Fleshbot: porn of the moment

Porn Name/Band Name: "Sensory Overload" Edition

pweasels — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 13:30:01 EST

When this movie first arrived, our eyes were naturally drawn to the hot naked chick in chains; we didn’t pay as much attention as we might have, and we thought it was called “Sensory Overlord.”

Even though it isn’t, and on reflection we can’t remember what we thought would have been so appealing about a movie (or band) called “Sensory Overlord,” we were not in any way disappointed, since it has the incomparable Chloe in it. In spite of the fact that she doesn’t get fisted or gangbanged or anything, she is still one of the hottest performers ever, and the more Chloe in our lives the better.

· Bruce 7 (BruceSeven.com)
· Buy "Sensory Overload" (gamelink.com)

Battle Of The "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" Porn Spoofs

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 13:30:10 EST

Does the world have room for, not one, but two "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" porn spoofs? Just thinking about the possibility makes our head spin—but we may have no choice but to live through it (and its no doubt earth shattering consequences).

First we had "Getting It Up With The KardASSians", a DVD from Venom starring Audrey Bitoni and Nikki Benz. But if an idea is worth doing once, it's worth doing again and again, until it's beaten, bloody, and lifeless, right? Enter Hustler's "Keeping It Up With The Kard-ASS-ians," which—aside from its only vaguely different title and, we assume, plot—differentiates itself from Venom's release by casting Veronica Rayne, Dylan Ryder, Jackie Daniels, Nicki Hunter and Mr. Marcus.

As you process this overwhelming occurrence, we'll leave you with some behind-the-scenes thoughts from Veronica Rayne (clip above).

· Behind The Scenes At "Keepiing It Up With The Kard-ASS-ians" (xfanz.com)

"Strippers Gone Wild" Shows Just How Wild Strippers Can Go

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 13:00:00 EST

We've always operated under the assumption that the whole point of the "Girls Gone Wild" franchise was to see girls—ones who are presumably nice, mild-mannered young things in their daily lives—be persuaded to go wild, that half the thrill was in watching the transformation from sweet and demure to wild and willing. That said, we found ourselves somewhat confused by the premise of "Strippers Gone Wild." As women who take their clothes off for money, strippers are, presumably, already "wild" women—do they really have further territory to explore in the world of going wild? Apparently so: the compilation DVD boasts over four hours of action, with nineteen girls at their wildest. We've grabbed a sample clip: after the jump, see what happens when strippers stop being fake and start being real...ly wild.

. . .

· Buy "Strippers Gone Wild" (adameve.com)

FILF: Fathers Finally Get Their Due

Lux Alptraum — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 17:00:00 EDT

Hot and horny mothers are a rather significant porn staple, but fathers are far less likely to get any recognition as an objection of someone's affection. MILFs may be hunted, but FILFs seem destined to be left in the corner (or forced to do hunting themselves). So it was with great joy that we unwrapped our copy of "FILF: Fathers I'd Like to Fu.." (or, according to the title card "Fathers I'd Like to F**k"—were they worried about offending the censors with foul language?). Finally, a tribute to all the sexy fathers in the world (and, inexplicably, Ron Jeremy as well).

Unfortunately, the FILF theme doesn't extend much beyond the title cards. Yes, there are scenes full of older men and younger women: but this is porn, and that's rather par for the course. In the feature's five scenes, there is no mention of taking the kids to Little League, no scenes of suburban dads driving home in minivans, no essence of fatherliness, period. Instead we're presented with a prisoner and a prison guard, a patient and his doctor, a vacuum salesman and his client—it's nice and all, but when we're promised fathers, fathers are what we want to see.

· Buy "FILF" (gamelink.com)

Today In Brazilian Asses: "Thick Chocolate Shakes"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 11:55:29 EDT

Let's make something clear: we are all about the wispy, journal-writing, suicide-attempting waifs that sometimes appear in these virtual pages. But attention must be paid when a movie comes our way promising that "these jizz gobbling, nut draining, mocha skinned sweethearts can deep throat a foot long cock for hours at a time without cumming up for air." That's right: hours. Hey Aqualung!

Oh, Brazilians. Maybe it is the fact they dwell in the only South American country to have seen no bloodshed in a postcolonial transfer of power that their asses are so delightful. These women from the Salvador and Bahia area do not understand English, but ... well, but nothing.

· Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
· Buy "Thick Chocolate Shakes" (gamelink.com)

When Pies Go Bad: "Attack Of The CFNM"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 18:45:44 EDT

"I don't like how your pies taste," says this hapless husband, caught in the act of pastryphilia by his wife and a gaggle of girlfriends in (wait for it) "Attack of the Clothed Female/Naked Male."

"So you fuck it?"

We have been eager to show you this title but we keep getting waylaid, as if by "Pirates". A niche that (mostly) finds clothed women giving handjobs to naked men, this example of CFNM involves the likes of Abbey Brooks, Sophie Dee, Heather Gables, and Kylee Reese, among others, in configurations such as Jailer/Jailed, Pie Fucker/Gaggle, and Comatose Man/Nurses.

Not an inch of the five separate parts of the female anatomy commonly seen in porn is exposed in "Attack of the C.F.N.M.," and that may be disappointing to some viewers. But as Thomas Jefferson said, "I may not agree with your choice to not show Abbey Brooks' boobies, but I will fight to the death for your right to not compromise a porn niche sacred to maybe two dozen Americans."

While humiliation is a factor in some of these scenarios, at least the fellows enjoy some release at the end of their ordeal. Such as this guy, who probably hasn't seen too many good times since the royalty checks for "Two Princes" stopped coming.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Attack of the CFNM" (gamelink.com)

"Interracial Booty Patrol 5": When Too Much Passion Is Not Enough

Gram Ponante — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 13:05:05 EDT

Regular readers of this web endeavor know that the porn industry isn't all glamor and dazzle. In fact, some people get downright bored when getting downright bored. But that doesn't mean you have to choose that image for your box cover.

The face "Interracial Booty Patrol 5" presents to the world features a woman named Envy who is photographed as one part of her watches her little brother playing Rock Band 2 and the other part ... well, see what happens after the gap.

. . .

I mean, at the very least you'd expect her to balance a bowl of chips on her back for the poor guy.

· Pink Visual (pinkvisual.com)
· Buy "Interracial Booty Patrol 5" (jadedvideo.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Catatonia Edition

Gram Ponante — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:15:49 EDT

Submitted for your approval: There is something not quite sentient about the woman on the left, being disrobed for your delectation in this Earl Miller movie. Now I get glazed looks like this all day, running as I do the Dunkin' Donuts concession inside Bogue Chitto High. But I don't know if these ladies are inviting me in or asking me to step outside while the formaldehyde tops off.

Two lines of dialogue from these women is all we ask you to provide if you want to join Zipper in the winners' circle.

· Earl Miller (earlmiller.com)
· Buy "Earl Miller's Naughty Girls" (gamelink.com)

Burnt Offerings: Viv Thomas' "Members Only 6"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 12:45:06 EDT

While we are not the, er, house organ for Viv Thomas, we can explain covering two sequential titles in his "Members Only" series by saying that this one, confusingly, doesn't have cocks in it. Why, then, call it "Members Only"? Is this one of those Euro things like how cigarette holder-holding vamps refer to their parts as their "sex"? Don't they know what "member" means? Karen Black would know.

Yes, we are writing about "Members Only 6" because the performer Eleanor looks surprisingly like a blonde Karen Black and, apropos of Ms. Black's performance in "Capricorn One," we are equating the faked moon landing therein with the cocklessness of a movie boasting only members. There.

The above insert of Black, by the way, is from the 1982 film "Miss Right."

· Buy "Members Only 6" (vivthomas.com)

"Pour Une Nuit" In Gay (Er, Lesbian) Paree

Gram Ponante — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:25:35 EDT

Ah, Paris! If for no other reason than to begin a review with "Ah, Paris!" did I watch this for lesbians/by lesbians movie, shot in dingy clubs with a spotlight and shot with sweaty abandon in apartments and elevators around the City of Light. Really a series of vignettes featuring some of the same people on one steamy night in Gay Paree, "One Night Stand" ("Pour Une Nuit)" was made in 2006 and just made its way via festivals and US distributor Fatale Media to my hands. Along the way it won "First Prize of the Lesbian Jury" at Berlin's inaugural porn film festival.

Femmes fatales outnumber lipstick lesbians in this movie featuring strap-on action and andro girls (who look like a Smiths-era Morrissey and made this writer confused) as well as, according to the cover, "real orgasms." I can never tell. Me, I take what I can get and appreciate any extra effort.

But in terms of a travelogue, the excellent soundtrack and appealing, occasional outside filming make Paris look like it is crawling with predatory lesbians ... with not one shot of the phallic Eiffel Tower in sight.

· Hysterie Productions (hysterieprod.com)
· Buy "One Night Stand" (fatalemedia.com)

Balls Deep: "Sea Creatures"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 11:45:27 EDT

Like the Elves, we long for the Sea, and it beckons us, achingly, to our fate. Also, people fuck in it. Lucy Lee, Claudia Rossi, Vanesse May, and Sofia Valentine might be awkward with their English, but they are not with each other, and once they go seafaring their inhibitions drop faster than their accents in this series of boat-based vignettes.

. . .

You know, if you've got a boat floating around the Mediterranean and there are taut Eurohotties on it, that's your movie right there. But "Sea Creatures," while based mostly on a boat, also ventures to a secluded beach where the following transpires:

"Darling explain to her What Is Swinger."

"When the couple meet the other girl - like you - and they make sex."

...goes the tease in this delightful seaside date rape scene.

After refusing to buy this kayaker's oranges, our heroine makes the sex with him. It is only logical, as he was selling the oranges for 20 euros and they looked horrible.

Unlike the Pam and Tommy Lee nautical sex tape, this is fun to watch, though the viewer feels vicariously sunburned, remembering his or her own attempts to fuck on a boat in the broad daylight.

· Surf for "Sea Creatures" (daringmediagroup.com)

Call Me Ishmael-san: "Japanese Whale Hunt"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 20:15:34 EDT

Look: we are not apologists. We know that the accepted term for larger-than-size-zero (and by "zero" we don't mean the Empire of the Sun's preferred aircraft in WWII) women is "BBW," "zaftig," or "mountalicious," not "whale." But we are witnessing the dawn of a niche and of course there's some kinks that need to be worked out. For now, just sit back and enjoy it.

Specialty company Third World Media trawls the globe in search of footage that can't be seen in these waters.

You know how it's a conversation starter to suggest porn titles or porn niches (at least here in the seminary)? I can honestly say I have never thought about plus-sized Asian women. Yet it seems so right.

To remind us that people are the same wherever you go, our final subject appears to be straddling the Japanese Dirty Harry.

· Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
· Buy "Japanese Whale Hunt" (gamelink.com)

"Get Smartass" Brings Back The Boob Tube (At Least) Once More

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:20:15 EDT

As we've noted before, no one finds a good gimmick and drives it until the wheels rust off quite like certain folks in the porn industry. The flavor of the last year or so is obviously the classic TV sitcom spoof, which finds at least two more incarnations coming your way: Ryder Skye and Penny Flame will soon attempt to settle mankind's most enduring mystery (Ginger or Mary Ann?) in "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX," which starts shooting this week—but not before Hustler wraps up "Get Smartass," wherein our brave hero Maxwell Smartass and his busty, er ... trusty sidekick Agent 69 (of course) do battle with the forces of evil. Too bad the latter production wasn't ready in time to beat mainstream Hollywood's "Get Smart" remake to the punch. Maybe when it comes to combing back issues of TV Guide for script ideas, the Porn Valley gang still has a long way to go. (Watch the "Get Smartass" trailer after the jump.)

. . .

· Hustler Wraps 'Get Smartass,' Rolls 'Gilligan' Parody (avn.com)

* * * * *

Previously: Top Ten TV Sitcom Porn Spoofs We'd Like To See

Read My Lips (If You Can): "Natural Bush 41"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:50:39 EDT

It wasn't intended this way, but that's how I took it. Here in the waning days of Bush 43—when we look back on an administration that, strange as it may seem, made the tenure of his dad look comparatively awesome—comes an amateur movie called "Natural Bush 41," in which the very performers pubicly hearken back to 1989. Those were the days.

Absent porn star posturing and filled with smiling naked people, "Natural Bush 41" (how did we miss the first 40?) begins strong with the bathtub performance of an adorable someone named Tara Tainton, who grew her hair out for us. If this is her choice of a porn name, all we can say is "Bravo."

"Oh, look how good my hairy pussy looks," demands a woman named Hunny Bunny of her placid partner. "Fuck the bush." Well all right.

21-year-old Holly Pink says she has never felt a big cock. "Only tiny ones," she said. We don't believe this. One of the triumphs of the modern porn industry is the removal of pubic hair, which makes penises look bigger.

Finally comes stylish former Brooklynite Raven, who foregoes men for a toy.

I have never seen a Homegrown movie before, and enjoyed this one just for the diversity of shape in the models and the less predatory nature of the behind-the-camera interviewers; everyone looked like she was having a good time.

Still, in the same way that I can't imagine life without the Internet, I watched with clinical, anthropological interest at the cunnilingus scenes the way I would at, say, a native rain dance. "This is fascinating," I said.

· Homegrown Video (homegrownvideo.com)
· Buy "Natural Bush 41" (gamelink.com)

Ripped (Off) From Basic Cable: "Dawg The Black Booty Hunter"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:30:32 EDT

The A&E show "Dog the Bounty Hunter" has no porn elements in it whatsoever—yet viewers would probably not be surprised if each and every one of its characters had a porn career, so similar is the demographic. That is why "Dawg the Black Booty Hunter" (and, really, do we ever hear of white booty?) is the most apt porn crossover we have yet to actually see. Now all we need for our double-digit channel flipping is "Ass Road Truckers."

· BNew Porn Order" (newpornorder.com)

· "Dawg" tease on YouTube (youtube.com)

Dave Naz' "House of Sex & Domination" (Hold The Fog)

Gram Ponante — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 20:30:17 EDT

"It's part of the underground dungeon scene!" pipes the plummy voiceover of beloved pornstress Veronica Hart of "L.A.'s House of Sex And Domination," where people like Sasha Grey, Michelle Avanti, Kissy Kapri, Flower Tucci, and Audrey Hollander go to be sexed and, er, dominated.

There's something both oldschool Porn and late-nite cable in Hart's introductions (written by Naz and Ashley Blue), such as that of Sasha Grey ("No one has been able to tame her!"). But where a Skinemax movie would then trot out Nikki Fritz and a softcore rubdown would ensue, by the end of this scene Sasha Grey literally has clothespins coming out of her ass—and she's happy about it.

This five-scene vignette movie filmed for Spain's Private studio has all the trappings of a standard porn BDSM movie — police interrogation, doctor's office ("The doctor is in!"), the humbling of high-status figures - but it is the obvious delight of people like Grey, Audrey Hollander, and Michelle Avanti, along with the delicious hamminess of Hart and Naz' strictly professional crush on his performers, that make this movie special.

· Private (private.com)
· Dave Naz (davenaz.com)
· Buy "House of Sex & Domination" (gamelink.com)

Coming To Turgid Terms With "Barely Legal Baby Fat"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 01:15:29 EDT

If this movie were named "Zaftig Elegance," I wouldn't feel so downright creepy about watching it. Instead this movie appeals to my prurient interest: I think of all the babysitters who line up at the hot dog stand by the minor league baseball field in Fleshbot West's Home Town. I think of the younger sisters (or worse, daughters) of the angular women who taught us SQL Server, and feel Ashamed. That the movie opens with sound effects of a crying infant and soothing lullaby bells also makes me wonder who the target audience is.

"When I measured you last week," says Van Damage to comely Emma Cummings, "you weren't so womanly." If you were they, wouldn't you be compelled to fuck after such an exchange?

The blur is what happens when bodies start slappin'. You can't control it. Not even with a Blu-Ray player. Here, Derrick Pierce helps Brooke Scott with body image issues.

At no point in the movie, other than in the title and in the sound effects, is the idea of "babies" considered; the theme of the movie is more one of fat as a result of indolence rather than youth. Lee Stone chastises Jersey (no relation) Cummings over her slovenly workout habits, for example. Then Stone does that thing where he flips her upside down so she can blow him (see gallery). So she can't be that heavy.

Another possible title for this movie would be "Abby Winters-cum-Cocks-sans-Didgeridoos," but that wouldn't fit on the DVD.

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "Barely Legal Baby Fat" (gamelink.com)

Carefree Highway: Learning About Love In A "Fuck Truck"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 18:45:42 EDT

We wondered why it took "Fuck Truck" so long to arrive, what with all the "Bang" Boats and Buses out there and the "Autobang Sluts" and the Mile-High Club and "Dirty Aeroflot Honeys" (Well, we made up that last one, but at least we didn't say "Mopedophiles"). Then we realized that "Fuck Truck" was cast-off or deleted footage from other movies, which is why it lacks what Pauline Kael called "truck continuity."

Shot by Jim Powers, "Fuck Truck" at the very least has some larger-than-a-car conveyance in each scene, and I guess you could say that the movie, filmed in part as a behind the scenes look at a recent tour of the punk band The Bad Samaritans, is a kind of travelogue.

And without "Fuck Truck," the world probably wouldn't have been allowed to see cutting room floor footage of the impaired Holly Wellin cavorting in the desert. You'd think she went to Wellesley College!

And it's not that Brooke Scott, Cassidy Blue, Desire Moore, and Holly Wellin aren't exactly the type of people I'd want along on a road trip, I just think that having a truck in each scene is a weak concept for a porn movie. Unless the talent is having sex with the truck.

· Buy "The Fuck Truck" (jerkoffzone.com)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Ladies Of Leisure Edition

Gram Ponante — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 12:30:08 EDT

I suppose Fleshbot management keeps me around for my boilermakers and Daddy's money, because now and then I look at the angular and spavined pinups my colleagues choose and feel out of the loop. "It's Father's Day," I'll say. "These women can't accommodate my seed."

Here, on the other hand, are a couple of pneumatic lovelies lounging about the set, just daring you to feed them some Father's Day kabobs. Sure "Waist Watchers" is a great title for 1976—but can you be like last week's winner paraffinshot and this time find a more sensual and aromatic title for this movie than the one G-d gave it? Thank you.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Waist Watchers 3" (gamelink.com)

"Workin' Hard", Or Hardly Working?

Richard X. — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 12:15:49 EDT

When a friend drops by Fleshbot Central unexpectedly and we find ourselves having to tell them that that we're unable to take a break to go grab a Frappuccino because we're hard at work, we usually get one of four responses:

1. "I thought that was just a wrench in your pocket! Har!"
2. "I thought you were just happy to see me! Har!"
3. A quick grope, followed by "Doesn't seem that hard! Har!"
4. A breathy "Well, let me see what I can do to ease your workload ..." as they drop to their knees behind our sleek mahogany desks.

(We're just kidding about #4. We don't have desks.)

Well, we have had it with all that innuendo and people turning our innocent, Calvinist work ethic into something dirty. But mostly we've had it with porn studios using the same sorts of titles over and over again. The last straw came in this morning's mail: a copy of Mustang's "Workin' Hard". Just look at that cover, people: he's not even working. In fact, the only thing on that box cover exerting any effort at all is that anemic title—and it's on its last, feeble legs.

So, if some crazy Greeks can sue to stop the entire freakin' world from using the term "lesbian" to mean anything other than an inhabitant of Lesbos, then surely we can sue to get pornographers to stop using the word "hard" except when it's a synonym for "diligently". Right?

In case that litigation fails, however, maybe we could suggest some other puntastic work-themed porn titles to use instead. We think "Teenage Spreadsheets" would be kinda hot; you may have other ideas. To that end, the Fleshbot reader who submits the best office/workplace-related porn title in the comments below will win free minutes to use in our new Video On Demand theatre, where you can watch "Workin' Hard" (which is actually a pretty decent film) or any of the other twenty bazillion similarly-named titles in the AEBN inventory. So, um ... get to work!

UPDATE: Ilsa the She-Wolf (aka Our Boss) says the contest will drag on for a few more days. So take Will's advice below: belly up to the bar and send in those titles! There's a sizable chunk of minutes at stake!

• "Working Hard" (falconstudios.com)
• See also: "She Works Hard for the Money" (YouTube)

Wham Bam, Thank You Mam: "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee #5"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 21:20:25 EDT

"One town's very like another when your head's down over your pieces, Brother." There was no way we were going to reference Murray Head, however, when we found out that the star of "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee #5" was named Mam. Don't get us wrong; Porn Valley is great. But adult material shot in other countries is like eating at your favorite stateside chain restaurant overseas; it's the little differences.

As we've seen in Brazil, the traveling pornographer can take things easy. He can soak up the culture. But it would be impolite to not soak back. Thus does a man named Kinkade conduct his affairs as Our Man in Pattaya.

You might say the entire "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee" series is an example of an uncomfortable porn stereotype. I would have, too, until I traveled to Bangkok and was asked at the airport if I wanted a suckee fuckee. By a judge.

"Who am I to question community standards?" I thought.

· Third World Media (thirdworldxxx.com)
· Buy "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee 5" (tlavideo.com)

Greetings From The "Strap-On Motel"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:35:54 EDT

"Strap-On Motel" is filled with sleight of hand: it is a rare rainy night in L.A., there is a French woman named London, and director Maria Beatty really makes us believe we're watching actual lesbians ... in a porn movie, no less! London walks to a club called Pussy's where stripper Dylan Ryan waits for her. Though it is in a bad neighborhood, it is clear that this club is full service; London isn't two steps in the door before she and Ryan are naked. It really doesn't seem like work.

Their interludes in noirish locations flow to the tones of muted horns and a stand-up bass. At no point does anyone say "Did I hear Dirtpipe Milkshake?" Sometimes Dylan wears a hat. These are people we don't see around here too often, and we wonder where on La Cienega Pussy's might be, and if the Strap-On Motel takes Diner's Club.

· Maria Beatty (bleuproductions.com)
· Buy "Strap-On Motel" (bleuproductions.com)

Specsploitation: "Lovely Four Eyes for You Horny Guys"

Gram Ponante — Tue, 27 May 2008 23:42:54 EDT

As a leader in the Astigmatic-American community, I was happy to see a movie that claimed to feature people who looked like me, that could tell my story, and that didn't shrink from honest portrayals of people with eyeglasses having sex. Oh well. I hope their "Alcoholics Analymous" movie dares to tell the truth.

Maybe you don't care to know this, but people with glasses tend to take them off before sex, lest they be fucked off. Not only do most of the Eurohotties in this picture appear to be sharing the same pair of glasses (which leads to disease) but they also keep them on all the way through The Act.

Don't get me wrong, I would think that glasses would make a tempting target (and in this movie they are), but I am a gentleman of the old school, where suggestion is very erotic. For me, the taking off of the glasses means that it's OK to come in her eye.

The title seems kind of clunky. My suggestion would be "Eyedrop a Load." But there are too many talented people suggesting porn titles for me to get in that business.

Finally, with most of the women peering over their glasses to get a gander of the viewer, I am unhappy to admit that it looks like these ladies don't need glasses at all.

· Legal Pink (metrointeractive.com)
·Watch "Lovely Four Eyes for You Horny Guys 2" now at AdultRental.com
· Buy "Lovely Four Eyes for You Horny Guys 2" (gamelink.com)

Ava Rose In "Carolina Jones And The Broken Covenant" (Yes, That Was Quick)

DCypher — Tue, 20 May 2008 13:40:23 EDT

While its mainstream counterpart attempts to recover from the volley of mediocre reviews it endured at its Cannes debut, Adam & Eve's "Carolina Jones And The Broken Covenant" hits the shelves today with only slightly less hype attached to it. Shot on location in Prague, it's clearly a star turn for Ava Rose in the title role: Carolina Jones, the daughter of Indiana Himself, teams up with naive country bumpkin Bree Olson and sets out to find the lost Arc (sic) of the Covenant. (And you were wondering how it all tied together?)

From what we hear (= no, we haven't received our screener copies yet—funny you should ask!) it's more of a good-natured spoof than an earnest attempt to emulate the original ... and for that we are grateful. After all, things like exotic locations, frenetic action sequences, and heavy dialogue are all very good in their place, but when it comes to Ava Rose and Bree Olson (along with Nikky Blond and Roxy Panther), wouldn't you rather watch them doing what they do best—mainly, everyone in sight?

· Adam & Eve's "Carolina Jones And The Broken Covenant" (official film site @ carolinajonesxxx.com)
· Order: "Carolina Jones And The Broken Covenant" (Adult DVD Empire)

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Hearting Alexis Silver

Gram Ponante — Fri, 16 May 2008 22:30:33 EDT

The title of this movie might be "I Love Alexis Silver," but the box cover photo reveals that Silver might be ambivalent about you.

The question we put to our friends this week is: With that baleful gaze, What Is Alexis Silver Really Thinking? Does she heart us, or does she skull us, or perhaps even "at" symbol, octothorp, and question mark/exclamation point us? Be like last week's winner, bleeble, and set us straight.

· New Sensations (newsensations.com)
· Buy "I Love Alexis Silver" (gamelink.com)

Monsters Ball: Here Comes "MILFZILLA"!

Gram Ponante — Tue, 13 May 2008 20:40:52 EDT

While confirmation calls to Larry Flynt's office went unreturned (er, for years), we are fairly certain that Hustler has been naming movie titles specifically for us. We needed nothing more to convince us than the arrival of "MILFzilla," starring the rabid Ava Devine.

You might remember the last two What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? entries featured a cock-drape. What Devine is getting on this cover is a cock-poke—or, some scholars argue, a cock-shelving. Either way, it's not a drape, so don't call your local drape hotline.

The guy from Peter, Paul & Mary beseeches Ava Devine for some nut-busting (I didn't say this - he did). It is the only time in recent memory in which we hear actual wheedling. The acting required in this scene is tremendous, in that Devine never needs to be wheedled.

The one reservation we have with this movie is that there are no Asians in it. You don't put a -zilla on something and exclude the Asians. Hasn't Jonathan Pryce's casting in "Miss Saigon" taught us anything?

Still don't know why Adrianna Nicole gets cast in MILF roles. Maybe it's her alto range, or her Billy Idol sneer.

Mae Victoria looks a bit like a wayward mid-90's Sherilyn Fenn. If "Of Mice And Men" were ever made into a porn movie, we'd cast her.

This is a delightful movie, sure to inspire sequels. But rather than going the sequential numbers route, I strongly suggest "MILFzooky" or "Terror of MechaMILFzilla."

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "MILFZILLA" (hustlervideo.com)

Desperately Seeking "Housewives"-Based Porn

Gram Ponante — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:10:41 EDT

Porn ~~ripoffs~~ parodies of things that were topical three years ago are like settling into a comfortable pair of shoes: they are familiar and safe, and make us think of a time when gas wasn't so expensive, it looked like the Democrats would win in 2008, and "The Sopranos" was still on. We received Wicked's "The Housewives of Amber Lane" recently and thought, "Awww, at least it's not 'Britney Rears'."

A star vehicle for veteran pornstress Amber Lynn, any intellectual property-type objection we might have is countered with, "Aw why shouldn't Amber Lynn have a movie named after her?"

Don't look at us! Look at dreamy Nick Manning! What's the matter with you?

Performer/director Randy Spears presents two shots of superhero housewives floating mysteriously above their partners.

You will never see belly fat or floppy boobs in a Wicked feature. Maybe that should be their motto instead of "What Excites You."

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)
· Buy "Housewives of Amber Lane" (gamelink.com)

In The "Hot Shower," No One Can See You Squirt

Gram Ponante — Mon, 12 May 2008 23:10:13 EDT

Don't get us wrong: we are all for "young gorgeous girls with smooth supple bodies." (Or at least we suppose they'll do in a pinch.) But don't you think they have better things to do with their youth, suppleness and—in the case of Micah Moore—feet than to be taking showers all the time?

Because we're understandably prepared—at all times—for female ejaculation, we expected something different from this movie. "Showers" indicates squirting to us, not actual hygiene. But the press release sounded downright Sapphic:

This film is filled with sexy young girls who display their love of the female form by teasing and playing with each other's bodies until their hearts' content!

Grammar aside, how'd they get the camera into the shower without the lens fogging up? After all, it's "Hot Showers."

Hot Showers #16 features five incredibly erotic scenes with sultry girl-on-girl action. All of these ladies are undeniably hot for each other and give deliciously lust-filled performances. The chemistry between the performers is unquestionably satisfying for the viewer

Incredibly. Undeniably. Deliciously. Unquestionably. What about Nozzly? Drainily? Dermabradily? What about "Not the Dermabradily XXX"?

In stores now! Hot Showers #16 is guaranteed to satisfy all of those wet-and-wild fantasies!

Damn. Now we're bad people for not having any of those?

· Hustler (hustlerworld.com)
· Buy "Hot Showers 16" (tlavideo.com)

Self-Abuse: "I Can't Believe You Sucked A Negro"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:00:47 EDT

There is a zesty debate here at the Fleshbot Lyceum over what constitutes inappropriate porn: I say nothing but corporate altporn and they say everything that doesn't have Keeley Hazell in it. Included in that broad latter category is exploitively interracial content such as today's Porn Of The Moment, "I Can't Believe You Sucked A Negro: A Cuckold's P.O.V." by the irrepressible Johnson Brothers of Chatsworth Pictures. It is the first porn movie we've seen in which the performers actively taunt the viewer.

"How does that look?" Alexa Benson asks you (after all, it's a POV) as she blows Lee Bang, "This is a real dick."

"Your wife gives good head, Bro," Bang tells you. Ouch.

We usually only print awful press releases verbatim, but this one represents Chatsworth Pictures' healthy disregard for the faux correctness prevalent in the abjectly incorrect porn industry:

Chatsworth Pictures is set to release I Can't Believe You Sucked a Negro: A Cuckold's P.O.V., the first volume in an orally-themed interracial series that puts the viewer in the cuckold's seat.
The title, helmed by AVN Award winning directors Grip & Cram Johnson, will be available to distributors on May 5th through JM Productions.

I Can't Believe You Sucked a Negro: A Cuckold's P.O.V. is the latest in the studio's line of provocative interracial series that include Cuckold, Mandinka Parties and Oh No! There's a Negro in My Mom!

"People don't like to admit it, but the appeal of interracial porn lies in its taboo nature," explained Grip Johnson. "To ignore the psychological undercurrents—fear, hate, insecurity, lust, awe, embarrassment—that interracial couplings inspire in viewers of the genre is just irresponsible film making. We know fans of interracial porn are fucked up, but we also know they have money."

In 2007, Chatsworth Pictures introduced Cuckold to an unsuspecting DVD marketplace. The success of the series not only allowed Grip & Cram to finally move to a white neighborhood; it revealed the need interracial porn consumers have for innovative concepts that truly defy convention. I Can't Believe You Sucked a Negro! provides viewers the unique experience of being a cuckold in scenarios based on the true stories of cuckolding couples. White "hot" wives and their "angry Negro bulls" humiliate and embarrass the viewer throughout the title's lengthy and demoralizing six scenes.

"This movie is for those cuckold and interracial fans who are sometimes distracted from stroking by Dirty Harry's toupee," said Cram Johnson. "Now, they can enjoy the cuckoldry from a husband's perspective without having to invite any Negroes into the house."

Grip & Cram's I Can't Believe You Sucked a Negro: A Cuckold's P.O.V. will be available on May 5th and stars Holly Wellin, Alexa Benson, Lindsay Kay, Emma Cummings, Charley Chase, and Payton Leigh.

"You should stay at work," Byron Long tells you as he is serviced by your wife, Emma Cummings. "You always ruin everything."

Seriously: this marriage is doomed.

· Chatsworth Pictures (chatsworthpictures.com)
· Buy "I Can't Believe You Sucked A Negro" (jerkoffzone.com)

"Possessed And Undressed": Fucking The Restless Dead

Gram Ponante — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:56:27 EDT

Our own investigations into the spirit realm have not been nearly as exciting as that of the plucky ghost hunters in "Possessed And Undressed" (written and directed by our very own Dcypher). Where we got a pre-chunky nudes Leonard Nimoy, the ghost of heiress Chanel St. James interacts posthumously (but sexy posthumously) with the likes of Hollie Stevens, Lisa Daniels, and Lindsay Meadows. And kudos to Dcypher for not setting this in a haunted bordello.

· Buy "Possessed And Undressed" (gamelink.com)
· Club Jenna (clubjenna.com)
· "In Search Of" (youtube.com)

"Be My First" Forces Perspectives (But Not Penises)

Gram Ponante — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:10:05 EDT

The arresting cover of this compilation of Eurolesbo fare from 2005 and 2006 made me think that expatriate R. Crumb must have finally thought he was in the right place at the right time, so present are those boots, thighs, and other parts on his adopted continent. But does this movie make good on its boxcover's promise of uninhibited, in your face vaginalia?

Alas, as is often the case with the stills shot for boxcovers, no such configuration of Bambi and Eve Angel occurs in the movie. I should have known that someone named "Bambi" wouldn't be so frank.

Furthermore, our heroine is far more svelte in her scene than she is in her still photo. Good for her, bad for me.

This is one of several pairings in "Be My First." Each is slickly shot with attention paid to capturing each smacking kiss and affected moan. The women are striking and perhaps can be forgiven for fibbing when they said they'd never done girls before.

But the boxcover flimflam can never be forgiven. I'd write my Member of Congress, but I don't think there's an extradition law about misrepresenting vag size.

· Digital Sin (digitalsin.com)
· Buy "Be My First" (adultdvdempire.com; see other cover @ tlavideo.com)

Porn Of The Opportunistic Moment: Hustler's "Gov Love: The Elliot Splitz-Her Story"

Gram Ponante — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 21:03:35 EDT

Though my title would have been "VaGIANT 9," Hustler's choice of the easily-identifiable "Elliot Splitz-Her" for its ripped-from-the-headlines pornification of the prostie-loving former New York Governor is proof enough why it owns real estate and I only have fond memories. Veteran performer Mike Horner (first porn scene, 1978; recently, Mike Not-the-Brady in "Not the Bradys XXX") was deemed to have the gravitas required to inhabit the role of "Client (of course) 69."

"Gov Love: The Elliott Splitz-Her Story" costars the squirtastic Angela Stone and Kissy Kapri and will be hitting shelves next month; see what we're in for via the (PG-13) trailer and (XXX) box cover after the jump.

. . .

· Hustler's "Gov Love" Trailer (youtube.com)
· Hustler Video (hustlervideo.com)
· See also: "Spitzer Sex Scenes: Now More Cringey" (Gawker)

Checking In To John Chalk's "Hotel Fetish"

Gram Ponante — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 10:43:05 EDT

Following my first AVN convention in 2003, I tried to stay at every Vagabond Inn in the country and found each had the same delightful old man/hooker or old man who is a hooker smell as the one in Las Vegas. So you could say that I, too, had a hotel fetish. (Ed. note: As opposed to a Motel Fetish, which presumably involves stalking Dita Von Teese around the country and plucking stray hairs out of the bathtubs in the rooms she stays in?)

But it is not the same as that of John Chalk, for whom "Fetish" is the name of the hotel, rather than the hotel as object of his obsession. Even if it were, he'd probably find a place to put some Euro-lesbians in it, because he works for Viv Thomas.

Director Chalk took the story of the former Soviet Union's "Hotel Fetish," a bordello for the service of KGB agents and dignitaries, and put together "reconstructions" of some of those gentlemen's favorite turnons.

I hate to say it, but the Nazis were kinkier. According to the revelations in this movie, the KGB were more into voyeurism, lingerie, first-time lesbians, and putting whipped cream on their parts, just like the Bogue Chitto Sheriff's Department. No wonder the Wall fell; theirs was such a softcore world.

But the setup is a good one. Whether or not the shaded women speaking Russian and Magyar were actually former prostitutes is irrelevant because the framing device is pretty effective. They also are sure to say they loved their jobs so as not to seem exploited.

· Viv Thomas (vivthomas.com)
· Order "Hotel Fetish" (vivthomas.com)

Brianna Love's Ass Presentation

Gram Ponante — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:52:05 EDT

Brianna Love wasn't always so ass-centric, but attention must be paid to her recent career path and choice of ass display, which in this picture from Tom Byron's forthcoming "Lord of Asses XI" (alass, no Riverdancing) appears to be four separate things. God bless her. (And her ass.)

· Tom Byron (evolutiondist.com)
· See also: Brianna Love galleries 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 (TGP/preview galleries via Ask Jolene)

Great Moments In Cuckoldry: Dirty Harry In "Mandinka Parties"

Gram Ponante — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:42:23 EDT

"The Big Lebowski"'s Jackie Treehorn lamented the death of "feelings" in the advent of porn's video age, but Dirty Harry can always be counted on to provide a scene with its emotional heart. Here he watches himself be cuckolded by his wife, Holly Wellin, and three strapping fellows of races that happen to be different from hers but have nothing to do with the theme of the movie. "Everybody in the neighborhood's doing it," he says, but ultimately regrets his decision. Be careful what you wish for, Dirty Harry.

· Chatsworth Pictures (chatsworthpictures.com)
· "Mandinka Parties" (jerkoffzone.com)

Ava Rose's No Frills Teasing

Gram Ponante — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 11:17:02 EDT

"Beautiful women arouse and entice their partners while modeling the finest in lingerie!" trumpets the promotional material of "Tease," leading me to believe that Ava Rose was about to involve me in a pyramid scheme that would jeopardize our relationship. Luckily, the lingerie is just there to remove, and Danny Noteworthy's flamenco soundtrack is the first porn score I've heard since "Young Hollywood" that really fits the movie. Oh, and there's nudity!

· Adam & Eve (adameve.com)
· Buy "Tease" (gamelink.com)

Chasey Lain And The Evolution Of The MILF

Dashiell Bennett — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:27:13 EDT

At what point, did M.I.L.F. the acronym become MILF the noun, the adjective, and (coming soon, probably) a verb? It's an indistinct thing, much like the transition that a porn actress makes from "up and cummer" to, well ... a MILF. We can't pinpoint the moment that Chasey Lain crossed that barrier anymore than we can pinpoint the etymology of that word, but we do know that if she decides to instruct you in the proper methods and techniques of anything in the sexual universe, you should take good notes.

· Chasey Lain: MILF Trainer (hustlervideo.com)

Ginger Lynn Returns, Briefly

Gram Ponante — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 14:28:53 EDT

I'm so accustomed to immediately disregarding the MILF label that I was unprepared for Ginger Lynn who, in Tom Byron's porn for the gently-aged "Seasoned Players 4," looks exactly like my junior high school art teacher did lo those two years ago. Ginger Lynn first worked with Byron (read: had sex with on camera) in 1983 on her first day in the business.

"It's been a while," remarked Byron. "You have shorter hair now" (the picture above is from The Eighties).

"I didn't know how to be sexy then," she said. "I was wearing Cocksucker Red lipstick."

This is not a full-fledged return for Lynn, who hosts a show (with Christy Canyon) on Playboy Radio, but she did perform a special nostalgic service for Byron in this video, which also features Kylie Ireland, Keisha, and Amber Lynn (no relation).

"I believed you licked my ass that first day," recalled Byron. "So this is like Muhammed Ali and George Foreman's 'Rumble in the Bunghole'."

· Ginger Lynn (gingerlynn.com)
· Tom Byron Pictures (evolutiondist.com)
· Buy "Seasoned Players 4" (tlavideo.com)

Deep Reading: Paige Love's Right Hand

Gram Ponante — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 20:09:57 EDT

The box cover of Hustler's "Real College Girls 15" features the wholesome and winning duo of Marlie Moore and Paige Love, the very definition of "winsome." But a closer look reveals that Love is being propped up by Moore in the same way a frat boy would, and that Love covers her own action area with her left hand, leaving her right strangely limp. "Just act natural," Moore seems to be whispering through clenched teeth, "and we won't kill Bobby."

· "Real College Girls 15" (hustlervideo.com)

"Dirtpipe Reunions": Same Time Next Ass

Gram Ponante — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 19:25:15 EDT

A tender tribute to the classic porn films of yesteryear, the logline of this Red Light District movie is "The Anus And Love Never Lose Their Elasticity." Three gently-aged swinger couples return to the same fading hotel each year to give anal creampies to their friends' wives; sample dialogue includes lines like "I love sharing my special lady with you this way" and "Your long-legged filly's got fine haunches, Alan."

The Leonard Cohen soundtrack and cameos from everyone from Rosie Walker to Clara Peller make this a great movie to watch after hot-tubbing.

· "Dirtpipe Reunions" (trailer @ redlightdistrict.com)