"More than anything," I said. "Black Assgasm" had such promise: those asses, those nails, that Grimace. Join us after the gap to see what happened.

Have you ever heard of "putty" (as in Silly Putty, not Putty Tat) being used as a euphemism for "penis"? Neither have I. Yet here it is in the description of "Black Assgasms": "These are fine ebony babes who love putting the putty in their pooper until their pussy pops with delight!" But never mind the missed alliteration opportunity with "delight" instead of "pleasure" and other concerns: let's take a look at the film.

"These hoes out here - they bouncin' off the wall" declares the soundtrack to the movie, starring Osa Lovely, Chocolate, Tai Black Cat, and Moca, who make no bones about what is involved and what gets put where. We don't have to wait the entire movie to figure out what the plot is.

You're thinking, "This is too on the nose for me," but you'd be wrong. Sure it's a low budget porn movie, but there's some style, too. It's Halloween and a man waits in the parking lot of a warehouse where he is the cock in a porn scene, talking to his friend on the phone. "I'll hit you back, Doggie," he says. "I think I just saw my date." We see him framed by the sturdy legs of his scene partner.

Then she disappears and he follows her into the warehouse. "Hi Daddy," she says, propping herself on some boxes.

Then they get into it. It's a great scene!

The problem with compilation movies, though, is they can break your heart.

The scenes in "Black Assgasm" were shot between 2000 and this year, so the movie devolves from the real style of the first scene until the end, which is nothing more than a poorly shot free for all that answers with a resounding NO the question "Do you think guys get self-conscious when their cocks touch in a gangbang movie?"

I wish all the scenes in this movie were like the first one. I wish I could get independent confirmation on the existence of another person who uses the word "putty" to describe his junk. I wish these hoes would quit bouncing off the wall.

The disc also contains the full movie "Da Ho's Gotta Have It," rated by the defunct Adam Film World as that magazine's top-rated black title.

. . .

· Juicy Entertainment (xxxjuicy.com)
· Buy "Black Assgasm" (gamelink.com)

Well, somebody's gotta make porn in Arizona if Jenna isn't anymore and, seriously, Jeff—it beats tennis.

· I Bang Porn Stars (paysite@ibangpornstars.com)
· "Porn elbow: Mena's POV past clouds tennis career" (gramponante.com)

As opposed to some pornographers who give their productions cryptic titles that only hint at their contents (like, say, "X"), we applaud T.T. Boy and his team at Evasive Angles for both their specificity and recognizing that our time is too valuable to have to actually watch a DVD in order to tell you what it's all about. So we're confident in passing along these facts about the newly released "Orgy World: Brown & Round 11": (1) It's an orgy film; (2) It features many things that are brown and/or round, and (3) It is the eleventh installment of the studio's "Orgy World: Brown & Round" series. What the title doesn't tell you is that: (1) It's a two-disc set, with over seven hours of orgiastic brown roundness, and (2) The creatively named cast (Destini, Taquila, Cinna Bunz et al.) does not, alas, feature "OW:R&B 10"'s Jessica Allbutt, who nevertheless remains in the running for our favorite porn name of '07. Guess you can't have everything.

· "Orgy World: Brown & Round 11" (Adult DVD Empire)
· Evasive Angles (evasiveangles.com)

Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

In that a full 75 percent of this title would make Professor Strunk (not to be confused with Professor Lust) pop an aneurysm, we irregardless proudly bring you this new movie from a man named Kangpin.

"This is all about pussy," Kangpin explizzains. "Our crew loves eatin' it, strokin' it, and slammin' it."

But before eatin', strokin', or slammin', and certainly before nuttin', one must needs first get through Jada Black's tempting but perilous mesh defenses, which might be best accomplished by taking off one's hat. It's the right thing to do.- GP

· Platinum Blue (platinumblue.com)
· Buy "Tappin' Dat Phat Taco" (gamelink.com)

Previously: DVD Review: "Kurupt Uncut XXX", Porn Review Limericks: All Azz Edition, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive