Fleshbot: porn parodies

John Madden’s Penis Delightfully Absent From “Not Monday Night Football XXX”

Ottimo Massimo — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Perhaps XPlay was concerned about offending fans? We personally would've been stoked to finally see Howard Cosell's little monkey.

Not Monday Night Football XXX

Studio: XPlay
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Angelina Armani, Lela Star, Sarah Vandella, Layla Rivera, Jaelyn Fox, Jessica Bangkok, Britney Stevens, Ashlyn Rae, Alyssa Reece, Topanga Fox, Ally Ann, Yurizan Beltran, Amia Miley, Tatum Pierce, Delila Darling, Cindy Jones, Mai Ly, Sophie Dee, Laci Laine, Rick Madrid, Billy Goodrich, Lee Bang, Evan Stone, Thomas Ward, Scott Lyons, Eric John, Kris Slater

It's one thing to parody a sitcom, but parodying an American institution like Monday Night Football requires both a solid sense of humor as well as serious focus on fucking. The challenge for XPlay is even greater with this parody because there are no protagonists to ground the plot, and no classic conflicts to spice up with sex. As a result, "Not Monday Night Football XXX" features an amalgamation of sportscasting legends doing what makes them memorable.

Rick Madrid plays the staccato-voiced Howard Cosell, who commands the preview show that the film is based around. He is joined by John Madden, played by Billy Goodrich, who spends time with fans, draws on the telestrator, and pimps tough-actin' Tinactin.

True to life, celebrities stop by to plug their latest projects/remind us of their scandals. OJ Simpson has his future read (keep in mind this is the 80s OJ), causing the fortune teller to flee the scene. Bill Cosby (manned by the same Thomas Ward who starred in "Not The Cosbys XXX") shows up as well, followed by a furious Laci Laine who demands Cosby leave his wife for her.

Although these allusions provide amusing intermissions from sex, they feel more like piecemeal potshots and less like parodies of the events they reference. Poking fun at the gimmicky, self-serving habits of a major network is clever, but without a strong, over-arching plot to center the jokes, the parody becomes a gimmick itself.

And like most parody porn, there's a clear distinction between the amusing and the arousing. There was one instance of Madden using the telestrator to discuss his favorite things about Angelina Armani (boobs, eyes, long, flowing hair), but it would've been doubly as funny to see him narrate an instant replay, telestrating the path of Eric John's cock as four cheerleaders tackle him in the locker room. Perhaps a "BAM!" or two would've been appropriate.

But there really isn't much to complain about. The simple fact that seventeen girls cram into five separate scenes is a daunting feat. With such an enormous cast, one might wonder how parody prince Will Ryder manages to coach this dreamteam to glory.

The answer? Teamwork: four gals for every gent, and no one hits the sidelines when the action is on. There's no showboating, no ball hogging, and the fans go wild for every play (seriously, there's non-stop cheering). Also, since every sex scene features a POV moment, viewers at home get to feel like they're part of the team! The sportsmanship is simply awe-inspiring.

Of course, there are a few star players. Evan Stone and Angelina Armani have the only one-on-one scene as the legendary quarterback Manhattan Joe and some floozy. He helps her get her foot in the door as a sideline reporter, so she helps him get his cock in her mouth.

"Well if I'm gonna taste your cock," she says, "I want you to taste my pussy." See? Teamwork.

Also exciting is the fact that Yurizan Beltran has her first non-solo scene. Yurizan, Lela Star, Mai Ly, and Alyssa Reece get bored watching the game at home, so they decide to ditch the remote and grab the vibrators. Even though it's her first time, Yurizan gives it 110% and really goes deep. I sincerely hope she continues this sociable trend.

The general mindset for parody pornographers seems to be "What if this show had hardcore sex in it?" Unfortunately, the finished product presents the question "What if this hardcore sex had jokes near it?" And while it's smart to unite the eternally homosocial institutions of pornography and sports, it's important to make sure they play together well. Perhaps "Not Monday Night Football XXX" could've used a couple more scrimmages before hitting the field.

And now I'm out of football puns.

"Not Married With Children XXX": An Abundance Of Kelly Bundy

Gram Ponante — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 11:30:01 EDT

Thank God the novelty wore off. We are finally in a time when we can confidently say that there are good porn parodies and bad ones. And "Not Married with Children XXX" is a great porn parody.

Not Married with Children XXX

Studio: XPlay
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Eric Swiss, Brittany O'Connell, Kagney Linn Karter, Dino Bravo, Dane Cross, India Summer, Brad Hardy, Madison Scott, Brooke Belle, Alyssa Hall, Emy Reyes, Reno, Kora Cummings, Payton Leigh, Barrett Blade, Nick Manning

Review by: Gram Ponante

"Not Married with Children XXX" is just about the perfect porn parody in that all the things you found frustrating about the 90's-era Fox show on which it is based (Christina Applegate not getting naked, a certain curiosity about the nakedness of Katey Sagal) come miraculously to pass in its dirty adaptation.

Kagney Linn Karter, Brittany O'Connell, and especially Eric Swiss are perfectly cast as Kelly, Peg, and Al Bundy, respectively, and the source material that for many typified all that was bad about the newish Fox Network ("The Simpsons" parodied "Married with Children" by showing Al Bundy flushing a toilet to a laugh track) actually works in a porn setting.

Eric Swiss as Al Bundy is pretty amazing. He looks genuinely slovenly and one-ups last month's "Not the Cosbys XXX" star Thomas Ward in that he actually has sex. But both are spot-on impersonations and, like "Cosby," "Not Married with Children XXX" features a script that is just as good (or bad) as the original.

As adept as screenwriter Jeff Mullen has become at aping sitcom dialogue, co-producer Scott David admirably recreates the "Married with Children" set, and is especially accurate with the costumes for the Bundy family. Kagney Linn Karter, for example, looks every bit the approachable whore that Christina Applegate's Kelly was.

The plot concerns Al's attempt to become king of his shoe store, Bud (Dane Cross)'s marginalization in the family, and Kelly's dalliances with the wrong kind of men. In other words, this is a plot and script that would have been perfect for the Ed O'Neill version.

Some of the mainstream programs the Porno-Industrial Complex is choosing to parody are so obscure (and, just as often, unknown to the teenagers performing in them) that it's a possibility that a broadcast network show could be developed from the cleaned up porn parody of a forgotten 90's sitcom. If Fox picked up 22 episodes of "Not Married with Children XXX," I would watch it.

Mary Carey Returns To Porn With "Celebrity Pornhab With Dr. Screw"

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 18 May 2009 15:30:01 EDT

After a three year hiatus, former gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey is back in porn. Her first post-hiatus title? "Celebrity Pornhab With Dr. Screw," which (obviously) sends up the very man who talked her into putting her porn career to the side.

It remains to be seen whether Red Light District can carry off a porn parody with the style and grace of, say, X-Play or new Sensations—but even if the film's a totally flop, we're glad to see Mary Carey back in action again (we missed you, Mary!).

(Though she might want to steer away from mocking Dr. Drew in the future. Not that we're superstitious or anything, but it seems rather coincidental that Penny Flame starred in this feature...and then signed up for "Celebrity Rehab" and retired from performing in porn. Clearly, the man has some sort of supernatural powers.)

· Mary Carey Pokes Fun at VH1 in 'Celebrity Pornhab With Dr. Screw' (avn.com)
· Dr. Drew Gets Screwed in 'Celebrity Pornhab' (tmz.com)
· Thumbnail via KellyFind (kellyfind.com)

Ashlynn Brooke As Jenna Maroney Jenny From "30 Rock - A XXX Parody"

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 08 May 2009 11:30:01 EDT

From the set of "30 Rock - A XXX Parody": Ashlynn Brooke as ~~Jenna~~ Jenny. They've definitely got the outfit right... We can't wait to see Ashlynn's Jackie Jormp-Jomp impression. (twitpic.com)

"This Ain't Happy Days XXX" Trailer Hits The Internet

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:00:00 EDT

You've seen the photos from Hustler's XXX "Happy Days"... now see how Hustler's cleverly recast the iconic theme song for their trailer. Trust us, it's what the Fonz would want.

· Don't Forget This Ain't Happy Days XXX

First Report From The Set Of "30 Rock - A XXX Parody"

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 07 May 2009 15:40:00 EDT

Ashlynn Brooke just tweeted from set to tell us that she's playing Jenna (or "Jenny," for the lawsuit shy). No word on the rest of the cast—anyone want to hazard a guess? (twitter.com)

Ironic Hustler Release Recalls Penny Flame In Happier XXX Days

DCypher — Tue, 05 May 2009 17:00:00 EDT

In light of her sudden and sad departure from the world of adult entertainment we here at Fleshbot would like to remind readers of Penny Flame in merrier circumstances...

...as in, on the set of Axel Braun's epic Hustler release "This Ain't Happy Days XXX," released just last week. Seriously Flame, you will be missed. No one does it better than you, baby. We wish you well at whatever you choose to do—but you will always be our favorite li'l stoner pornstar.

A huge fan of the show, even as a young lad growing up in Italy, Braun wrote the masterpiece and directed it himself, centering the plot around Richie and the gang trying to learn from Fonzie the right stuff to score with the poodle skirts. Honestly, we never expected to see anyone other than Sam the Butcher giving Alice the meat, but Axel's imagination is as fertile as Octomom's womb.

"This Ain't Happy Days XXX" is out right now. It features an all-star cast, including Tori Black, Penny Flame, Missy Stone, Alan Stafford, Codi Carmichael, Riley Evans, Kris Slater, Jack Lawerence, Anthony Rosano, James Bartholet, Raquel Devine and the ever-cool stud Tommy Gunn as The Fonz. Be sure to pick up a copy—it's what The Fonz would want.

· Hustler (hustlervideo.com)

New Sensations Announces Additions To Porn Parody Line Up

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 01 May 2009 13:30:01 EDT

You may (or may not) have been wondering how New Sensations plans to follow up their porn parodies of "The Office," "Scrubs," and "Seinfeld." Well, we've found the answer.

"Friends - A XXX Parody" and "30 Rock - A XXX Parody" are currently in pre-production, scheduled to begin shooting this month in LA. Your guess is as good as ours when it comes to casting (though we have a hunch that Shane Diesel will be playing Tracy Jordan, and we could definitely see Ashlynn Brooke as Liz Lemon).

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)

Sasha Grey Makes A Beautiful Vulcan

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:30:01 EDT

Hustler has released the first screencaps from "This Ain't Star Trek XXX," and it looks like they're being true to their promise and keeping the costumes, set, and camera angles very true to the original.

Now we'll just have to see if the plot and the fucking are something Gene Roddenberry would be willing to take credit for.

· Star Trek XXX Sneak Preview (hustlerworld.com)

"Seinfeld" Added To Porn Parody Roster

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:30:01 EDT

Of all the TV shows we've ever seen, "Seinfeld" is probably one of the least sexy we can think of. So of course New Sensations is now shooting "Seinfeld - A XXX Parody." (avn.com)

"Star Trek" Vs. "This Ain't Star Trek XXX": A Comparison

Lux Alptraum — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:30:01 EDT

Last week, Hustler announced their intentions to boldly go where many had gone before, and shoot their very own "Star Trek" porn: "This Ain't Star Trek XXX."

Well, a week later, the sets have been constructed, the costumes designed—and, most importantly, the cast has been set. But how does Hustler's band of adventurous starfarers compare to the original crew of the NCC-1701? We've put together a side by side comparison, so you can judge for yourselves.

Kirk

Star Trek XXX: Evan Stone
Star Trek: William Shatner

Spock

Star Trek XXX: Tony DeSergio
Star Trek: Leonard Nimoy

Sulu

Star Trek XXX: Ero Sennin
Star Trek: George Takei

Bones

Star Trek XXX: Cheyne Collins
Star Trek: DeForest Kelley

Scotty

Star Trek XXX: Anthony Rosano
Star Trek: James Doohan

Khan

Star Trek XXX: Nick Manning
Star Trek: Ricardo Montalban

Uhura

Star Trek XXX: Jada Fire
Star Trek: Nichelle Nichols

Nurse Christine Chapel (maybe)

Star Trek XXX: Codi Carmichael
Star Trek: Majel Barrett

And, of course, what porn parody would be complete without some completely invented female characters?

Ruth: Jenna Haze

Chandra: Sasha Grey

Marla: Aurora Snow

· This Ain't Star Trek XXX set report (hustlerworld.com)

Script For "Scrubs - A XXX Parody" Surfaces

Lux Alptraum — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 17:00:00 EDT

And while you're waiting for "Scrubs - A XXX Parody" to hit the stands, feel free to browse the film's script. We have a feeling you won't have to worry about any spoilers. (tmz.com)

"This Ain't Star Trek XXX" Beaming Into Living Rooms This Spring

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:30:01 EDT

Yes, Hustler has just announced that, come this spring, they'll be boldly going where so many others have gone before: they're making a (very faithful!) parody porn of the original "Star Trek."

Unfortunately for us, the movie has yet to be cast (let alone shot!), so we can't really tell you anything more (except the release date—May 12, 2009, baby!). But we'll bet dollars to donuts that Jada Fire will be playing Uhura, and that Sulu—if he's actually played by an Asian man—will be a non-sex role. Unless (fingers crossed!) Hustler imports Keni Styles from across the pond. Now that would be awesome.

With any luck, they'll spin this off into a "This Ain't Star Trek: The Next Generation XXX" film... don't you think Roxy DeVille would make a stunning Deanna Troi?

· This Ain't Star Trek XXX (hustlerworld.com)

Zach Braff Talks "Scrubs - A XXX Parody"

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 10:30:01 EDT

Last night, Zach Braff appeared on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" to discuss the upcoming movie version of "Scrubs"—by which we mean "Scrubs - A XXX Parody."

Apparently, "someone on the web" put together a side by side comparison of "Scrubs" actors and their XXX counterparts, which Kimmel and Braff discussed during the segment. Wait a minute... someone on the web? We're someone on the web! Does this mean Zach Braff reads Fleshbot??

Zach, if you're reading this, we loved "Garden State."

“This Ain’t Gilligan’s Island XXX”: Our Latest Guilty Pleasure Porn Parody

DCypher — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 16:00:00 EDT

Sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale full of girls sexy hot, that started out in a pervert's mind and ended up on Fleshbot.

In a never ending sea of emulation, one high caliber release must compete against another as they vie for the title of Porn Parody of the Year—a category which doesn't quite yet exist, but which should and probably will soon. Sitting idly by and watching our favorite childhood television series, particularly the ones that dominated holiday television marathons, get transformed into tawdry pornographic vehicles for cheap kicks (and piles of money) gives us quite a thrill, to be honest. It's become our newest guilty pleasure.

Which is why when we got our hands on the stills from impending Hustler release, "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX" from Anton Slayer, we couldn't wait a day before sharing them with you. Our greedy little hearts did a back flip to see that the all-star cast included Anthony Rosano as Gilligan, Ryder Skye as Ginger, Sindee Jennings as Mary Ann, Jack Lawrence as the Professor, Rod Fontana as the Skipper, Darryl Hannah as Mrs. Howell and Dick Nasty as Thurston Howell III, along with performances by Voodoo, Evan Stone, Regan Reese and Jason Silver.

Slayer, who also directed "This Ain't the Munsters XXX," was given free reign to explore the series and came up with a three hour tour de force we won't soon forget. Honestly, we've been waiting since puberty to really see someone nail Ginger (who may indeed have been the very first red we ever fell for). Not to mention Mary Ann, whose youthful exuberance and downright upbeat attitude make us want to drill her at full bunny speed until the juice runs down her legs and into her jean shorts. That pearly white smile has been taunting us for years, demanding that we drop a freshly churned load of fuck butter onto her grill and call it a day.

"This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX" is slated for release at the end of April, but you can check out a peek now because, you know, we're Fleshbot. Enjoy.

· Hustler (hustlervideo.com)

Fast Forward Flesh FlicksTM: "I'm Dreaming of Genie"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 17:00:00 EST

It is only after watching thousands of hours of porn that the snobbery creeps in. I need to remind myself that even an abysmal porn movie is still a porn movie.

In the end, all porn is good. Just like all candy is good and all drugs are good. Why worry about plot and script and lighting and sound and dialogue and editing when those things are merely a distraction from the main point of porn, which is Naked Ladies?

I phoned a friend who is a doctor.

"You know how some of the porn companies are doing parodies lately?" I asked.

"Yes," she said (and, just so you know, this is a kindly emergency room doctor in Baltimore who demands I send her JM Productions' pissing movies when I'm done with them).

"I have never seen such a poor effort as this one," I said.

"'Poor effort'?" she said. "It's porn."

I admit that I'd forgotten my adolescent sense of wonder when I threw this DVD into my digital display device. "Wow, this is really bad," I said, looking right through Jessica Lynn's proud, machine-crafted boobs. "She doesn't even try to sound like Barbara Eden."

And then there was Harmony, whom I'd love were she just to write parking tickets all day. "I have no idea what this scene is about," I said, ignoring the fact that Harmony was right there fucking in it.

All these riches, I thought, and I don't even see them.

"You know what they call the guy who finishes medical school with the lowest grades?" my friend said.

"No, what?" I said.

"'Doctor'," she said.

Fast Forward Flesh Flicks will appear occasionally to remind us that porn doesn't need to be good to be good.

So "I'm Dreaming of Genie" is not an awful movie; it's a porn movie.

· Venom HD (xxxjuicy.com)
· Buy "I'm Dreaming of Genie" (tlavideo.com)

"This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX": A Porn Parody Too Far?

Lux Alptraum — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:00:00 EST

After AEE, we'd pretty much come to terms with the fact that "Not The" and "This Ain't" style porn parodies were here to stay—and we'd even come to appreciate, and actually like, the genre.

That, however, was before we saw the trailer for "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX.

A well-done porn parody comes across as a loving, cross-genre tribute to mainstream entertainment—like when Cat Power covers "Satisfaction." What makes Will Ryder great is that his movies actually seem like remakes of the original show—just with a bunch of sex thrown in.

"This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX," however, looks like a throwback to an earlier era of porn parody: the intro song sucks, with only a bare minimum of resemblance to the original, and the "plot" doesn't seem very "Gilligan's Island"-esque (a porn within a porn? Are you serious?). And we gotta say, we don't think Gilligan would be throwing around the word "whore" like that.

We never thought we'd hear ourselves say this, but "Gilligan's Island" deserves better.

· This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX (hustlerworld.com)

"Not Three's Company XXX" Wants To Knock On Our Door

Lux Alptraum — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 17:00:00 EST

Whatever your feelings on the unending onslaught of "sitcums," there's one thing you can't deny: "Three's Company" was pretty much asking to be reborn as a porno.

And, given the inevitability of it all, we're glad to know that the project landed in such capable hands, with Will Ryder (of course) in the director's chair, and the alluring Crush Object Penny Flame in the role of Janet. John Ritter may be rolling in his grave right now—but at least the rest of us can look forward to promising porn movie. (At least we think it looks promising. Check out the trailer for yourself!)

· Not Three's Company XXX (notthreescompanyxxx.com)

Come On Get Horny: "This Ain't the Partridge Family XXX"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 15:00:00 EST

There is a "Turn, Turn, Turn" moment in "This Ain't the Partridge Family XXX" that outdoes every "Turn, Turn, Turn" moment in "The Wonder Years." Why? Because the "purpose under heaven" involves Shawna Lenee.

This Ain't the Partridge Family XXX

Studio: Hustler
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Nick Manning, Sinclair, Tori Black, Faye Reagan, Payton Leigh, Scott Lyons, James Bartholet, Madison Scott, Jaclyn Case, Sarah Jessie, Shawna Lenee, Kristina Rose, Dane Cross, Eric Swiss, and Kris Slater

Review by: Gram Ponante

Now that the porn DVD market has been thrown a lifeline by the "Not the - ," "This Ain't the -," and " - XXX" parodies, it has been interesting to watch how some of them try harder than others. "This Ain't the Partridge Family XXX" is really good, and it owes its success to its producers and cast not coasting on a few token set pieces and costumes to cash in.

Keith (Nick Manning in probably his most non-ironic performance ever) is feeling down. A terrible sense of ennui has sapped him of both his songwriting ability and his ability to get dates. His know-it-all brother Danny (Sinclair) finds an aphrodisiac oin the back of a magazine and hilarity ensues as each member of the family reaps the sexual rewards of the elixir.

All except Keith, who holds out because he's worried about his hair.

While the occasions for sex might be as contrived as the plot of a 70's TV show, that this is a parody of a 70's TV show makes the contrivances organic and fun. In fact, what makes this porn movie so enjoyable is the sense of fun throughout the scenes. Laurie (Tori Black), has the following conversation with Eric Swiss:

"Do you have any rubbers?" she asks.

"No, I don't think I have," he says. And Laurie waits half a moment before saying:

"Just don't come inside me."

And the family band is just as good/bad as it was in the original, with each member lip-synching badly at the same time they are overemoting. You might say this is pornic incompetence masquerading as artistic choice, but this isn't Eon McKai: director Will Ryder really studied the original show and the same corny humor and lightheartedness are just as at home in a porn setting.

Faye Reagan is adorable in her scene with Dane Cross and James Bartholet as Ruben might be the Charles Nelson Reilly of porn acting.

When Keith finally gives in to enhancement drugs he comes back with a vengeance, all over Shawna Lenee and two girlfriends, in fact.

He does not say "Dropping loads," however, depriving the movie's money shot of Manning's standard money shot-within-a-money shot. But I guess he refrained because the Good of the Project demanded something different of him.

But Shawna Lenee, who looks like a standard-issue blondie porn star but to her credit neither talks nor acts like one - it's like she's a dark horse behind that Clorox and silicone - has one of the best lines in the movie:

"Come for us, Keith!"

Thus the plot resolves itself and Keith learns some things in the process.

"Songwriting comes from my heart," he says. "And the reason chicks are attracted to me is because I play guitar and have great hair."

That a viewer will watch this movie actively rooting for the characters to have sex - and be rewarded - seems like a great recommendation for a porn flick.

· Hustler (Hustler.com)
· Buy "This Ain't the Partridge Family XXX" (gamelink.com)

"Not the Cosby Show XXX" Doesn't Sweater the Small Stuff

Gram Ponante — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 12:30:00 EST

...like the fact that my first visit to the set happened on Caucasian Day.

Not that that was bad. Jenny Hendrix? Jaelyn Fox? Sara Vandella? Lana Violet? Still, as commenters pointed out, even a porn parody of "The Cosby Show" should have some black people in it. So today I met the full cast, including (from left, top) Tyler Knight as Theo, Misty Stone as Lisa, Monica Foster as Claire, an actor who has not yet chosen his porn name as Cliff (but he had the voice down cold), Cassidy Clay as Sondra and - both the following women are, in fact, 20 - Nina Devan as Rudy and Melody Narai as Vanessa.

The movie is directed by Will Ryder and produced by Scott David, who is also responsible for the 60 costumes for a dozen cast members. "I went to every thrift store in L.A. at least five times," he said.

I was there for two days and I still don't know what the plot is, but everyone was having an excellent time, including the dapper Tee Real, who plays Cockroach (seen here with the delicious Jaelyn Fox) and Dick James, whom I affectionately call Lucky Bastard, seen here with Sara Vandella, Fox, Jenny Hendrix, and Lana Violet.

I posed the obvious question to director Will Ryder.

"So," I said, "do you think - "

"Yes, I think we'll get sued," he said.

· All Media Play (allmediaplay.com)