The problem is all inside your head they said to me
The answer is easy if you watch this DVD
We’d like to help you in your struggle sexually
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

They said it’s really not our habit to intrude
Furthermore, we hope our meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But we’ll repeat ourselves - we’re the Sinclair Institute
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

You just dive into her puss, Russ; make love to those tits, Fritz
Don’t be a dick, Rick - just get the DVD
Get into her ass, Chas (you’ll need to discuss that)
But learn how to kiss, Chris, and get yourself free

They said it grieves us so to see you in such pain
We wish there was something we could do to make you come again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the 32 ways?

They said why don’t you both just get it on tonight
And we believe by morning you’ll begin to see the light
And then they charged me $24.95 – and it turns out they were right
There must be 32 ways to please your lover

You work on his ass, Cass; just find his G-spot, Dot
Just spend a little dough, Flo, and buy our DVD
Suck on his toes, Rose (you might need to wash those)
Just learn to fellate, Kate, and get yourself free

· Sinclair Institute (www.bettersex.com)
· Buy "32 Ways to Please Your Lover" (gamelink.com)

All those other girls seem to have a handle on how to get a dick into their mouths, but what to think of a girl who starts eating the hot dog in the middle? Is Pinky trying to educate the Dumb Asses, or is this just to show us how the Dumb Asses do it? On the other hand, would her unorthodox style stop us from saying Yes, Please, Pinky?

No.

(Despite the obvious resemblance, readers should not confuse Pinky's fellatastic skills with products served at a certain Porn Valley Adjacent eatery - ED.)

· Black Market (www.blackmarketxxx.com)
· Buy "Pinky’s Dick Sucking For Dumb Asses" (gamelink.com)

And now, after all that build up, we finally have a copy of "Penny Flame's Expert Guide To Handjobs for Men and Women" in our hands (heh). Was it worth the wait? Our impressions (and a preview gallery) after the jump.

In many ways, Penny Flame's take on the "Expert Guide" series really is the best of both worlds: Penny is an eager (and adorable!) teacher, and her warm and funny screen presence and hands-on demonstrations add a lot to the experience. There's certainly something to be said for a teacher who's willing to show as well as tell, if you know what we mean.

As with all of Tristan's Vivid-Ed releases, "Expert Guide to Hand Jobs" features some extremely hot sex scenes that demonstrate just how sexy hands can be (and how proper hand play can help pave the way for other forms of sexy stimulation, too). If you're in a learning mood, watch the scenes with instruction — Penny's voiceovers guide you through different techniques, while Penny Pop-Ups (a Penny-fied take on the trademark Vivid-Ed pop-ups) wander onscreen to offer specific tips and tricks. Already learned your lesson? Watch the scenes without instruction — they're hot enough to stand on their own, too.

While many of the Penny-fied touches are endearing and adorable, at times there's just a little too much cutesy humor. The feature opens with a faux infomercial advertising Penny's skills (complete with co-star testimonials); while funny, it's also a bit over the top and feels unnecessary — especially as the joke is repeated several times throughout the feature.Though the Penny Flame humor certainly livens things up, in excess it's ultimately more distracting than entertaining, and detracts from an otherwise excellent piece of eduporn.

"Penny Flame's Expert Guide" series certainly shows promise, and we have high hopes for future releases (especially the one about rough sex!). We just hope that in her future releases she's able to tone the cutesy jokes down just a smidge and let her natural charm, educational skills, and the hot, hot sex scenes carry the film on their own.

· Vivid-Ed (vivid-ed.com)
· Buy Penny Flame's Expert Guide To Hand Jobs For Men And Women (gamelink.com)

So how did it stack up? Our thoughts (and a preview clip) after the jump.

. . .

While hot porn that also educates may be Tristan's signature style, it seems it's not the hallmark of all Vivid-Ed releases. Though there's a lot of good about this release, it falls a little flat when it comes to sheer hotness—ultimately registering as a little more ed than sexy. The performers are hot, and the information is good, but unlike Tristan's previous Expert Guides to blowjobs or anal sex it never quite feels like the kind of educational porn flick you'd want to jack off to. As the information rolls by, there's too much to absorb and take in; it's a little hard to just lie back and get into it when so much is being thrown at you.

But if you're more interested in a video that will guide you through various positions than some hot porn that will happen to teach you a little something along the way, then "Positions" may just be what you're looking for. With short scenes on 18 different positions, and detailed information about the benefits and shortcomings of each, "Positions" leaves no stone untouched. Have a long, thin penis, or a partner who likes shallow penetration? Try the Pancake. Want a girl-on-top position that's easy on the knees? Go with the Froggie.

Though this release wasn't quite what we'd hoped for, we're still happy to see Vivid-Ed working hard to make sex education sexy, or at least provide some helpful information through porn. For a lot of people, porn is already an important (if not their only) source of sex education, so it's good to know that Vivid-Ed is making sure they get some solid information along with their titillation. Now if they'd just put out the "Expert Guide To Gape Rimming," we'd be totally set.

· Vivid-Ed (vivid-ed.com)

· Buy "The Expert Guide To Positions" (adult.dvdempire.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Tristan Taormino Gets Up Close And Personal With The G-Spot (Really!), Tristan Taormino Explains It All For You: "Expert Guide to Oral Sex Part 2", DVD: Tristan Taormino's "Expert Guide To Anal Sex"

. . .

· "Putting Video Cameras in the WRONG Places (VERY NSFW)" (gizmodo.com)
· Clip via "A Girl's Guide to 21st Century Sex" (2006) (imdb.com)

Previously: Up Close And Very Personal With The DIY Dildo Cam