The problem is all inside your head they said to me
The answer is easy if you watch this DVD
We’d like to help you in your struggle sexually
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

They said it’s really not our habit to intrude
Furthermore, we hope our meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But we’ll repeat ourselves - we’re the Sinclair Institute
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

You just dive into her puss, Russ; make love to those tits, Fritz
Don’t be a dick, Rick - just get the DVD
Get into her ass, Chas (you’ll need to discuss that)
But learn how to kiss, Chris, and get yourself free

They said it grieves us so to see you in such pain
We wish there was something we could do to make you come again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the 32 ways?

They said why don’t you both just get it on tonight
And we believe by morning you’ll begin to see the light
And then they charged me $24.95 – and it turns out they were right
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

You work on his ass, Cass; just find his G-spot, Dot
Just spend a little dough, Flo, and buy our DVD
Suck on his toes, Rose (you might need to wash those)
Just learn to fellate, Kate, and get yourself free

· Sinclair Institute (www.bettersex.com)
· Buy "32 Ways to Please Your Lover" (gamelink.com)

But despite my misgivings, I was determined to try the GPilot: the packaging did say (in bigger letters, above the scary disclaimer) that the product had been tested by science. And I trust science.

To start out, I figured I'd use the device on my own. After all, if I was going to break anyone's penis, it had better be for good reason (for example, a device guaranteed to make me squirt). After generously lubricating the GPilot on both sides, as instructed by the packaging, I inserted into my ladyparts. There was some initial discomfort, but I quickly adjusted to its presence. It was time to take things to the next level.

I grabbed my most realistic dildo and slid it in. With the GPilot in place, the dildo didn't slide straight in to my pussy as it normally would. Instead, it bent up, pressing directly into my g-spot. And it felt pretty awesome. I played around for a bit, eventually squirting as promised. It seemed like the time to bring in my assistant for additional testing.

After a bit of persuasion—and OK, maybe a little bribery—I managed to convince him to participate in the experiment. Well-lubed, he slowly entered me, sliding his cock along the GPilot. It didn't break his penis! I figured that was a start.

Sex with the GPilot in was different. Not amazingly better, not horrible; just good, and a bit different. The increased pressure and friction on my g-spot was definitely appreciated, but it was countered by some of the GPilot's shortcomings. Though we used a lot of lube, the GPilot's plastic seemed to dry quickly, requiring multiple breaks for reapplication. And though the GPilot opened up some new avenues, it also created quite a few limitations. Hard fucking and deep penetration were definitely off the menu, as was pretty much anything aside from slow, gentle, missionary sex. As for my assistant? By the end of our experiment, his penis wasn't broken, but he wasn't all that enthused about the GPilot either. Apparently the GPilot scientists weren't heavily focused on increasing male pleasure.

I enjoyed my time with the GPilot, but I can't see myself using it all that regularly. It's a little too much effort, with not quite enough pay off, to become a part of my regular rotation - but it's certainly welcome as an occasional addition to my bedroom adventures.

· Pure Fun LLC (gthrust.com)

As with all her Vivid-Ed releases, Tristan begins this installment of "The Expert Guide to the G-Spot" with a brief lecture. With the help of Princess Donna and Sarah Blake, who provide a live action demo, Tristan educates the viewer (and an audience of porn stars) on the finer points of female anatomy and g-spot stimulation. Turns out you don't need a fancy ultrasound machine to find a woman's special area: fingers or toys will do the trick just fine. And (spoiler alert!) every woman has a g-spot, even if every woman's g-spot isn't equally sensitive.

Once Tristan's imparted her wisdom, the action segues from the classroom to the bedroom. In three hot scenes, we're shown the basics — and not-so-basics — of g-spot stimulation: using fingers, toys, and a variety of fancy positions, the cast of "The Expert Guide to the G-Spot" shows us exactly how it's done, and, in the last scene, how "it" can lead to the wonder that is female ejaculation (a bonus girl-girl scene, illustrating the basics of strap-on sex, is also included on the disc). Tristan stays on as a voiceover, offering insight on the different tactics and techniques being demonstrated, with occasional assistance from some colorful, pop-up video style notes.

(Bonus tip: Want to enjoy the hot sex without the pressure of having to learn something? The scenes are also available without the voiceovers.)

Instructional porn is a notoriously tricky genre. Though it seems only logical to have porn stars - who are, after all, sex professionals - teaching us regular folk about sex, in practice, it can get a little complicated. Education (which requires a brain full of blood) is pitted against titillation (which... doesn't), and it can be hard to find a balance between the two. Judging from her entries in the Vivid-Ed line so far, Tristan been quite successful with making porn that's as smart as it is sexy. We can't wait to see what she comes out with next—we'll happily learn whatever she's willing to teach us.

· Order "The Expert Guide to the G-Spot" (adult.dvdempire.com)
· Vivid-Ed (vivid-ed.com)

The researchers determined that there were structural anatomical differences between a group of women that experiences orgasmic sex and another that doesn't, that these differences could be the key to their "release," and that someday doctors could actually perform a test to see if you too have these magic powers.

On the other hand, some say that they're full of it—that these anatomical differences may mean nothing; having or not having g-spot does not make or break the ability to orgasm; and that the whole study (which involved a whopping 20 women) was highly flawed. In other words: If they're trying to get women off, maybe they just aren't doing it right. After carefully weighing the evidence, our conclusion is that all this book learnin' is hard!

· Ultrasound nails location of the elusive G spot (newscientist.com)
· More inaccurate g spot information from New Scientist (mysexprofessor.com)
· Yes, Virgins, There Is A G-Spot! You Just May Need Some Injections To Fix Yours (Jezebel)
· Scientific demonstration by Sydney Moon (via askjolene.com)

Because everyone who writes for Fleshbot is famous (if nowhere else than on the post office or rest room wall), we are often guilty of hiding our light under a bushel. But the Original Violet Blue^TM's light burns bright like a thousand turgid, throbbing, brow-mopping, and backing into my elbow like a cat in heat suns. It is impossible to hide. Her new book, "The Smart Girl's Guide To The G-Spot", features a detailed guide to finding your own, your partner's, or your post officer's G-Spot and getting on it like a bonnet.

From the author: "The G-spot is not a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. It's a real, tangible place in your body, like your breasts and your clitoris, and you can even see it. But for some reason, lots of people seem to think the G-spot is a myth. Or a rumor. Not so. It's real, and it makes you come, hard, period."

I hope all this certainty doesn't ruin the magic. - GP

· "The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-Spot" (cleispress.com)
· Violet Blue (tinynibbles.com)

Previously: Great Books Archive

Like many of you (er, right?), our introduction to the world of sex and female orgasms was a fumbling, awkward journey full of experimentation, missteps, and not nearly enough hitting the walls and working the middle. If only we had a gentle-voiced but authoritative mentor like this to take us gently by his oil-slicked hand into his dreamcatcher-festooned inner sanctum to show us step-by-step exactly how to bring the gal of our dreams to a convulsing full body orgasm, things might have turned out a lot different. (Of course, having an insanely hot model on our massage table to practice with might have helped a lot too.) Maybe it's not to late to learn everything all over again?

· Orgasm School (video @ redtube.com - thanks TB)

(By the way, if anyone knows where this clip comes from, please let us know in the comments. We really do like this guy's style. Not to mention his assistant's.)

Previously: Public Access Pussy Power!, Pussy Power: The Remix, Momo's Science Experiment: Japanese Squirting Fun, Vortex Vibrations: Vacuuming Your Way To A Better Orgasm, Happy Belated Cosmic Orgasm Day!, How To: Find The G-Spot (In Spanish!), Sex Blog Roundup: Hitting The Spot, Liquid Love: The G-Spot Explosion

· The greatest special effect in the new SpiderMan 3 movie? Kirsten Dunst's massive boobs. That's not your Spidey Sense you feel tingling. (thesun.co.uk)

· The idea of a Tyra Banks-on-Rosie O'Donnell pileup may not turn you on, but it's a video of one girl squeezing another girl's boobs so we're contractually obligated to provide you with a link. (TMZ.com)

· Breaking! A nude art model actually enjoys her job and is not depressed, amoral, or addicted to drugs. You can't make this stuff up people! (nebraska.statepaper.com)

· Finally, a detailed explanation of "booty pop," otherwise known as the kind of dancing that will get you kicked out of your high school prom. Print it out and mail it to your parents. (wvgazette.com)

Femdom enthusiasts will be interested in the planned opening of a Chinese "women's town" which will punish disobedient male visitors by having them kneel on an uneven board or wash dishes in a restaurant. No telling what they'll do for leaving the toilet seat up in the bathroom.

· A man in Oregon caused an entire building to be locked down because he was wandering the halls wearing nothing but a pair of high heels. Even worse, they were totally last season. (sfgate.com)

· If you're still having trouble finding that G-spot after all the instructional material we've presented you with this week, these tips may be your last hope. Don't give up the quest, people! (complex.com)

· And if you're also having trouble behaving yourself at strip club, this etiquette primer might come in handy—though if you still need to be reminded of that whole hands-off policy, you really don't need to be going to strip clubs to begin with. (doubleviking.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Those of you who can't even be bothered to press 2 when calling customer service hotlines might have been a little flummoxed by those bi-lingual G-spot instructions we pointed you to earlier this week. But don't fret—we assure you that the location is real, and there are plenty of other folks out there determined to help you find it. Take the ladies of Liquid Love, an instructional DVD that's sort of like a cross between Red Shoe Diaries, "Squirtwoman 2", and an episode of Unsolved Mysteries, only with much cooler "re-enactments." Judging by the (surprisingly graphic) trailers, these women are very in touch with their bodies and have used their knowledge to unlock the secrets of Dr. Gr fenberg's wet and wild wonderland—specifically female ejaculation and lots of it. The soothing new age music and polite voices are reason enough to watch, but it should be even more valuable to all the doubters out there who are still convinced that squirting is some elaborate magic trick. David Copperfield ain't got nothing on these chicks.

· Liquid Love: The G-Spot Explosion (glamourtelevision.com, via Indie Nudes)

Previously: How To: Find The G-Spot (In Spanish!), Jada Fire Really Is Squirtwoman, Flesh Flicks: Squirt Power, Porn Valley Dispatch: Again With The Squirting, DVD Review: "Squirt Hunter 3", Fleshbot Poll: To Squirt or Not To Squirt?, Susie Bright's G-Spot Fraud Detection Squad, DVD Review: "Nina Hartley's Guide to Female Ejaculation", The Squirting Dialogues

This post is for all you non-believers out there who still aren't convinced that the G-spot does in fact exist. It's true that trying to find it may sometimes feel like trying to read an epic novel in a foreign language, but what if you tried to look for it in a foreign language? The fantastically-named blog Inner El Pendejo Trenol gico has an exhaustive study—with diagrams!—explaining just where and how to focus your search and what to do once you get there. The only problem, of course, is that it's written in Spanish so you may find yourself a little tounge-tied before all is said and done. (Which wouldn't be such a bad thing when you think about it.) However, if you still can't figure it out, the accompanying video—a mashup of several sexual instructional clips—is in English and is about as close you'll get to actual GPS navigation (G-spot Positioning System?) to el Punto G. Let your expedition begin!

- - -

· G-spot (metacafe.com)
· "Video sobre como encontrar y estimular el Punto G en la mujer" (innerpendejo.net)

Previously: Flesh Flicks: Cunnilingus For Dummies, How to Deep Throat

Contrary to what ESPN thinks, sweet spots aren't just for tennis racquets: in the bedroom and beyond, real players know how to hit those mysterious p-and-g-spots in the dark with their eyes covered and with their hands tied behind their backs. Today's roundup of some of our favorite recent writing from the sex blog scene schools you on the value of your prostate and/or g-spot. Read up and learn about all those special places that make you go Ahhhhh ...

Keep your eye on the prize with with your favorite prospector Chelsea Girl after the jump.

* * * * *

Sex Blog Roundup
by Chelsea Girl

- - -

Prostate Play

A man's prostate is full of nerves. Nerves are good because when you are able to stimulate them properly they can make you feel very very good.

Many men, yes straight guys too, really enjoy having their prostate massaged. They claim to experience all kinds of nice things like super intense orgasms and/or orgasms that last a really long time. Enjoying having your ass/prostate stimulated doesn't make you gay, enjoying sex with men does (and even this is a bit of a grey area).

- - -

'G' Marks the Spot, Part 1

The necessary foreplay ensued and pretty soon Jack was working the vibrator in my pussy in the location indicated by the book. The vibrator left much to be desired however, at least when it comes to how I seem to be constructed down there. The end of it seemed to be getting hooked on my pubic bone, which was extremely painful.

I know that he was in the right general area, but we just couldn't seem to find the right spot. We tried turning the vibrator over, and that seemed somewhat better. I could feel a very mild urge to pee, which is a good sign when it comes to the G-Spot, since putting pressure on it also squishes your bladder in the process.

- - -

Fingertip Control

.. As we lay, face to face to whisper our goodnights, something stirred. We scarcely moved a muscle, but Emm began to touch me, concerntrating on just one spot and moving her middle finger no more than a centimetre. She kept this up for a time that seemed endless, staring deep into my eyes with a half-smile on her lips. The feeling was at once delightful and excruciating.

- - -

Naughty Sissy

"The slut wants to get fucked and he wants it know!" I thought.

I went upstairs and worn My strap-on.
I spread some lubricant on it and went back downstairs.
He was still dishwashing.
I went behind him and touched his butt with the strap on.
He felt it at once.

"Oh Madame, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to fuck you Denise. That's what I'm doing! Spread your legs."

- - -

Ablaze in Lust

His hands are around my ass and he's pulling me on him- again and again, faster and harder as my orgasm continues and my cunt feels like waves of electric pleasure being shocked through me as my gspot swells against the head of his rod and I grind more, slower and harder. Pushing, aching. My composure is lost and I'm just reaching for that sensation. The grazing against my g-spot that almost hurts, but keeps me. Pulling, reaching, craving. Must get it- must have it. I thrust forward on him, again and again and fucking again.

- - -

Hitting the Edge

He pulled me again to the edge of the bed so that he could enter me while standing, my legs high in the air. He pushed his cock into my ass... much lube, some discomfort, but my body was relaxed enough to take him easily. Anal sex is very powerful to me. I'm not sure which nerves are being hit in the process, but my God! And then he added the vibrator, plunging it in and out of my cunt while he fucked my ass. He left the vibe buzzing gently
(well, not that gently) in place as his pace increased in urgency. Once again, all too soon, I was on the brink of a full body orgasm...

* * * * *

Previously: Sex Blog Roundup Archive

The transition, I'd imagine, from just shoving any old thing up there to the quest for one's own G-spot is a solemn one. While Hustler should have included a soundtrack by Elmer Bernstein and an audiobook instruction manual featuring Gregory Peck, its "My First G-Spot Kit" actually provides a bare-bones set of tools and text for getting there. Read what we have learned about the product after the gap. - GP

- - -

I think there must be some directive emanating from The Hague that dictates the etiquette of including batteries. Whenever a marital aid calls for weird-ass watch batteries, they are included. If something can be purchased at the corner, you're on your own.

The My First G-Spot Kit requires two AA batteries to run its clickable pink controller, so I trudged through the snow (I'm assuming it was snow) to the local Mobil.

"Hustler's My First G-Spot Kit?" the gas monkey asked as he returned my change.

"You know it," I said.

The Kit, as we call it at home, consists of the aforementioned controller, a bullet vibe, and a thumb-shaped G-Spot getter. The latter two devices plug into the controller via a wire and a 1/8" plug. One cannot plug in both at the same time. I assume this is because of our Puritan resistance to too much pleasure.

"The G-Spot is located in your vaginal wall, about 2 inches above your public bone," say the instructions. "You'll know when you find it, because it will feel different from any other area when you apply direct stimulation."

I have a natural reluctance to bring marital aids into my home when their fleshly analogues might suffice with a little effort, but I was comforted by the fact that even my arachnodactyly couldn't compete with The Kit's G-Spot bumper.

Once the batteries were inserted (in the controller), the device could be ratcheted up and down through seven settings of "pulsation and vibrartion", which is Hustler's proprietary style of vibration, and the device did not fly into bits.

Remember that My First G-Spot Kit is sold as a novelty only; it should not be used to substitute for a caring, mutually supportive relationship.

· My First G-Spot Kit (edenfantasys.com)
· Topco (topcosales.us)

* * * * *

Previously: Marital Aid Test Kitchen Archive