· Buy "Lesbian Love, Vol. 1" (hotmoviesforher.com)

"Attack of the Staph Spider" tells the tale of a porn shoot that gets derailed when one of the lovely starlets gets bit by the mysterious and menacing staph spider during a smoke break. True, it's more of a short than a feature, and more horror than hardcore—but it's got enough girls and gore to both turn your stomach and titillate. Not that we'd expect less from Tommy Pistol or his stellar cast (which includes alt faves Daisy Sparks, Gia Paloma, and Eon McKai).

[Fair warning: when we say it's gross, we mean it's really pretty gross (a certain editrix could not sit through the entire video). But hey, if that's your thing, enjoy!]

· Attack of the Staph Spider!!! (blog.kanearmy.com)

Although given that her specialty seems to be eating "beef"... well, maybe that's not that surprising. But with all her skills, we think she'd give Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi a run for their money. And even if she doesn't... well, she'll always be a champion eater to us.

. . .

· Gia Paloma is the best beef eater (pornhub.com)

Our last few encounters with director Batts have been a series of incomplete epics, but in this five-scene effort also featuring Flower Tucci, Annette Schwarz, and Arianna Jollee, Batts returns to simple design and glamour photography, delivering a series of fun vignettes starring women any fan of April Flores (Batts' partner in crime) might find similarly appealing.

Two years can be a few generations in Porn (Annette Schwarz is now an airline attendant, for instance), so it is surprising to see Paloma in her pre-Tommy Pistol days, looking just as she did when he (and America) fell in love with her. Of course, she is not paired with Pistol in this movie, rather a dude named Barry Scott, who hastens to clarify that he is the asshole, not her.

We miss you, Gia Paloma. It would not be pandering to say "Come back whenever you feel like it."

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
· Buy "Sex Gallery" (adultdvdempire.com)

· Burning Angel (burningangel.com)
· Brenda Staudenmeier (thelovelybrenda.com)
· Goliath Books (burningangel.com)
· Order "Burning Angel" (amazon.com)

After a brief retirement to race dirt bikes, Rotten is back to prove that no one does horror porn better with the release of "The Texas Vibrator Massacre", which stars Ruby Knox, Daisy Tanks, Gia Paloma, Roxy DeVille, Jaime Elle, and Bella Lynn — none of whom were actually harmed (much less massacred) during the production. The vibrators, however, are another story.

· Rob Rotten's Punx Productions (punxproductions.com)
· "The Texas Vibrator Massacre" (metrointeractive.com)

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Previously: Rob Rotten's "Swallow My Children": Yes, It's A Comedy, DVD: "Anal Swine", Porn Vegas Dispatch: Rob Rotten Is Actually A Very Nice Young Man

Spice Networks, a filthy little division of Playboy, threw a party for the release of Zenova Braeden's "The Taunting" last night in Hollywood. On hand were star Lystra and the multitalented Aiden Starr, who served as costumer for the movie.

Lystra was made up (in the film) to look like Sadako from "Ringu" and she was so frightened by the poster that she said she was going to hang it facing the wall. Lystra is intriguing. Last time we met Lystra, she was in a cage.

Reenacting a scene from "Evil Head" were Gia Paloma and Tommy Pistol. "Your hair looks different," I observed. "I wore a wig!" she pointed out. Last time we met Gia, she was in a cage.

New Los Angeles residents Zak Sabbath and Mandy Morbid share a kiss by the candelabra. It's like I wasn't even there. "Hey John and Yoko, give peace a chance!"

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Previously: Popshots Archive

· Evil Head (evilhead.com)
· Burning Angel (burningangel.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Sorry to burst your bubble, folks. Read our review of "Audition" after the gap.

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Audition

Studio: Julie Simone Productions
Director: Julie Simone
Cast: Gia Paloma, Julie Simone, Master Liam, Krissy, Lystra

Review by Gram Ponante

Gia Paloma is an aspiring actress of the sweater kitten variety, content with reading script sides at home until she is summoned to an audition in L.A.'s mysterious warehouse district. She tints her hair and dresses in such a way that her cleavage appears to be the knees of a fetally-posed Renoir model. The X-Files mood music and ticking clock in the soundtrack bode ill for our heroine, who is shoved to the ground after appearing in front of her auditor. So much for the Hollywood dream.

In another part of the warehouse, naked cage candy Lystra is asked by Julie Simone and Master Liam if she is hungry. She nods. Frankly, I thought something else would happen than Simone whipping out her strap-on. You know, like one of those tasty Trader Joe's chicken pot pies. But that shows how out of the loop I am with the way I keep my caged naked Asians.

"You're not worthy of sucking Liam's cock yet;" Lystra is told, "you have to suck on my plastic one first."

(Even the plastic cock appears to have an angry bite mark on the top of it; this is a bit of dildonic verisimilitude I can do without.)

We pan out to reveal the similarly caged and naked Krissy, whom Liam flogs about the feet and buttocks. Flogging Krissy is not the first thing I would do in similar circumstances, but hey, this is Hollywood. Simone gives the strap-on treatment to Krissy as well, considering the latter is not deserving of Liam's cock, either.

Why they are undeserving I'm not sure. It may have something to do with the expense involved in dressing Liam like "Violator"-era Depeche Mode.

Nothing revealed thus far is too different from the way most reality shows are cast, but I was still intrigued to see what would happen with Paloma.

When we see Paloma again, she is bound and gagged. She is toyed with by the casting directors and, in a nice twist, the script she was reading earlier makes a comeback. We're not sure if she gets the part, but Liam finally gets to do something other than flog people.

I first saw this movie at a bar with the jukebox drowning out the sound. When I received a screener copy, the note attached read "Watch this accompanied by Cheap Trick" (Simone goes against type by being a dominatrix with a sense of humor).

But I should have taken that advice. Audition's sound is pretty poor, and a viewer would be much better served by putting on mood music of his or her choice (aside from "The Flame").

The sound quality also takes away from the effectiveness of the movie - the movie didn't turn out any differently than I'd expected when I saw it with the dialogue restored. Simone and company cast extremely well from several different body types; you can see why these actresses were considered for the role.

I hope Gia gets the part, though. She seemed to want it more.

· Buy "Audition" (juliesimone.com)

***

Eon McKai runs afoul of the law, in the person of Van Damage, on the Vivid Plus set of "Heavy Partying".

Damage is distracted by Carmella Bing and April MacKenzie while McKai makes his alt-getaway.

Hollie Stevens at Comic-Con. She wrote about her fanboy/fangirl experiences here.

David Aaron Clark was part of the Away Team who greetted Katee Sackhoff backstage at the Jimmy Kimmel Show, where she was promoting her role in the upcoming "Bionic Woman". This is like porn to me.

Previously: Popshots Archive

The original link to those pics is borked, sadly ... but they live on via Autumn's official website, where we learn that Gia is not the only naked lady to find herself in front of that camera. Autumn seems to have a knack for finding beautiful and exotic women lounging around in the heat ... and is that Jennifer "Toastee" Toof we spy in her red-hued glory? (How many other Toastee's can there be, especially those that make a habit of getting photographed with their clothes off? It's a small world indeed when you can start a post in a swimming pool in Tampa and end up in Flavor Flav's TV living room.)

· Autumn Sonnichsen (autumnsonnichsen.com)

Previously: Gia Paloma Does Suburbia, Celebrity Sex Tapes Are Toast(ee), "The Naked Portrait" @ Scottish National Portrait Gallery, Hot (And Clean!) Nudes By Diaz Arri, Shot By Kern: Gina & Leah, Friends Forever

Let's all take a moment from our busy schedules today to salute the tireless administrative professionals (note: not secretaries) who fetch our coffee in the morning, get our files in order, keep pesky callers at bay, and are always quick to bend down in their cleavage-enhancing blouses and extra short skirts to pick up our pencils and folders when we "accidentally" push them off our desk. Of course, since we're own our support staff here at Fleshbot Central that all means we're sitting here having these sorts of objectifying, anachronistic dirty fantasies about ourselves. But if you want to imagine us stretched out across your desk wearing a pair of high heels and stockings while we're clutching a pencil in our mouths ... hey, more power to you!

(If we don't happen to figure in your sexy secretary fantasy scenarios, however, you'll find our own tribute to hard working administrative professionals everywhere after the jump.)

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· Office secretary does boss (Haporn)

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· Office Pink (porn-o-rama.com)
· See more @ Office Pink (officepink.com)

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· Secretary Tit Job (Pornotube)

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· Gia Paloma: Naughty Office (naughtyofficegallery.com)
· See more @ Naughty Office (naughtyoffice.com)
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· Busty blonde secretary fucked hard (XTube)

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· Big Tits At Work (juggcrew.com)
· See more @ Big Tits At Work (bigtitsatwork.com)

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· Bored Secretary Caught Fingering Herself (Pornotube)

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· Sammy4U: Sexy Secretary (sammy4u.com)

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· Eva Angelina: Abusing the Secretary (6 parts) (XTube)
· See more @ Sex & Submission (sexandsubmission.com)

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· Secretary Babes (sunnygalleries.com)

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· Allie's Office Quickie (YuVuTu)

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· Scoreland Secretary (hardsextgp.com)

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TGP/preview galleries via Ask Jolene (askjolene.com)