· EroticaLA - Pre-FAME Awards (flickr.com)
· EroticaLA - FAME Red Carpet (flickr.com)

That convention is called Erotica Los Angeles.

Held in the seedy streets of downtown Los Angeles mere blocks away from the Staples center, in between undocumented migrant workers selling chile limon spiced fruit and nuts and the allure of $12 parking, Erotica Los Angeles is housed in a Lux Luthor-esque palace made of green steel and glass. This year it drew in record crowds (sort of). Like insects to the sweet scent of a roach motel they found their way past the token religious nut job protestors and hardcore Laker fans selling illegal silk screens, up into the bowels of this cathedral of sin and wonder, past the pot convention line, and onto the lusty red carpets of Erotica Los Angeles.

There they were greeted by stars like jessica drake, Kaylani, Rhyse and Rhylee Richards, Faye Reagan & Georgia Jones, Jenna Haze, Kagney Linn Karter, Alexis "goddamnthatass" Texas, Tori Lane, Alanah Rae, Angelina Armani, Teagan Presley, Eva Angelina, Tori Lane, Hunter Bryce, Stoya, Tatum Pierce, Kayden Cross, Bree Olson, David Lord, Kelly Divine, Brynn Tyler, Mia Lelani, Reagan Reese, Heidi Mayne, Alektra Blue, Dana DeArmond, Stormy Daniels, DCypher, Belladonna, Shyla Stylez, Tommy Gunn, Joanna Angel, Courtney Cruz, Riley Steele, Tera Patrick and Evan, James Deen, Sunny Lane and Sunny Leone, and a whole lot of other chicks who we forgot to mention.

For those who missed the fun, or just want another look to remind them of all those good times waiting to hug a porn star, check out the gallery below.

All right. Erotica L.A. had those, too, in its three-day consumer fleshly bazaar at the L.A. Convention Center. But for those of us with more refined libidos, there was also a booth selling Egyptian cotton sheets. And if you need to ask how those are erotic, you've never jerked off to Lemmy Kilmister.

But discount travel agencies and car detailing booths weren't all Erotica L.A. had to offer; there were also dozens of porn stars either signing at stripped-down booths (by comparison with the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas in January) or roaming the aisles.

Those who say the porn business is dying need only have looked at the long lines stretching in front of a vaguely-military Belladonna to be assured that, no, only the DVD and massive booth-renting business is dying - porn is fine.

Capping Saturday's festivities was the third annual F.A.M.E. Awards, hosted by Jesse Jane and Randy Spears. The adorable Bree Olson won Best Rookie. Other people won other things, and we took their pictures, but we admit we didn't watch the ceremony. We were too busy trying to buy sheets.

· Erotica L.A. (erotica-la.com)

· "What Do Porn Stars Watch On TV?" (YouTube - thanks Nick)

Previously: Erotica LA 2007, Fleshbot Facials Archive

Join us after the gap for some final thoughts (and pictures!) from Erotica L.A., starting our engines with erotic photographer Holly "Cha Cha" Randall. - GP

- - -

I asked Hailey Young if she bought her own costumes and she said that she was given money to do it. "I will buy that flimsy top right now for five American dollars," I said. God Damn It! Why don't I ever bring five dollars??

- - -

The crowd around these women was too big. I felt like (the movie version of) Adso of Melk. "I never knew, nor ever learned, her name."

- - -

The following conversation never happened:

Evan: You like my new tattoo?
Tera: I don't know; the top of your head seems like the undiscovered country.

- - -

Which one is the stripper and which one is her makeup artist? I'll just say that Althea is on the cover of this month's "Private Dancer" magazine and I wanted to be the pole. Did that sound dirty? Sorry if that sounded dirty.

- - -

I thought Sasha Grey was the Best Dressed at this year's Erotica L.A., but she put a little effort into it. Ava Rose looks this good when she rolls out of bed (actually she looks a little better than this when she rolls out of bed). Did that sound dirty, too? I don't care anymore.

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Randy Spears is a cool dude. He was one of the only men signing at Erotica L.A., and Los Angeles' erotic convention-attending women swooned over him.

- - -

Finally, Jenna Jameson and Belladonna, together again.

* * * * *

· See also: Erotica L.A. in review (gramponante.com)

Previously: Popshots Archive

· Michelle Marsh will have to get back to you soon, because she has quite a lot on her hands right now. (hollywoodtuna.com + egotastic.com)

· LAist was not impressed by Erotica LA. What was the problem? Too many pornstars or not enough shoulder stink? (laist.com)

· What's the weirdest part of this story? That male and female inmates are housed side-by-side, that they were able cut a hole in their cell walls so they could "join" each other, or that prisoners apparently have unlimited access to pancake batter? That last bit doesn't make it as kinky as it should be, either. (newsday.com)

· We don't care what you're selling, there's no such thing as a gratuitous bikini model. (copyranter.blogspot.com)

· Carrie Underwood and Kevin Eubanks are the world's sexiest vegetarians, but we still don't understand how could anyone turn down a piece of hot beef. (chron.com)

· Internet speeds in the US lag far behind other industrialized nations. It's hard to sleep at night knowing our porn should be arriving faster than it is. (xbiz.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Morning Wood Archives/Wet Spots Archives

Awards ceremonies in the entertainment business are much maligned for their interminable pacing and overlong acceptance speeches. But there was a refreshing brevity and candor to the proceedings at Erotica L.A. on Saturday night as the 2007 F.A.M.E. awards were handed out in a mere 45 minutes and were marked by classic moments such as the diminutive and ever-delightful Jenna Haze's self-assessment of her talents when she was awarded the trophy for Best Oral Starlet: "I guess I'm just a really great cock-sucker." (Yes, the hyphen was a direct quote.) Anyone who saw her bravura performance in Jules Jordan's "Jenna Haze Dark Side" probably saw that one coming months ago—but we're glad that Jenna at least got to go home that night with a commemorative statuette to remind her of the fact that all that uncomfortable uvula pounding wasn't for naught. Congrats, Jenna—we all knew you had it in you!

· "2007 F.A.M.E. Award Winners Announced" (avn.com; thumbnail photo by Gia Jordan)
· "F.A.M.E. Awards Winners" (xfanz.com)
· The F.A.M.E. Awards (thefameawards.com)
· Order: "Jenna Haze Dark Side" (Adult DVD Empire)

Previously: Belladonna: Trompe Le Monde, 2007 F.A.M.E. Awards: Because If Belladonna's Ass Doesn't Win Something, We All Lose, Porn Valley Dispatch: F.A.M.E.'s Gonna Live Forever!

All that cash spent on booth space, all those MySpace alerts, all those hours spent in a fume of Sharpies tottering on lucite heels, all the fans in one's face came down, for Stormy Daniels, at least, to a Favorite Breasts award. We would be inclined to feel dubious about this, until the breatsbarer herself reminds us that, as a featured player in movies like "The 40-Year-Old-Virgin" and "Knocked Up", she is using her Hollywood success to draw attention to the porn movies she writes and directs. And to her Most Favored Breasts.

"I thank my breasts every day," she said. - GP

· Stormy Daniels (clubstormydaniels.com)
· Erotica L.A. 2007 in review (gramponante.com)

Previously: Popshots of the Week: Operation Desert Stormy Edition, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Maybe she is a devoted mother to a 2-year-old, but Belladonna keeps winning these "Dirtiest" awards, as she did at this weekend's Erotica L.A.

"There's things I won't do," she allowed, "like rosebudding." Still, people are fascinated by the idea of Belladonna, often commenting to her that they watch the Behind the Scenes footage from her movies before they watch the movies themselves.

"What does that tell you?" I asked.

"That people really like me?" she suggested. We do. - GP

· Belladonna (enterbelladonna.com)
· Belladonna wants you to be happy (gramponante.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Listen: you don't know what we go through. For example, Gianna Michaels' website reads, in part: "Buisnessr Girl!!! Gianna play with her Huge titts and gives the best blowjob you ever see! She have big Natural titts!". And the darling Amy Ried can't go more than one movie without having her i and e rearranged by graphic designers acting on information from people who know which Porn Valley Costco has bigger job lots of Fleet Enemas but not how to spell.

Finally, we got the right information from Ried herself.

"It's I before E," she said, and the additional "you asshole" was understood. - GP

· Amy Ried on Let's Sexy (letssexy.com)

Previously: Amy Ried/reid: Hot And Natural?, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

I didn't have anyone fabulous around to make up my mind for me, but Sasha Grey, in a sleek black number with sunglasses reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn about to tie up Gregory Peck and beat the shit out of him, wins my vote for Best Dressed of Erotica L.A.

"The moustache really works for you," she said, with the "you" meaning Fleshbot readers. - GP

· Sasha Grey (sashagrey.com)
· Erotica L.A. 2007 in review (gramponante.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Of the megawatt pornstars in attendance at Erotica L.A., Tera Patrick seemed to be having the most fun. "Mainstream" celebrity does not require the intense fan interaction that America's porn stars deal with at conventions like these, but it helps that Patrick's husband, Evan Seinfeld, kind of adores her. Still, she keeps fame in perspective.

"Gwyneth Paltrow has seen my vagina," she said, "but I haven't seen hers."

"Really??"

"Well, she could see my vagina." (Not if you wore a vadge pasty.)- GP

· Tera Patrick (clubtera.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

When I heard that Cirque du Soleil would be represented at Erotica L.A., I was surprised to see human beings on the stage rather than storks, whimsical spirit creatures, or Francophone ultrabendy imps. But the Montreal-based outfit sent a contingent from its "sensual side", Zumanity, to stage a 10-minute strip tease. Since Erotica L.A. bars nudity and simulated sex (at least from live performers; video representations of it abound), one of the Zumanity ladies not only wore fake breasts but also a fake vagina outside her thong. These workarounds seem unnecessary, but then I can't dance. - GP

· Zumanity (zumanity.com)
· Erotica L.A. (erotica-la.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

The dapper Evan Stone, hosting tonight's F.A.M.E. Awards, drops some unfortunate science on Ava Rose, who is stunned people might like her for her winning personality and charm.

"Think of it as a niche," I suggested. - GP

· F.A.M.E. Awards (thefameawards.com)
· Ava Rose on MySpace (myspace.com)
· Evan Stone (evanstone.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Jamye Langford and Alexandra are new to porn and this is their first Erotica L.A. (We saw Alexandra last in "Barely Legal 75", which would have been shot during her second week in the business.) They took a break at Tera Patrick's booth to eat some $8 nachos. Both are from Maine. I asked Alexandra if the nachos compared to those she could get in, say, Bangor.

"These are better," she said. "I don't think we even have Mexicans in Maine." - GP

· Exotic Star Models (exoticstarmodels.com)
· Alexandra (myspace.com)
· Jayme Langford (myspace.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive

Nestled snugly among the couples' massage displays and the groovy inclusive swingers' clubs for older people booth, across the floor from Escorts for the Disabled, and kitty-corner from a company that sells a device that scans business cards (but sexily?) at Erotica L.A., was situated a booth in which not one but four women who could make you dead before you hit the ground stood.

Natali Demore (far left, next to Michelle Aston, Aiden Starr, and Loren Chance), runs the website Smothered Slave. "We feature severe and sensual facesitting," she said, "among other things."

A quick showdown revealed that the four could facesit with deadly accuracy at 30 yards. - GP

· Smothered Slave (smotheredslave.com)

Previously: Fetish Archive

Wicked Pictures' star jessica drake, too modest for capital letters (because it's all about her fans), likes skanky strip bars, but only dances in the ritzy ones. We asked drake, as per Wicked's 30' "What Excites You?" motto dominating Erotica L.A., what, other than us, excited her.

"Hot women who can pleasure me, men who can pleasure me, pleasuring myself, and Tomorrrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"I'm all about the future," she said, and then handed us some flyers for her gig at the Spearmint Rhino in Van Nuys. Tomorrow.

"I'm really good at it," she added. - GP

· Wicked (wickedpictures.com)
· jessica drake (jessicadrake.com)

Previously: Pornstars Archive

Like you, we are fascinated with Gianna Michaels, and everything she does, and is. But we worried tonight that her meteoric rise and resultant ubiquity might have made her sad, and hollow. Why did we think this? Because she was wearing all black.

"You're wearing all black, Gianna," we observed at the Evil Angel booth. "Have you become evil?" (We thought she might be pulling a Hollywood Hulk Hogan.)

"Yes," she said. Then she reconsidered.

"No," she said. "I'm just wearing black."

"Thank God," we said, looking directly at her breasts. - GP

· Gianna Michaels (xxxgianna.com)
· Evil Angel (evilangel.com)

Previously: Gianna's Magic Boobs, Pornstars Archive

When last we saw Mikayla, she was an Amazon queen cavorting among the rocks above Porn Valley. Now Mikayla stars in "Dolores of My Heart", the second feature from Latino porn company Pulpo. It might surprise you that Fleshbot is written by several dedicated pornbloggeurs who, though we love each other very much, haven't all taken the altporn blue pill. Me, I like Mexicans.

That said, if Pulpo's first movie, "Black Worm", showed promise (and Lorena Sanchez), we're really looking forward to the second one, part of which debuts this weekend at Erotica L.A. - GP

· Pulpo (pulpoinc.com)
· Erotica L.A. (erotica-la.com)

Previously: Porn Valley Dispatch Archive