Fleshbot: evan+stone

"Kayden And Rocco Make A Porno"...And We Get To Watch

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:00:00 EST

Surprisingly, "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" is not a porn parody of the similarly titled Kevin Smith movie. Instead, it's a penetrating look at what happens when two frustrated pornstars step behind the camera. Spoiler alert: hilarity ensues.

Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno

Studio: Adam and Eve
Director: David Lord
Cast: Kayden Kross, Heidi Mayne, Kiara Diane, Dani Jensen, Codi Carmichael, Tiffany Mynx, Rocco Reed, Chris Cannon, Jenner, Evan Stone, Tommy Gunn, Barrett Blade

"Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" opens with a scene of (surprise!) Kayden and Rocco making a porno—or at least fucking on camera. But wait: this isn't a porn scene from the porno that Kayden and Rocco make. This is a scene from a different porno starring Kayden and Rocco, one which Kayden and Rocco are sitting at home watching. (Have we lost you yet?)

After watching herself with Rocco, Kayden bemoans the state of porn today: clearly, she could do a better job behind the camera than these bozos. And thus Kayden sets off on the same path as many a performer-turned-director before her. With Rocco at her side, Kayden makes a porno.

Along the way, we meet an interesting cast of characters. Heidi Mayne shows up at the audition so desperate to land a role that she blows Chris Cannon and Jenner in the waiting room (at the same time). Aspiring pornstar Evan Stone (pre-haircut!) loses his chance to get cast in the production, but lies his way into a job as the PA...and then lies his way into Tiffany Mynx, Kiara Diane, and Dani Jensen as well. Rocco engages in on-the-job intimacy with make up artist Codi Carmichael. And, in a last ditch effort to save her film, Kayden takes on both Barrett Blade and Tommy Gunn.

"Kayden and Rocco" is one of those rare pornos that manages to have just the right mix of plot and sex, without seeming gratuitous on either front. The story is entertaining, the acting is good; and at no point do we find ourselves asking why, precisely, these people are having sex with one another. They're having sex because they're making a porno (come on, it says it right on the front of the box!).

You'll have to watch the movie if you want to see how it all turns out—whether Kayden succeeds at her dream, or finds that being a director is harder than it looks—but when you do, you'll have an enjoyable time. Just, uh, don't take the movie as an instructional on how to make your own porno. Trust us on that one.

· Buy "Kayden and Rocco Make a Porno" (adameve.com)

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Sexy Stoya Earns The Title "Workaholic" In Latest Digital Playground Release

DCypher — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:00:00 EST

Despite her best attempts to fly under the radar, our favorite pearl-skinned porn star continues to be a hot topic of discussion. Stoya. One taste of her sugar and you can't keep her name out of your mouth.

Evan Stone is the lucky bastard who gets to take sweet young Stoya to bed in this installment. Evan, with his beautiful flowing locks of hair, demonstrates the skill and grace that had made him one of the best male performers this industry has (or will ever) see. Our hearts practically burst with joy to see him fuck our favorite girl, like two wild animals, caught in the act, more breathtaking and beautiful than mere words can capture.

Mick Blue doesn't fare as well, all things considered. He gets tied up by our Stoya, blindfolded and beaten up a little bit, before earning the honor of tasting her sweet nectar. We can name a hundred men off the top of our head who would suffer worse for a single drop of her. Cheer up, Mick. You still get to have sex with one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

Then, in a surprise twist, Stoya and crazy cockstar Angelina Valentine work over Tony De Sergio, taking turns on each other while sharing his meaty tool. Stoya even manages to sneak a finger or three up the naughty European man's crack after donning some medical gloves.

Last but not least, sexy male stud Derrick Pierce has his way with the girl who won over our hearts with a single, naked glance, piercing all the way into our soul. He's a firm lover, but somehow gentle, and their sex is both passionate and raw without seeming cruel. Stoya, as always, looks satisfied. We, however, are left wanting more and more and more....which is probably why the geniuses behind Digital Playground threw in a couple of extra scenes.

Vanessa Leon takes an exquisite pounding in her tight little pussy from Ben Englishes monster cock—which is now retired, except for special occasions.

Carmel Moore allows Tommy Gunn to dive all the way in and up her pink tunnel of love, wailing like a dog with it's paw caught in a bear trap most of the time she is getting serviced. Rumor has it that Tommy Gunn's cock is harder than most, with other female performers marveling that it's more like getting fucked by a slab of marble than an average man. True story.

"Stoya Workaholic" comes out next week, just in time for every major holiday. You can check out the goods right here and now, thanks to the good folks over at Digital Playground. Happy Monday, everyone!

Stoya
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Stoya
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Stoya and Derrick Pierce
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Stoya and Derrick Pierce
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Stoya and Derrick Pierce
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Stoya and Angelina Valentine
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Stoya, Angelina Valentine, and Tony De Sergio
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Stoya, Angelina Valentine, and Tony De Sergio
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Stoya, Angelina Valentine, and Tony De Sergio
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Stoya
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Stoya and Mick Blue
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Stoya and Mick Blue
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Stoya and Mick Blue
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Stoya and Mick Blue
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Stoya and Evan Stone
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Stoya and Evan Stone
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Stoya and Evan Stone
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Carmel Moore and Tommy Gunn
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Carmel Moore and Tommy Gunn
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Carmel Moore and Tommy Gunn
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Stoya
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Vanessa Leon and Ben English
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Vanessa Leon and Ben English
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Vanessa Leon and Ben English
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Sneak Peek: A First Look At Erica McLean And Carlos Batts's "Alice"

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:00:00 EST

Of the 125 AVN Awards, there's not a single one for "Best Trailer"—but if there were, we feel sure that this preview for "Alice" would be a shoo in for the prize.

We already know that we want to see this movie, but if we didn't, this trailer would be enough to convince us...and then some. The lush cinematography, the excellent score, what appears to be an actual plot...and, of course, the fact that Evan Stone was clearly born to play the role of The Mad Hatter.

Oh, and there's also the matter of the stellar cast: Sunny Lane, Kimberly Kane, April Flores, Andy San Dimas, Aiden Starr, Faye Reagan, Katie St. Ives...we could go on and on, but we're already drooling.

Our one disappointment? The movie won't be out until February. How will we survive that long?

(Those of you who are more patient than we are will be rewarded, though: check back later this week for a gallery of photos from the film.)

· Erica McLean (hardcorecircusxxx.com)
· Carlos Batts (carlosbatts.com)

*****

Previously: Popshots: Down And Dusty with Alice And Her Dirty Sister, Inside Erica McLean And Carlos Batts's "Alice"

Popshots: Down And Dusty with Alice And Her Dirty Sister

Gram Ponante — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:00:00 EST

Sunny Lane's fuck-me heels are sinking into the dusty hillside. On the set of Erica McLean's and Carlos Batts's porn version of "Alice in Wonderland," we remember that sometimes America's porn stars get caked with something other than loads.

This porn version of "Alice," the third to be shot this year, promises something far more Sunny (the delicious Sunny Lane is the most deceptively wholesome of the three Alices) and, well, less Stormy and Grey.

Not only that, but the movie, which wrapped yesterday at McLean's ranch in Sunland, will be released concurrently with Tim Burton's version of "Alice," slated for February 2010.

We've already visited the Hole, the dungeon down which Alice follows the rabbit (the rabbit is Lavish Styles), and now we're ready for the Mad Hatter's tea party, hosted by Evan Stone. But first Kimberly Kane must masturbate.

"I play Alice's dirty sister," says Kane, in yet another impressive hairdo. "I masturbate while reading this illustrated 'Story of O.'"

It's the last day of shooting and the mountainside is decorated Wonderland-style. Dust blows up the canyon and Sunny Lane and Kimberly Kane do their best to not squint at the camera. McLean's dogs, horses, and assembled menagerie try to avoid the camera.

Lane, just back from a month-long stint at the Moonlite Bunnyranch, is greeted warmly by Kane, who stands out in the porn world for having something nice to say about everybody.

"You are the sweetest thing," said Kane as Lane tottered down the hill. Soon they would be naked, with dust everywhere, but we will preserve the fantasy for a little while longer.

· Erica McLean (hardcorecircusxxx.com)
· Carlos Batts (carlosbatts.com)

If You've Ever Wondered: "WKRP in Cincinati"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:30:01 EST

Supertramp. Jan Smithers. Loni Anderson before Burt Reynolds. Could there be a richer lode of porn gold than "WKRP in Cincinnati"? (Of course there could, but how often do we get the chance to write about Supertramp and Smithers?)

WKRP in Cincinnati: A XXX Parody

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Starring: Ashlynn Brooke, Evan Stone, Ryan McLane, Holly Heart, Scott Lyons, Ralph Long, Tee Reel, Rod Fontana, Kagney Linn Karter, Andy San Dimas, Jackie Daniels, Faye Reagan

Review by: Gram Ponante

New Sensations' latest (as of 2 this afternoon, check back in 15 minutes) porn parody faithfully recreates and pornifies the beloved 80's show that made a bombshell out of Loni Anderson, a star out of Howard Hesseman, and a Trivial Pursuit question of Gary Sandy.

Supertramp is in town and WKRP finally has a chance to show a profit by running a contest for front row tickets. But the tickets get lost! In the meantime, dissolute DJ Dr. Johnny Fever (Evan Stone) must keep some enthusiastic 'tramp fans at bay (I call them 'tramp), while the two unlikeliest pairings of anyone in the cast (Ashlynn Brooke's Jennifer with Ralph Long's Herb/Holly Heart's Bailey with Scott Lyons' Les) make for a parody that fans of the original show will appreciate for its attention to detail while reconsidering the necessity of parodying the show in the first place.

All ends well as Jennifer calls up Supertramp's lead singer—a personal friend—to replace the tickets.

New Sensations scores by getting Rick Davies' name right as well as correctly spelling Cincinnati. Had the company not released gems like "The Sex Files," this might be all we could hope for from a porn world that thinks only dummies buy its movies. But in the end, a suspect laugh track and a cast that likely contained only two people (Rod Fontana as Mr. Carlson and Evan Stone) who remembered the original show, leave me feeling a little Les-Nessman-than enthusiastic about this parody. Supertramp and I are looking forward to "True Blood"y Well Right.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "WKRP in Cincinnati: A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)

Inside Erica McLean And Carlos Batts's "Alice"

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:00:00 EST

"Alice in Wonderland" is a trippy, hallucinogenic tale—so who better to oversee its pornification than artistes like Carlos Batts and Erica McLean? The two have teamed up to produce "Alice"—and we've just obtained the cast list.

And here they are: your cast of "Alice." (Except John Vargas, who plays the Door Man—we couldn't find his picture, unfortunately.)

· Naughty Alice via Cartoon Maniacs (cartoonmaniacs.com)

Alice: Sunny Lane

Mad Hatter: Evan Stone

Caterpillar: Otto Bauer

White Rabbit: Lavish Styles

Queen of Hearts: April Flores

Dweedle Dee: Faye Reagan

Dweedle Dum: Aiden Starr

Cheshire Cat: Mikey Butders

Mouse: Katie St. Ives

March Hare: Dane Cross

Ace of Spade: CJ Wright

The Fleshbot Readers' Choice Awards: The Top Five Contenders

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:00:00 EST

Two weeks ago, we asked you to tell us which sexy people were most deserving of the Readers' Choice Fleshbot Award. The votes have been cast—and we've got your top five choices.

On the female side of things, the top five slots went to (in no particular order!): Joanna Angel, Faye Reagan, Sasha Grey, Stoya, and Andy San Dimas. The top five men? Marco Blaze, Barack Obama, James Deen, Evan Stone, and Reese Rideout.

Who among these worthy candidates will find themselves crowned victorious at next week's Fleshbot Awards? Only time will tell...

· Thumbnail stars: Andy San Dimas and Reese Rideout

Popshots of the Week!

Gram Ponante — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 17:00:59 EDT

Pornish things happened all across California this week and I bore witness to them, from exhibitionists in cow palaces to rabbit holes to Porn's version of the bloodsucking bayou. We start with Noname Jane onstage in San Francisco.

Jane was just about to squirt chocolate on herself, at which point my camera was jostled by ravening lesbians who proceeded to lick it off her.

The event was the Exotic Erotic Ball, a hit or miss affair with heart and soul and plenty of local color. Like this protester's sign, however, the Ball tried to cater to as diverse a group as possible but didn't have its act together. Still, the friendliness of the crowd inside was a very welcome and opposite counterpoint to the real hatred of this group of protesters.

Down south, delightful pixie Aiden Starr auditions for Erica McLean and Carlos Batts' upcoming "Alice in Wonderland" porn adaptation (which will be at least the third this year and, if she gets the role, Starr's second foray through the looking glass).

April Flores, of course, plays the Red Queen. I think that will be awesome.

Across Porn Valley, Ashlynn Brooke plays Sookie in New Sensations' adaptation of "True Blood," scripted by Brooke herself. She is so unbelievably pretty I forgot her clothes were on.

The chameleonic Misty Stone plays Tara (she just found out Lafayette was dead) and Evan Stone plays Evan Stone playing a guy from the show. In the background we see Ralph Long, pulling double duty as a boom operator (we last saw Long as Screech in "This Ain't Saved by the Bell" as well as in "The Sex Files").

Finally we managed to get inside, to Silverlake's Bigfoot Lodge (this reporter's local bar), where at 10 in the morning Misty Stone inspired more wood within the woody surroundings.

"Batman XXX - A Porn Parody" Vs. "Batman": A Comparison

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:00:00 EDT

Vivid Entertainment is a bit late to capitalize on The Dark Knight. That said, it's never too late to parody the campy 1960s Batman with Adam West.

When you think about the kinds of villains that show used to have (The Clock King, The Black Widow, Nora Clavicle, someone named Fingers), it's kind of surprising how un-sexual the original show was. Though we're reluctant to admit it, maybe this is one parody that was meant to happen. Anyhow, we have the cast list, so only one question remains: how does the porny compare to the corny?

Batman
1960s Batman: Adam West
XXX Batman: Nick Manning

Robin
1960s Batman: Burt Ward
XXX Batman: Kris Slater

The Riddler
1960s Batman: Frank Gorshin
XXX Batman: Evan Stone

The Joker
1960s Batman: Cesar Romero
XXX Batman: Randy Spears

Batgirl
1960s Batman: Yvonne Craig
XXX Batman: Nicole Ray

Catwoman
1960s Batman: Julie Newmar
XXX Batman: Tori Black

· Vivid Entertainment (vivid.com)
· Axel Braun Completes Casting Vivid's 'Batman XXX' (business.avn.com)
· Dynamic Duo via Ass Titans (sexandcash.com)

"Flight Attendants" Crashes Despite Ample Buoyancy

Gram Ponante — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Global Air's ridership has taken a nosedive since one of its planes did. And rival Trans Con won't let Global forget it! So Global's flight attendants decide to grow their customer base the only way they know how.

Flight Attendants

Studio: X-Play/Adam & Eve
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Kayden Kross, Evan Stone, Hillary Scott, Teagan Presley, Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Misty Stone, Shyla Stylez, Kacey Jordan, Lexi Love, Michelle Maylene, Randy Spears, James Bartholet, Eric John, Jack Lawrence, Eric Swiss, Thomas Ward, Brad Hardy, Kenzi Marie, Chastity Lynn, Farrah Foxx, Dino Bravo, Barry Scott

Review by: Gram Ponante

X-Play's newest film (following last week's "Monday Night Football") continues the company's diversification into porn comedies that aren't based on a particular show. This one draws broadly from "Airplane!" with a healthy dose of Jim Holliday's ensemble pornos of the 90's (Holliday gets namechecked in the movie) as well as Digital Playground's recent successes in occupational porn, "Cheerleaders," "Babysitters," "Nurses," and "Teachers."

A co-production with Adam & Eve like last year's Zero Tolerance/A&E matchup "Rollerdollz," "Flight Attendants" tries so hard to please that it collapses with the effort. Such a large cast means not enough room for everyone to shine, and the story is so needlessly convoluted that you will actually become stupider while watching it.

Q. But Grams, surely you're not saying that you would fault a porn movie for a poorly-executed story. Isn't sex all that matters?
A. While sex is all that matters, at least at this point in our lives, you should probably just buy ten copies of "Flight Attendants," watch each one, and feel your IQ drop by ten points each time. Then you will be this movie's target audience, and will support X-Play's future filmic endeavors.

Multiple uses of flashbacks and dream sequences are neither effective nor funny, the theme song is grating, and the numerous gay and black/urban poor jokes made by and at the expense of performer James Bartholet and openly black performer Misty Stone try too hard to be outrageous and fall flat. It was often amazing how "Flight Attendants" made two subjects that are normally hilarious - race and sexual orientation - unfunny while trying to be "broad."

Speaking of broad, let's talk about the sex.

X-Play has assembled an all-star cast and we slog through way too much plot before any cast members commence to fucking. While there are standout scenes between Shyla Stylez and Randy Spears, the newly-returned Hillary Scott and Barry Scott (no relation), and Kayden Kross and Evan Stone, we don't see nearly enough of Sunny Lane, Eva Angelina, Teagan Presley, or Lexi Love. And, in an industry where people don't need much of an excuse to have sex, "Flight Attendants" manages to strain credulity.

I think X-Play in particular and parodies in general need to take a vacation.

We know the recent difficulty of making money in porn, and part of the current marketing strategy involves having numerous products on the shelves. X-Play is also playing two sides of the field by releasing movies through distributors Adam & Eve as well as Hustler. But it seems that a company that can make such note-perfect parodies like "Not Married with Children" and "Not the Cosby Show" may have extended its reach this time; "Flight Attendants" did not need to be bad.

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Make Love To Naomi's Ass

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:00:00 EDT

There are many asses that we'd like to make love to—and Naomi's ass is high on the list. Not only does lucky bastard Evan Stone live the dream—he gets to do it in a swanky swingy chair.

Oh, what we wouldn't give to be in his position...

· Buy "Make Love to My Ass" (tlavideo.com)

"Angelina Armani Overcome" Is Good To The Last Drop

DCypher — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 13:00:00 EDT

Calling the emotion that Angelina Armani provokes in us "love" is like calling oxycodone an "opioid analgesic medication." Sure, it may be technically true, but it doesn't really explain how strongly we feel about the issue.

Matter of fact, it's probably only "hillbilly heroin" that comes closest to describing what she makes us feel when she strips down and gets to work on an oversized cock or three, which also conveniently helps us to once again tie together two seemingly non sequitur elements in our daily update. Hooray!

That's why when we found out that Digital Playground was releasing a title featuring the former contract star having sex with three of the best male performers currently working in skin trade, our hearts did a tiny little dance of joy. There is nothing (and we do mean nothing) like watching our little bunny bounce up and down on a thick, rigid piece of fuck stick until hot goo shoots down the the insides of her pretty, trembling thighs to kick off the weekend!

Angelina looks positively giddy bouncing up and down on Mick Blue's meaty tool. Then she looks almost terrified while Scott Nails turns her out like street meat as she squeals in delight. Ultimately though it's her scene with Danny Mountain that stands out the most. That's because she honestly looks like she is in heaven the way she sucks his massive, rigid cunt stretcher, taking it deep into the back of her throat, while she tenderly cups his cum heavy balls. She sucks it so hard and long and lovingly the two look almost like a genuine couple in real love. Some things baby, you just can't fake, which works out pretty well for the rest of us, since watching them fuck is like watching angels copulate.

Add to that noteworthy scenes featuring Bridgette B taking another awesome, punishing fuck at the mercy of Scott Nails's prick, Carmel Moore getting her pink taco pummeled by award winning cocksman Evan Stone, and Heather Vahn taking on the incomparable Tommy Gunn, and you have another unforgettable release from one of the top studios in porn.

The only thing we can't understand about this Celeste release is the obscure title. What precisely Angelina is "overcoming" we will prolly never know. Sometimes you just have to live the questions, as Rainer Maria Rilke suggested, and hope that one day you will work your way into the answers.

"Angelina Armani Overcome" releases next week from the good people at Digital Playground but, if you promise to play nice and not break any copyright laws, you can check out a small sample of the goods exclusively here and now. Remember now, you promised.

Angelina Armani and Scott Nails
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Angelina Armani and Scott Nails
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Angelina Armani and Scott Nails
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Angelina Armani and Scott Nails
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Angelina Armani and Danny Mountain
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Angelina Armani and Danny Mountain
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Angelina Armani and Danny Mountain
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Angelina Armani and Mick Blue
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Angelina Armani and Mick Blue
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Angelina Armani and Mick Blue
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Angelina Armani and Mick Blue
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Heather Vahn
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Heather Vahn and Tommy Gunn
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Heather Vahn and Tommy Gunn
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Heather Vahn and Tommy Gunn
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Carmel Moore
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Carmel Moore and Evan Stone
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Carmel Moore and Evan Stone
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Carmel Moore and Evan Stone
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Bridgette B
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Bridgette B and Scott Nails
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Bridgette B and Scott Nails
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Bridgette B and Scott Nails
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John Madden’s Penis Delightfully Absent From “Not Monday Night Football XXX”

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Perhaps XPlay was concerned about offending fans? We personally would've been stoked to finally see Howard Cosell's little monkey.

Not Monday Night Football XXX

Studio: XPlay
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Angelina Armani, Lela Star, Sarah Vandella, Layla Rivera, Jaelyn Fox, Jessica Bangkok, Britney Stevens, Ashlyn Rae, Alyssa Reece, Topanga Fox, Ally Ann, Yurizan Beltran, Amia Miley, Tatum Pierce, Delila Darling, Cindy Jones, Mai Ly, Sophie Dee, Laci Laine, Rick Madrid, Billy Goodrich, Lee Bang, Evan Stone, Thomas Ward, Scott Lyons, Eric John, Kris Slater

It's one thing to parody a sitcom, but parodying an American institution like Monday Night Football requires both a solid sense of humor as well as serious focus on fucking. The challenge for XPlay is even greater with this parody because there are no protagonists to ground the plot, and no classic conflicts to spice up with sex. As a result, "Not Monday Night Football XXX" features an amalgamation of sportscasting legends doing what makes them memorable.

Rick Madrid plays the staccato-voiced Howard Cosell, who commands the preview show that the film is based around. He is joined by John Madden, played by Billy Goodrich, who spends time with fans, draws on the telestrator, and pimps tough-actin' Tinactin.

True to life, celebrities stop by to plug their latest projects/remind us of their scandals. OJ Simpson has his future read (keep in mind this is the 80s OJ), causing the fortune teller to flee the scene. Bill Cosby (manned by the same Thomas Ward who starred in "Not The Cosbys XXX") shows up as well, followed by a furious Laci Laine who demands Cosby leave his wife for her.

Although these allusions provide amusing intermissions from sex, they feel more like piecemeal potshots and less like parodies of the events they reference. Poking fun at the gimmicky, self-serving habits of a major network is clever, but without a strong, over-arching plot to center the jokes, the parody becomes a gimmick itself.

And like most parody porn, there's a clear distinction between the amusing and the arousing. There was one instance of Madden using the telestrator to discuss his favorite things about Angelina Armani (boobs, eyes, long, flowing hair), but it would've been doubly as funny to see him narrate an instant replay, telestrating the path of Eric John's cock as four cheerleaders tackle him in the locker room. Perhaps a "BAM!" or two would've been appropriate.

But there really isn't much to complain about. The simple fact that seventeen girls cram into five separate scenes is a daunting feat. With such an enormous cast, one might wonder how parody prince Will Ryder manages to coach this dreamteam to glory.

The answer? Teamwork: four gals for every gent, and no one hits the sidelines when the action is on. There's no showboating, no ball hogging, and the fans go wild for every play (seriously, there's non-stop cheering). Also, since every sex scene features a POV moment, viewers at home get to feel like they're part of the team! The sportsmanship is simply awe-inspiring.

Of course, there are a few star players. Evan Stone and Angelina Armani have the only one-on-one scene as the legendary quarterback Manhattan Joe and some floozy. He helps her get her foot in the door as a sideline reporter, so she helps him get his cock in her mouth.

"Well if I'm gonna taste your cock," she says, "I want you to taste my pussy." See? Teamwork.

Also exciting is the fact that Yurizan Beltran has her first non-solo scene. Yurizan, Lela Star, Mai Ly, and Alyssa Reece get bored watching the game at home, so they decide to ditch the remote and grab the vibrators. Even though it's her first time, Yurizan gives it 110% and really goes deep. I sincerely hope she continues this sociable trend.

The general mindset for parody pornographers seems to be "What if this show had hardcore sex in it?" Unfortunately, the finished product presents the question "What if this hardcore sex had jokes near it?" And while it's smart to unite the eternally homosocial institutions of pornography and sports, it's important to make sure they play together well. Perhaps "Not Monday Night Football XXX" could've used a couple more scrimmages before hitting the field.

And now I'm out of football puns.

"The Sex Files" Helps Us Believe Again

Gram Ponante — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 11:30:01 EDT

Porn doesn't fly off the shelves anymore (unless it's HAUNTED), so parodies must stand on their own (if you can be expected to). We wanted to believe Kimberly Kane and Anthony Rosano in "The Sex Files," and we did.

The Sex Files

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Sam Hain
Cast: Kimberly Kane, Anthony Rosano, Ashlynn Brooke, Audrey Bitoni, Rod Fontana, Tyler Knight, Aurora Snow, Gracie Glam, Jackie Daniels, Tory Lane, Taylor Vixen, Angelica Raven, Evan Stone

Review by: Gram Ponante

Writer/director Sam Hain had a grand vision for this "dark" parody (which was, thankfully, not as dark as most Wicked movies).

"I wanted it to fit into a plot hole in 'The X Files' that lots of fans were talking about," he said. "We see Scully (played in the original show by dour, buttoned-down saucypants Gillian Anderson) leaving a room as she's adjusting her clothes, and inside we see Mulder ('The Rapture''s David Duchovny) on the bed."

Well, a season later, Scully was pregnant and the show that coincided with the birth of chatroom culture had a cliffhanger every bit as potent as "Who Shot J.R.?"

So Hain wrote this movie as a bit of geekery, plugging the plot hole as neatly as reams of fan fiction had Mulder and Scully plugging each other in space, in Navajo boxcars, ghost ships, and under the watchful eye of the Chupacabra.

"But I tried to make it organic to the original show," Hain said.

All right, Mr. Hain. We are convinced of your earnestness. But is there room in today's crowded marketplace for earnest porn?

"The Sex Files" (New Sensations received a cease and desist letter from Fox, breaking the porn studio's graceful string of parody titles unburdened by either "Not the" or "This Ain't") cold-opens with sultry pixie Ashlynn Brooke astride a grateful but nervous older man (Guy DaSilva, who is also getting some work as porn's "Barrack Obama"). She reassures him that he was just fine, but now she wants to try something kinky. The camera tactfully pans away as she rips him to shreds with her mouth.

Next we meet Mulder and Scully (Kimberly Kane and Anthony Rosano), two FBI agents inhabiting a dimly lit D.C. basement. They are sent to Los Angeles to investigate some grisly serial killings, but Mulder balks. It has little to do with his job description, working on cases that deal in the kooky and paranormal.

If you've seen "The X Files," you are already satisfied that Kane and Rosano are expertly cast, clothed, and coiffed, and Rod Fontana as their boss, Skinner, is also an apt substitute for Mitch Pileggi. In fact, Fontana/Skinner gets to do what Pileggi/Skinner didn't: fuck his secretary, Aurora Snow.

"It's getting hot in here," she says, removing some layers.

"Federal buildings' air conditioning," Fontana syas.

The triumph of this pornification of "The X Files" is that Hain gets the silence right as well as many of the details. Much of how long-term partners Scully and Mulder communicate is non-verbal. But the occasional flareups of wordy exposition, also characteristic of the original show, is handled just about deftly by the actors, who obviously had much more of a dialogue workout on this film than any other in their careers.

But the time this movie takes to reveal what other porn flicks feel behooved to get out of the way ASAP makes Kane's first nude scene (the lonely Mulder catches her coming out of the shower) electric.

"Sorry," stammers Mulder, averting his eyes. "Good night, Scully."

It turns out that Ashlynn Brooke is Lilith, an apocryphal Hebrew succubus summoned back to life (and Pasadena) by creepy sex magick practitioner Andrew Barsons (Ralph Long). As Mulder and Scully track Barsons' movements, Lilith devours leather-clad swingers Evan Stone and Audrey Bitoni.

She even eats Stone's balls.

You should boycott "The Sex Files" on principle if it did not feature a sex scene between Mulder and Scully, so luckily for everyone it does. And their climactic tryst doesn't arrive by some device like a dream sequence. We actually sense their longing for each other throughout the movie. It's, well, earnest.

Another selling point of this movie is how good it looks. Shot on the red digital camera, "The Sex Files" looks rich. And the color palette provided by a series of lush brunettes and the languid Kane give the movie a real beauty. Furthermore, Stone and Rosano provide plenty of eye candy for female and gay audiences, and the gore is all off-camera.

Kane and Rosano carry this movie, which was very carefully directed by Hain to allow for beats and stillness. Director of Photography Eddie Powell throws in a special effect that has never before been seen in porn, and we are left in the end with a real feeling of hope that bad shit will never again befall Mulder and Scully.

I wish for everyone involved that this movie could have been sold on those alt.xfiles BBS pages of yore and made ten times its budget back, but this movie is going up against some heavy hitters as we move into AVN nomination season.

Still, if you Trust No One other than me, you really should see "The Sex Files." You'll believe - in your pants!!!!

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"Cheers: An XXX Parody": And They're Always Glad You Came

Gram Ponante — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 17:30:01 EDT

Porn is a dream factory. Where else can you get Sara Stone (Rebecca) and Monique Alexander (Diane) to appear in New Sensations' parody of "Cheers" when their characters didn't even share screen time in the original show? Also: they're naked.

If only the "Star Trek" parodies had featured Captains Pike, Kirk, and Picard - nah, they still would have sucked. Still, Sara Stone's Rebecca, who seduces Woody (Mr. Pete) after the latter gets Sam's (Joel Lawrence) little black book, seems to have flesh in the places Kirstie Alley wishes she had it. Am I being weightist and insensitive? I am sorry; it is how I feel. Distribution of weight is important to me.

Evan Stone's Cliff ("We strive to always put Evan in a moustache," said director Lee Roy Myers) and Mr. Pete's Woody were particularly effective in the parody, which suggests that "sometimes you wanna go where everybody blows a load."

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)

Digital Playground Provides The Ultimate Back To School With "Teachers"

DCypher — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 15:00:00 EDT

At long last the wait is over...almost...sort of. In less than a week, Digital Playground will release the long awaited Robby D title "Teachers" and nothing will ever be the same again...we promise you.

It seems like the girls of Filmore Bush Academy have their hands full this year...full of hard cock! Yeah, we know, pretty cheesy stuff. With clear nods to our other favorite porn movie, "Mean Girls," mixed in with knee slapping bits performed by Tommy Gunn and Evan Stone, "Teachers" may seem at first glance to be just another porn movie. "Au contraire," shouts the lovely Katsuni's shaved pucker!

For it's not really the dialogue, acting, or story line that compel us to watch this masterpiece over and over again. They do their job, however, which is to adequately set the stage for what really lures us to run "Teachers" repetitively in our DVD players until our eyes bleed and out crotches throb with a dull, persistent ache—the unbelievable cast!

You see, when you factor in all the sexy action Digital Playground has packed into this movie, along with that unprecedented all star line up, then put legendary director Robby D behind the camera, what comes out isn't cheesy at all...nay, it's pure magic...like a unicorn having sex with a mermaid!

Digital contract stars (past and present) Jesse Jane, Stoya, Angelina Armani, Katsuni, and Riley Steele go crazy in a school bus orgy that is still simply blowing our minds. We didn't think anywhere East of Eden or South of Hades would ever have such lovely visions of erotic splendor laid out in plain sight to behold.

Joining them are all-stars Jenna Haze, Lisa Ann, Mason Moore, and Angelina Valentine, who, respectively, turn in some of the strongest performances of their dirty little lives. We can honestly say there is not a single down moment in this movie, not a single scene worth fast forwarding through, and that by itself is extraordinary.

"Teachers" comes out next week from Digital Playground and Robby D. Witness a sampling of its glory in the picture below. All images are courtesy of Digital Playground and cannot be used without their permission.

Stoya, Angelina Armani, Katsuni, Scott Nails, Tommy Gunn, and Evan Stone
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Stoya, Katsuni, Scott Nails, Tommy Gunn, and Mick Blue
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Katsuni, Riley Steele, Stoya, Angelina Armani, Scott Nails, Tommy Gunn, and Mick Blue
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Katsuni, Riley Steele, and James Deen
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Katsuni, Riley Steele, and James Deen
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Katsuni, Riley Steele, and James Deen
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Jesse Jane and Tommy Gunn
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Jesse Jane and Tommy Gunn
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Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, and Ben English
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Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, and Ben English
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Jesse Jane, Riley Steele, and Ben English
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Lisa Ann and Scott Nails
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Lisa Ann and Scott Nails
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Angelina Valentine, Mason Moore, and Erik Everhard
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Angelina Valentine, Mason Moore, and Erik Everhard
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Angelina Armani and Mick Blue
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Angelina Armani and Mick Blue
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Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Evan Stone
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Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Evan Stone
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Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Evan Stone
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"The AJ Bailey Experiment": Safe For Humans!

Gram Ponante — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 11:30:01 EDT

If you're like me (and you are—look at what you're wearing!), most porn star marketing makes them seem less sexy. That is why I chose to watch "World's Smartest Porn Star" AJ Bailey's first scene without sound.

Well, I considered it. So many of our nation's finest porn performers are innocent victims of their company's P.R. machines, and the person I talked with earlier this year seemed like she'd be a little embarrassed by being called The World's Smartest Porn Star. So I didn't want to watch a movie where suddenly a grown woman was talking with the vocal fry of an overmodulated Britney Spears and awkwardly sticking her finger in her mouth.

Luckily this doesn't happen in Vivid's "A.J. Bailey Experiment." Instead, the dangerously tall and unassuming Bailey patiently explains to us that what we are about to see is her first boy/girl scene and after it's done, naked, she explains to us how she felt about it.

There seems to be no posturing whatsoever, and as such the scene with Alex Gonz is much more accessible and real, such as that goes, than most other porn scenes (not saying that the veterans-by-comparison Lexi Belle, Phoenix Marie, and Kagney Linn Karter aren't delightful to watch in all their practiced moves, but it's fun to watch Bailey being surprised).

Watch Bailey get cock-slapped in the boob by Evan Stone! See her ogle the lush Phoenix Marie as the latter is railed by Billy Glide! Imagine being those lucky downtown L.A. warehouse walls as they supported the sweaty strivings of four blondes in two days!

The "World's Smartest" label backfires because it does both Bailey and every other performer a disservice. And how do you prove that, anyway? It is not in evidence in her scene, thank God, where spooling through her declensions would be pretty unsexy.

We would be happy to contextualize Bailey as a striking blonde from Missouri who is taller than Kagney Linn Karter.

"WKRP" Vs. "WKRP XXX": A Comparison

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:35:34 EDT

Fox may not have been too pleased with "The X-Files: A XXX Parody," but that hasn't turned New Sensations off of parodies entirely. They've just announced shooting dates for their next one—and this time, they're taking on WKRP.

So how do the porn radio stars take on their sitcom counterparts? We've arranged a comparison for you to study and see for yourself. (~~One note though: try as we might, we couldn't manage to find a picture of XXX Andy, Ryan McLane. Perhaps some things are better left a surprise.~~ Scratch that, the team at New Sensations remedied our little problem.)

Jennifer: Loni Anderson
Jennifer XXX: Ashlynn Brooke

Carlson: Gordon Jump
Carlson XXX: Rod Fontana

Andy: Gary Sandy
Andy XXX: Ryan McLane

Johnny: Howard Hesseman
Johnny XXX: Evan Stone

Venus: Tim Reid
Venus XXX: Tee Reel

Herb:Frank Bonner
Herb XXX: Ralph Long

Les: Richard Sanders
Les XXX: Scott Lyons

Bailey: Jan Smithers
Bailey XXX: Holly Heart

Carmen Carlson: Ally Ann McLerie
Carmen Carlson XXX: Janet Mason

And, of course, the girls for whom we found no actual counterparts:

Bianca: Faye Reagan

Simone: Jackie Daniels

Linda: Kagney Linn Karter

Nicole: Andy San Dimas

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)

Kayden Kross Beyond Thunderdome

Gram Ponante — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Following the world-altering "Big Burn," a number of things are scarce: potable water, animals, and, oh yes, Kayden Kross's clothes. At least we've got that to look forward to.

The 8th Day

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Ren Savant
Cast: Kayden Kross, Amber Rayne, Bree Olson, Aaron Wilcoxxx, Kylie Ireland, Jandi Lin, Poppy Morgan, Tori Black, Violet Marcell, Krissy Leigh, Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, Tyler Knight, Trinity Post, Darryl Hanah, Ameatabh Bachan, Derrick Pierce

Review by: Gram Ponante

Samantha (the exquisitely nude Kayden Kross) wakes up from future sleep in a future chamber, a recorded message from her late father (director Ren Savant) playing on the future video screen.

"Possibly I died of natural causes," he is saying, Jor El-like, waxing on about the zero-point generator he invented that he is confident will have saved the world by now. "I am very envious of my little girl."

Envious or not, Dad, at least wait until she's got some clothes on.

Thus begins "The 8th Day," Adam & Eve's massive 4-disc (two for the feature, two for extras) epic of sex in a post-apocalyptic world, part "2001," part "The Road Warrior," part "Contact," and, what the hell, still weirded out by a father being creepy with his daughter, even posthumously, part "Blame It on Rio."

Of course, the world Sam wakes up to isn't quite fixed. In fact, it looks a lot like many greater Los Angeles communities south of the 10 freeway; places where bodies are meat, technology has betrayed Man, and where "In a lawless new world, sex is the only salvation."

"My God," Sam says. "What happened?"

Life happened, Sam. We follow her through the ruined, overgrown landscape. We evaluate Sam's choices as if she were making her way through Quake, and we're waiting for her MMPORGasm.

In fact, "The 8th Day" is unlike many contemporary movies in that it takes its time, and this is an unexpected pleasure. Well, perhaps not to fans of porn's pay-per-minute model, but whatever.

By the time Sam meets Mel (Amber Rayne), lots of information has slowly unfolded, much like Krissy Leigh's impressive labia in a desert shanty scene with Tyler Knight.

It turns out, Mel tells Sam in porn's first recorded ten-minute dialogue scene, that long ago all the electricity went out, the animals died, women had trouble reproducing, and mutants with different attributes emerged. Sam, for example, has sex with some slimy Morlocks. Then we watch a three-way between some blue, caterwauling Gila girls. I'd add "Good Times" here, but I'm not a douchebag.

Mel takes Sam to the Elysium Fields, a desert enclave ruled by the charismatic Amir, who preaches against technology and presides over tent orgies. We learn that Amir led the angry mob that killed Sam's father when the latter's science didn't turn out as expected. We learn, also, that Mel can take a double-penetration like a goddamn champ.

My only complaints about the movie are logical ones, which I admit don't hold up against the copious flesh on display, but here goes: It is not altogether clear why Sam's dad put her into deep sleep, unless he just did so to see his adult daughter naked. And Amir doesn't seem all that charming, despite the fawning.

But the risks "The 8th Day" takes are admirable for porn. There are stretches without either music or nudity and where the plot advances by scenery alone. The special effects are parceled out with maturity, there are references to Shakespeare and the Beatles, and the movie trusts you to allow it to end without a cumshot.

There is also more creepy stuff with Dad, crucifixion, peeing on asbestos, a "West Wing" cameo, Bree Olson's Blue period, the unsinkable Darryl Hanah, the always-dependable Trinity Post, a delightful performance by Amber Rayne, and the jaw-dropping Kayden Kross, who meets a bad end (but so does everybody).

"The 8th Day" is a great movie; how bad can the end of the world be if it's got Kayden Kross in it?

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Kayden Kross Fucks Like It's The End of the World In Adam & Eve's Highly Anticipated "8th Day"

DCypher — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:00:00 EDT

And that is no exaggeration. Watching the incredible blonde writhe around naked on a throbbing tool all but made us forget what we were watching in the first place, and wonder why everyone was so dirty?

Porn doesn't have anything like Hollywood's traditional pitch meetings, but we still like to imagine Director Ren Savant promising Adam & Eve's head honchos that he was going to make the best porn movie of the decade by mixing "Mad Max Thunderdome" with "Behind the Green Door' all while using action figures, a Kayden Barbie, several Tonka trucks, and a cat box to illustrate his point.

Any reservations the A&E brass had about making a big budget, non-spoof sci-fi porno were certainly placated by the knowledge that indefatigable blonde beauty Kayden "too pretty for porn" Kross would be cast in the lead.

The story opens with Kross being awakened from a cryogenic slumber to find herself in a strange city overrun by tribal gangs and overactive sexual half breeds, not entirely unlike Barstow or the backside of a meth lab way back in the hills of San Bernadino.

Kayden gets rescued by a scrappy scavenger girl, Amber Rayne and learns her only hope for salvation lies in the hands of the charismatic ruler of a desolate dessert village, known as Elysium Fields. But when Prince Amir takes Samantha under his wing, he discovers who she really is and decides that she must make the ultimate sacrifice.

Kayden Cross, Bree Olson, Tyler Knight, Tommy Gunn, Aaron Wilcoxxx, Kylie Ireland
Derrick Pierce, Jandi Lin, Krissy Leigh, Poppy Morgan, Tori Black, Violet Marcell, Darryl Hanah, Evan Stone, Amber Rayne, Cheyne Collins, Sledge Hammer, Trinity Post, Chris Cannon, and Jerry keep spending all their lives fucking in a post apocalyptic burnt out ghetto paradise.

Will this be the greatest movie of the year? Can it topple the strangle hold "Operation Tropical Stormy" will no doubt have on industry come awards time? No one knows for sure. We can say, however, that it is an impressive effort replete with sexy girls, hot sex, orgies, and bucket loads of pure imagination, which (as we all know) Einstein even said was more important than having Stormy.

"The 8th Day" releases on 9/08/09 but you can get it now at Adam and Eve's website. For more info on the title, check out "The 8th Day"'s website. And in the meantime, check out our mega exclusive sneak preview gallery.

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