One of them being the AVN she's been nominated for—Best Group Sex Scene, in "Pirates II." Not only is she smoking hot herself, she stars alongside (or under, over, astride, as the case may be) our Supreme Comandress, Stoya. Best of luck, Brea! And once you can tear your eyes away from the vibrator she's employing so expertly, doesn't that little heart on her hip make you say, "Aww"?

. . .

· Brea Lynn hot steel (thousandbabes.com)

. . .

· 'Pirates II' Trailer Premieres Online (avn.com)
· Pirates II: X-Rated Trailer (piratesxxx.com)
· Pirates II: R-Rated Trailer (youtube.com)
• Order: "Pirates Ii: Stagnett's Revenge" (Adult DVD Empire)

(We are talking about your vagina, right? Because we're allergic to leopards.)

· Brea Bennett (breabennett.com)
· Ninnworx (ninnworx.com)
· Buy "Meet Brea" (tlavideo.com)

"Why don't you play with my tits while I use my vibrator?" she suggests.

Cruelty. Read our review of "My Big Fake Wedding" after the gap.

My Big Fake Wedding

Studio: Vivid
Director: B. Skow
Cast: Brea Lynn, James Deen, Holly Morgan, Vanilla Skye, Carmel Moore, Jada Fire, Jack Venice, Sascha, Trent Soluri, Donny Long

Review by Gram Ponante

So many things are hard to accept about My Big Fake Wedding, such as the virginity of a woman who has shaved pubes and a tattoo on her groin who is friends with Brea Lynn.

Jared consults with his pals, who suggest staging a fake wedding to get their friend to home plate, having already determined that alcohol won't work because "she's Irish."

Unfortunately the probable maid of honor (Brea Lynn) overhears the scheme and alerts Beth. Together, they plan to sabotage the event, even alerting the bachelor party hookers (Carmel Moore and Jada Fire) of the turnaround.

A note about bachelor party hookers: they don't squirt like Jada Fire, and they only work with condoms. Your bachelor party's mileage may vary.

Brea has it all worked out. Impersonating the priest is rake Jack Venice. She has somehow acquired photos from the bachelor party the night before and threatens to tell Venice's wife if he doesn't take Universal Life Ministry's online ordination test, thus making the sham wedding a legal one. Further compromising him is that she caught him masturbating to porn on his MacBook Pro.

Doubtful if posting this picture of a man posing as a priest who is masturbating to an Apple product will bring my PowerBook back after OSX Leopard nuked it, but I will take any satisfaction I can.

The blessed day arrives, and we must continue to suspend our disbelief as Beth shows up to the squalid affair in a juicy wedding dress. Don't virgins like big weddings? I always assumed so, but I have never met a virgin.

Naysayers might point out that Beth should appear to be more in pain once Jared assumes his right of prima nocta, but she probably broke her hymen long ago with a vibrator. What is actually annoying, though, and a bad habit of studios, is that the juicy Morgan is not on the boxcover of her own movie, but Lynn is instead.

It's hard to find any flies on a lighthearted romp with the delightful Holly Morgan and the weapons-grade Brea Lynn, even if the idea of Morgan as a virgin is only a little less absurd than Venice as a priest.

"My Big Fake Wedding" is a fun movie regardless, with Deen behaving credibly in an untenable situation and Morgan and Lynn proving that weddings make people horny.

· Vivid (vivid.com)
· Buy "My Big Fake Wedding" (gamelink.com)

In a spookily timed touché to all the gloom-and-doom prophecies hitting the news wires this week that the interweb is killing the adult industry's main source of revenue from DVD sales, Vivid announced this week that it will (up)skirt its usual distribution channels and release the upcoming "My Ex-Girlfriend", starring former Penthouse Pet and recently minted Vivid girl Brea Lynn, exclusively via Video On Demand instead of on its usual shiny plastic disk thingies early next month. (In mainstream entertainment, movies that are released direct to DVD are usually seen as a liability, but in Porn Valley now the direct-to-VOD thing is apparently a feature.) The good news is that we won't have to wait as long to see Brea in action as we would if we had to wait for the screener to arrive in our mailbox. The bad news is that if it turns out to be as bad as "Kim Kardashian Superstar" (unlikely, but still), we'll be denied the satisfaction of turning our DVD into a decorative candleholder or chcuking it under the next street cleaning vehicle that passes our living room.

· "Vivid Releases First Direct-to-VOD Adult Movie" (avn.com)
· "Vivid's Next Move: VOD" (xfanz.com)
· Vivid Superstore (vividsuperstore.com)
· Thumbnail: Brea Lynn (galleries @ Daily Niner and Bad Girls Blog, to help tide you over until July 2)

Previously: Laughing (With) Vivid Girls, Winkytiki's "Man's Ruin": Vivid Alt Contributes To Our Collective Downfall, DVD: Tristan Taormino's "Expert Guide To Anal Sex", DVD Review: Everything You Wanted To Know About "Kim Kardashian, Superstar" But Were Afraid To Watch, Breaking: Debbie Still Doing Dallas