True, it looks like most of Amy's New York sojourn took place in the comfort of a hotel room...but it was a hotel room in Times Square. And that's enough for us. (Though if she could shoot her next scene at The Standard, that would be even better.)

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Which explains (in part) why they've released a four plus hour title starring some of your favorite cock gargling starlets, back when they were fresh and new and nearly factory sealed, their young hearts and vaginas still as indestructible like those famous plastic combs from our childhoods.

"Cum Fuck Them Young" is more than just a compilation video starring Bree Olson, Amy Ried, Ava Rose, Lacie Heart, Riley Mason, Audrey Bitoni, Carmen Kinsley, Chase Dasani, Krystal Jordan, Lindsey Meadows, Ruby Flame, Samantha Sin, and Stefanie Renee—it's also an invitation to recall those halcyon days of yonder, fleeting quickly into life's rear view mirror as we push ever further towards the great equalizer. It's one great big "carpe diem" shouted up into the face of the howling abyss, a double finger superhero salute to the darkness that threatens to strip all meaning away from this brief and wonder filled dream.

Is that too morbid? Welcome to the winter of our discontent. It's been a wild year, one where we lost too many we cherished. That being said, "Cum Fuck Them Young" is also a reminder to grab life by the tail, to chuck out that which is truly non-essential, and to embrace our animal instincts right here and now.

Seeing young and vibrant Ava Rose have her tight and tiny clam pried open again takes us back. Likewise, it fills the cockles of our hearts with joy to see a thin, bubbly Bree Olson get nailed in the ass—almost as if it is her very first time. With so many amazing starlets doing what we have grown to love them for, this release is like the "family-sized" value saver equivalent of a pornographic Costco—which is fine from time to time.

"Cum Fuck Them Young" releases next week from New Sensations. Check out this awesome gallery, exclusive to Fleshbot, then go out and seize the day!

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For many of us, "Blonde Ambition" will forever be associated with Madonna's iconic and unforgettable performance of yesteryear, which Rolling Stone once proclaimed the best tour of 1990. For the younger set, it will more likely refer to the hapless 2007 Jessica Simpson movie that came and went faster than a young boy's fleeting masturbatory fantasy about blasting a fresh batch of nut chowder across that blow up doll's fat, big league baiting booty. Church.

But while much ado has been made about the blond set (it's practically its own niche), rarely do we see such attention paid to the darker coiffed beauties. Celebrities from Angelina Jolie to Sandra Bullock have been as easy targets for the unquenchable sexual fantasies as Kate Hudson, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann turned their sex appeal into political careers, despite debilitating mental retardation, becoming more popular than transsexual Coulter amongst sexually repressed red meat and bloody potato eating Republicans.

Leave it to Erik Everhard, one of the most oversexed men on the planet, to turn his insight and massive tool to the plundering of brunettes with the release of his latest movie "Brunette Ambition" which releases this week.

With a dream ensemble of young, beautiful, slutty women, including Jasmine Byrne, Tory Lane, Gianna Michaels, Sandra Romain, Lela Star, Amy Ried, Liliane Tiger, Angelina Crow, Rachel Starr, and Angel Dark, it's an amazing first venture into the world of serious, librarian type, often overlooked women.

"Brunette Ambition" releases this week from Jules Jordan Video. Check out our exclusive gallery. Brunettes of the world—rise up and fuck!

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We like to think he's referring to the artist's lesser known "Rose Period" from 1904 to 1906, characterized by his cheery style, bright colors, circus people, comic harlequins, and professional sex workers specializing in severe anal acrobatics. Don't believe us? Look it up, people. Yeah, with the interGoogles.

We sympathize completely with what must have certainly been quite a dilemma for the Canadian stud, having undoubtedly plowed the zesty anal depths of some of the most beautiful and morally challenged women the adult entertainment industry has ever seen. Where, oh where, to begin?

In the end, Everhard selects the finest of his sphincter stretching episodes, giving us an utterly amazing sampling of breathtaking beauties and their fully blossomed rosebuds.

"Big Fucking Assholes" stars Katja Kassin, Lauren Phoenix, Katsumi, Melissa Lauren, Amy Ried, Aline, Sandra Romaine, luscious Jenny Hendrix, and Janet Alfano. If their assholes weren't that "big" to begin with, they certainly were by the time he finished cramming his massive tool up into their lunch.

"Big Fucking Assholes" is out this week, from Erik Everhard and Jules Jordan Video. Grab a copy, you know, to get your lover in the right mood tonight, along with some anal ease, a butt plug, a gallon of lube, a rubber mask, and a box of fine wine. While you're at it you might want to up your health insurance to that gold plated shit Senators are always bitching about.

Now check out these ungodly shots way up into the plumbing of young babes and let us know if you think they are just as pretty on the inside. We can't wait to see how fast our comments section fills up after that last, um, crack.

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"30 Rock - A XXX Parody" is not an unparalleled success, but it's not a disaster, either: in the spectrum of porno parodies, it falls squarely in the middle. There's a lot that's good about the release, but there are also several areas in which in falls flat—and though it certainly gets the vibe of the show, one doesn't come to the, ahem, climax feeling as those we've just watched an episode of "30 Rock"—but with sex!

First and foremost, the release packs a serious punch with some all-star sex scenes. Really, who among you would turn down the opportunity to watch Lisa Ann take on James Deen? Or—bless our souls—Erik Everhard teaming up with Rebeca Linares and Lana Violet...at the same time? Or Ashlynn Brooke doing anything? The sheer quality of performers included in this release is a wonder to behold—but really, that's only to be expected.

Secondly, the plot—and set ups—are reasonably "30 Rock"-esque. Seeking to improve ratings on "The Chic Show," Jake decides the sketches need to be sexed up (an idea inspired by sex with his girlfriend Alicia). Frustrated by Trey's limelight-hogging, Jenny tries to convince writer Fred to feature her in a really good sketch (and by convince, we mean seduce). Peter fantasizes about the scantily-clad Cherry. Liz falls, once more, for her loser ex-boyfriend's charms. And Ken—well, we'll get to that in a second.

The humor is also reasonably "30 Rock"-esque. Though he's no Tracy Morgan (uh, who is?), Bishop turns in a good performance as Trey, with more than a few jokes that made us laugh. (Want an idea of what we're talking about? A good deal of the jokes make it into the trailer—so if that's all you want, check that out on the feature's website.)

And, of course, we have to give New Sensations props for incorporating secondary characters (especially Alicia/Elisa) into the plot, rather than simply inventing women to fill in the plans. Well, except for in Ken's sex scene...but we'll get to that in a second.

So, yes: Ken's sex scene, which caps off the release, was probably our biggest disappointment—at least in terms of the porno actually bearing some resemblance to "30 Rock," the show. Without going into too much detail, Ken's sex scene is a dream sequence, once in which Ken fantasizes that he's actually Erik Everhard banging two girls named Stephanie and Nancy. Now, there's nothing wrong with watching Mr. Everhard do what he does best, but he's no Kenneth Parcell.

Why'd New Sensations decide to take that tack? Simple, really: Paul Woodcrest, the performer playing Ken, is actually an adult director—and though he was more than happy to lend his boyish charm to the character of Ken, he wasn't quite ready to make his debut as a porn performer. The same goes for Bishop (hence the lack of any "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah" fantasy sex scene—you know they were totally thinking about it).

At the end of it all, we found ourselves questioning whether one could make a "30 Rock" porn that really, really worked. After all, the things that make "30 Rock" really work are counter to the things that make a porno really work: part of the fun of "30 Rock" is the running joke that—somehow, in spite of herself—Liz never gets laid. Does seeing Lisa Ann's Liz Limon getting done hard take away from that?

We'll have to get back to you on that one. Right after we finish watching Erik Everhard giving it to these two chicks.

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See more snaps after the gap.

Take this room, for example. New Sensations might have stuffed it full of geegaws and fripperies. Instead it is stuffed with Ashlynn Brooke and Marco Banderas, and then the stuffing is increased exponentially. Things need scaleability in the new porn order. Kubrickian scaleability.

Brooke is New Sensations' contract girl. Under the radar by comparison with larger studios that would have also liked Brooke's look, New Sensations was also the company that made Carmen Luvana famous before her stint with Adam & Eve.

"Young Girls with Big Tits2" also stars Bree Olson, Amy Ried, and Sammi Rhodes (as well as Marco Banderas).

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Listen: you don't know what we go through. For example, Gianna Michaels' website reads, in part: "Buisnessr Girl!!! Gianna play with her Huge titts and gives the best blowjob you ever see! She have big Natural titts!". And the darling Amy Ried can't go more than one movie without having her i and e rearranged by graphic designers acting on information from people who know which Porn Valley Costco has bigger job lots of Fleet Enemas but not how to spell.

Finally, we got the right information from Ried herself.

"It's I before E," she said, and the additional "you asshole" was understood. - GP

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Previously: Amy Ried/reid: Hot And Natural?, Porn Valley Dispatch Archive