Fleshbot: anthony rosano

The Student Becomes The Teacher

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 12:00:00 EST

Anthony Rosano may be Sindee Jennings's tennis instructor, but she's got a lesson that she'd like to teach him (OMG, role reversal!). And, though it isn't tennis she's teaching him, we suspect the end score will still be love.

· Buy "Young Girls Next Door 2" (gamelink.com)

Stormy Daniels Examines "What Went Wrong"

DCypher — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 15:00:00 EST

Some people are just addicted to the rush. Like a moth addicted to the flame, they live for that sweet, slow burn, the infatuation of the pretty light's ephemeral dance. Few think to ask, "And then what?"

After the initial fire has burned out, out there somewhere past the hot sweaty nights of torrid sex that sear themselves so deep into our memories that they will be there until the day death's icy grip wraps itself around us, calling us back to the dust from whence we sprang, comes the inevitable ennui. Or, as the poets of our age so succinctly put it, the "been there, done that" sets in. Such is the nature of desire, buried deep under our skin, hardwired into our DNA like an immutable curse.

Jonathan Morgan is not afraid to ask the question lurking in the back of everyone's mind—what went wrong? Pitting Stormy Daniels against pretty boy Marcus London, porn's original storyteller weaves a fascinating tale about postmodern love that pulls no punches. From the bitter end, he moves backwards offering us glimpse into the erroneous assumptions of our culture's obsession with romantic love, exposing it's true nature for what it really is: a shallow projection of ego laid over the meager skeleton of unbridled lust and a raging endorphin addiction.

No, we're just kidding. He just lays out some good sex scenes and the rest takes care of itself.

Stormy Daniels writhes in sexy wonder as she and Marcus London have the kind of tryst we all dream we can have with Stormy Daniels if she would sleep with us. Alexis Texas and Anthony Rosano make sweet, sweet love like teenagers from feuding families whose love is forbidden but whose lust is like magic.

Then Kagney Linn Karter and Rocco Reed take a turn on love's stage for poor players—out, out brief candle. They might as well be the Brangelina of porn when you are watching them fuck; two of the most beautiful and sexy people of the now engaged in a spirited session that is possessed enough to pass for the real thing.

Sascha looks more like Sascha Baron Cohen than a psychiatrist. At least he gets to fuck Stormy.

Then, as if Marcus London hasn't been lucky enough for one movie, he gets to burrow deep into the hot pink taco of Female Performer of the Year and full on sex machine Tori Black.

"What Went Wrong" releases this month from Wicked Pictures. It's not the worst we've ever seen. Check out the stills and see for yourselves, children. Just don't call it love.

Stormy Daniels and Marcus London
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Stormy Daniels and Marcus London
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Stormy Daniels and Marcus London
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Stormy Daniels and Marcus London
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Alexis Texas and Anthony Rosano
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Alexis Texas and Anthony Rosano
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Alexis Texas and Anthony Rosano
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Alexis Texas and Anthony Rosano
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Kagney Linn Karter and Rocco Reed
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Kagney Linn Karter and Rocco Reed
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Kagney Linn Karter and Rocco Reed
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Kagney Linn Karter and Rocco Reed
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Kagney Linn Karter and Rocco Reed
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Stormy Daniels and Sascha
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Stormy Daniels and Sascha
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Stormy Daniels and Sascha
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Tori Black and Marcus London
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Tori Black and Marcus London
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Tori Black and Marcus London
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"Who's The Boss: A XXX Parody" Finally Gives Us An Alyssa Of Our Own

DCypher — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 16:00:59 EST

Never before in the history of porn parody have we seen such spot on matches to character as we are seeing with New Sensations' "Who's The Boss: A XXX Parody"—which is saying a lot.

With so many parody titles in production, it's hard sometimes to find the right match of XXX pornstar to real life actor/actress. The last time anyone came this close might have been James Deen as Zack Braff for the Scrubs parody New Sensations did. This time they have really outdone themselves.

For a moment we actually thought that the XXX Samantha, Alyssa Reece, was the real Alyssa Milano! Katherine Helmond and Judith Light never looked so good either! They should be flattered by their XXX counterparts, for sure. Lastly, Anthony Rosano as Danza? Come on! Don't tell us you don't see it! It's right there, clear as the nose on that paisano's facia! Che cazzo!

Growing up, there were literally hundreds of girls we fantasized about sexing up on television. What can we say? We knew we were lifelong perverts at a very early age. Out of those magnificent daydreams there were three in particular that stood above the rest as cream of the crop. Nicole Eggert from Charles in Charge. Soleil Moon Frye from Punky Brewster. And last, but far from least, Alyssa Milano from "Who's The Boss?" We would have to wait all the way until Funky Buncher Marky Mark got ahold of her in fear to see the side of her we always believed was underneath, squeezing those sweet cheeks and heading off to have his way with her in the other room. We got another short glimpse of her glorious naked body in "Poison Ivy 2," but it wasn't enough. We would have to close our eyes and spank one out in order to get our wish, relying on our imagination to take us the rest of the way there. Now, thanks to New Sensations, we can fantasize about the next best thing with our eyes open.

"Who's The Boss: A XXX Parody" comes out next week, but we've gone and grabbed an exclusive sneak peek set just for you, something to whet your appetite with! One look at sweet little Samantha should be enough to get you drooling out of pretty much every hole. It was for us!

New Sensations (newsensations.com)
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"This Ain't Star Trek XXX 2" Or: Transporting Keni

Gram Ponante — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 16:00:00 EST

Newly-minted Angeleno Keni Styles plays Sulu in Hustler's latest 60's-era "Star Trek" parody, but the London native had a little trouble getting George Takei's signature style down on the set.

At first, Styles sounded a little bit like Terrence Stamp as Helmsman Sulu but, when everyone in the room did his (or her - Jada Fire as Uhura gave some pointers too) take on Takei, Styles nailed the accent.

But of greater concern to "Trek" fans is that Styles will play Sulu as a heterosexual. He and Joey Brass (who plays Chekov) will team up on the impossibly delicious alien girl Madison Scott.

If Sulu ever got the action Kirk did on the show - if, perhaps, the good Captain broke off a piece for the staff now and then - maybe Takei and Shatner would be friends today. As it is, Evan Stone's Kirk presides over an Enterprise crew that at least gets to go (Tony DeSergio's Spock samples Kagney Linn Karter, Anthony Rosano's Scotty goes warp speed on Jada Fire) where many men have gone before.

· See more behind the scenes action at Hustler World (hustlerworld.com)
· Photo by Jeff Koga, (koganuts.com, see more @ laist.com)

"This Ain't Star Trek XXX 2": The One Where Sulu Gets Laid

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 13:30:01 EST

"This Ain't Star Trek"—the parody so nice, they made it twice. Much of the central cast remains the same for part 2 of this pornographic saga, with one notable exception: pornstar Keni Styles replaces Ero Sennin as Sulu.

Sulu getting laid? It's like a vision out of our wildest dreams. Add to that the fact that the new female talent includes Kimberly Kane, Alexis Texas, Kagney Linn Karter, Kiara Diane, and Madison Scott, and, well, we know what we want for Christmas (or, more likely, some holiday that's a lot sooner).

· "This Ain't Star Trek XXX #2" (hustlerworld.com)

"The Dukes Of Hazzard" vs. "Not Really... The Dukes of Hazzard: A Hardcore Parody": A Comparison

Ottimo Massimo — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 18:00:00 EST

OMG! Voyeur Media is making a "Dukes of Hazzard" parody porn! Are we excited? Not really...

To their credit, this movie is a serious milestone for Voyeur Media. Not only is it their first parody, it's also their first feature porno. We're not sure why they felt the fields of Hazzard County were ready for the seeds of sex, especially when you consider how many of the characters are in their golden years (or are just plain ol' not worth having sex with). So while we applaud Voyeur Media for finding such able imitators, we ask: what's the point?

Lucas K. "Luke" Duke
The Dukes of Hazzard: Tom Wopat
Not Really...: Anthony Rosano

Beauregard "Bo" Duke
The Dukes of Hazzard: John Schneider
Not Really...: Bill Bailey

Daisy Duke
The Dukes of Hazzard: Catherine Bach
Not Really...: Ryder Skye

Candy Dix
The Dukes of Hazzard: Roberta Leighton
Not Really...: Alexis Texas

Deputy Enos Strate
The Dukes of Hazzard: Sonny Shroyer
Not Really...: Dane Cross

Uncle Jesse
The Dukes of Hazzard: Denver Pyle
Not Really...: Carl Fredrick Coughlan

Sheriff Rosco Purvis Coltrane
The Dukes of Hazzard: James Best
Not Really...: Ray Marlay

Boss Jefferson Davis "J.D." Hogg
The Dukes of Hazzard: Sorrell Booke
Not Really...: Allen Moffat

Cooter Davenport
The Dukes of Hazzard: Ben Jones
Not Really...: Mark Wood

And then there are the obligatory random females (ORFs):

Monique Alexander

Shawna Lenee

· Voyeur Media (press.voyeurmedia.com)
· Vouyer Media to Release 'Not Really...The Dukes Of Hazzard: A Hardcore Parody' Simultaneously on DVD/Blu-ray (business.avn.com)

Bree Olson Makes It Rain

Ottimo Massimo — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 13:00:00 EST

There's really no reason for Anthony Rosano to be sweating this much. We can only assume that Bree Olson is made of lava. Hot, sexy, blonde lava.

Lucky for us (and Mr. Rosano), touching Bree doesn't cause you to explode in flames, there's only a slight melting sensation. You may also experience sweating, dizziness, weak knees, euphoria, and a sudden affinity for footjobs. We recommend not using heavy machinery during exposure to Bree. Unless you're using your computer to watch her, then you kind of can't help it.

· Watch "Bree Exposed" right now! (hotmovies.com)
· Buy "Bree Exposed" (gamelink.com)
· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
* * * * *

Previously: Reapplying Sunscreen Will Not Protect You From "Bree Exposed"

Swaptastic Shenanigans & Penny Flame In "Wife Switch 8"

DCypher — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 15:00:00 EST

Pink Visual drops their newest "Wife Switch: this week. With both girls giving us a lesbian tease, then two couples going at it at the same time, it's like tripling the amount of hardcore in every single scene!

We couldn't be happier with the results—well, short of being invited into the juicy action. "Wife Switch 8" features ten couples who are all (ahem) totally brand new to the art of swapping, trying out the swinger thing for the very first time! Okay, we don't buy it either, but we're willing to go along for the ride. That's why it's called suspension of disbelief, right?

The very first scene brought memories flooding back to us. Alex Sanders, Mark Zane, Monica Mayhem, and long lost Penny Flame (of VH1 fame) all get crazy in a four way pile up that is as impressive as it is mesmerizing to watch. Our favorite new Huffington Post blogger shines like a diamond as the meat to this crazy sex sandwich (not to mention the instigator) chowing down on Monica Mayhem's juice box before pairing off with her new lover's boyfriend. The scene delivers a punch, with Mark Zane keeping the heat on.

The rest of the movie, including the scenes with Alex Star, Jay Lassiter, Mackenzie Star, Velicity Von, Anthony Rosano, Justin Magnum, Kayla Carrera, Sara Jessie, Jessica Bangkok, Joey Brass, Kylee Reese, and Scott Lyons, are just as interesting to watch. But the second scene of the show caught our attention just a little more—by about four extra inches in length and three extra inches around.

Claire Dames, Friday, Lee Stone, and the legendary Sledge Hammer put on a show that we could not look away from. Seriously, it was like mixing porn with Cirque De Soleil, minus the clowns and the tight wire. The scene featured acrobatics, heavy lifting, contortionists, sword swallowing, partner exchanging, and death defying acts of cunt stuffing! C'est tres magnifique!

"Wife Switch 8" releases this week from Pink Visual and Blue Moon Productions. Check out this mega ultra super gallery! It's swaptastic!

How Business Gets Done In Hollywood

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:00:00 EST

"Entourage" may have given us all a bit of insight into how the world of Hollywood works—but it's "Entourage XXX" that really delves deeply, exploring the backroom (and in office) action that really seals those deals.

If only all deals were decided this way...why, we'd be halfway to securing that job of President of Earth by now.

· Buy "Entourage - A XXX Parody" (gamelink.com)

"Who's The Boss" Vs. "Who's The Boss XXX": A Comparison

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:00:00 EST

Katherine Helmond. Judith Light. Alyssa Milano. And hey, even Tony Danza. There's so much that so fappable in "Who's The Boss?", we're just shocked someone hasn't porn parodied it sooner.

But now that New Sensations is on the case, let's see who they've picked for their parody—and how the porn doppelgangers match up to their mainstream counterparts.

Tony: Tony Danza
Tony XXX: Anthony Rosano

Angela: Judith Light
Angela XXX: India Summer

Samantha: Alyssa Milano
Samantha XXX: Alyssa Reece

Jonathan: Danny Pintauro
Jonathan XXX: Sonny Hicks (alas, no picture available!)

Mona: Katherine Helmond
Mona XXX: Payton Leigh

And a handful of side characters....

Marcy: Lexi Belle

Megan: Bobbi Starr

Jenny: Nichole Ray

Wet Hot

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 12:00:00 EDT

Who doesn't love sex in the shower? Who doesn't love sex with Ava Rose? Who doesn't love both...at the same time? Ava may be slippery when wet—but we're still determined to never let her go.

· Buy "Wet Vignettes" (gamelink.com)

While The Cat's Away, The Mouse Will Play

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 12:00:00 EDT

And in this case, the mouse will play with another pussy (get it? Get it?). When Aletta Ocean's in the picture, she can do whatever she wants—but opting to penetrate both her holes is very nice indeed.

· Buy "There's A Great Big Penis In My Butt!" (gamelink.com)

Pornstars In Polyester: "'70s Show: A XXX Parody"

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Quick word of advice: jizz will not wash out of polyester. Trust us.

'70s Show: A XXX Parody

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Lee Roy Myers
Cast: Brooke Banner, Ashlynn Brooke, Missy Stone, Rachel Love, Kaci Starr, Patrick J. Knight, Anthony Rosano, Ralph Long, Justin Magnum, Bo Banner, Ethan Cage, Steve Smith, Pike Nelson

When we first announced "'70s Show" on this site, there was quite a hubbub about casting choices, hair color, and overall attention to the original. In response to the commotion:
Yes, Brooke Banner makes an excellent Donna. And Rachel Love does an outstanding Kitty Foreman.
No, the wigs aren't perfect, but the hair color is pretty accurate.
Yes, Bob and Midge really should've been in this.

Honestly, the one thing that tweaked my obsessive side was the pubic hair. It was (a FOX network tribute to) the '70s! As a young lad, I totally had a crush on Donna, but would've gladly gone out with Jackie, and was down to fool around with Laurie. Naturally, a critical part of the whole four-way fantasy was pubic hair: big, scruffy, retro bushes. Do you think I got retro bushes? Of course not. Next thing I know, someone will tell me Charlie's Angels were all shaved, too.

Gripes aside, "'70s Show" offers genuine giggles. The story revolves around a Led Zeppelin concert the whole gang attends. Eric (Patrick J. Knight) and Donna try to go backstage to see the band, but only Donna is allowed in. Sadly, it's all a trick. Donna thinks she's blowing three security guards so she can meet Robert Plant, but really she's just slobbing on the cleaning crew. Meanwhile, Fez (Pike Nelson) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano) dress up like rock stars in order to trick groupies into sleeping with them. For no reason, Eric's sister Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) shows up to do laundry and fuck Kelso.

Although Missy Stone may not look exactly like Mila Kunis, she has the voice down perfectly. Better yet, she throws out brilliant one-liners during her scene with Ralph Long (as the sideburned Hyde): "I can't believe I'm messing up my hair for you!" Best of all, she's Missy Stone, and she's unbelievably hot. No surprises there.

Being attracted to Rachel Love as Kitty? That was a surprise. There's something magical about watching Red's Korean War veteran angst come bubbling to the surface as he fucks his wife with a grimace. Like any man would, he comes early and walks off to grab a sandwich. While he's gone, Hyde comes in, shrugs, and helps Kitty finish.

When the funny is on, it's really on, and it blurs the line between accuracy and arousal. Hyde is a notorious mooch, so it seems natural for him to swoop up the sloppy seconds that Red leaves lying on the couch. When the gang is smoking pot in the basement, the camera pans from stoned face to gaping jaw. There's even a theme song that bears a striking resemblance to the original! Lee Roy Myers nailed it. The attention to detail warms the heart of the most nitpicky fan. Even I'm willing to forgive their trespasses against pubic hair.

Tori Black Fucks Her Little Heart Out In "Entourage – A XXX Parody"

DCypher — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

What better way to get even with the studio that's keeping you from blockbuster roles than to make a porn parody? It almost sounds like an actual episode of a series that has clearly jumped the shark.

Such is the clever twist that guides the loose plot of New Sensations' newest self aware porn parody "Entourage – A XXX Parody." Directed by Lee Roy Myers, the spoof covers all our favorite players, including Eric, Vince, Turtle, Drama, Ari, and Lloyd.

Myers's pornified version picks up somewhere between seasons two and three, after Vince's latest film flops, when Turtle decides to upload a celebrity sex tape of Vince and everyone's favorite super-starlet-next-door, Mandy Moorehead. From there it's so spot on that Marky Mark and the Writer's Guild should get a cut of the residuals from this thing.

Ultimately, fans of the show will love it. The players actually kinda look like the real actors on the show, and great attention to detail is paid. But, while the real show's pull is not only its cast of plucky characters but the allure of Hollywood itself (replete with every single saccharin stereotype non-Angelino's insist on perpetuating) the porn parody must be based on hot sex, no matter how closely the movie apes the object of it's adoration. Luckily it stars sexy Ashlynn Brooke, Penthouse Pet Tori Black, Priya Rai, Jayden James, and Eva Ellington, all fine young women far more interested in servicing huge cocks than taking cold reading classes off Laurel Canyon.

While we have always loved Ashlynn's, um, work, we were particularly thrilled with the effort young Miss Black puts forward. She takes an amazing fucking, so much so that it distracts us from the plot. We owe you one there, babycakes.

"Entourage – A XXX Parody" comes out today. The hardcore trailer is available here—or view the soft trailer on YouTube. And, of course, be sure to check out the goodness in our exclusive gallery below.

Tori Black and Anthony Rosano
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Tori Black
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Tori Black and Anthony Rosano
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Ashlynn Brooke
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Ashlynn Brooke
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Ashlynn Brooke
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Priya Rai
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Priya Rai
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Jayden James
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Jayden James
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Eva Ellington
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Eva Ellington
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)
Eva Ellington
"Entourage - A XXX Parody" (entouragexxx.com)

Reapplying Sunscreen Will Not Protect You From “Bree Exposed”

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

The back cover says "Bree Olson gives her tribute to sex." We should all give tribute to the sun-goddess known as Bree.

Bree Exposed

Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Andre Madness
Cast: Bree Olson, Ava Rose, Jenny Hendrix, Missy Stone, Charlie Laine, Danny Mountain, Anthony Rosano, Tommy Gunn, Mick Blue

Bree Olson only appears in two scenes! I know I'm being greedy, but I was hoping for more. Naturally, the quality of her scenes more than makes up for the quantity, as Bree is a powerful force in her respective segments with Anthony Rosano and Tommy Gunn.

Since Anthony has the first scene, you'd expect him to set the pace for the rest of the actors. While his unchained fucking certainly typifies the wild tone of the film, I wouldn't designate him the golden standard of "Bree Exposed." Mr. Rosano gets very, very sweaty. Like, just-got-caught-in-a-monsoon sweaty. Also, he finishes by jacking off on Bree's feet and I wasn't prepared for it. Maybe that's a good thing?

The following four scenes are also wet and surprising, but in different ways. Mick Blue brings Missy Stone to squirt before embarking on a long anal engagement. Then there's a lesbian intermission with Ava Rose and Charlie Laine involving a rather ornate but uncomfortable-looking chair. Next, Bree seduces Tommy with an oh-so sensuous booty dance. Finally, Jenny Hendrix and Danny Mountain use the only bed in the movie for some very intense reverse cowgirl action.

As hot as all of the performers are, I felt the sound was the sexiest part of the movie. One moment you're listening to Bree describe the prodigious veins of Tommy's cock (prodigious, by the way), and the next, you're eavesdropping on the whispers between Jenny and Danny. It really says something when you can enjoy a porno with your eyes closed.

The only thing that soured my audio love affair was the ambient music. Before every scene you're treated to either an Enya techno remix or Gregorian chant-break beats. A minor concern, but it causes me to wonder what overall feel Andre Madness wanted to impart.

The straight story is this: there are five hot scenes that stand out strong against any environmental oddities that may exist. With every new scene, you can feel yourself getting excited, impatient, and just generally happy to see the performers. It's that Christmas-morning feeling that can't be faked, and it comes from the talent and enthusiasm of the actors.

And that's why I want to see more of Bree Olson: you can stare at her for hours and it won't damage your retinas.

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"The Sex Files" Helps Us Believe Again

Gram Ponante — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 11:30:01 EDT

Porn doesn't fly off the shelves anymore (unless it's HAUNTED), so parodies must stand on their own (if you can be expected to). We wanted to believe Kimberly Kane and Anthony Rosano in "The Sex Files," and we did.

The Sex Files

Studio: New Sensations
Director: Sam Hain
Cast: Kimberly Kane, Anthony Rosano, Ashlynn Brooke, Audrey Bitoni, Rod Fontana, Tyler Knight, Aurora Snow, Gracie Glam, Jackie Daniels, Tory Lane, Taylor Vixen, Angelica Raven, Evan Stone

Review by: Gram Ponante

Writer/director Sam Hain had a grand vision for this "dark" parody (which was, thankfully, not as dark as most Wicked movies).

"I wanted it to fit into a plot hole in 'The X Files' that lots of fans were talking about," he said. "We see Scully (played in the original show by dour, buttoned-down saucypants Gillian Anderson) leaving a room as she's adjusting her clothes, and inside we see Mulder ('The Rapture''s David Duchovny) on the bed."

Well, a season later, Scully was pregnant and the show that coincided with the birth of chatroom culture had a cliffhanger every bit as potent as "Who Shot J.R.?"

So Hain wrote this movie as a bit of geekery, plugging the plot hole as neatly as reams of fan fiction had Mulder and Scully plugging each other in space, in Navajo boxcars, ghost ships, and under the watchful eye of the Chupacabra.

"But I tried to make it organic to the original show," Hain said.

All right, Mr. Hain. We are convinced of your earnestness. But is there room in today's crowded marketplace for earnest porn?

"The Sex Files" (New Sensations received a cease and desist letter from Fox, breaking the porn studio's graceful string of parody titles unburdened by either "Not the" or "This Ain't") cold-opens with sultry pixie Ashlynn Brooke astride a grateful but nervous older man (Guy DaSilva, who is also getting some work as porn's "Barrack Obama"). She reassures him that he was just fine, but now she wants to try something kinky. The camera tactfully pans away as she rips him to shreds with her mouth.

Next we meet Mulder and Scully (Kimberly Kane and Anthony Rosano), two FBI agents inhabiting a dimly lit D.C. basement. They are sent to Los Angeles to investigate some grisly serial killings, but Mulder balks. It has little to do with his job description, working on cases that deal in the kooky and paranormal.

If you've seen "The X Files," you are already satisfied that Kane and Rosano are expertly cast, clothed, and coiffed, and Rod Fontana as their boss, Skinner, is also an apt substitute for Mitch Pileggi. In fact, Fontana/Skinner gets to do what Pileggi/Skinner didn't: fuck his secretary, Aurora Snow.

"It's getting hot in here," she says, removing some layers.

"Federal buildings' air conditioning," Fontana syas.

The triumph of this pornification of "The X Files" is that Hain gets the silence right as well as many of the details. Much of how long-term partners Scully and Mulder communicate is non-verbal. But the occasional flareups of wordy exposition, also characteristic of the original show, is handled just about deftly by the actors, who obviously had much more of a dialogue workout on this film than any other in their careers.

But the time this movie takes to reveal what other porn flicks feel behooved to get out of the way ASAP makes Kane's first nude scene (the lonely Mulder catches her coming out of the shower) electric.

"Sorry," stammers Mulder, averting his eyes. "Good night, Scully."

It turns out that Ashlynn Brooke is Lilith, an apocryphal Hebrew succubus summoned back to life (and Pasadena) by creepy sex magick practitioner Andrew Barsons (Ralph Long). As Mulder and Scully track Barsons' movements, Lilith devours leather-clad swingers Evan Stone and Audrey Bitoni.

She even eats Stone's balls.

You should boycott "The Sex Files" on principle if it did not feature a sex scene between Mulder and Scully, so luckily for everyone it does. And their climactic tryst doesn't arrive by some device like a dream sequence. We actually sense their longing for each other throughout the movie. It's, well, earnest.

Another selling point of this movie is how good it looks. Shot on the red digital camera, "The Sex Files" looks rich. And the color palette provided by a series of lush brunettes and the languid Kane give the movie a real beauty. Furthermore, Stone and Rosano provide plenty of eye candy for female and gay audiences, and the gore is all off-camera.

Kane and Rosano carry this movie, which was very carefully directed by Hain to allow for beats and stillness. Director of Photography Eddie Powell throws in a special effect that has never before been seen in porn, and we are left in the end with a real feeling of hope that bad shit will never again befall Mulder and Scully.

I wish for everyone involved that this movie could have been sold on those alt.xfiles BBS pages of yore and made ten times its budget back, but this movie is going up against some heavy hitters as we move into AVN nomination season.

Still, if you Trust No One other than me, you really should see "The Sex Files." You'll believe - in your pants!!!!

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"The Sex Files" Approaches...And We Can't Wait To Watch It

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:30:01 EDT

In just over a week, the wait will be over: "The Sex Files" (formerly known as "The X-Files: A XXX Parody") will be in stores, and all our Gillian Anderson fantasies will finally be realized (or so we assume).

How can we be so confident? Well, you might just say we've seen the trailer. And with a little ingenuity (and some clicking) on your part, you, too, can be on the fast track to sci-fi porno insiderdom. (Trailer above.)

· "The Sex Files - A Dark XXX Parody" (thesexfilesmovie.com)

"70s Show XXX": Sex, Jugs, And Rock 'N Roll

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:30:01 EDT

Last week, we gave you a sneak peek of some of the action from "70s Show: A XXX Parody." This week, we've got a hold of the trailer—so now we actually know the plot.

The trailer definitely gives off the feel of "That 70's Show"—and though we're a little miffed that Bob and Midge seemed to have been kicked to the curb, there's enough in the trailer to keep us excited and interested.

Oh, and the best surprise of all? Fez gets laid.

· "70's Show: A XXX Parody" (70sshowxxxparody.com)

"70s Show - A XXX Parody": A First Look

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:00:00 EDT

While we were busy obsessing over "30 Rock - A XXX Parody" and "The Sex Files - A Dark XXX Parody," New Sensations was working hard to put out yet another parody porn masterpiece: "70s Show: A XXX Parody."

The feature streets on September 21 (less than three weeks away!), and though we don't know the exact details of the plot (except that it seems to involve lots of sex, lots of weed, and a Kiss show), or just what wacky, sexy adventure the gang will get up to, we do have this awesome photo set. And let us just tell you: it looks super, duper hot. And we are loving some of the porn doppelgangers they've lined up: Rachel Love makes an impeccable Kitty, and Ralph Long—who's been everyone from "30 Rock"'s Pete to the janitor from "Scrubs"—seems simply born to play Hyde.

After seeing these photos, there's really only one question left in our minds: how, exactly, are we supposed to wait 19 days to see this movie?

New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner)New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and Eric (Patrick J. Knight)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and Eric (Patrick J. Knight)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and Eric (Patrick J. Knight)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and Eric (Patrick J. Knight)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Laurie (Ashlynn Brooke) and Kelso (Anthony Rosano)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and the roadies (Justin Magnum, Bo Banner, and Ethan Cage)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and the roadies (Justin Magnum, Bo Banner, and Ethan Cage)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Donna (Brooke Banner) and the roadies (Justin Magnum, Bo Banner, and Ethan Cage)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Hyde (Ralph Long) and Jackie (Missy Stone)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Jackie (Missy Stone)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Jackie (Missy Stone) and Hyde (Ralph Long)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Jackie (Missy Stone) and Hyde (Ralph Long)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Jackie (Missy Stone) and Hyde (Ralph Long)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
>Kitty (Rachel Love)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Kitty (Rachel Love) and Red (Steve Smith)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Kitty (Rachel Love) and Red (Steve Smith)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Kitty (Rachel Love) and Hyde (Ralph Long)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Pam (Kaci Starr)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Pam (Kaci Starr)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Pam (Kaci Starr)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)
Pam (Kaci Starr)
New Sensations (newsensations.com)

Stormy Daniels Is Feeling "Tormented" Lately

DCypher — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:00:00 EDT

And with so much on her plate it's easy to see why...our blonde darling crossover star needs more hot kinky sex in her life! That's all!

It appears that legendary, award-winning director Jonathan Morgan is still alive and well and working over at Wicked Pictures (just as he has been for over a decade now). Despite his alarmingly reclusive nature in the last few years (which has earned him his latest nickname: the JD Salinger of porn), the quality of the work he produces has not been diminished. If anything, we'd say it has gone up. Now, instead of bells and whistles and rickety rackety, he's all substance and style—and we're very impressed!

With today's release of' "Tormented," we see a true master hard at work on his craft. Coupled with Stormy Daniels, the duet delves deep into the sinister side of seduction for an admittedly darker take on Wicked's generally insouciant and effervescing starlet.

"I have a really dark and perverted streak in me that no one knows about," Stormy would have said, undoubtedly, if her publicist could speak through her mouth to promote this movie. "I like to explore my fantasies of domination, submission and other sexually altered states, allowing reality to take a back seat to the perverted passions deep within my mind."

Okay, so maybe she didn't exactly say any of those things. Nor, for the record, did any of her lovely co-stars, Asa Akira, Priya Rai, Aiden Starr, Shawna Lenee, Sarah Vandella, and Tori Black. But that doesn't mean they don't really feel like that. You don't know. Mere process of deduction implies that there must be some dark fantasies lurking beneath their breathtaking exteriors that drive them to commit such intensely passionate acts and display the raw sexual hunger that they do. That's elementary.

"Tormented" comes out today from Wicked Pictures. Check out our cool gallery. Welcome back, Jonathan—and thank you!

Stormy Daniels and Sascha
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Asa Akira and Tommy Gunn
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Priya Rai, John West, and Marco Duato
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Sarah Vandella, Shawna Lenee, and Anthony Rosano
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Stormy Daniels, Aiden Starr, and Mick Blue
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Stormy Daniels and Sascha
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Tori Black and Marco Duato
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nted115_01.jpg" width="1000" height="1490" />Tori Black and Marco Duato