Fleshbot: pornofthemoment

Fleshbot OMG: What Lies Beneath

Gram Ponante — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 09:00:21 EDT

I can't say whether or not this will be a regular feature, but out of the hundreds of porn titles I receive each week at Fleshbot West few if any inspire a vocal reaction. Fewer still require my showing this to te proprietors of every Korean travel agency along the hallway. You've probably already guessed (because you're brilliant) but I found myself understanding how Civil War General Ben Butler felt when he said that the look of things in the north did not prepare him for conditions in the south.

This DVD is in our possession and we promise to document all the wild goings on therein. We will figure out what the deal is with the dude on the right and see why ur covergirl looks eerily like Tera Patrick on the back cover.

· Cine X Latino (cinexlatino.com)
· Watch "Out Of Control Travestis 2" (adultemart.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Mother And Lollipop Reunion Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:30:19 EDT

Sadly, none of the pairings in this movie are of actual mothers and daughters; in fact, one participant revealed to me that "even if I had a daughter, I wouldn't have sex near her". But that is why porn is all about fantasy.

We were happy to see that the title was not "Fuck My Mommy and Me," but we wish producers had respected us enough to choose some other prop than a goddamn lollipop to denote youth. Couldn't she be texting, or filling out college applications, or working at McDonald's? If you succeed like last week's winner I.M.B.Y., you will have given us the new porn youth totem that will replace pigtails, lollipops, and plaid skirts. Hop to it! Your nation needs you. And so does Mommy.

· Lethal Hardcore (lethalhardcore.com)
· Buy "Fuck My Mom And Me 4" (gamelink.com)

"Pour Une Nuit" In Gay (Er, Lesbian) Paree

Gram Ponante — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:25:35 EDT

Ah, Paris! If for no other reason than to begin a review with "Ah, Paris!" did I watch this for lesbians/by lesbians movie, shot in dingy clubs with a spotlight and shot with sweaty abandon in apartments and elevators around the City of Light. Really a series of vignettes featuring some of the same people on one steamy night in Gay Paree, "One Night Stand" ("Pour Une Nuit)" was made in 2006 and just made its way via festivals and US distributor Fatale Media to my hands. Along the way it won "First Prize of the Lesbian Jury" at Berlin's inaugural porn film festival.

Femmes fatales outnumber lipstick lesbians in this movie featuring strap-on action and andro girls (who look like a Smiths-era Morrissey and made this writer confused) as well as, according to the cover, "real orgasms." I can never tell. Me, I take what I can get and appreciate any extra effort.

But in terms of a travelogue, the excellent soundtrack and appealing, occasional outside filming make Paris look like it is crawling with predatory lesbians ... with not one shot of the phallic Eiffel Tower in sight.

· Hysterie Productions (hysterieprod.com)
· Buy "One Night Stand" (fatalemedia.com)

This Week In Cunniringus: "Not Rated Pro Wrestling"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 21:35:18 EDT

"It's the beginning of a new dawn in entertainment," rumbles the press release for "Not Rated Professional Wrestling," a DVD in which porn stars and people who want to look like them alternate between fighting and fucking, from ring to rented room, from 69 to suplex, for your viewing pleasure. Participating porners include Tyler Faith, Evan and Lee Stone (no relation) and Mary Carey, who seems destined for this. You must give credit to the NRPW for forging a link between wrestling and straight porn, and for finding the perfect two disciplines where saying something like "It's the beginning of a new dawn in entertainment!" won't get you laughed out of the room.

The NRPW also stages live events —with all the sweat but none of the penetration—for the public.

· New Porn Order (newpornorder.com)

Ripped (Off) From Basic Cable: "Dawg The Black Booty Hunter"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:30:32 EDT

The A&E show "Dog the Bounty Hunter" has no porn elements in it whatsoever—yet viewers would probably not be surprised if each and every one of its characters had a porn career, so similar is the demographic. That is why "Dawg the Black Booty Hunter" (and, really, do we ever hear of white booty?) is the most apt porn crossover we have yet to actually see. Now all we need for our double-digit channel flipping is "Ass Road Truckers."

· BNew Porn Order" (newpornorder.com)

· "Dawg" tease on YouTube (youtube.com)

Dave Naz' "House of Sex & Domination" (Hold The Fog)

Gram Ponante — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 20:30:17 EDT

"It's part of the underground dungeon scene!" pipes the plummy voiceover of beloved pornstress Veronica Hart of "L.A.'s House of Sex And Domination," where people like Sasha Grey, Michelle Avanti, Kissy Kapri, Flower Tucci, and Audrey Hollander go to be sexed and, er, dominated.

There's something both oldschool Porn and late-nite cable in Hart's introductions (written by Naz and Ashley Blue), such as that of Sasha Grey ("No one has been able to tame her!"). But where a Skinemax movie would then trot out Nikki Fritz and a softcore rubdown would ensue, by the end of this scene Sasha Grey literally has clothespins coming out of her ass—and she's happy about it.

This five-scene vignette movie filmed for Spain's Private studio has all the trappings of a standard porn BDSM movie — police interrogation, doctor's office ("The doctor is in!"), the humbling of high-status figures - but it is the obvious delight of people like Grey, Audrey Hollander, and Michelle Avanti, along with the delicious hamminess of Hart and Naz' strictly professional crush on his performers, that make this movie special.

· Private (private.com)
· Dave Naz (davenaz.com)
· Buy "House of Sex & Domination" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Ladies Of Leisure Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 12:30:08 EDT

I suppose Fleshbot management keeps me around for my boilermakers and Daddy's money, because now and then I look at the angular and spavined pinups my colleagues choose and feel out of the loop. "It's Father's Day," I'll say. "These women can't accommodate my seed."

Here, on the other hand, are a couple of pneumatic lovelies lounging about the set, just daring you to feed them some Father's Day kabobs. Sure "Waist Watchers" is a great title for 1976—but can you be like last week's winner paraffinshot and this time find a more sensual and aromatic title for this movie than the one G-d gave it? Thank you.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Waist Watchers 3" (gamelink.com)

Wham Bam, Thank You Mam: "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee #5"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 21:20:25 EDT

"One town's very like another when your head's down over your pieces, Brother." There was no way we were going to reference Murray Head, however, when we found out that the star of "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee #5" was named Mam. Don't get us wrong; Porn Valley is great. But adult material shot in other countries is like eating at your favorite stateside chain restaurant overseas; it's the little differences.

As we've seen in Brazil, the traveling pornographer can take things easy. He can soak up the culture. But it would be impolite to not soak back. Thus does a man named Kinkade conduct his affairs as Our Man in Pattaya.

You might say the entire "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee" series is an example of an uncomfortable porn stereotype. I would have, too, until I traveled to Bangkok and was asked at the airport if I wanted a suckee fuckee. By a judge.

"Who am I to question community standards?" I thought.

· Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
· Buy "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee 5" (tlavideo.com)

Specsploitation: "Lovely Four Eyes for You Horny Guys"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 27 May 2008 23:42:54 EDT

As a leader in the Astigmatic-American community, I was happy to see a movie that claimed to feature people who looked like me, that could tell my story, and that didn't shrink from honest portrayals of people with eyeglasses having sex. Oh well. I hope their "Alcoholics Analymous" movie dares to tell the truth.

Maybe you don't care to know this, but people with glasses tend to take them off before sex, lest they be fucked off. Not only do most of the Eurohotties in this picture appear to be sharing the same pair of glasses (which leads to disease) but they also keep them on all the way through The Act.

Don't get me wrong, I would think that glasses would make a tempting target (and in this movie they are), but I am a gentleman of the old school, where suggestion is very erotic. For me, the taking off of the glasses means that it's OK to come in her eye.

The title seems kind of clunky. My suggestion would be "Eyedrop a Load." But there are too many talented people suggesting porn titles for me to get in that business.

Finally, with most of the women peering over their glasses to get a gander of the viewer, I am unhappy to admit that it looks like these ladies don't need glasses at all.

· Legal Pink (metrointeractive.com)
·Watch "Lovely Four Eyes for You Horny Guys 2" now at AdultRental.com
· Buy "Lovely Four Eyes for You Horny Guys 2" (gamelink.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Hearting Alexis Silver

Gram Ponante — Fri, 16 May 2008 22:30:33 EDT

The title of this movie might be "I Love Alexis Silver," but the box cover photo reveals that Silver might be ambivalent about you.

The question we put to our friends this week is: With that baleful gaze, What Is Alexis Silver Really Thinking? Does she heart us, or does she skull us, or perhaps even "at" symbol, octothorp, and question mark/exclamation point us? Be like last week's winner, bleeble, and set us straight.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "I Love Alexis Silver" (gamelink.com)

Monsters Ball: Here Comes "MILFZILLA"!

Gram Ponante — Tue, 13 May 2008 20:40:52 EDT

While confirmation calls to Larry Flynt's office went unreturned (er, for years), we are fairly certain that Hustler has been naming movie titles specifically for us. We needed nothing more to convince us than the arrival of "MILFzilla," starring the rabid Ava Devine.

You might remember the last two What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? entries featured a cock-drape. What Devine is getting on this cover is a cock-poke—or, some scholars argue, a cock-shelving. Either way, it's not a drape, so don't call your local drape hotline.

The guy from Peter, Paul & Mary beseeches Ava Devine for some nut-busting (I didn't say this - he did). It is the only time in recent memory in which we hear actual wheedling. The acting required in this scene is tremendous, in that Devine never needs to be wheedled.

The one reservation we have with this movie is that there are no Asians in it. You don't put a -zilla on something and exclude the Asians. Hasn't Jonathan Pryce's casting in "Miss Saigon" taught us anything?

Still don't know why Adrianna Nicole gets cast in MILF roles. Maybe it's her alto range, or her Billy Idol sneer.

Mae Victoria looks a bit like a wayward mid-90's Sherilyn Fenn. If "Of Mice And Men" were ever made into a porn movie, we'd cast her.

This is a delightful movie, sure to inspire sequels. But rather than going the sequential numbers route, I strongly suggest "MILFzooky" or "Terror of MechaMILFzilla."

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "MILFZILLA" (hustlervideo.com)

Desperately Seeking "Housewives"-Based Porn

Gram Ponante — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:10:41 EDT

Porn ~~ripoffs~~ parodies of things that were topical three years ago are like settling into a comfortable pair of shoes: they are familiar and safe, and make us think of a time when gas wasn't so expensive, it looked like the Democrats would win in 2008, and "The Sopranos" was still on. We received Wicked's "The Housewives of Amber Lane" recently and thought, "Awww, at least it's not 'Britney Rears'."

A star vehicle for veteran pornstress Amber Lynn, any intellectual property-type objection we might have is countered with, "Aw why shouldn't Amber Lynn have a movie named after her?"

Don't look at us! Look at dreamy Nick Manning! What's the matter with you?

Performer/director Randy Spears presents two shots of superhero housewives floating mysteriously above their partners.

You will never see belly fat or floppy boobs in a Wicked feature. Maybe that should be their motto instead of "What Excites You."

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Housewives of Amber Lane" (gamelink.com)

In The "Hot Shower," No One Can See You Squirt

Gram Ponante — Mon, 12 May 2008 23:10:13 EDT

Don't get us wrong: we are all for "young gorgeous girls with smooth supple bodies." (Or at least we suppose they'll do in a pinch.) But don't you think they have better things to do with their youth, suppleness and—in the case of Micah Moore—feet than to be taking showers all the time?

Because we're understandably prepared—at all times—for female ejaculation, we expected something different from this movie. "Showers" indicates squirting to us, not actual hygiene. But the press release sounded downright Sapphic:

This film is filled with sexy young girls who display their love of the female form by teasing and playing with each other's bodies until their hearts' content!

Grammar aside, how'd they get the camera into the shower without the lens fogging up? After all, it's "Hot Showers."

Hot Showers #16 features five incredibly erotic scenes with sultry girl-on-girl action. All of these ladies are undeniably hot for each other and give deliciously lust-filled performances. The chemistry between the performers is unquestionably satisfying for the viewer

Incredibly. Undeniably. Deliciously. Unquestionably. What about Nozzly? Drainily? Dermabradily? What about "Not the Dermabradily XXX"?

In stores now! Hot Showers #16 is guaranteed to satisfy all of those wet-and-wild fantasies!

Damn. Now we're bad people for not having any of those?

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "Hot Showers 16" (tlavideo.com)

"Strollin' In The Colon": If Only It Were Narrated By James Brolin

Gram Ponante — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:39:04 EST

"It's like an anal documentary," said director Richard Montfort of his vision involving deep probes of the Forbidden Cavity, small orgies that join other small orgies to form big orgies, and an almost clinical fascination with the underside of the delightful and frank Harmony. Producing studio Hustler, which rejected titles like "Anal Ambulations" and "Barefoot in the Ass" in favor of this one, is rightly releasing this movie under its "Hardline" label.

· Buy "Strollin' in the Colon" (hustlervideo.com)

Peg, It Will Come Back To You: "FemDom: Mean Girls"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 12:10:55 EST

"You look pretty with a cock in your mouth," says evil Annie Cruz to Christian in "Fem Dom: Mean Girls." Woman-on-man strap-on sex, or pegging, is making its way into porn's mainstream, and this video features the likes of Penny Flame and Gwen Diamond also giving the business end to their male partners. The difference between this and extra-submissive pegging movies is that the guys turn the tables at the end, so the squeamish can tune in for the final third of each scene. Directed with tenderness by Vincent Voss, this movie is an ideal Valentine's Day gift for the mean girl in your life.

· Toxxxic Entertainment (toxxxicentertainment.com)
· Steely Dan Homepage (steelydan.com)

It's Our "Pool Party" ... And You're Not Invited

Gram Ponante — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 11:29:35 EST

On a day when it was even rainy in Los Angeles, we were thrilled to see "Pool Party" show up in our mailbox.

But Holy Crap, could there be two people less happy to see us? I mean, we did interrupt you with a dick in your mouth, but it's not like we asked for directions. And if that's the way you feel with a tongue in your ass, why even sit on one? Turn that frown upside down, ladies: the pool guy is here!

· Sandy Bunz (sandybunz.com)
· Buy "Pool Party" (cduniverse.com)

Suffix Of The Moment: "-Stravaganza"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 21:32:32 EST

Whenever I read or hear the word "extravaganza" I think "extra vagina" and giggle softly to myself. Imagine my delight, then, when Digital Sin released several compilations called "Teenstravaganza", "Boobstravaganza", "Solostravaganza", and "MILFstravaganza". It's like, in addition to the 16 hours of continuous ball-draining footage, there's an extra vagina! I can't wait for the supercompilation "Stravaganzastravaganza: Now with an Infinite Vaginal Loop".

· Digital Sin (digitalsindvd.com)
· Buy "Teenstravaganza" (gamelink.com)

"America's Next Top Tranny": Who Wants To Be On Top?

Fleshbot — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 14:04:44 EST

In one of the most heartbreaking missed opportunities in porn we've ever encountered, the folks at Vivid not only somehow decided to use what looks like a mostly Brazilian cast for "America's Next Top Tranny", but neglected to find a dragified Tyra Banks lookalike to host the whole production. And trust us, we've seen enough wandering around certain streets on the West Side to know that finding one wouldn't have been a problem.

· "America's Next Top Tranny" (dvdempire.com)
· Vivid (vivid.com)

Porn Of The Moment: "The Sunny Experiment"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 14:48:49 EST

"I just touched them and they're hard," Sunny Leone tells us about her nipples. If porn was a pony, "The Sunny Experiment" is the pony Vivid gave its dusky contract girl to illustrate her fondness for spanking, squirting, and voyeurism. Guest stars include Monique Alexander in a tie and Nadia Styles in a bind.

· Vivid (vivid.com)
· Buy "The Sunny Experiment" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

No Thumbs Allowed: "The Four Finger Club"

Gram Ponante — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 17:56:50 EST

We are horrified that we hadn't heard about this New Sensations series until issue 24 came out, and lament the loss of time we could have spent watching 23 DVDs' worth of women sticking not one, not two, not 12, but four fingers into each other. Let's see ... 23 movies, five pairings a movie ... Damn it, we've missed 920 fingers up there.

We'll give you a hand after the gap (or at least 80 percent of one ... Renae Cruz seems to be enjoying it).

Audrey Bitoni uses her face to travel across the low pile carpet with help from Brooke Banner.

Four hands stabilize Ashlynn Brooke.

"The natural chemistry and passion between the girls in every scene is apparent," said director Cyrus Cobain. "The girls aggressively explore each other nonstop with fingers, tongues and big toys. Every scene in this movie is action-packed!"

Or, better yet: "Packed with digits, The Four Finger Club really satisfies!"

Lexi Belle and Kristina Rose are cheating.

· See the Trailer (newsensations.com)
· Buy "The Four Finger Club #24" (gamelink.com)

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Previously: Photoplay Archive, Porn Of The Moment Archive

It's Our "Big Tit Party" And We'll ... Uh, Never Mind

Gram Ponante — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 11:21:48 EST

Because we will support Pamela Peaks in everything she does, we are delighted Canada's Most Tan has finally given us a glimpse of her "Big Tit Party", in which either "All Babes (Are) in Corsets, Fishnets & Boots!" or "All Babes in Corsets, Fishnets & Boots (Like to Party)!" If your tastes run (far) away from the sylphlike and wispy, and you long for the unrepentently boobagulant, "Cum party with drunk ass Huge Tit Blonde Goddesses who want cum, facials, and to get laid!" That's Amy Anderssen making her porn debut on the cover; Peaks peaks within.

· Pamela Peaks (pamelapeaks.com)
· Order: "Big Tit Wild Ass Party Vol. 1" (Adult DVD Empire)

Porn Of The Moment: Mi Culo, Su Culo

Gram Ponante — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 11:35:35 EST

Even as we rejoice that a word like w00t can come into its own, we are saddened that there is no word for "azz" in Spanish. Hence the need for translation of John E. Depth's latest buttockulous title "Que Culo Grande!"

"I fought with the studio to give the audience credit to figure out the Espanol by themselves," director/star Depth did not say when we didn't interview him, "but they decided to do the safe thing. At least Fleshbot readers know a big ass when they see one."

· Juicy Entertainment (xxxjuicy.com)
· Buy "Que Culo Grande (What a Big Ass)" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

What Would Vishnu Do? Mayhem's "Juggernauts 8"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 12:57:07 EST

"It's time once again for the biggest hooters on earth getting titty fucked and glazed with gallons of hot sticky cum ... It's a jumbo jugs jamboree you're going to love!"

Such was the oiled and frank presentation of Shyla Stylez and Savanah on the cover of "Juggernauts 8" that we had to look the word up. See, since infancy we assumed that the word "juggernaut" had something to do with sailing, like "nautical" or "astronaut", and from that we concluded that a big boob movie would do well to call itself "Juggernauts" in that these ladies would not sink even if you dropped an anchor on them.

Instead, imagine our surprise when we found the word is derived from "Jagannath, an idol of Krishna, at Puri in Orissa, India, annually drawn on an enormous cart under whose wheels devotees are said to have thrown themselves to be crushed." Which still sort of makes sense if you think about it.

· "Juggernauts 8" Trailer (sincity.com)
· Buy "Juggernauts 8" (gamelink.com)

Porn Of The Moment: Smash Pictures Hits The "Mother Lode"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 21:46:56 EST

You cannot argue with us that this is at least the best porn title of the past several days, perhaps even a fortnight. While many of these women are not actually mothers, they certainly look exactly like your moms, what with their latex and being named Puma Swede, so you can be assured that the mature hijinks going on have an air of authenticity.

The movie also stars porn legend Amber Lynn and Darryl Hannah, who was at the center of a "fourway blowbang! Her real life hubby actually jumped in without warning!"

· Smash Pictures (smashdvd.com)
· Buy "Mother Lode" (gamelink.com)

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Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

Better Late Than Never: Meet Scarlet O'Whora

Gram Ponante — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 20:58:24 EST

If you thought, "I don't care if the compilation 'Freaky Fuckin' Dykes 2'" is good or not, I just feel compelled to see someone named Scarlet O'Whora" ... well, you're invited to the next Fleshbot Commenters Cocktail Hour, because we felt the exact same way.

Alas, O'Whora is no more-a. The Londoner left The Business soon after whatever movie the compilation sampled from was made in 2004, and we assume she lives a better life in some fantastic place. If you're out there, Scarlet—seen here smooching a pre-boobjob Mikayla—we do give a damn. We do. (And say hello to Strokahontas for us!)

· Buy "Freaky Fuckin' Dykes 2" (gamelink.com)
· Scarlet O'Whora (nee Haze) on the IAFD (iafd.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

Dancing With The Hermaphrodites: "Shemale Samba Mania"

Gram Ponante — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 10:40:05 EST

Like you, I am often enchanted by The Dance, taken far away by its intoxicating rhythms. So, apparently, are Brazilian transsexuals who, if you believe this title, suffer from samba mania.

I am just about ready to bet money that there is not a single frame of dancing in this title which, for some reason, presupposes by the inclusion of "100% bareback" that there is a market for trannies-wearing-condom movies. Fearing for her health, I am not sending this movie to Marie Osmond.

· Third World Media (thirdworlddvd.com)
· Buy "Shemale Samba Mania 31" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

Monica Sweetheart's Article Of Faith

Gram Ponante — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 19:07:34 EST

Lovely Czech pornstress Monica Sweetheart must somehow convey to us that longtime porn dude/director Vince Vouyer has actually done what is immediately apparent on 98 percent of other porn videos, to wit: "blown" his "load." In the internal creampie school of the porn sciences, men and ladies fornicate sans the faceward popshot, then the cameras zoom in to capture the ejaculate dripping out. See, it's like a dirtpipe milkshake, except easier to sit down. In the meantime, ya gotta have faith.

· Buy "Cum Drippers 2" (vouyermedia.com)
· Pussy Party - day rate plus anal (gramponante.com)

Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

Urban Landscapes: "Klub Slutz"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 09:30:42 EST

If you think of L.A. as a "Thunderdome"-esque cesspit where Nick Manning drops loads on poodle-haired apocalyptotarts in large groping rooms, where narrators inform you that "Here grit is glamour, and the goal is to reach the bottom (not the top)", and where drink prices are probably very high, then Penthouse's "Klub Slutz" is for you. We're not sure if civilization still has the power to prevent the "Klub Slutz" world from arriving or if this movie foreshadows our human destiny. Either way, were we the type to wear housecoats brimming with rolled up tissues, we would grab Nautica Thorn and wipe all that makeup off.

"You're twice as pretty without it," we'd say, and then drop loads.

· Penthouse (penthouse.com)
· Buy "Klub Slutz" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Yoga Position Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 18:13:58 EST

The real title of this movie sounds like something one might learn in a room redolent of tights, sweat, and judgment of the type of things I eat. But maybe you can apply your laser-keen intellect, much like last week's winner I.M.B.Y. did, in discovering an even better title for this little gem of Americana. Your new title should reflect the real American West and not some northeast intellectual version of it, and should address why McKenzee is wearing panties and Lexi isn't.

· See the Real Title (gamelink.com)

Previously: WWFRD Archive

Pornic Voices: Ashley Blue in "Girlvert 16"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 16:40:54 EST

"I am going to take your fat, hairy balls in my ass because I like money," says Ashley Blue in "Girlvert 16", which I thought at first was a case of mistaken packaging. Who would expect from the boxcover the gripping family drama contained on the disc? Especially since Blue's quote above was something she repeated at the command of her dad (Herschel Savage)? Normally I shy away from porn that is depressing, but this movie is dirty and depressing, especially when the central casting porn creep Dirty Harry comes by with "Mr. Wiggle". Blue acts her ass off (upside down, in fact), but will she win anything? We will have to create our own awards show.

· Buy "Girlvert 16" (jerkoffzone.com)

Previously: Porn Of The Moment Archive

Porn Of The Moment: "Heavy Duty"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 17:51:22 EDT

When I hear the phrase "Heavy Duty", I think of trucks and detergent, both of which are intensely pleasing to me. The delightful human-sized Gianna Michaels' appearance in a porn movie called "Heavy Duty" might seem to some to be exploitive and sizeist, but consider that most porn stars are literally the size of circus peanuts and realize that it's not wrong, Baby, it's terribly right.

Maybe it should be called "Relatively Heavy Duty" or "Heavier Duty Than Most", but my job is to inspire porn, not title it.

· Diabolic (diabolicxxx.com)
· Buy "Heavy Duty" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

Tenement Life: Carmen Hart Is "The Girl In 6C"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 12:12:16 EDT

Remember when Shirley Maclaine made attempted suicide look sexy in "The Apartment"? (You're too young to remember? Well so are we! We just heard some homeless old guy saying that while we were at a rave tripping our faces off with some hookers from USC, er, USC Hooker School.)

Anyways, Carmen Hart doesn't get all suicidey, but we are almost as enamored of this simple yet effective boxcover as we are of the complex and exciting Carmen Hart herself, who apparently brings a little joy to cramped living quarters in the same way Alan Arkin did in "The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter", which we also don't remember.

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Carmen Hart (official site @ carmenhart.com)
· Order "The Girl in 6C" @ Adult DVD Empire · Gamelink

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

Double Penetration As A Verb

Gram Ponante — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 20:52:07 EDT

"Believe Me I Wanna DP" sounds to us like someone protesting too much, as if, presented with two dudes dubious of her intentions, Monica Mattos felt the need to blurt that out (at which point we would have said, "Well, okay...)

What we like about this title made in the Czech Republic two years ago (and just released here recently) is that it addresses the viewer directly. With this movie we got another one from the same company called "Don't Stop! Fill Me Up!" These titles make us feel that we're really there with people who, but for the fact that they don't speak English, might have said those very things.

· Metro (metrointeractive.com)
· Buy "Believe Me I Wanna DP" (gamelink.com)
· Buy "Don't Stop! Fill Me Up!" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

"Busty Hookers" Takes Its Place In The Pantheon

Gram Ponante — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 20:42:20 EDT

Of the many awards bestowed in last week's Nightmoves convention in Tampa (by all accounts a fun time, though we have never been offered airline tickets, free hotel and transportation, and happy ending massages from stern but grateful gator-wrasslin' women), none so captures the zeitgeist of the porn industry past and present than "Busty Hookers" winning an Editor's Choice award for Best Gonzo Release. Not since "Busty Hookers Who Are Also My Bartender" have we felt the stars align so fluidly.

· Night Moves (nmea.com)
· Buy "Busty Hookers" (gamelink.com)

Viv Thomas' "Sex With Peaches"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 21:15:13 EDT

No, this isn't some grainy fructophilia flick from the Black Forest; it is instead a compendium of eight Sapphic scenes between Europe's most leonine hotties and the beguiling Peaches. We have seen several of these scenes before here at Fleshbot West, but this is truly a No Guys Allowed tribadism-fest for the Peaches Completist.

We don't see any slapping or spitting, nor do we hear the word "bitch" or "slut" in any European language; just sex in clean, well-lit rooms and on wicker chairs (or, in the case with Lisa, on a psychiatrist's divan).

· Viv Thomas (vivthomas.com)
· Buy "Sex with Peaches" (vivthomas.com)

Previously: Today's Peaches, Porn of the Moment Archive

Title/Content Disagreement: "Cum Scene Investigations"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 21:12:29 EDT

While there is no better title than "Malabimba - The Malicious Whore", we were nevertheless delighted to receive "Cum Scene Investigations", starring the always-intriguing Gen Padova, because we expected it to pay lip service (no pun intended), at the very least, to the similar-sounding drama starring The Sinise.

Well it didn't. There was a scene on a boat, a scene in a doctor's office. Some other stuff. But no sleuthing, no black lights, and no tricky dialogue. For the 25th anniversary re-release in 2032, Pink Visual, you should name this movie "There was a scene on a boat, a scene in a doctor's office. Some other stuff." Or maybe just "Malabimboat".

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Cum Scene Investigations" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

Porn Of The Moment: "MILF Eye For Teen Pie"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:49:23 EDT

Sometimes a porn title can overwhelm any chance for the movie's contents to catch up, but we were very impressed with Actual MILF^TM Kayla Paige's faux-pickup of Bree Olson outside an In-n-Out Burger:

"You're pretty," says Olson. "You are too," Paige replies. "How old are you?" "19," says Olson. "That's a good age," replies Paige wistfully. Then they, like, do it.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "MILF Eye for Teen Pie" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

Spooky Porn Of The Moment: Spice's "The Taunting"

Gram Ponante — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:02:15 EDT

Spooky girl Zenova Braeden is now directing for Playboy's SpiceTV, and has delivered a late-nite cable couples' fest called "The Taunting", in which horny (but sensual) students explore (sensually and without facial cumshots) an abandoned sensual something or other. Our depravity has entered a wonderful dimension in which we find cable porn quaint, but it looks a little "Grudge"-y, a little "Ring"-y, we'll have you know that "Reality and fantasy converge as the unholy embodiment of pure Lust itself Taunts the young adventurers with sex, sin and sensual abandon not of this world."

"The Taunting" airs October 13 on the SPICE:XCESS channel.

· Spice Studios (spicestudios.com)
· See also: "What, no tentacles?" (gramponante.com)

Porn Of The Moment: Heidi Mayne In "Auto Bang Sluts 2"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 22:36:13 EDT

Such a rich-sounding title as "Auto Bang Sluts" sure leaves a lot of room for interpretation. Could it mean these sluts bang themselves? Might they bang in a way other than manually? Nope and No: these ladies bang in a van. Heidi Mayne, for example, is picked up outside a Van Nuys Dollar Store (they are having an Easter sale) and, by some pretense or another, is naked in seconds. Who's gonna drive you home tonight?

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Auto Bang Sluts 2" (gamelink.com)

Previously: Porn of the Moment Archive

LOLpr0n of the Moment: "Photo Erotica"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 11:05:30 EDT

Maybe it's that this dude is in a tizzy about having to share ribby Londoner Sheridan with another man in Jazmin Media's "Photo Erotica", but he'd have less strain on his arms if he just inserted himself slightly higher rather than using his person as a shelf. Also, he needn't look at Sheridan like it's her fault, even if she is pleading with us with her eyes.

· Jazmin Media (jazminmedia.com)

Previously: LOLpr0N of the Moment: Micah Moore, You Can Has LolprOn!