And unlike certain nasty breakfast cereals, you don't need to balance out Sophie's boobs with orange juice, toast, and bacon. All you need is a healthy dousing of milk and lots of intimate time with your computer. At least, that's all we need right now.

· Sophie Reade - Nuts Magazine - 05.03.2010 x13 (deepatseapictures.blogspot.com)

So it's a bit of an understatement to say that we're excited for Tony Stamolis's "T & T & A," a photographic tribute to lovely naked ladies...and greasy, messy tacos. The only way this book could possibly be improved is with photos of the anked babes actually eating the tacos...though that might too much for even us to handle.

· T & T & A (tandtanda.com)
· More photos at The Huffington Post (huffingtonpost.com)

Well, assuming that ZOO's Pancake Day celebration is representative of the rest of the country, anyway—and we're totally sure it is. Well, mostly sure, anyway.

· Melissa's Tossing Guide! (zootoday.com)

And hey, even if it's a little late for Valentine's, you can still make that special someone happy for Steak and Blowjob Day or Cake and Cunnilingus Day! After all, there's no bad time for love, and—as you're about to see—there are so many stimulating locations for love-making.

· Cover star: Lavish Styles, via Big Naturals (realitykings.com)

For the traditional couple...

What could be better than staying in bed all day for Valentine's Day? Well, for starters, the bed could be a rental so you don't have to clean up. And better yet, the bed could be a cave, or a sarcophagus, or it could even reflect your gambling addiction. Thanks to FantaSuites, the only limit is your imagination!

If you want the hotel room without the theme, that's cool, too. Many hotels have begun stocking their Mini Bars and room service menus with Intimacy Kits. They're usually stocked with condoms, lube, and perhaps breath mints. The Gansevoort Hotel in New York City supplies a "Mile High Kit" for $20 that includes the aforementioned plus massage oils, a personal massager, and a feather tickler.

· FantaSuite Hotels (fantasuite.com)
· The Gansevoort (hotelgansevoort.com)

If you're not afraid to trade...

Hit the high seas with a boatload of swingers! If you've been forging a solid relationship based on trust and respect, then you should be able to swap partners with complete strangers on a cruise ship. The good people of SwingersCruise.com organize excursions like these on boats big and small, so remember that not everyone on your ship is there to swing.

· SwingersCruise.com | Cruises for Swingers (swingerscruise.com)
· Dramatization pic via Club Sandy (clubsandy.com)

Because the journey is the destination...

Maybe you don't feel like going anywhere, or maybe you're obligated to go on a business trip somewhere boring. That's ok! Take your partner along with you and join the Mile High Club! But don't do it on any old plane, we recommend Virgin America.

Why Virgin? For starters, the sleek purple/pink mood lighting reflecting off the leather and hard white plastic creates a bizarre nightclub feel that is both soothing and exciting. And since every seat sports a keyboard you can use in the onboard chatroom, you can spit game at fly honeys in first class without pushing past the stewardess.

If all else fails, you can watch great films on their interactive media player, Red. The last time one of our editors took Virgin, an extended viewing of "Lust, Caution" motived him to join the Mile High Club (Solo Aviator Division).

· Virgin America (virginamerica.com)
· Pic via Hungarian Honeys (nshoneys.com)

For the love that gives your heart license to soar...

Is turbulent lavatory love not your thing? Have sex in a zero gravity environment! In the now classic film, "Private Black Label: The Uranus Experiment," Silvia Saint sucks off Nick Lang while the pair is on a free falling plane. Obviously, the best part about going to space is getting your weightless rocks off, so why not recreate the experience? Buy you and your loved one a ticket on a commercial Vomit Comet.

The Zero Gravity Corporation offers such flights for reasonable (er, enormous) prices. Your ticket includes 12-15 parabolic free falls, your own flight suit, extra swag, a certificate of weightless completion, and photos and video of your unique experience (so you can quickly and efficiently upload your romantic time to XTube). Best of all, no cleanup! It's not your specially modified Boeing 727.

· Book your tickets at Zero G Corporation (nogravity.com)
· Or you could just buy "The Uranus Experiment #1" (gamelink.com)

If you've got a thing for having sex in the bathroom...

Mildred's Temple Kitchen, a restaurant in Toronto, is pimping its bathrooms out as perfect perches for Valentine's Day trysts. Toronto Public Health officials say they're cool with it, and the restaurant even said they'd provide a maid to keep it extra clean.

Sadly, soon after the offer went out, Mildred's said they were joking. Nonetheless, they are offering a special menu rich with aphrodisiac oyster hors d'oeuvres and special "Lady and the Tramp"-style spaghetti and meatballs served on one plate. For a nominal fee, they also provide a gift basket of cookies, pecan squares, and a pair of fuzzy handcuffs. So maybe they were joking, but we say take the handcuffs to the bathroom and show them what a happy Valentine's Day really is.

· Mildred's Temple Kitchen (templekitchen.com)
· Pic via Bathroom Portraits (NSFW) (villagevoice.com)

And if you do it right, it's creamy all over.

· cremesicles and cum ! (xtube.com)

Our buffet of videos features both couples and solo acts. Whether they find pleasure in licking sweets off of their partner or using edible products on their own, the message is the same. Don't play with your food...unless you plan on videotaping it.

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

Good for Betacarrit - Cunt (pornhub.com)

Jeni Covered in Honey (yuvutu.com)

Refrigerator Fun (megaporn.com)

amatblond suck and sandwich (yuvutu.com)

Chocolate (xtube.com)

Girlfriend Loves Cucumber (pornhub.com)

fun with food (yuvutu.com)

Sweet Fruit (yuvutu.com)

Fancy a nibble? (yuvutu.com)

can and mars bar (yuvutu.com)

Jayden James and Nikki Rhodes are both gorgeous, charming, and (clearly) creative. Can't you imagine sitting down to a nice meal with the family with one of these girls? Sure, she might have a little food dye on her lips, but as long as no one serves popsicles for dessert, everything will be ok.

* * * * *

Previously: Sticky, Sweet, Serious Work In "Popsicle Play"

· Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)

Popsicle Play

Studio: Abigail Williams Productions
Director: O. Cohen
Cast: Samantha Ryan, Nika Noir, Ava Rose, Nikki Rhodes, Jayden James, Ann Marie Rios

This movie is wet in the best possible way. The first scene has Nika Noir and Samantha Ryan work each other to a slow, screaming lather. They get wet, I get wet (which really isn't supposed to happen, I'm a guy), and it's literally raining on them the entire time. Sadly, a popsicle is missing from this scene, but there was a delightful, popsicle-colored vibrator in use.

Actually, the absence of popsicles was a bit concerning at times. Certain scenes—like Nika and Samantha's—could've used one, especially when the cover shows an intimate moment between the girls involving a Cherry Pineapple Big Stick. Ann Marie Rios has the only solo work in the film, and she is also missing a frozen treat. Then again, what she lacks in sugar, she more than makes up with seething. She masturbates like a schizophrenic, half-laughing/half-crying to the point of blazing orgasm.

On the other hand, I'm happy the popsicles were few. It makes them exciting! Jayden James and Nikki Rhodes start off their scene with some intense snack time: holding a Firecracker in her teeth, Jayden colors Nikki's nipples red. Then the girls double-team-deepthroat the ice lolly down to the stick. Have you ever wished your penis were a popsicle? You will.

But it's important to remember that the popsicle isn't a surrogate penis, and you shouldn't be projecting yourself onto unhealthy snacks. For one, you could never have intercourse because sugar is bad for the vagina and is prone to cause yeast infections (The More You Know!). Besides, remember what Belladonna taught us?

Second, it's ok to identify with girls in porn, even lesbian porn; accept your desire for both the active and passive roles! Really, when you're watching Darryl Hannah mouthfuck Ava Rose with a popsicle, and the camera is so close that you can read the joke off the stick, you'd be silly if you didn't want to be one of the girls.

Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)
Buy "Popsicle Play" (tlavideo.com)

· Hollywood Tuna's Bachelor Cooking 101 With Aria Giovanni - Yam (hollywoodtuna.com)
· Aria Giovanni (ariagiovanni.com)

· Aria Giovanni (ariagiovanni.com)

Hey, a girl needs something to serve with her F Cup Cookies, right?

· Niigata Bust Pudding from Japan (yuhmm.com)

We've already seen how down and dirty the four food can get, so here's a list of videos for those of us who love a good tease. Or are avid fruit eaters.

Sexy girls eating each other (youtube.com)

This Lollipop Is Having A Pretty Good Day! Sexy Schoolgirl! (youtube.com)

sexy banana (youtube.com)

Hot Girl Ice Cream Fight (youtube.com)

Erin Eats a Peach - SSSTV (youtube.com)

Intern Eleanor Eating Strawberries (youtube.com)

sexy lips eating cherrys!!! (youtube.com)

How To Look Sexy While Eating. (youtube.com)

Asian Girl Eats a Strawberry (youtube.com)

Women Eating (Stock Video) 3 (youtube.com)

*****

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

Some of these videos feature couples while others are simply solo acts. Whether they find pleasure in licking sweets off of their partner or using edible products on their own, the message is the same. Don't play with your food! Unless you plan on videotaping it.

este es el regalito que me dio Vale al despertar por el dia del trabajador :) (yuvutu.com)

Mmmm… Chocolate… (xtube.com)

Good Source of BetaCarrot-Cunt (pornhub.com)

Chocolate Syrup (yuvutu.com)

amatblond suck and sandwich (yuvutu.com)

Girlfriend Loves Cucumbers (pornhub.com)

Refrigerator Fun (megaporn.com)

Sundae on My Mind!!! (megaporn.com)

Jeni Covered in Honey (yuvutu.com)

Chocolate (xtube.com)

*****

Previously: Top Ten Video Archive

Above, we have the original Paris commercial, below, Audrina. Who do you think is more likely to win your vegan friends back over to the dark side? (Our heart belongs with Paris, we must admit. She just brings that little extra something to the ad, you know?) But hey, we want to know what you think. Watch the videos, then take the poll below.