. Only volleyballer Abbey Brooks qualifies as voluptuous - everyone else is either whippet thin or, like Phoenix Marie, muscularly sexy - but each vignette displays teamwork, effort, and vigor. I want these women on my side.

· Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
· Buy "Sporty Girls 3" (gamelink.com)

Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
Buy "Sporty Girls 3" (gamelink.com)
Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
Buy "Sporty Girls 3" (gamelink.com)
Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)
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Flight Attendants

Studio: X-Play/Adam & Eve
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Kayden Kross, Evan Stone, Hillary Scott, Teagan Presley, Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Misty Stone, Shyla Stylez, Kacey Jordan, Lexi Love, Michelle Maylene, Randy Spears, James Bartholet, Eric John, Jack Lawrence, Eric Swiss, Thomas Ward, Brad Hardy, Kenzi Marie, Chastity Lynn, Farrah Foxx, Dino Bravo, Barry Scott

Review by: Gram Ponante

X-Play's newest film (following last week's "Monday Night Football") continues the company's diversification into porn comedies that aren't based on a particular show. This one draws broadly from "Airplane!" with a healthy dose of Jim Holliday's ensemble pornos of the 90's (Holliday gets namechecked in the movie) as well as Digital Playground's recent successes in occupational porn, "Cheerleaders," "Babysitters," "Nurses," and "Teachers."

A co-production with Adam & Eve like last year's Zero Tolerance/A&E matchup "Rollerdollz," "Flight Attendants" tries so hard to please that it collapses with the effort. Such a large cast means not enough room for everyone to shine, and the story is so needlessly convoluted that you will actually become stupider while watching it.

Q. But Grams, surely you're not saying that you would fault a porn movie for a poorly-executed story. Isn't sex all that matters?
A. While sex is all that matters, at least at this point in our lives, you should probably just buy ten copies of "Flight Attendants," watch each one, and feel your IQ drop by ten points each time. Then you will be this movie's target audience, and will support X-Play's future filmic endeavors.

Multiple uses of flashbacks and dream sequences are neither effective nor funny, the theme song is grating, and the numerous gay and black/urban poor jokes made by and at the expense of performer James Bartholet and openly black performer Misty Stone try too hard to be outrageous and fall flat. It was often amazing how "Flight Attendants" made two subjects that are normally hilarious - race and sexual orientation - unfunny while trying to be "broad."

Speaking of broad, let's talk about the sex.

X-Play has assembled an all-star cast and we slog through way too much plot before any cast members commence to fucking. While there are standout scenes between Shyla Stylez and Randy Spears, the newly-returned Hillary Scott and Barry Scott (no relation), and Kayden Kross and Evan Stone, we don't see nearly enough of Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Teagan Presley, or Lexi Love. And, in an industry where people don't need much of an excuse to have sex, "Flight Attendants" manages to strain credulity.

I think X-Play in particular and parodies in general need to take a vacation.

We know the recent difficulty of making money in porn, and part of the current marketing strategy involves having numerous products on the shelves. X-Play is also playing two sides of the field by releasing movies through distributors Adam & Eve as well as Hustler. But it seems that a company that can make such note-perfect parodies like "Not Married with Children" and "Not the Cosby Show" may have extended its reach this time; "Flight Attendants" did not need to be bad.

Sitcums (sitcums.com)
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Elegant Angel has some lovely pictures of the cast of the latest installment of "Sporty Girls," their series celebrating girls who like balls with their, ahem, balls. Though we're not one hundred percent sure which sport each of these girls plays, there's question that they're all quite practiced at getting their (and our) heart rates up.

· Sport Girls 3 - Coming in October! (elegantangel.com)

Brazen And Unshaven

Studio: Pink Visual
Director: various
Cast: Maria Bellucci, Hillary Scott, Vixen Vogel, Jocelyn Stone, Cindy Crawford, Annie Body

Review by: Gram Ponante

And that is the problem - though one we're willing to forgive - with this compilation from Pink Visual. Like most of their "reality" fare, this movie features five scenes that mostly start with a group of guys persuading a woman to get in a car. Being persuaded to get into a car doesn't sound brazen to me, but I guess "Misguided and Unshaven" wouldn't be a great title.

(Well I might buy something called "Misguided And Unshaven.")

No, this movie's value is not in the fact that its stars are unshaven. In fact, very little fuss is made about the women's pubic thatches in movies that were originally sold as lesbian, MILF, or interracial titles. Instead, we get to see the glorious Maria Bellucci, the undulabulous Jocelyn Stone, an early scene by Hillary Scott (with the now-retired Vixen Vogel, a favorite redhead), and the ravenous Annie Body. We also get Cindy Crawford in her "Appetite for Destruction" outfit.

And the pubic hair, just as it was in days of eld, is an afterthought; something to pull on and spit out later, a barrier in name only, just as this movie is "Brazen And Unshaven" in name only.

Not that Pink Visual pays me a goddamn cent, but I would watch these women even if they had no pubic hair at all.

· Pink Visual (PINKVISUAL.com)
· Buy "Brazen And Unshaven" (gamelink.com)

Throughout the three hours of the feature, you see, Hillary Scott is adored and devoted (sexually, even!). In at the spa, in a dungeon, in a theater, with girls, with boys, with both, in her pussy, in her ass, and sometimes both at once—it's all about Hillary (even in the middle of an orgy, the girl still manages to steal all the focus). And when it's not about Hillary fucking, it's about Hillary making a movie: in between the sex scenes, we're treated to scenes of Hillary and her crew making the movie. You see, Hillary's not just an icon because she knows how to fuck; she's an icon because she knows how to make fuck films.

There is also a music video about halfway through the feature, we're not quite sure what it has to do with Hillary Scott, iconography, or fucking, so you should probably feel free to skip over it in search of sexier fare.

Should you find yourself unsatisfied by the three hour feature alone, there are three (three!) extra discs included in the package for extra titillation. What, pray tell, is the content of these discs? Special features contains standard fare (behind the scenes footage, a music video, trailers, and photos), bonus discs one and two are loaded up with scenes from other movies Hillary has been in. See, Hillary isn't just an icon because she made a three hour epic porn: she's an icon because she's been in many other fuck films, too!

Really, the only question that one need ask is this: "Do I like Hillary Scott?" Because if the answer is yes, this DVD is a must have. And if it's not, well—we're sure they'll come out with "Sasha Grey: Icon" sooner or later.

· Buy "Icon" (sexz.com)

After the jump, our tribute to the deserving superstars who made it to Genesis' Top Ten ... and a space for you tell us who should be among them, but wasn't.

. . .

10. Bree Olson

9. Gina Lynn

8. Eva Angelina

7. Hillary Scott

6. Sasha Grey

5. Belladonna

4. Jenna Haze

3. Jesse Jane

2. Tera Patrick

1. Stormy Daniels

· 2008 Porn's Hot 100 (genesisonline.com)

So, where did Genesis go wrong? Have your say in the comments below.

Of course, being an adult awards show, there was much more going on everywhere but the stage. Still, we made sure to watch now and then, seeing as how we're voters. See our gallery (now fully captioned!) after the gap.

. . .

· XRCO Awards (xrco.com)

We can think of dozens of actresses off the top our head who can convincingly hump like a hooker, but can they handle the off-the-cuff dramatic style and display the emotional range required to make a full human person believable on screen? Amateur casting directors everywhere are ready to weigh in—and frankly we're a little hurt that our siblings at Defamer didn't think to ask us—but who better than our readers to find us the prefect choice? We have a few nominees of our own in the poll below, but feel free to make your own suggestions in the comments. The future of mainstream porn depends on you!

. . .

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

· Soderbergh to direct 'Girlfriend' (variety.com, via Defamer)

The latest movie by Sex Z Pictures' director Eli Cross of "Upload" fame, "Icon" is what the porn world knows as a "high-end vignette" picture, where the setups are a little more complex than Pool Guy Drops Trunks, Load.

From what we were able to determine as we ourselves stood on that roof, "Icon" features Scott as an A-Ha-by-way-of Xtina alternate reality warrior who pulls similarly underdressed women (including Jennifer Dark, Tori Black, and Morgan Layne) through a mirror to have sex with them on a four-poster bed on a roof at three in the morning when you can see your breath as L.A. police helicopters fly overhead.

This observer was overcome with a newfound respect for porn performers who nakedly brave the testicle-receding temperature to churn out three-to-seven minute increments of fapworthy product for your delectation.

Of course, Hillary Scott has no testicles to recede, and that is exactly why I took pictures.

. . .

There are actually three core cast members not returning from the first "Not the Bradys": Cindi, originally played by the orthodontically fabulous Leah Luv, has been replaced by Kacey Jordan, and the role of Greg, once inhabited by Benjamin Brat, will now be interpreted by Chris Slater.

Returning will be the delightful Aurora Snow as Jan, the wicked Alana Evans as Carol, the frank Lynn Lemay as Alice, and the reasonable Mike Horner as Mike. James Deen returns as Peter in a role he was born to play.

But if Hillary Scott isn't here, where is she? Stay tuned.

Check out an exclusive preview gallery after the jump.

. . .

"The Sweet Spot" also stars Hillary Scott, Monica Sweetheart, Rita Faltoyano, Ashley Steel, Annette Schwarz, and Page Morgan. It hits the shelves on January 22.

· Metro Interactive (metrointeractive.com)

Join us after the gap as America's Beloved Porn Journalist Gram Ponante takes us through this year's Dirty Dozen ... in no particular order.

- - -

"Upload"
Sex Z Pictures

Of all this year's big budget award contenders, "Upload" took the most risks with some intense hardcore scenes and a bleak futureworld storyline that would be right at home on the Sci Fi channel (minus the intense hardcore scenes). We loved Julie Night and Sandra Romain and Kylie Ireland and Hillary Scott in this movie, but it was Eva Angelina who really made us believe a world in which federal employees have sex.
(Buy it here )

. . .

"Spunk'd"
6969 Productions

Director Justin Kane's first porn movie features Nick Manning in one of several scenery-chewing masterpiece performances this year, this time as Gashton Cootcher, host of a reality prank show that requires loads to be dropped on its celebrity foils. Silly and smart, "Spunk'd" features Penny Flame, Katie Morgan, and Aurora Snow among many others in this list's only independently-produced movie.
( Buy it here )

. . .

"Naughty Flipside"
Naughty America

A vignette film presenting San Diego studio Naughty America's take on The Girls of Alternative Porn Casting, "Naughty Flipside" is an unabashedly fun porn movie that features a tapdancing Pinky Lee and some equally fancy footwork from Dana DeArmond. Adrianna Nicole and Lorelei Lee have a hoedown with Tommy Pistol and Sasha Grey makes her first of many appearances on this list as a mopey teen.
( Buy it here )

. . .

"The Skin Trade"
Bad Seed

Sasha Grey plays a mopey teen who blows off Brian Surewood's head in Joe Gallant's peyote-porn about the dark side ("as a matter of fact, it's all dark") of sex for money. If "The Dharma Bums" was about an acid trip sex/killing spree instead of whatever it was about, Joe Gallant would need to direct it. Until then, watch "The Skin Trade".
( Buy it here )

. . .

"Broken"
Teravision

Sasha Grey plays a mopey teen who blows off Dave Navarro's head in Dave Navarro's L.A.-porn about the dark side ("as a matter of fact, it's all dark") of sex for money. There is nothing fancy about this movie, which is nevertheless just a bit precious at times, but first-time director Navarro looks at the standard moody porn scene a different way and the movie benefits from it.
( Buy it here )

. . .

"InTERActive"
Hustler/Teravision

You carry on a secret affair with neglected mob housewife Tera Patrick and together you choose your own adventure. Shot over four years, "InTERActive" features cameos from Jessica Jaymes and Hillary Scott, but the big star is Tera, who brings to the screen an accessibility that her in-person fans know but that doesn't as often show up in her movies. More please.
( Buy it here )

. . .

"Swallow My Children"
Loaded DIgital

Rob Rotten put together a gang of greasers, longhairs, and the homeless and paired them with a really delightful gang of badass punk girls for a blowjob vignette movie that for once features Sasha Grey as a non-mopey teen sans shotgun.
( Buy it here )

. . .

"Ibiza Sex Party 2"
Private

I just flew in from Barcelona and I've paid a little extra for the hooker to smile at me every now and then, for Christ's sake. There's coke on my dick and house music playing - loud, I don't care how much this vacation is going to cost. This is that movie!
( Buy it here )

. . .

"Babysitters"
Digital Playground

Everything you might want from a Digital Playground movie is here, for a fifth of the price of "Pirates" (remember "Pirates"?) - and we don't mean "Babysitters" will cost you a fifth of the price of "Pirates", just that it cost Digital Playground a fifth of the price of "Pirates". This movie showed up when we expected to see "Pirates 2" but, frankly, we found this much more accessible and less fraught with high expectations, which means that it arrived without hype. "Babysitters" also has the largest amount - four - of Digital Playground's contract girls in 2007.
( Buy it here )

. . .

"Amy Fisher Caught on Tape"
Red Light District

Maybe in future iterations of Fleshbot's constantly-changing page layout we will get a sidebar. If so, this movie would be in its own category under "Best Celebrity Sex Tape". No great shakes as compared with other standard-issue porns, "Amy Fisher" is nevertheless hands down the best celebrity sex tape this year. Why? Well, there's sex in it, for one, and Fisher is the embodiment of the Long Island hot MILF aesthetic. Watching this movie you will say, "I could shoot Amy in the face - but not with bullets."
( Buy it here )

. . .


"The Pleasure Principle"
Wicked

Wicked has had a lot of expertly-directed, slickly packaged movies this year, including "Operation Desert Stormy" and "Coming Home", but Carmen Hart was adorable in this modest "It's OK to Enjoy Sex" movie for couples. Of all the contract girls, Hart is the most reminiscent of the groovy porn stars of antiquity, like Marilyn Chambers, Seka, and Christy Canyon.
( Buy it here )

. . .

"The Intern"
Lucas Entertainment

The second sidebar would be The Best (And Only) Gay Film Straight-Tagged Fleshbot Watched This Year. I have evidence that that people who watch a lot of gay porn liked this breezy comedy set in a New York gay studio too, and I performed due diligence by asking around if all gay-themed porn was as good as "The Intern", and was told that No, Breeder, It Is Not. So I lucked out. Buy this for your girlfriend, Girlfriend, and show her that you're not threatened by the size of Ben Andrews.
( Buy it here )

. . .

BAKER'S DOZEN:

"Porn's Most Outrageous Outtakes 2"
JM Productions

Director Jim Powers narrates an often chilling backstage look at some of his sets with a combination of weariness and glee. While Powers usually directs rougher fare which you might expect to spawn breakdowns, tears, regret, and fights, his sardonic humor has a place in each porn company. This movie reminds us that for every high-gloss example of empowerment through porn, there are fifty times as many stories that confirm porn's detractors' worst suspicions.
( Buy it here )

Read our review after the gap.

The Instigator

Studio: AmericanXcess
Director: Chris King
Cast: Moxxie Maddron, Nick Manning, Jessica Jaymes, Hillary Scott, Lindsey Meadows, Mark Davis, the song stylings of Lynam

Review by Gram Ponante

A low-budget movie with dreams of something bigger, "The Instigator" is like many porn movies with basic setups; it just so happens that Maddron is in each scene and she is the one making things happen with the likes of Hillary Scott, Lindsey Meadows, and Jessica Jaymes.

While Scott, Jaymes, and Meadows are more well-known in porn circles than Maddron, she ties the room together like Jeff Lebowski's rug. And she is also the aesthetic emissary to the band Lynam, who provide the movie's soundtrack.

Because Maddron looks like a built-for-sex metal chick more than she does a porn star, especially compared to the more petite Scott and Meadows and the more exotic Jaymes. In the movie, she serves as a good-natured wingman for her more porny co-stars.

Directed by Maddron's boyfriend Chris King, "The Instigator" starts out like a Whitesnake video, with Maddron playing Tawny Kitaen. She shakes her mane and prances around the power trio, who happen to be the love children of Ronnie James Dio and Stevie Nicks (Fun fact: Mr. Dio's real surname is Lynam.)

The movie progresses through several standard scenarios: fucking on a porn set, fucking the stripper, fucking Nick Manning (twice). A bonus scene with unacknowleded punkporn godfather Matt Zane is actually the most satisfying because Maddron seems more at home in a rock and roll atmosphere.

I liked this movie, but I felt that Maddron should make the sequel with more friends who look like her, and film it backstage at the Vans Warped Tour or something, with Metal Sludge as the media sponsor. That would rock.

· American Xcess (americanxcess.com)
· Lynam (lynam.com)
· Buy "The Instigator" (gamelink.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Reviews Archive

Hillary Scott pretends to be the diva we love to diss in "Britney Rears 4: Britney Goes Gonzo", which came out last week from X-Play and Hustler Video about the same time the real Britney was giving us another snatch show in a Hustler Hollywood store.

Apparently, the plot revolves around the device of aphrodisiac lollipops called (what else) "Britney Pops" that turn sweet and innocent young girls into that one chick we all knew in high school who anyone could score on. Oh yeah, you knew her all right. We all did. Good times.

Shot prior to Scott's exclusive contract with SexZ Pictures, the fourth installment in director Will Ryder's popular series co-stars Jamie Elle, Daisy, Veronique Vega, Sativa Rose, Kissy Kapri, Serena Marcus and Jessica Sweet.

Director Will Ryder told me he wanted to up the ante this time around since the real Britney, the not-so-hot MILF who wishes she looked like Hilary Scott, has been off the rails lately. So Ryder threw in some ball scorching threeways, some zesty anal, and really cranked the heat up. He said he knew that Hilary knew just how to handle some rough and dirty fucking and that the results were amazing ... and then began cursing at me in Italian slang so obscure, so dialect heavy, that I pissed myself in fear like a little girl and told him I wanted to go home. I vowed that I would pass this message on to you, the loyal readers of this site, so that's what I'm gonna do. Capice?

The DVD boasts over four hours of pornological goodness, with nine complete sex scenes and well over an hour of extras like behind-the-scenes footage and bloopers. -D. Cypher

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Order: "Britney Rears 4" (Adult DVD Empire)

* * * * *

Previously: DVD Review: "Britney Rears 3: Britney Gets Shafted", DVD: "Britney Rears: Wild Back Stage Party", Britney Rears Redux, DVD Review: "Britney Rears 2"

Other nominees include a raft of titles from mainstays Digital Playground, Wicked, and Vivid, and also independent films like "Spunk'd", which is nominated in the Screenplay and Comedy categories.

Sweeping the nominations was the excellent "Upload", named in everything from the director to the group sex categories. But as always there were hundreds of films that delighted us in some way that didn't make the cut ('Insertz"), or that were nominated but we regret not seeing ("Blow Me Sandwich 11").

Nominations do help with sales, especially if there is enough money for publicity, and awards can push even an expensive movie solidly into the black, especially if there is extra cash for cable edits.

January's AVN Awards will be technically the magazine's 25th, having announced awards in newsletter fashion in its Pennsylvania infancy, and then gradually progressing through larger Vegas venues from the Tropicana to the Sands to, finally, the Mandalay. Join us at the awards on January 12 ... as well as via probably thousands of updates beforehand.

· AVN Awards (avnawards.com)
· "AVN AVN to announce nominees today, grousing set to begin thereafter" (gramponante.com)

Borrowing a little from bleak science fiction like "The Matrix", "Minority Report", "Strange Days", "eXistenZ", David Bowie's "Space Oddity" (with Hillary Scott as Major Tom) and, for some reason, selections from the score of "American Beauty", "Upload" integrates very dirty sex plausibly into a compelling, challenging script by Alvin Edwards and director Eli Cross.

Read our review after the gap.

Upload

Studio: Sex Z Pictures
Director: Eli Cross
Cast: Eva Angelina, Hillary Scott, Derrick Pierce, Trina Michaels, Sandra Romain, Bryn Pryor, Kylie Ireland, Evan Stone, Adrianna Nicole, Marco Banderas, Tee Reel, Brian Surewood, Alex Sanders, Julie Night, H.M. Smith, Michelle Aston, Delilah Strong, James Deen, Madison Young, Lorelei Lee, Aiden Starr

Review by: Gram Ponante

Most dramatic porn requires a suspension of disbelief. We watch performers play-acting serious dialogue like they are trying on strange clothes in an 80's montage sequence. And why should we expect more? When they're having sex on film, is that the way real people do it?

But "Upload" clicks each time, and just when you start worrying that a performer has bitten off more than he can chew, when you think, "Uh oh - ," the movie takes a corner.

Eva Angelina plays Cassandra Cray, an agent with the top secret, licensed to kill Digital Security Agency of the Homeland Security Department.

"I don't have to make you an enemy combatant to make you disappear from the planet," she says during an interrogation.

Angelina is on the trail of Tesla (Hillary Scott), a gal who records her sexual escapades onto a chip, or SIM, that allows others to experience what she does. She is, in the world of the movie, a SIMwhore, and that's illegal enough to attract Cassandra's attention.

But Scott isn't carrying any SIM. The data encoded on the chip Scott is protecting is a little more dynamic, and presents a threat to national security.

Other people's sex on a chip planted into one's own neck provides ample opportunity for relevant sex scenes. We watch what turns on Hillary and Eva as well as what passes through the minds of male leads Derrick Pierce and Bryn Pryor.

The movie is told in flashbacks. Angelina is brought before an Internal Affairs psychiatrist (Pryor) and she recounts the sordid tale of how she tracked down Tesla, what Tesla's interrogation revealed, and why love, when reduced to ones and zeros, might be worthwhile if there are enough of them to make the relationship interesting.

So the story is ambitious. "Upload" is not the first porn movie to shoulder a weighty script, but it does it more effectively than any porn movie I've seen. It trusts the audience to follow it along, doesn't overexplain, and has the admirable quality of joining scenes toward the middle of the action and leaving them before it's obvious they're through.

One example comes early in the movie. Angelina explains to Pryor how she first became aware of a new wrinkle in the local SIM-trafficking market. We follow her as she gets promoted past disgruntled wannabes in line at a club. She meets underworld types Evan Stone and Sandra Romain. Here warning bells rang. Why was Stone wearing sunglasses in the club? Was he a Terminator? No matter. As Angelina explained to her interrogator, she got her information not from an exchange of money, but -

- the scene shifts to the three of them fucking the shit out of each other, the demonic Sandra Romain slapping Angelina's pussy and face in rapid succession as Stone fucks the good agent. Clearly Angelina works in unorthodox ways.

But, she points out, in "Upload"'s filth-positive context, "I wasn't molested by my father, my Uncle Ronnie didn't touch me...wanna hear how my Dracula doll tied up and raped my Barbies when I was five?" Sometimes people feel dirty for no reason at all.

Eva Angelina is fantastic. "Upload" takes two discs to unravel and she is in almost every scene. Her character sometimes takes things lightly, sometimes hates herself, sometimes is inappropriate. In other words, she's in a porn movie but she has a character.

"I think you fantasize about being that agent that was taken captive," Pryor declares, after Angelina paints a vivid (but not Vivid) picture of the torture of tasty torturebait Julie Night by Adrianna Nicole and Alex Sanders, who growls over a dildo he is about to shove up Night's ass:

"Get it wet or I'm gonna stick it in you dry."

Angelina and partner Pierce become targets when they get too close to the identity of Gagarin, the man poised to take over the world's digital grid and, knocked out, Pierce has his own fantasy about being a 30's private eye, complete with black and white interludes with juicy femme fatale Kylie Ireland and willing secretary Delilah Strong.

"Upload" has planty of scenes that might not please timid couples. There is fisting, pissing, lots of anal, lots of choking, torture, rape, and running around topless while drinking. There is even an orgy scene in hell which, compared with the numbing effect of some of the other scenes, didn't make hell look that bad.

Standout scenes include the three-way with Stone, Romain, and Angelina, a glorious gang bang with Scott and five guys, including Brian Surewood in one of his final performances for awhile, and a dusty desert menage a trois featuring the objects of Angelina's (and my own) fantasy: Adrianna Nicole, Lorelei Lee, and Madison Young.

"Upload" comes in a four-disc set with lots of extra features, most of which I didn't watch. A 12-minute sock puppet interpretation of the film, Laundry Load, is included on disc four and is a goofy but very faithful primer on the movie.

The people who make porn that seeks to be something more than Just Porn have the odds stacked against them. No one wants to believe it can be done, not because it can't, but because it often isn't. Even the unfortunate public relations department of producer Sex Z Pictures can't fathom having released a good porn movie. Here's the headline of a recent press release:

Seriously: Upload Is Great

"Upload" tries, and it succeeds. This is the type of movie performers like Angelina and Pierce, who have together been in hundreds of scenes, can be very proud of. It is certainly the best porn movie I've ever seen, and I usually can't stand the stuff.

· Buy "Upload" (sexzpictures.com)

Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

· "Not The Bradys XXX" (bradysxxx.com)
· Order: "Not The Bradys XXX" (Adult DVD Empire)

Previously: DVD Review: "Not The Bradys XXX", Here's The Story ... Of How To Hype Your Porn Movie, Porn Valley Dispatch: Hillary Scott A Kept Woman, Hillary Scott: An Appreciation